D&D 5E (2014) Military food in dnd

[Warmaster Horus]

A minor tangent ... I read a treatment about why the Incas did not expand significantly via conquest. Had to do with the their beasts of burden (llamas) and their fodder needs compared to their carrying capacity of goods for a traveling army. At a certain point they became unable to transport significant logistics to support a campaign.

 

[thenightgaunt]

For adding flavor to a game, I've introduced 2 different army meals into my games. Both with great effect.

1. Dwarf Bread - I stole this one from Terry Pratchett's Discworld books, but it carries over REALLY well. Believe it or not, there are still fantasy fans out there who haven't read through any of Pratchett's work. But his Dwarf Bread is so wonderfully dwarvish that no one ever complains about it's addition or thinks it's out of place even in Forgotten Realms. Ok...so they do complain about it, but usually it's just because they find their characters stuck with nothing to eat except dwarf bread. I've had players contemplate eating goblins instead of relying on dwarf bread.

2. Orc Meal - Ok. I heard about this one years ago and stole it, but I don't know who came up with it. Orc meal is a sausage prepared by orcish cooks to feed members of a horde while at war. It's also the bane of all orcs and their version of Iron Rations. The idea is to stretch real food as far as possible. So Orc Meal is a large, haggis like sausage that's about 15% "animal byproducts", 30% grain, 30% misc "edible" plant matter, and 25% sawdust (as filler). It's practically inedible to anyone other than an orc. Best fried and serve with literally anything to cover the flavor.

 

[Hussar]

Soylent Troll [sblock] ..it's made of troll[/sblock]

It is heavlyy flavoured to taste like chicken and salted to last. You can feed 200/day men on a single troll, assuming you make sure to remove its limbs and jaw.

Heh, I know this is a joke, but, I actually read a Can of Troll magic item somewhere or other.

When you think about it, a D&D world makes provisioning an army a REALLY different thing. Let's peruse our Monster Manual for a second shall we ((Note, all this is of course campaign specific))?

• Animated Wagons for carting around your crap would be a HUGE thing and not that terribly difficult to make.
• Violet Fungus are medium creatures and grow in 2-12 days. Evil armies might cart them around and feed captives to them creating easily transported food.
• Obviously undead armies/units have their own ...errr... feeding practices
• Giant Beetles, particularly giant Fire Beetles would make an excellent food source

I'm sure there's more stuff out there.

 

[Gardens & Goblins]

Heh, I know this is a joke, but, I actually read a Can of Troll magic item somewhere or other.

When you think about it, a D&D world makes provisioning an army a REALLY different thing. Let's peruse our Monster Manual for a second shall we ((Note, all this is of course campaign specific))?

• Animated Wagons for carting around your crap would be a HUGE thing and not that terribly difficult to make.
• Violet Fungus are medium creatures and grow in 2-12 days. Evil armies might cart them around and feed captives to them creating easily transported food.
• Obviously undead armies/units have their own ...errr... feeding practices
• Giant Beetles, particularly giant Fire Beetles would make an excellent food source

I'm sure there's more stuff out there.

Bulette digging machines (or Umber Hulks)

Ooze siege weapons. Stuff them in a container, catapult them over the wall. Or simply use them as waste disposal.

..and of course, all manner of devices powered by undead on treadmills/repeating the same action over and over and..

 

[MarkB]

The Prestidigitation cantrip still allows you to warm and flavour food, right? So you just make your rations the most godawful combination of mystery-meat jerky and dried grain etc., then have one low-level wizard for each company to warm and flavour them into something vaguely palatable.

Call them MREs - Meal Ready to Enchant.

 

[Olospreckler]

Well, most medieval armies would count on being able to live off the land as they go, requisitioning farms for example. Rations would be things like cured meat and heavily salted fish, food that can last for a long time without a fridge.

 

[Mad_Jack]

Heh, I know this is a joke, but, I actually read a Can of Troll magic item somewhere or other.

Troll rations were one of the many reasons why I know more than one old-timer kept the head and chest of a troll in their bag of holding...

 

[finalduck]

Well seeing as they never ever go off, no matter how long your PCs keep them, I'd say that it'd be similar to WWII rations, like Spam, those awful biscuits (which were probably the real life inspiration for the Dwarven "stonemeal biscuits" that Tony Vargas mentioned), smarties if you want some chocolate, etc.

 

[jasper]

The Prestidigitation cantrip still allows you to warm and flavour food, right? So you just make your rations the most godawful combination of mystery-meat jerky and dried grain etc., then have one low-level wizard for each company to warm and flavour them into something vaguely palatable.

Call them MREs - Meal Ready to Enchant.

To former SGT MarkB. As of this writing, you are demoted for cause to PFC. How dare you make troops lives nice.
Signed
Col Jasper Morale Officer.

 

[abe ray]

Any MAGICAL military food in dnd?