No longer needed. Thanks for the help.

[RangerWickett]

Material removed. Thanks for the help.

 

[devilish]

Count me in!

 

[RangerWickett]

Do you have AIM? Alternately I could email you the submission for you to read.

 

[RangerWickett]

I'll be taking down this file tomorrow morning.

 

[devilish]

No AIM but am at devilishd^^^at<<<gmail>>>dot```com

Have downloaded sample.doc (if you want to take down) and printed it.

I may not get comments to you until 10pmEST tonight (6 hours from now), s'ok?

 

[tarchon]

I think the biggest thing I'd flag is the assumption of too much D&D background knowledge (and reference to D&D cliches), but then maybe that's what they want. The dialog is a bit flippant for the situation (very comic-booky), but again MTWTW. It's also always a bit jarring to me in fantasy settings when there's a character named "David" while everybody else has names like Zegmat and Gurthiligong, but I also recognize that this is not uncommon in RPG fantasy. Overall, I'd say if you get nailed on anything, it'll be that WotC might want to get away from RPG-style fantasy that reads like a campaign narrative. I'd guess that if they're starting a new imprint, they'll probably want to distinguish it from their usual fiction publications. Then again, they have made a pretty good living off of that, so who knows?
You have extra commas in many places (don't use them for dependent coordinated clauses), and I saw a few odd bits of diction, "and the blade was half-emerged from the dragon’s flesh" - something like "the end of the blade jutted from..." might work better.

Good luck finishing the draft by March.

 

[IronWolf]

I'm hoping some people on the boards would be interested in reading a bit of my fiction today to help me make sure the submission is solid.

A little off-topic, but this could be a helpful resource for you in the future if you are looking to have your writing critiqued, Critters Workshop

 

[RangerWickett]

This is a bump because I've edited the first post to include my 1-page synopsis. Thanks for the comments so far, though I'll admit I was hoping for something a bit more focused on the characters or storytelling, rather than the concept. I know the concept is a difficult one to make seem original, but I'm shooting for a Firefly-esque feel, so I want to know if you're having fun reading it, and if not, what the problems are.

Thanks. I'm off to get a little sleep. *grin*

 

[Napftor]

Your writing style is OK. I'm not familiar with this open call. Is it for a specific setting? In either case, I don't care for real world names like David and Crassus (why Roman?) in my fantasy, but that's just a personal preference. And it's been my experience that readers like names they can easily pass over. Lirensce is an odd name to my eyes and one that gave me pause while reading. Also, I wouldn't have minded a little more descriptions of your adventurers in the beginning just to get a picture of them in my mind's eye. I did enjoy the dialog--could just about see the players of these guys at the table.

 

[WayneLigon]

Very nice. I'll agree that 'Davin' or 'Dav' woud be better than 'David'; that would be the only thing that would be a bit jarring.