Of Sound Mind the Halfling Way

[the Jester]

“He’s gone,” Nara says, a tear in her eye.

“Well-” Erasmuz pauses. “Not necessarily.”

“Do you have the diamonds to raise him, too?” asks Ari.

“No, no, no. I was thinking of something else entirely.” The ur-priest beams wickedly. “Remember the giant skeleton we had for a while?”

“NO!” Ari barks.

“You should, you were there. Remember, off the north coast of-”

“I remember just fine,” the druid cuts Erasmuz off. “We’re not going to animate him.”

“Hey, I think it’s a good idea!” Naomi ejaculates.

“Of course you do. No. Not only was he a friend, not only is it pretty well against nature- but I really don’t think that will help us earn our way into the Promised Land.”

Erasmuz sighs. “Fine, have it your way.”

“Well, what now, then?” asks Naomi.

“Who are ‘githyanki’?” asks Jawbreaker.

Everyone falls silent for a few moments. “Never heard of them,” admits Ari.

“Well, maybe we haven’t,” Erasmuz declares, “but I bet I know someone who has!” With a flourish, he pulls forth a wand and gesticulates with it. There is a puff of smoke as a halfling bard appears!

“Hello,” Erasmuz says.

The bard looks around, obviously surprised. “Hello,” he answers uncertainly.

Erasmuz grins. “Hey, buddy, no need to worry,” he reassures the bard. “We’re the Halfling Action Militia- Clan Ham. We just want to ask you a few questions.”

“Uh, okay.”

“What can you tell us about the Promised Land?”

“Not much,” the bard replies.

“Aren’t you from there?”

“No,” the bard answers, sounding surprised. “You aren’t in the Promised Land yet. Your wand summons a bard from the surrounding area.”

“How did you know about my wand?” Erasmuz demands.

“It’s in your hand.” The bard shrugs.

“Well, you’ve got me there,” admits the ur-priest. “But you still seem to know a lot.”

“Hey, I’m a bard.”

“Still...”

The bard shrugs eloquently.

***

According to Dandybright (which turns out to be the bard’s name), githyanki are a strange race descended from humans that were enslaved by mind flayers. After many generations, they grew psionically powerful and, eventually, broke free of the illithid tyranny. By the time all was said and done, they had migrated to the Astral Plane- which, as the party’s guide had said with his dying breaths, is a timeless plane... with no food or need to eat.

A Halfing Hell, if ever there was one.

Worse yet, according to Dandybright, the githyanki had somehow forged a terrible alliance with red dragons.

“Dragons!” exclaims Ari.

“We have to help other halflings,” Jawbreaker says firmly. “We kill githyanki and dragons. We do whatever we have to.”

The guide’s last words repeat in the party’s minds: What is it worth to you? You must now show it.

“I’ll fight to the death,” Naomi says firmly.

Erasmuz is lost in a dark chain of thoughts. What if, he wonders, to get in, we must die?

Naomi hisses in surprise. “Look!” she exclaims, pointing to the sky.

Three large, blood-colored winged forms are patrolling over the woods not far from our heroes.

The party darts under cover. They will have ample opportunity to do battle; but they all agree, let it be on their terms.

Jawbreaker grunts.

“What is it, Chief?” asks Ari.

“Watch them. Figure out where ground troops go. Then ambush,” Jawbreaker replies.

“I’m on it,” Ari says. He turns into an eagle and flaps his way into the sky. He stays clear of the dragons but soon returns with a report of where a fairly small party of githyanki are.

“We need to be careful,” Naomi reminds the others. “If they’re psionic, they can probably call for help from their friends telepathically.”

“Let’s go,” Jawbreaker commands.

The party moves out. Guided by Ari, they attempt to intercept the enemy’s path far enough ahead of them that they can set up an ambush. They conceal themselves along the edge of the path that the githyanki are following, with Ari scouting in eagle form to ensure that they are in the right place- and to ensure that they are able to cast preparatory spells at the right time. Soon the eagle alerts the others that the foe is near; everyone casts spells, manifests powers and otherwise prepares themselves.

Once the githyanki are on the path right in front of where the party lies in wait, the trap springs! Erasmuz opens the combat with a destruction, which reduces one of the githyanki to black ash. The battle is then truly joined, with the other githyanki fighting for their lives against a terrific halfling onslaught. Fire storms, fireballs, massive axe blows and more- our heroes unleash a terrific amount of punishment on the sallow-skinned githyanki.

They reply in kind. The githyanki are no novices to combat; they are deadly warriors and warlocks. The yellow-skinned creatures wield deadly, wavy-bladed bastard swords, and soon they drip with halfling blood. The githyanki arcanists fire strange eldritch energies at the party, seeking to bring them down. For a few moments the melee looks evenly matched, but then Nara catches one of the githyanki with an impeding permission spell, and that seems to turn the tide.

Then one of the githyanki flees out of the melee, then stops, concentrating. Naomi’s nostrils flare as she detects the scent of burning metal in the air, and she realizes what’s happening. “He’s communicating telepathically!” she exclaims. “We have to kill him, fast!”

“I’ve got it,” Erasmuz says, and casts another flame strike stolen from one god or another. The githyanki is blasted down and destroyed in a pillar of holy fire.

“But was it in time?” Nara wonders.

Ari kills another of the githyanki with a combination of bolts from a call lightning, but even as he does so, he gives a loud, despairing eagle cry. At least one of the mounted dragons is now headed for the battle scene.

