Of Sound Mind the Halfling Way

[the Jester]

Nara’s heart nearly stops when she sees poor Federico.

His head is nearly split open.

Angry red soaks the bandages wrapped around the kobold’s head. He lies perfectly still. His eyes are shut; his breathing is faint, but noticeable. And regular.

“What happened to him?” gasps Erasmuz.

“He was struck down by the obliviax,” replies Master Yip gently. The Yip disciples all around nod and softly yip their agreement. “He is beyond our skill to heal, but we are not clerics. Perhaps you...?”

Nara steps forward and takes the kobold’s hand. Sadness blossoms over her as she assesses the damage on him. She dips her head and sighs, holding silent for just a moment. Then she begins to pray- uttering sacred words and laying her fingers gently upon Federico’s head. The oozing wound that nearly slew Federico begins to slowly close. The color starts to return to his face. She keeps praying, and beneath her fingers damaged brain tissue mends and repairs itself as she restores his mind to him.

Federico’s eyes flutter and open. “Where am I?” he whines, and begins to cry. “I feel funny,” he snivels. “My head hurts. Why is everyone so excited to see me?” he exclaims from the center of a group hug.

***

Federico is brought up to speed. Despite the restoration, he is still fairly confused as to what is going on, but he’s the dog. He goes along with the pack, so to speak. He certainly agrees with the others that their top priority has to be to rescue any of their friends that they can.

To that end, Master Yip assigns one of the Yips to accompany the party and guide them to a place called Black Valley. “That was where you had gone when you left us here, looking to slay Lord Obliviax,” he tells them.

Our heroes gulp. They are following in their own footsteps. They were- apparently- defeated before. Can they hope for victory this time?

“I wish I had some crahk,” grumbles Tron. Then he brightens. “I can scrape my pipe- with my mindblade!” He grins to himself.

Brother Yip leads the party down a ridge of the mountain until a valley comes into view. It is overgrown with something black.

“That’s why they call it the Black Valley, I guess,” muses Erasmuz. “Hey, buddy, how did we know that we would find Lord Obliviax down there?”

The Yip looks at him. “You surmised. That black growth was your indicator.”

Erasmuz’ eyes widen as he realizes what Yip means.

“It is all obliviax.”

Next Time: Into the Black Valley!

 

[hippiejediz]

Can I get a bump, bump.

 

[the Jester]

The Rescue of Ari

“Confused” is putting it mildly. Ari reels from side to side, uncertain as to what is going on. Where is he? Wasn’t he just... what was he doing? The Promised Land, right? And his friends... but why can’t he remember?

He is hungry.

Something black and cool, like springy moss, seems to be covering him and obscuring his vision. Ari loses touch with himself again.

***

Brother Yip leads the way down into the Black Valley. As our wee heroes advance, more and more of the rocks and shrubs around them show black, mossy growths. Nervously, the party proceeds. This is very dangerous, thinks Erasmuz. This stuff could steal even more of our memories. Then his face draws tight as he thinks of Ari. But we certainly can’t let them steal our friend. No, we’ve got to go in here and rescue Ari.

The valley is quiet. There is no bird song. As the party moves deeper in, the moss is everywhere- on the rocks, on the bushes, here and there simply on the ground itself.

Then the party rounds a boulder and they find their friend.

He is prone on a flat slab of wood, and three strange upright masses of the moss are using strong mossy arms to carry the wood. Ari is covered is a layer of black moss, but his identity is still evident.

“Ari!” shouts Naomi, enraged. She drops the ham bone that she had been gnawing on, curses, picks it up, wipes off the dirt and stuffs it in her cleavage. Martini swears and lifts his bow. Federico starts to shiver and puts away his lipstick, then starts to jape and joke to inspire confidence in the others. Erasmuz starts to sing as well, joining the clan dog in his choruses. Tron moves in, his mind blade active and charged with psychic energy.

The three creatures drop Ari and his wooden litter unceremoniously to the floor, and one of them swiftly begins to attack Tron. The thing’s first blow smashes into his chest, driving the air from his lungs. The halfling grunts in pain and dismay. A second blow crashes down into his shoulder and nearly drives him to his knees. “I don’t like you!” Tron whines, and slashes into the thing’s body with his mind blade. There is an explosion of psionic energy and the mossy monster virtually explodes! It collapses into an immobile heap.

The second creature charges at Tron, smashing into him, and the soul knife slashes back at him. Meanwhile the final monster has charged at Jawbreaker (who is busily lighting a torch, reasoning that they might not be vulnerable to normal weapons). Nara starts to follow his example, and Jawbreaker changes tactics. Since he has been directly attacked, he pulls forth his axe and gives a mighty blow. Unfortunately, he missteps and twists his ankle, throwing his blow off badly. A rain of Martini’s arrows thwack into the obliviax beast attacking him again and again. Meanwhile, a spiritual weapon has appeared, thanks to Erasmuz (or perhaps it would be better termed an unspiritual weapon) and begins pounding on the creature as well, while Federico shoots at the other one with his crossbow.

“Pull back!” Naomi cries crossly. She pulls forth her wand, waits not a second, and fires off a fireball from it. A red bead shoots out and when it reaches its target it explodes into red-hot flames, engulfing both obliviators and not quite reaching any of our heroes (including Ari).

