• NOW LIVE! Into the Woods--new character species, eerie monsters, and haunting villains to populate the woodlands of your D&D games.

My absence and Recent Return

Ralts Bloodthorne

First Post
Some of you know me, most don't.

Those that know me, probably wish they didn't.

I'm arrogant, I'm a loudmouth, I come across as abrasive, opinionated and rude. I'm often misunderstood, and don't really care. I expect people to be just as literate as I am, and just as educated. I can't stand ignorance, and will rub someone's face in it if they demonstrate pride in ignorance. I have a penchant for doing stupid/risky things just to see how they will turn out. I've done a lot of stuff, most of which, people don't believe, and honestly, I don't care if they believe or not. I poke fun at myself, and often allow others to poke fun at me because, while I'm arrogant, I can see the humor in my life. I have a livejournal, but don't feel the need to advertise it, and often just delete things after reading them a week later.

Most of all, people who know me, know that I'm not a whiner.

Well, I'm probably going to come off like a whiner.

A few months ago, I virtually disappeared.

The majority of it, is nobody else's business but those involved in it, and isn't the subject of this post.

Well, here's the low-down on those who care, or even bother to read this post...

I had been under a lot of stress. Been critically injured, subjected to over 15 surgeries in 3 1/2 years, and went from being a blue-collar worker, happy in an oyster packing plant, to being a househusband. The only reason I mention this, is so that some stress, you can understand.

So, in July, I had a siezure. They are VERY rare, but do happen to me. Only when I'm extremely tired do they happen. Usually petite-mals.

This was a grand mal. My heart and breathing stopped, but I kept convulsing. My ex-wife had to hold me down, while my wife gave me CPR, once the siezures stopped, my wife gave me chest pumps, my ex-wife breathed for me. 911 was called, and to the hospital I went.

Elevated white count. Waaaaay elevated. Massive infection somewhere. Damage to my lungs from something (I'm missing a chunk of my right one) that was recent, since my last surgery.

Uh-oh.

An appointment was made for me to see the doctor, but because I'm young, and I was in good shape, it couldn't be my heart.

Anti-biotics, painkillers and told to quit smoking (Which I had. Isn't that weird? I quit smoking, and my lungs suddenly die). Oh, and get some excersize, that might help. (I ran 2-15 miles a day every day before this)

Three days later, I had a second siezure, out of the blue. Heart stopped and respiration stopped again. Ambulance time again. This time, the doctor that saw me knew me.

Blood tests, X-Rays, CAT scan (No MRI, I have steel debris in my body) Ultrasound.

Bad news. Viral infection in the heart and lungs, no fever, unproductive cough, damaged heart valves. The siezures were attributed to the high white count.

Six months.

So, I got off the internet, and started living as much as possible, and my brother and wife turned over control of The Brood to members of it.

After a month, I beat the virus, but the damage was done.

So, I've been gone, and even with the action going on, I still don't post too frequently any more.

That's where I've been (In case anyone wondered) lately.

Now, for the preachy part...

I had a good run, and last week, when I almost went out, I realized that I had a good run, and dying with my family was not a bad way to go.

Have you had a good run? Could you say that? Please tell me that you can.

If not, go do something. Experience life. Sure, it may kill you, but guess what, so can something out of the blue. SOmething you don't expect.

Why are still reading this? Isn't there someone of the opposite sex or same sex you can kiss? Isn't there a somewhere you can see that you haven't before?

Turn off the TV.
Shut down the computer.
Go outside. It's the place with the bright shiney thing in the air, kind of like a lightbulb, only brighter. The resolutions higher than this screen, too.

Still reading?

Go find a stray animal and adopt it.

You can make a difference. Maybe not a huge one, but you can, and every little bit counts.

Why are you still reading?

Go do something.
 

log in or register to remove this ad

thanks for sharing.

if you are still reading this?

say this to yourself: i make a difference. i count.



personally, i work for the US Public Health Service. i hope to work myself out of a job. but since that is a pipe dream. i continue to plug away to find ways to help make the world a safer, healthier place.
 


I'm glad you're back, and I'm glad you're doing better. Your enlightened message definitely touched me. I will offer this, though:

The 'net isn't NOwhere, like some people think, and it isn't some magickal, special place, like others seem to think. But it IS somewhere. And you're right, it IS important to spend time with people you care about, doing things you care about, in the real world. But places on the 'net, like this one, ARE someplace in the real world.

I haven't been on this board long, but in the brief time I've been posting here, people here have been kinder to me more quickly, and as far as I can tell, more honestly than most places I've ever been, cyber or not. I have friends here, and if they aren't real next door to me, they're real somewhere. If I were told I were going to die in a month, I might try to do some of the things I've never gotten around to, but I would still come here, too.

But I suspect you thought all this already, yourself, because you wouldn't waste time on us with your wisdom, otherwise. :)
 



I'd like to second PC's comment and this really makes me wish that tdc was home right now

I wish you and all of yours the best Ralts :)
 

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words, and for reading the arrogant ramblings that I had set forth.

Thanks Seri, for being there the day I found out. You and tdc both.

