Need help creating a stand up comedy routine in a fantasy setting

[Dioltach]

I think I've posted this one here before, but still:

How can you tell there's a halfling in your fridge? There are footprints in the butter.
How can you tell there's a dwarf in your fridge? There are footprints in the butter, and all your beer is gone.
How can you tell there's a sorceror in your fridge? FIREBALL!

OK, and another one:
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting sorceror.
Interrupting sor-?
FIREBALL!

 

[Deuce Traveler]

According to wikipedia: "Stand-up_comedy has its origin in classic Parrhesia in 400 b.C. used for cynics and epicureans in order to tell the reality without censorship"

You can always go with Mel Brooks and his "History of the World Part 1" for inspiration:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl4VD8uvgec

 

[MarkB]

I think I've posted this one here before, but still:

How can you tell there's a halfling in your fridge? There are footprints in the butter.
How can you tell there's a dwarf in your fridge? There are footprints in the butter, and all your beer is gone.
How can you tell there's a sorceror in your fridge? FIREBALL!

How can you tell there's an orc in your fridge? There are footprints in the butter, and all your pies are gone.
How can you tell there's a dragon in your fridge? There are clawprints in the butter, and all your halflings, dwarves, sorcerers and orcs are gone.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"We've got a pollution alert in downtown __________ today: everyone is urged to stay indoors if they can due to hazardous Smaug."

"Did you hear the one about the Ranger smoking whacky weed near the gorgon' lair? He got stoned."

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"Oh man, this guy in the front row is having a problem- is there a cleric in the house?"

(After a cleric ID's him/herself)

"You're a cleric? How ya liking the show so far?"

 

[LordEntrails]

[MENTION=19675]Dannyalcatraz[/MENTION]
Boo, hiss! Down in front!

*G*

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"Comedy is a rough gig. Rough, I tell you! My previous gig, the audience sat there, stone faced through my entire routine. That's the LAST time I let my agent book me at the Gargoyle's Club."

"I spent the other day heckling an alchemist buddy of mine who was having a terrible time trying to distill some concoctions- he just kept failing. I gave him all my best shots. He had no retort."

 

[solamon77]

They say that beauty is in the eye of the Beholder,
but which eye are they talking about!

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"I recently played a place called 'Hell's Tavern'. The drinks are cheap & the crowd is lively, but I wouldn't eat there. Over the door to the kitchen is a sign that reads 'Abandon All Hope Ye Who Entrée Here'."

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"One morning I shot an owlbear in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know."

"I have an uncle who studied necromancy because he intended to live forever, or die trying. He's always been an overachiever: he's a lich now."

"I have another uncle who made flesh golems. He had an astounding body of work."