The two monsters crumble into ash.

“Ari!” cries Nara, rushing over to their friend. The party clusters around, but he doesn’t seem responsive. They brush off most of the moss, but there is no change. “Perhaps,” Nara says, “given some time to prepare some different spells, I can rouse him. Or, equally, perhaps the Yip Master has some sort of way to bring him around.”

And so our heroes return to the monastery. Master Yip does indeed have a few ideas as to how to rouse Ari, ranging from slapping him to massaging certain pressure points. Soon enough, some thing or combination of things that he does works, and Ari sits up groggily. His memories are spotty, too; he can remember very little since the party left Dyshim.

Thus it is that the others brief him: they have been fighting against the self-proclaimed King (former Governor) Stackler, of Zacradose.

“Wasn’t he sending ships against Dyshim?” asks Ari.

“Exactly!” exclaims Nara. “And we took the fight to Zacradose.” Once there, the party had gone to a ruined keep of the small folk, in hopes of finding out anything new about the promised land or the halfling prophecy that they had heard beneath the pit of the healing springs while on Dyshim. They had found, instead, the false promised land- where everything had looked perfect but turned sour instead. And then-

That is where everyone’s memories are lost to. But the Yips have filled our heroes in: it is all the fault of Lord Obliviax.

The party, in working against Stackler, had found out that he was a puppet of a mind flayer allied with Lord Obliviax. “We had come into these mountains to take care of Lord Obliviax,” states Naomi, “and that’s where our memories were destroyed. We must have fought him and lost, and ever since we’ve been trying to figure out what’s happening. We’ve already killed and driven off a couple of mind flayers.”

“We kill Lord Obliviax, we win,” Jawbreaker states. “Let’s go.”

“Well-” Erasmuz pauses. “What do you say, Ari? Do you feel up to going back to face Lord Obliviax with us?”

Ari stands up and walks around for a moment, testing his body. “I think so,” he says slowly. He makes a mental check: he has all of his spells prepared. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Jawbreaker nods decisively. “Good. We go.”

It is afternoon, but not too late yet. The party moves swiftly out and back to the gorge that Martini, Naomi, Nara and Erasmuz originally climbed into upon escaping the tunnels. Afternoon has turned to evening, and by the time the party has descended to the bottom of the gorge, evening is threatening to turn to night.

“We camp here,” says Jawbreaker. “Go in to caves in morning.”

The party sets up their camp. They eat a hearty dinner and then most of them lie down in order to catch some sleep. Of course, they always have a guard, so somebody is awake.

A good thing, too, for an ambush comes in the deep night.

Next Time: An illithid ambush!

 

[the Jester]

1 a.m., 7/9/370 O.L.G., in the mountains of Zacradose

When it comes time for Chief Jawbreaker to take his watch, he conceals himself in the deep shadows of some brush, laying some branches before him in order to give himself a screen against even those with darkvision. Quietly, he lays his back against a tall shrub and gradually eases himself back into it so that his silhouette will merge with the brush around him. Above him, the black sky is interrupted by a gash of stars, but to all sides the blackness is absolute. Around him the subtle songs of insects and night birds float through the darkened air.

The others sleep peacefully. Jawbreaker remains alert, his eyes peeled; but all of the mountain climbing, compounded by the midnight snack Naomi had whipped up, makes him sleepy. The chief yawns. For a moment his eyelids slide shut, tickled by an invisible psychic touch. He yawns again; his breathing slips into an even rhythm.

Crack.

The breaking of a twig draws Chief Jawbreaker back into full awareness. What was that? he wonders, and his eyes flick back and forth, looking for danger. His nostrils flare as he scents the air. Something strange on the wind. Like mucus. He frowns. Like...

The yowling of the freakish, tentacled predators suddenly erupts from all around the camp, and belatedly, Jawbreaker realizes that he has been lulled by the mind tricks of the enemy! In the darkness, it is nearly impossible to see anything, but the sound of Erasmuz screaming is painfully clear. Jawbreaker grimaces. There seem to be about four of the predators. He ignores them for the moment, scanning the area as best he can for a more... humanoid shape.

There!

Jawbreaker can see the tentacles on its face in the small light cast by the embers. A mind flayer! With a grin of anticipation, the bear warrior unlimbers his axe. Then his feet are pounding the ground as he bellows out a roar and lunges forward, chopping at the illithid with devastating force! The mind flayer turns to see him coming, the tentacles of its face writhing in dismay. Ichor spews out over Jawbreaker’s torso, and he guffaws. But then his gives out a cry of his own as the slimy tentacles reach for his face, wrapping around his head and attempting to burrow into his ears and mouth! He gags and tries to spit, but the tentacle is just inserting itself deeper, up his sinuses and towards his brain!

Erasmuz, meanwhile, wakes up to find himself being savagely attacked by the tentacled quadrupeds that the party faced earlier in the caves beneath this rift. Curse all the gods! he thinks angrily, manifesting force screen with his psionic powers. One of them manages to bite through the psychic field protecting him, but two of the others spring off of him to assault Nara, who has just woken up a few feet away. She shouts in surprise as the things bound at her, and then she screams as her blood splatters out across the ground.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you!” cries Ari.