Thanks to Hildulf and Carrie, who let me call them at 10 PM and rant and rave when I hit the anger stage.

And thanks to all who listened to me.


-Timothy Willard
 


The phone rang Friday morning. The doctor's office.

Greeeeeat, just the way I wanted to start my day. (I sleep between 10 and 14 hours a day now, and still feel tired all day. It kind of sucks)

My ultrasounds, CAT scans and all the other crap have been verified, along with the chest authoscopy (sp?) done two weeks ago.

One valve is showing signs of recovery. The two inside my heart are not. The virus ate a damn hole in my diaphram (the reason I can't seem to breathe) and no, they still haven't been able to ID it.

So I called some old friends, and had them run the effects on me...

Just in case, you know?

Nope. Doesn't match anything I might have come in contact with during that interesting phase of my life.

Thank God.

Apparently, I picked it, of all places, at a hospital. They won't tell me more than that, but apparently the other 3 people who contracted it died of heart failure.

I refuse too.

I've never laid down for anyone or anything. And I won't now.

My wife hears the phone in the bedroom get hung up, and then the shower start. She sits down on the toilet and waits for me to start talking. The room is filling with steam, and I'm sitting crosslegged under the hot spray.

"It's killed the 3 other people who contracted it." I tell her. I'm not afriad, I just shudder to think of what the death of a parent does to children. And my son only finally found me a year ago.

"Do they know where it comes from, or how it is spread?" she asks.

"Remember the woman who sneezed on me in the ER?" I ask her, rubbing my cheek. God, that's nasty. I can't STAND it when people don't cover thier mouths and instead spray you with crap.

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"Could I have gotten it?" She's genuinely concerned with a valid fear, We've had, shall we say, fluid exchanges.

"No, apparently the only reason I got it was because my immune system was supressed from the surgeries I've had in the last year." I told her.

She stepped into the shower and held me, making everything all better.

So, I kind of retreated from the computer again, scaring the hell out of some of my friends online. (When I up and vanish, they have a tendency to worry that the phone call they get will be an invitation to the wake)

I've got a good 20 or 30 half finished manuscripts on my computer now (Damn, I've only been up for 2 1/2 hours, and I'm tired already) that I just can't seem to get the energy to handle. The summer went by without the usual "Obnoxious Daddy-Man" hijinks of blowing up sandcastles on the beach, having BBQ's, digging a firepit and trying to burn down my front yard, swimming at the lake, and all the other stuff I've done with my children since they were born.

They're mad, but not admitting it.

The strangest thing, is I'm at peace with this. Dying doesn't bother me. Don't get me wrong, I don't WANT to die. Hell, I want to LIVE! But I also realize something that many people don't, until it is too late...

See, I spend almost 4 months on life support when I was 21 after taking a piece of shrapnel in the face during Desert Storm. I could go on for over 10 years, if I was willing to be hospitalized.

No thanks.

See, that 4 months was Hell for me. The first month, I had a machine breathing for me...

That's what I'd be looking at if I agreed to be hospitalized.

No thanks. I'll sit on the couch, take my time to go out to the front yard, and give my kids encouragement as they play in the sunshine, then come back inside with them and play videogames with them.

Seriously. It's about the quality of your life, not the length. And yeah, I can say that. I've woken up twice unable to breathe.

Sure, I could lay there and let it happen. It never hurt. Sure, I wasn't breathing and could feel the weight in my chest push down on me, trying to hold me to the bed, but there was never any pain.

No thanks, let's hold on another day. Fight. Struggle. Breathe in despite the burning pain that a deep breath causes in my gut.

So, it's Sunday morning. I've checked on my kids three times. Not because I worry about them, but so I can look at them. And be thankful that I have them.

There's been a lot of blood, pain and suffering in my past, so my own death isn't bothering me that much. I've had a good run...

I saw the Vatican.
Made love to women.
Held a newborn baby in my hands, so my face was the first thing it saw.
Delivered a child in the back of a vehicle.
Jumped out of a perfectly good airplane.
Gotten drunk in Germany and woke up in England.
Gotten mugged by two loggers wearing (I kid you not) prom dresses.
Been in a vehicle that rolled. Once because we hit a deer. Another because we hit a mine. Another because the front tire came off an pulled us into the ditch.
I buried my twin brother. I outlived the sorry SOB! (DANCE DANCE DANCE!)
Wrote an RPG book. Sure, it wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but I liked it.
Went skiing in the German Mountians.
Toured most of England.
Saw the Pyramids of Egypt.
Met many many fantastic people.
Saw tech progress from 300 Buad BBS's to T-3 internet.
Was in Germany when the Berlin Wall fell and Germany reunited.
Went on alert when the Soviet Revolution of 1990 happened.
Fought in several conflicts.
Went to college and earned a 4.0 three years running.
Drove all over the US to see Mt Rushmore, Billy the Kid's Grave, the Alamoe, the Grand Canyon.
Got to explore the World Trade Center in 1994.
Got to see a city burn.

All in all, I've had a good run.

When you're 34 years old, will you be able to tell yourself the same thing and believe it?

Life is there. Live it.
 

Into the Woods

Remove ads

Top