My novel -- THE CAULDRON, Ch1, The Siege of Concordant

[Janx]

That's not actually part of the novel. I had my own little summary of each section before I started writing as part of my outline; I meant to delete those bits. That one got left in! That's just notes to myself to tell me what to write.

LOL. it happens. I try to format that stuff differently so it stands out (ex. all bold with heading like RECAP: or NOTE).

Hopefully my notes and links are helpful to you. I've been doing the writing and critiquing for long enough they made me the president of the local writers guild next year.

If you PM me a gmail address, I'll send you a gdocs invite to see my chapter 1, with comments by others (a good demo of how that works). And in fairness you can see what I did wrong. It takes a lot of guts putting your words on paper and letting people see it.

 

[Janx]

Along the idea path of one chapter per group:

it will let you measure word count per chapter in a useful metric. If it's only 400 words, that might be too scant, since it's one group doing one scene or so.

In that arrangement, except for mergers and cross-overs, you can approach each group as a separate novella.

Ending each chapter in a sort of cliff-hanger (not always falling off a cliff), means that group's next chapter is the resolution to the previous, the Sequel (emotional and rational response, like what happens right after a car accident), then making the plan for what to do next and starting it. Which inherently is a cliff-hanger (again, not always in the literal action movie sense). The chapter can end with the party deciding to go visit Babu Frick on that crappy planet. "alright, let's go see a robot doctor." End of chapter. Next chapter is the party sneaking on the streets, trying to find Babu Frick's place.

That's pretty basic, but once upon a time award winning author Martha Wells didn't know how to do that. (she said so at a writers conference). So I find it helps to clarify exactly what I'm suggesting.

The Fantasy Fiction Formula is a helpful book by Deb Chester, which explains a lot of the book writing process.

 

[Morrus]

The dialogue part in particular is useful. I’m definitely conscious that my dialogue structure is a bit repetitive, and those articles were helpful. It’s funny, because it’s always stuff you actually know, but sometimes it helps for somebody else to say it a different way .

 

[Janx]

The dialogue part in particular is useful. I’m definitely conscious that my dialogue structure is a bit repetitive, and those articles were helpful. It’s funny, because it’s always stuff you actually know, but sometimes it helps for somebody else to say it a different way .

Glad it helped. A lot of it will seem obvious once you read it. But as a writer, we have to consciously think about that crap and do it that way. OR, change it to be that way. As some famous writer said, "the first draft is you telling yourself the story." The implies the next draft is a massive rewrite to present it in a way that uses the secret tricks of the trade to make readers like it. The more you can do it the "right" way naturally, the less rework you have to do. But dialogue isn't hard to tweak, so don't sweat doing it the old way.

---
Some other stuff for you to think about (and consider your answers in comparison to Game of Thrones and The Expanse):

How many POV's does each book of those series have (this may help you shrink and limit the # of groups/POVs you manage in your book)?

What is the Theme of your book?

What is the goal of each character?

What is the core belief of each character (we're not talking religion)?
Here's a podcast interview with the authors of The Expanse that talks about this concept and how the char's belief was challenged:
‎The Guardian Books podcast: When imagining our future, what can sci-fi teach us? – books podcast on Apple Podcasts

What is the Story Question of the book?

Jim Butcher: How To Write A Story

Jim Butcher, author of the Dresden Files, talks about how to write a story.

blog.karenwoodward.org

WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS, YOUR PROTAGONIST PURSUES A GOAL. But will he succeed when ANTAGONIST PROVIDES OPPOSITION?

Since you've got multiple factions, try writing the question for all (ex Expanse is about the proto-molecule) and for the individual factions.

What differentiates each group from each other?
This may help answer the 2 ship crews or one problem you asked about. We got a monk, a politician, a ship crew. Two of pretty much the same thing is only useful if it provides contrast.
--
Now with all those answered, Is Willhelm a good protagonist? Somebody who's gonna have a complete arc to help answer the story question?

Who on the Pride ship can fill those shoes? That's your MC for that group. Make the camera follow them and help us like that person so we care about them achieving their goal. Make them react to the concerns about this part of space. The horror of what Stabby has done, and losing the other character.

Same thing for each other group (again, I can't remember them, my head is full).

---
See if any of that helps you tighten up your plan for these factions and characters, with regards to POV and organizing this.

 

[Morrus]

Is Willhelm a good protagonist? Somebody who's gonna have a complete arc to help answer the story question?

No. He’s dead. I think. Even if he’s not, I certainly don’t intend to mention him again, other than that little prologue.

 

[Zaukrie]

Hmmmm. That prologue, does it have any characters that will come back? If not, make it REALLY CLEAR that it is a prologue, giving the readers info the characters don't have yet.....

If so, start it with the most important character first. A few of the paragraphs after the first work a lot better as openings, btw.

As for the rest, I think you can introduce the factions in one chapter, but make it clear with headings you are doing that.....which of course just makes them short chapters. I don't have an issue with a short chapter or three, but don't make it a habit.

My characters in my first draft were/are weak. I did a ton of research on line on fixing that, and re-wrote my first chapter. My wife exclaimed that she finally got some of the characters.....and this is someone that read the entire first book! She didn't get the characters in the entire first book, until I re-wrote the intro......I set them up as archetypes a bit in there, which made it so the reader could understand what that character was most likely to end up being (not that they have to.......).

 

[Zaukrie]

Good luck. It's not an easy task to write a book......

 

[Zaukrie]

This site is overwhelming at times....