A mental voice washes across them all: I think not. A cone of stunning psionic energy blasts the party, and Ari and Federico fall senseless to the ground! The mind flayer, still struggling to subdue Jawbreaker, seems inordinately pleased with itself. Unfortunately for it, Jawbreaker- though his ears ring and he has just developed a sudden, blistering migraine- has maintained his ability to act, and with a roar, the Chief drives his axe deep into the illithid’s torso, shoving the blade in with all his might! It stiffens in anger and pain, and more of the ichor bubbles out of the aberration. Its tentacles stiffen and seem to redouble their efforts. With a wild, incoherent cry, Jawbreaker attempts to stab it again, but this time his blade snags in his adversary’s simple robes. The Chief sinks to one knee as the final tentacle latches on, forcing its way in through his nose. Slime covers his face. He still struggles, but something caresses the top of his brain and ice runs up his spine.

This is it, he thinks.

“Jawbreaker!! NOOOO!!!” screams Nara.

And then, just in the nick of time, Naomi blasts the illithid with her psionic ability to force it to recall agony. The creature, already terribly wounded, staggers back. Slowly, it sinks down into a sitting position. Its tentacles slackly retract from Jawbreaker’s head, leaving the Chief gasping in relief and covered with illithid mucus.

Then our heroes focus on the beasts. Nara has managed to rise and stagger away from the ones assaulting her long enough to cast cure critical wounds on herself. Erasmuz casts shield of faithlessness and backs away as well. Tron, on the other hand, has activated and charged his mind blade, and now he engages on of the feline predators. His first blow is well-aimed, and he takes off an ear! The thing gives a squealing yowl and pounces on him, ripping a significant wound in his chest. Only his sternum prevents the thing from eating his heart in a single great chomp! Screaming in pain, Tron strikes again, and this time he sinks his mind blade deep into its forehead. The beast screams and dies!

“Three to go!” announces Nara. An instant later, after Jawbreaker and Tron flank one of the beasts, she changes her assessment. “Two, that is,” she grins, watching the monster fall to their combined blows.

Erasmuz stabs one in the head with his dinky little rapier, dazing it for a moment, then moves away. “Get it, buddies!” he cries. But a moment later it bounds after him and attacks. The ur-priest throws up his arm to try to protect himself, and then gasps in pain as the thing’s bite clamps down on him. He struggles, kicking and punching at it, missing again and again. Meanwhile, Jawbreaker and Tron are engaging the other one. In just a few more seconds the beasts are dead or driven away.

“Now what?” asks Nara. “Do we try to finish resting, or just go in?”

“Do you think they’ll attack us again tonight?” wonders Federico, groaning as he shakes off the effects of the mind blast at last.

“I wouldn’t doubt it,” answers Ari grimly.

“And how did they know we were down here?” the kobold continues.

“Maybe you’re a narc!” Tron accuses Naomi. He activates his mind blade and brandishes it.

“Hey, calm down,” Ari says, annoyed.

“I think you should protect me,” Naomi suggests, and Tron cocks his head and nods.*

“All right,” he replies, and deactivates his mind blade.

“Well, I’m glad that’s settled,” Ari says dryly. “Now, about resting... it’s probably not safe here.”

“Well, but we can’t really get out of the rift by night and still get a good night’s rest,” Erasmuz points out.

“Rest, but elsewhere in little valley, with no fire,” decides Chief Jawbreaker. “And double watches.”

The party moves their camp, and this time they manage to rest the remainder of the night undisturbed. In the morning, after first breakfast, they break camp. Then, gnawing on snacks or consuming trail mix, they descend back into the caves that they had escaped from so recently. At least we know what we’re up against, now, thinks Nara. We need to defeat this “Lord Obliviax”. With any luck, we’ve taken the wind out of the mind flayers. If we’re lucky, that was the one who got away before, coming back to dispute things, and we just took care of them for good. If there aren’t any more of them, or few enough that they are scared off.

Deeper down the passages the party goes. The walls are coated with weird growths, some oozing strange fluids from apertures. The occasional drip of water is audible. Soon, the passage the party is following widens. Smuts and strange fungal things cling to the ceiling and walls, and here and there strange slime molds creep along the floor.

A noise comes to our heroes from the darkness ahead: a squelching, sighing, breathing sound. And they are coming forward. Into the light... to be revealed as horrible creatures, obviously of the same general type as the illithids and their tentacled, semi-feline predators. But these things are different, bloated, like huge tentacled sacks.

Jawbreaker charges.

Next Time: Enter: Lord Obliviax!

*Tron, a crahk-head, has a wisdom score of 1. He is easy to suggest. It has become a favorite game amongst the pcs, as Naomi, Federico, Nara? and maybe Erasmuz? can all use it on him.

 

[the Jester]

Against Lord Obliviax!

Jawbreaker’s axe chops into the bloated, tentacle-covered bag with a wet ripping sound! There is a terrible loud trumpeting sound that comes from the thing as it cries out in pain; then a spiritual weapon strikes it, directed by Erasmuz, and it hollers again.

And, in response, it lashes its tentacles across the Chief. Wham! Two blows slam into Jawbreaker, smashing him back a few feet and bloodying his face! He roars and shakes his head- and then leans back with a surprised cry as Ari’s flame strike burns down on the monstrosity! It makes another, higher-pitched sound, this one almost a whine. Jawbreaker grimaces and hacks, hacks, hacks.

The beast’s companion, meanwhile, rumbles slowly forward. A strange, amorphous halo of concealing blots forms around both of the monsters, and then a sound burst blasts Jawbreaker, making his ears ring. He shakes his head and glares at the monster behind his current foe. With a final blow of Erasmuz’ spiritual weapon, the first beast falls, and Jawbreaker grins as he moves into position to charge the other one.

Nara, meanwhile, has summoned a celestial badger from the Upper Planes. This new combatant springs forward and rips at the monster, biting and clawing fiercely. Nara then proceeds to pull out her mace and begins to move towards the thing, ready to engage it in combat.

Before she can move up that far, however, Jawbreaker charges forward, yelling a battle cry as he does so. Unfortunately, the monster’s reach proves greater than the halfling’s, and as he rushes towards it, it snatches him into the air with one of its tentacles! Jawbreaker gasps in pain as the tentacle constricts, trying to crush him. It bears down on him with deadly force. Then it smashes him against the wall. Blood pours down his face and the chief shakes his head. Gritting his teeth, he bunches his muscles, bites his tongue, and rages- transforming into a bear! With a roar, he breaks free of the tentacle.

The monster suffers under a storm of blows. Nara and the badger, as well as a summoned wolf that Ari brings into play, plus the bear that is Jawbreaker all attack. The monster flails its tentacles in response, but it cannot survive the concentrated assault for long. Soon Nara strikes a final blow with her mace, and the thing is slain.

“Wow,” says Ari, “those things are disgusting.”

“I wonder what they are,” mutters Nara.

The party doesn’t examine the bloated sack-things too closely. They hurry past, into an open chamber about 40’ across. Thick carpets of black moss grow in several places throughout it: memory moss. They move cautiously through it, trying to avoid the obliviax, but there is more moss on the other side. Uncertainly, they move forward, continuing down a wide passage dotted by more colonies of the obliviax.

And suddenly, something rises up from the moss with uncanny speed. Black moss whips up into a small humanoid form. It stretches out a tiny arm towards Jawbreaker. He feels something wrench in his mind as the moss tries to steal his memories! Another small form rises elsewhere in the chamber and tries to do the same to Ari, to no avail.

“Look out!” the druid cries. “Obliviax!”

The party begins reacting. Federico casts mage armor on himself, while the Yip that has accompanied them charges forward and kicks at one of the mossy figures. Then the memory moss turns to him- and suddenly, the last thing Yip remembers is leaving the monastery with the halflings.

“What’s going on?” Yip yells, confused. Then, spying the obliviax before him, he gasps and takes a single, weak punch at it. I’ve been memory drained, he realizes.

Federico begins japing and singing to inspire courage, but he starts in surprise when another figure rushes into the room: a large, mossy figure with a great axe in his hands. The kobold gasps. Yip cries out, “Lord Obliviax!!”

Jawbreaker howls and charges one of the small obliviax. A single mighty blow destroys it. Nara smiles and blasts the other small one with a searing light, and it shrivels and dies.

“Get him!!” cries Erasmuz, casting divine power. He grows mighty and puissant, pulling out his dinky little rapier. Meanwhile Jawbreaker and Yip ready a torch and some oil. Lord Obliviax gestures, and Jawbreaker drops his torch, pulls his sword and chops at Yip!

“Yipe! Get away! Don’t attack me!” Brother Yip cries, tumbling away from the mind-controlled Jawbreaker. But the barbarian presses forward.

Erasmuz casts shield of faithlessness and Federico greases the area beneath the lord of the memory moss. Lord Obliviax keeps his balance, and moves in, swinging his axe. It whizzes through the air, shearing off of Erasmuz’ shield of faithlessness harmlessly. Lord Obliviax laughs ominously. “Fools! The Axe of Oblivion will destroy you!”

Federico begins firing magic missiles at Lord Obliviax, and tries to move to keep out of range. Unfortunately for him, this draws the attention of the dominated Jawbreaker, who charges and smashes into him, inflicting a deep wound on his shoulder! “Oh no!” Federico squeals. “Chief Jawbreaker, it’s me, Federico!”

Lord Obliviax looms ominously over Erasmuz, brandishing the axe. “Hey, buddies, a little help here?” Erasmuz squeaks piteously. He pokes his rapier at Lord Obliviax, but things aren’t looking good-

Suddenly, a pair of red-hot worms burst into existence, summoned by Ari. The thoqquas flow forward like lava, attacking Lord Obliviax and setting him afire! The moss master screams in pain and indignity, then slashes out at Erasmuz, cutting him severely. “I shall destroy you all!” Lord Obliviax threatens.

Federico tumbles away from Jawbreaker and suggests that he attack Lord Obliviax. For a moment, Jawbreaker seems confused as the conflicting magical controls compete within him for dominance, and then he turns and charges towards the burning moss lord. He leaps to the attack, hacking into Lord Obliviax’ upper body. Lord Obliviax staggers back, and the thoqquas fall upon him. With a scream, he is destroyed!