Information Center - SFWA

No writer is an island. Whether you’re submitting your first manuscript or negotiating film rights for your latest novel, this Information Center will help you perfect your craft and protect your interests. Advice for New Writers Manuscript Preparation (Standard Manuscript Format, Cover...

www.sfwa.org

 

[Morrus]

I've switched to using Novlr to help organize my writing. I've also grouped the various mini-sections into larger chapters and fleshed them out a bit, and merged those two groups I was talking about. I feel that's working - the book feels stronger now. I've eight chapters drafted, although some of them are still fairly short (but I know what I have to write in them).

Action scenes are something I always struggle with. They need to feel dynamic and exciting, without being a list of maneuvers. First (very rough) draft of an action scene. Action's definitely hard to write (at least for me). For now, I'm just getting to down so I can polish it later. This is an excerpt from Chapter 10.

------------
The hooded figure was striding through the crowd, intent on something. As they watched, he pulled his sword from its scabbard. Caitlin scanned ahead, and saw a pair of children - a boy and an older girl - seemingly oblivious to the killer’s approach.

“It’s those two kids! They’re the target!” she called out.

“That’s Aliva Jervasos! The Count’s daughter,” Aaric said.

Manny started to push through the crowd, scattering people left and right. Caitlin drew her pistol, but there was no clear shot. Gredar Syko closed in on the two children, too fast. With no other option, Caitlin discharged her weapon into the air; the crowd reacted predictably, screaming and scrambling to get out of the way. The two children looked up, and saw Syko bearing down on them, his gleaming sword drawn, as Manny barreled through the crowd from a different direction. Looking round, somewhat panicked, the girl grabbed the younger boy, and, moments before the killer reached them, the two kids disappeared from sight. Syko stopped and looked round, and Caitlin took her chance - a shot, dead on target. The hooded killer simply stepped aside, calmly, and the shot missed. His intended victims gone, Syko fixed his eyes on Caitlin, and started walking toward her. She fired again, and again the killer shifted slightly, just enough that the bullet whizzed past him harmlessly. He continued to advance, and Caitlin fired again, and again, but impossibly every shot missed, the cloaked figure avoiding them as though he knew exactly where to be at the right time.

At that moment, Manny burst out of the crowd behind Syko and threw himself at him, who again avoided the attack with an effortless twist. Manny sprawled on the floor.

“He’s unkillable!” Aaric, standing with Caitlin, gasped.

“Nobody’s unkillable.” Caitlin grimly reloaded. She aimed, and fired again. Another miss. Manny pulled himself to his feet. The area was clear now; most of the crowd had fled in terror, and a squad of spaceport security was running across the floor towards the confrontation.

“naughty word, Caitlin,” Aaric panicked, and started backpedalling. She glanced at him, and then met Manny’s eyes. The security squad closed in.

“We can’t be arrested,” Caitlin called to Manny. “Let’s go!” Manny nodded, and the three of them started backing away towards the exit. The security squad had their firearms drawn and were shouting orders to freeze, and Gredar Syko turned to face them, his sword ready.

 

[Zaukrie]

Morrus, there is a lot of passive language in there. I didn't put a lot of thought into this edit, but you'll notice that I took out some words and tried to make the pacing feel more active. Action scenes need shorter sentences, less words, and action statement, IMO. If you don't want this kind of stuff, I will stop....let me know. I'm also happy to continue this not on the board.

The hooded figure was striding through the crowd, intent on something. Suddenly, he pulled his sword from its scabbard. Caitlin scanned ahead and saw a pair of children - a boy and an older girl - oblivious to the killer’s approach.

“It’s those two kids! They’re the target!” she called out.

“That’s Aliva Jervasos. The Count’s daughter,” Aaric said. (DO THEY KNOW WHO THE BOY IS?)

Manny began pushing through the crowd, scattering people left and right. Caitlin drew her pistol, but she had no clear shot. Gredar Syko closed in on the two children, too fast for any of them to get there and stop what was about to happen.

With no other option, Caitlin discharged her weapon into the air; the crowd reacted predictably, screaming and scrambling to get out of the way. The two children looked up, and saw Syko bearing down on them, his gleaming sword drawn. Looking for help and seeing none, Aliva grabbed the younger boy, and, moments before the killer reached them, they disappeared from sight.

Syko stopped, looked around in confustion, and Caitlin took her chance - a shot, dead on target. The hooded killer simply stepped aside, calmly, and the shot missed. His intended victims gone, Syko fixed his eyes on Caitlin, and started walking toward her. She fired again, and again the killer shifted slightly, and again the bullet whizzed past him harmlessly. He continued to advance, and Caitlin fired again, and again, but every shot missed, the cloaked figure moving just the right way every shot. It was impossible.

At that moment, Manny burst out of the crowd behind Syko and threw himself at him. The hooded killer avoided the attack with an effortless twist. Manny sprawled to the floor.

“He’s unkillable.” Aaric, standing with Caitlin, whispered in awe.

“Nobody’s unkillable.” Caitlin stated grimly, while reloading. She aimed, and fired again. Another miss. Manny pulled himself to his feet. The area was clear now; most of the crowd had fled in terror, and a squad of spaceport security was running across the floor towards the confrontation. (question….why didn’t syko kill Manny while he was on the ground?)

“naughty word, Caitlin,” Aaric panicked, and started backpedalling. She glanced at him, and then met Manny’s eyes. The security squad closed in.

“We can’t be arrested,” Caitlin called to Manny. “Let’s go!” Manny nodded, and the three of them backed away towards the exit. The security squad had their firearms drawn and were shouting orders to freeze. Gredar Syko turned to face them, his sword ready.