Panting, our heroes watch the moss lord’s body curl and crisp. The Axe of Oblivion remains, but it rapidly proves a mistake to touch it, as Naomi finds out.

Next Time: Naomi’s Mistake!

 

[the Jester]

Naomi's Mistake

“Islands ho!” cries the man in the crow’s nest.

Sailors who were idle only seconds before suddenly begin bustling about, doing sailor things. To most of our halfling heroes, this is incredibly baffling. Most of them are, if the truth be told, a little afraid of the water; it would never occur to your average halfling to join the crew of a ship. The very thought would make your average halfling shudder.

Suddenly she’s somewhere else, her entire arm kind of feeling as if it has just undergone a terrific shock. “Are you okay, Naomi?” asks a halfling she doesn’t recognize: a sinister-looking bald fellow with an evil-looking goatee. Shaken, Naomi looks wildly around herself. She is underground, in some sort of mossy cave. There is the smell of fire in the air, and near her is a great axe that is much too big for her. She is surrounded by people, but... she doesn’t know them, for the most part.

“What’s going on??” she exclaims, confused. “Who are you?” She recognizes Federico and Jawbreaker, but nobody else. “What’s happening??” she demands. “Where am I?”

“What last thing you remember?” Jawbreaker asks her.

“Uh, we were sailing for some islands, looking for treasure from a sunken ship...”

“Whoah!” Jawbreaker exclaims. “That long time ago!”

“What do you mean?” Naomi demands.

“You’ve just had your memory robbed, of the last however long,” a halfling female that Naomi doesn’t recognize says.

“Do I know you?”

“Oh, wow,” says Nara.

***

It takes a little while to calm Naomi down, and the lesson learned is this: don’t use empathy on the Axe of Oblivion. Even just touching it is hazardous; Federico loses a day’s worth of memories from doing so. The party manages to build a carrying sling for it that doesn’t require anyone actually come into contact with it, and then they turn and ascend towards the surface.

With the defeat of the mind flayers and Lord Obliviax, any opposition that might have once existed evaporates. Our heroes are unopposed as they return first to the chasm, and then- after some rest, once there is some daylight- up and back out to the monastery, where Master Yip congratulates them on their success.

“Now we need to finish off Stackler,” says Nara. She clenches her fists. A predatory smile steals onto her face.

Next Time: Our heroes vs. “King” Stackler!

 

[the Jester]

Whoops, just realized that I mixed up Federico, who lost a day's memory, and Naomi, who got the real zap on her head.

Fixin' it now...

 

[the Jester]

From the mountain monastery of the Yips, our heroes move back down onto the plains of Zacradose. It takes most of the next week to bring Federico up to speed on the events that the Axe of Oblivion sucked from his memory; from the Dogtooth Isles (Federico doesn’t even remember Dogtooth, or the loss of Timothy, or... so much else!) to the present is an empty space in the halls of his mind.

On the way down, our heroes pause long enough for Ari to find and make friends with a massive grey wolf. Then they find themselves in the middle of a disorganized revolution, seemingly torn between conflicting leaders and without much overall direction. “These guys are never going to make any real change like this,” complains Nara. “Where’s the leadership??”

As it turns out, of course, the leadership had gone off to try to destroy Stackler’s mind flayer puppeteers and their ally, Lord Obliviax. In other words- our heroes are the head of the revolution. And, of course, since their memories had been robbed by Lord Obliviax and his memory moss- they remember none of it.

Still, once the situation becomes clear (or at least, a little less murky), the halflings (and their kobold allies) seize the reins of the rebellion, and in a few weeks fires are burning throughout the island as Stackler’s troops attempt to put down the guerillas that oppose them. According to the party’s immediate subordinates, they had arranged some kind of major distraction in the north while a smaller force attacks Stackler City (“King” Stackler’s capitol). But even this smaller force is a distraction, as well- so that our heroes can enact an audacious plan that they came up with during the time that they cannot remember: they will sneak in through the sewers, emerge within Stackler’s palace via a hidden grate that a disloyal architect had informed the revolution about, and capture or kill Stackler himself!

“Cut off the head,” Erasmuz says, rubbing his chubby hands together, “and the body will perish.”

So, for a few days, all they can do is wait for the appointed date. So, naturally, Tron busies himself smoking crahk, which a few officers of the revolution are more than happy to surreptitiously- and freely- supply him with.

***

The assault on Stackler City, consisting mostly of archers and irregulars, doesn’t have much of a hope in a fair fight. Loyalist troops ride and march out to attack any revolutionary troop concentrations that reveal themselves, but the constant harassment of arrows- many of them soaked in pitch and set aflame- keeps any serious sorties from coming out. A few confiscated catapults and ballistae allow the revolutionaries to pull almost all of Stackler City’s defenders to the southeastern side of the city (where the main thrust of the attack is coming), but occasional flaming arrows from the other sides keep the defenders moving around the walls constantly, trying to prevent any force elements from gathering against a mostly-unprotected section of wall. Precious men are diverted to lookout posts, just as the revolutionaries had intended.

The largest single grouping of revolutionaries rides out on garen, galloping for the gates under cover of a volley of flaming arrows. Bare instants before they reach the gate, a catapult stone sails into it, knocking the portcullis from its chain and sending it bouncing past the wall and into the side of a shop within the city. The rebels bellow war cries as they charge in, meeting the loyalist defenders of the gate. Pikes, glaives, swords and axes stab, swing, chop, thrust, parry and block. The sound of war rings through the streets. For a long moment, the defenders waver- and then they are reinforced, at the last moment, by a second squadron. They hold against the revolutionaries, and another squad of archers atop the wall is rushing to fire on the aggressive rebel cavalry.

Just in time, the attackers wheel away and retreat, leaving a dozen defenders wounded and half that many dead. Two of the attackers fall as they retreat, taken from behind by the archers. A few more fell against the city’s defenders. The rest gallop away, curving off to the left. The sergeant of the soldiers defending the destroyed portcullis begins bellowing for wood and stone, and the defenders begin creating a makeshift barrier. Then a ballista bolt slashes through the defenders, doing horrific things to flesh and bone. The cavalry unit swings back around, and as revolutionary archers fire a volley at the city’s protectors, the garen swing into charge formation.

This time, the defenders break. They are fighting for money; the attackers are fighting for their freedom, for ideals. In the end, given anything like equal troops, there is no doubt as to who will win. The revolution does not have the gear of Stackler’s loyalists, but they have heart. As the defenders’ morale breaks and they start to flee, a great cheer rings out from the rebels assaulting the city.

The cavalry moves in, hunting enemy emplacements, and soon the other revolutionaries rush the city as well. There is no holding them back. All over, the story is the same: once faced with death in combat with no city wall to hide behind, Stackler’s troops lose their stomach for fighting. Many flee; others surrender. And when the halflings that have led them to this pass emerge on a balcony of Stackler’s palace bearing their would-be despot, the rebels cheer and the loyalists lose much of what heart they have left. Some few, especially those led by especially cruel, especially loyal men, continue the fight. The last of it won’t end for almost a week. But the battle has clearly fallen to the rebels.

The next few days are a matter of cleaning up. The revolutionaries ask politely for Stackler’s crown, but our heroes were kind of thinking it was loot. A discussion begins, but does not end, about what to do with it. Several of our heroes suggest giving it up, while several others suggest keeping it until they are somewhere where they can sell it. Meanwhile, it is becoming apparent that something new needs to be set up to govern the island; and the rebels are looking to our heroes for help. In comic misunderstanding, one of the local aristocrats declares Naomi “Queen of the Halflings” in a stirring speech about the future of Zacradose. She just snorts with laughter and looks for something to do to get her out of town for a while. After asking around, she ascertains that there is a small outlying halfling village that is occupied by Stackler loyalists. When our heroes investigate, however, the occupiers can’t wait to surrender. They know that the gig is up.

The party makes the acquaintance of two new halflings worth mentioning during this time: Feldspeth and Rock, a pair of local rangers from the oppressed town. While Feldspeth remains behind in the village, Rock joins the party’s wanderings, at least for the time being. Whether he will stay with them upon their departure from Zacradose, none can yet say.

The village feasts them as only a halfling village can, and then the party returns to Stackler City- which the halflings decide to rename Bacon Hill, and begin spreading the word to that effect. Tron stays well-supplied with crahk, thanks to his friends in the revolution.

Stackler is put on trial, but it is really a formality. A few days later he is hanged by the neck until he is dead. Now the remaining loyalists throw down their arms; there is no point fighting for a dead man. Amnesty is now their only hope.

The party’s internal discussions turn- as they often do- to the Prophecy of the Halflings, and our heroes begin discussing who might know something about it. Great halfling sages or scholars; perhaps powerful beings from the other planes. Maybe another elemental weird; it was, after all, a water weird that gave the party their first clues about the Promised Land, and spoke unto them the Prophecy.

Then the party finds a very interesting lead, at least about a hole in their memories.

One of the mysteries from the missing period in their memories is the tattoo they all bear now (except for those, such as Tron and Rock, who were not with the party previously). On their left forearms, each of the clan wears a unicorn tattoo, done in Naomi’s style. Obviously, this is a very weird choice for her; even the one on her own arm, which is in a state of obvious sexual excitement and looks quite lascivious, still has a certain noble and good quality to it just by virtue of the fact that it is a unicorn. Why would she put that on herself?

One morning, word comes that there is a King of the Unicorns on Zacradose, in the northern woodlands. More importantly, our heroes had apparently- also in the ‘lost time’ that they can’t remember- made alliance with him, for he had helped distract Stackler’s loyalists in the north.

“Well,” says Nara, “I bet he can answer some questions for us.”

“Let’s go find out,” suggests Ari.

Our heroes head north.

Next Time: King of the Unicorns!

 

[the Jester]

Party Roll Call

Our heroes presently consist of:

Tron- male halfling soulknife 8; N. Tron is addicted to crahk, a dwarven crystal that, when smoked, has powerful narcotic effects. Fortunately for him, certain members of the revolution (that our heroes just helped overthrow the former government of the self-declared "King" Stackler) have freely provided him with all could want, no strings attached. Tron's wisdom is 1.

Naomi- female halfling psion 5/elementalist 4; LE. Naomi would really like to eat humans. She's disgustingly fat, even for a halfling. (She is working on taking the Willing Deformity (Obese) feat.) Naomi has just lost over a year's worth of memories, thanks to an attempt to use her empathy power on the Axe of Oblivion.

Aristoclese "Ari" Broadleaf- male halfling druid 9; N. Ari is from the Underdark of Dyshim, a jungle island where our heroes beat back the encroaching forces of Governor Stackler months ago, before coming to the island of Zacradose to overthrow him. He's one of the more sensible, less insane members of the party.

Federico Flapjacks- male kobold bard 6/sorcerer 3/jester 1; CG. Federico is the "clan dog" of our heroes. As a hatchling, he was saved from extermination by the halflings of the Flapjacks clan, and he grew up far different from other kobolds as a result. The master of self-deprecating humor and a self-described master of first level spells, Federico has a strength score of 2, but only because he raised it by one point at 4th level. He is the only current member of the party who has been around since the first game of this campaign (as Martini's player moved a little ways away and is no longer free to come game ).

Erasmuz- male halfling wizard 1/psion 1/ranger 1/ex-monk 2/ur-priest 4; NE. Erasmuz keeps his head shaved but wears a dark goatee; in short, he looks like a halfling Anton LeVay. Erasmuz keeps his beliefs close to the vest but is able to heal; thus, the party assumes he is a cleric. In truth, he is an ur-priest, a hater of- and stealer of power from- the gods themselves.

Jawbreaker- male halfling barbarian 7/bear warrior 3; CG. The Chief of the clan, but more or less appointed by chance when a clan of goblins negotiated with the party and started treating him as the chief. It stuck, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way. Jawbreaker is one of the oldest remaining party members at this point.

Nara- female halfling cleric of Coila 5/prophet 5; LN. Nara has seen strange visions in the past. Like Erasmuz and Ari, Nara joined the party on Dyshim after a near-tpk at the hands of yuan ti. She worships Coila, a goddess who has only recently arrived on Cydra. (Those of you who have read my other story hours might recognize Coila as the goddess worshipped by Sheva, Angelfire and Marius.)

Rock- male halfling barbarian 4/ranger 3; N. Rock just joined the party. We don't really know much about him (? could be a her, but I don't think so ) yet. I'm sure we'll find out as we go along, though!

 

[the Jester]

8/17/371 O.L.G., 2:30 p.m., northern Zacradose

In the woods in the north of Zacradose, our heroes meet the unicorn king. Once again the hole in their memory proves telling, as the stallion recognizes them. After some conversation, it becomes apparent that they have met before, and that they actually have an alliance.

“You don’t remember, do you?” the unicorn king whinnies. “Ahh, Lord Obliviax’ work, I’ll wager. But because you are here, you must have succeeded despite whatever memory loss you suffered. And Stackler? Has he been overthrown?”

“Uh, yes,” replies Ari. “Uh, and thanks for your help.”

“What do you know about these?” Naomi thrusts her blubbery arm forward, her palm up. Along her forearm is a tattoo (done in Naomi’s own style) of a unicorn. Most of the party members bear similar tattoos in the same place.

“It is my sign,” the king responds. “You all agreed to wear it as a symbol of our alliance. You don’t remember about the woodsmen either, do you?”

“Woodsmen? Umm, I guess not.” Naomi sighs.

“You had agreed to remove some woodsmen north of here, who are infringing upon some sacred areas by going too deep into the woods. Stackler’s men allowed them to do as they pleased in the sylvan glades.”

Our heroes agree to fulfill their half of the bargain that they don’t remember making. After all, from all reports, the unicorns had more than done their part in distracting the bulk of the forces loyal to Stackler when the final battle had come.

After some discussion, our heroes begin attempting to convince the unicorn king to become King of Zacradose. He seems to take the possibility very seriously, and promises to consider it. “Then you wouldn’t have to worry about woodsmen ever again,” Federico points out.

“Do you know anything about prophecies?” asks Nara. “Because we are trying to follow one to the halfling Promised Land.” Naomi comes up and exposes her fat thigh. Tattooed there is the so-called “halfling prophecy” that the party received from the water weird on Dyshim. They read it off again: “Long have your kind sought your way to the Promised Land. Know this: it is behind you. The homeland of bread and butter, the place of mead and milk, the fields of strawberries, the cows that give cream, the orchards of apples from which springeth pie- all these things are there, waiting to be plucked like plums from the tree. But first the isle must be freed by small hands for small hands, which can work the isle to paradise in but three years. Blessed is it, for it is the home of your rightful gods. Their breath is upon it, causing berries to spring forth. The fountain of wine makes the land drunk. Yet by the drunk with power it was seized from your folk. Now the power is gone, and still drunk are its dregs; but liberation awaits.”

After a moment’s thought, the unicorn king suggests that the party visit a more appropriate individual to ask about this sort of thing- the forest oracle. The unicorn king gives a loud bray, and a few moments later another unicorn comes in bearing a crown of grass and flowers on his horn. The unicorn king gives this to the party, stating that it will show the oracle that they come in his name. “That should help,” he says hopefully. Then he has a satyr summoned, and orders him to guide our heroes to the oracle.

Thus it is that, in short order (albeit after the satyr extorts a few minutes of tender loving from Federico and Tron), our heroes find themselves before the oracle. The party shares a strange vision that the oracle tells them is of a place called Red Mountain. “You will find more there,” she tells them.

“These woodsmen we’re supposed to deal with are on the way,” points out Federico. “Why don’t we take care of them first?”

Once that is agreed upon, our heroes strike out for the unicorn king’s woodsman problem. On the way, the party has a brief battle with a small pack of dire wolves, but the halflings repel them fairly easily, slaying some of the wolves and allowing the others to flee.

***

8/18/371 O.L.G., 11 a.m., marching north through the woods

As the party comes closer to where the woodsmen are, Ari takes on eagle form and flies overhead to scout. He wants to make sure that our heroes see the woodsmen well in advance of their seeing the party, just in case. Meanwhile, on the ground, Federico, Nara and Naomi have a talk about eating humans.

Nara says to Naomi, “You know, it’s funny- you talk a lot about eating humans, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do it.”

“Yeah, you’re right- I don’t think I have, since we met.”

“I’m telling you,” Federico chimes in, “you shouldn’t eat sentients. That’s a big taboo. It’s like cannibalism.”

“No it’s not,” Naomi retorts. “That would be if I was eating halflings. Human is totally different.”

“I’m just saying,” Nara states, “you should put your mouth where your mouth is and follow through.”

“Oh believe me,” Naomi replies, “I will. Frankly, I think it’s tragic that I haven’t gotten to taste any human yet.”

The discussion goes on, off and on, until Ari returns and turns back into halfling form. Overhearing the conversation, he butts in, insisting that, rather than eating humans, the party should work for a peaceful resolution of whatever human issues they have.

“No issues, just wanna eat ‘em,” Naomi explains. “We may have to kill a few, so as to harvest some thumbs.” She then proceeds to discourse with Jawbreaker concerning the proper harvesting of human thumbs. “I recommend cutting them off when they’re young,” Naomi declares. “That way their arms don’t develop too much. If they get too much muscle, it makes them stringy.”

Jawbreaker isn’t too interested in the topic, frankly. He just shakes his head with a snort.

“Well, regardless, let’s put this discussion on hold and go deal with the humans,” Ari says. “The camp is only about a mile and a half ahead, along a river.”

Naomi licks her lips, but the party decides to try negotiating with the woodsmen first. When they reach them, it is fairly easy to convince them to leave; after all, these men might be good at cutting down trees, but they don’t have any interest in fighting a group of powerful adventurers- especially when they realize that the party represents the tentative new government. The woodsmen promise to leave the next day, and by dusk they have made impressive progress in breaking down their camp.

***

8/19/371 O.L.G., 11 a.m., the woodsmen’s camp

The humans are clearing out. Our heroes keep an eye on them to ensure there isn’t any trickery, but everything goes smoothly. Naomi catches the cook of the camp as he is packing his goods, and she demands his maple syrup. He cowers and turns it over to her, and she leaves, sipping it straight from the jar. Reaching the others, she passes it around.

By evening, the last of the human camp is packed and most of the humans are gone. A few of the woodsmen seem to consider staying the night, but our heroes give them stern admonishments to move on, and they do.

“I guess we’ll move on towards this Red Mountain place in the morning,” says Nara.

***

8/20/371 O.L.G., 3 p.m., Red Mountain

The journey to Red Mountain passes quickly. The day is just a little too hot to be pleasant, and worse yet it is a wet heat. The air is muggy; tunics stick to sweaty backs. As the party reaches the foot of Red Mountain, a storm is starting to roll in, rumbling and full of thunder: a summer thunderstorm. The party clambers up the mountain’s face, following a rough trail. Part way up the mountain, Jawbreaker turns back and points. “Look,” he says. “There river that woodsmen camped along. That their campsite.” He chuckles. “Mountain and river remind Jawbreaker of home. Jawbreaker lived in mountains for long time.”

The group continues to ascend through fat drops of warm rain. Lighting flashes and thunder booms. The party pushes on as dark falls, finally making camp where an overhang gives some protection from the rain.

“We should be able to reach the summit tomorrow,” Federico opines.

“I get to keep any white rocks we find,” Tron whines.

The storm blows out in the night.

***

8/21/371 O.L.G., noon

The party nears the top of Red Mountain, and suddenly they find an area dotted with snow. Further up on a small plateau there is more of the stuff. Even though they are tired from climbing, our heroes are excited by the sight of it; it has been a long time since they saw any snow! A ruin sits atop the plateau. Ruined pillars surround a great pool of snow. Our heroes approach it after Federico casts mage armor on those who will benefit from it.

As they approach, Jawbreaker cautions, “Remember- don’t eat yellow snow.”

“Right,” Ari says. I knew that.

Then, suddenly, there is a swirl of snow and something bursts from the pool- tall, serpentine, lashing back and forth, and made out of snow.

A snow weird.

“You come from my sister,” it states.

Next Time: More clues to the Promised Land! Government building! Our heroes’ new ship! And more!