On the ground, our heroes finally put the rest of the githyanki party to the sword. Panting, they wipe their weapons and brow. “Now what?” wonders Naomi.

“Psst! Over here!” cries a voice in Halfling.

The party turns to look. The Acorn brothers, the halflings that our heroes met during the Trial of Drinking and that defeated the party in the Trial of Cleverness, are standing next to a shimmering portal.

“Well, come on!” cries Nullick Acorn. “We have to get out of here. This portal will take us back to the outside world.”

“We can’t abandon the Promised Land to these... these no-eaters,” declares Naomi, jiggling her many chins angrily.

“You fools, you can’t defeat them all! There are too many of them, and dragons!”

“You’ll die,” Torck Acorn adds. “This isn’t worth your lives.”

“Yes it is,” Chief Jawbreaker snorts. “Promised Land is here, now. We not run. You run away.” He glares at them. “Pussies.”

“There are more githyanki coming,” Torck says. “The portal is here. You can go through it any time to escape.” He glances skyward and grows pale. Just then, a large shadow moves across the part as something red flies overhead, and with a strangled cry, he darts through the portal and vanishes.

“Please, do the smart thing!” pleads Nullick, and then he leaps after his brother.

“Never,” Naomi says severely. “I will never do the smart thing!”

Next Time: The last halfling update! Will our heroes stand against the githyanki and the dragons? Will they reach the Promised Land? Find out- next time!!

 

[the Jester]

A dragon would be bad enough, but with a puissant githyanki knight mounted on it?

And to make matters worse- two red dragons, each with a githyanki rider!

Our heroes prepare grimly as the enemy circles overhead for a moment. The shimmers of multiple protection from fire spells wash over the party, even as Nara hurriedly heals Jawbreaker’s still extant wounds.

Then the dragons dive in.

Nara blasts the one to her left with a flame strike, hitting both it and the knight on its back. The dragon belches flames in response, covering Jawbreaker, Naomi and Nara. Their wards hold back the damage, but only just; and Naomi’s energy retort misses the dragon in turn.

The second dragon banks over in a long curve, breathing another gout of fire at the party. Erasmuz tumbles away, evading damage, and once again Naomi’s psychic protections keep her safe.

“We can’t take a lot of those,” Naomi says.

“I know,” Nara replies tersely.

Naomi fires a cold blast, but it goes wide, missing her target. She grumbles to herself, while the others start to spread out a little, with Chief Jawbreaker even drawing his bow.

One of the dragons gives an evil laugh and casts dispel magic, and Nara feels her protections shatter. Uh-oh, she thinks. The roars in mirth- and then a bolt of lightning from Ari crackles across both dragons. The dragons roar in anger- and attack, again using their breath weapons in a strafing attack that lets them keep their distance. Angrily, Jawbreaker climbs up a tree, but even so, the dragons remain out of reach. “Cowards!” he yells.

But it is Nara, calling upon the power of Coila, who gets them within reach. Even as one of the dragons banks and climbs away from the group after unleashing another hellish torrent of flames, the halfling priestess suggests to the knight riding it that he “land and dismount.” Immediately, it becomes apparent that this is no simple master-mount arrangement, as the githyanki and the dragon begin to argue over whether or not to land.

“You fool!” the dragon sneers in Githyanki. “That creature has influenced your mind. I will show you how we land for her!”

And with that, the dragon crashes down atop Nara, crushing her to the ground and threatening to squish her into paste! She gives a muffled cry, but like her, it is smothered beneath the scaled belly of the dragon.

Ari blasts both dragon and rider with another of the lightning bolts from his greater call lightning spell, but they remain on top of his friend. Meanwhile, in the air, the other dragon craftily casts protection from cold, then swings in towards Jawbreaker (who is still atop the tree). With a nasty grin on its face, the githyanki knight aims a mighty blow for the bear warrior, slicing him across the shoulder.

Erasmuz, meanwhile, tries summoning the aid of a huge air elemental. He adds a spiritual weapon to the mix- anything to add more attacks on his side! Those dragons are a terror, he thinks. We’ve hardly scratched them! And the githyanki are just starting to cut loose!

Jawbreaker, meanwhile, replies to the knight that cut him by turning into a bear and crushing his forearm with a massive bite. The two struggle for a moment as the dragon twists its head to deal with Erasmuz’ air elemental with another cone of fire. The githyanki hacks at Jawbreaker, but the halfling-cum-bear is enraged and in no mood to trifle with him. He tears at the knight with savage force, slaying him and then turning on the dragon, clawing at it as well!

Meanwhile, the dragon that’s laying on top of Naomi begins a frenzied melee with Nara. “Get off of her, you bitch!” the Coilite cries. The dragon only licks its chops and snickers and tears into her. She lands a few morning star blows, but it is immediately apparent who is getting the better of whom, for its tail whips around and smashes her across the legs, almost tripping her, while it bites her leg and claws at her torso. Desperate, she casts cure critical wounds on the defensive, healing what damage she can, and then raises her shield.

Beneath the dragon that is trying its hardest to kill Nara, Naomi can barely breathe. It’s hard to focus under the monstrous weight that is crushing her. But I only need to focus for a moment, and if I don’t, I’ll never eat again, she tells herself. It is enough to give her the strength she needs- and she dimension doors free! She gasps in a great breath of air, trying to recover her strength and throw her power back to the fight.

The remaining githyanki, still under the influence of the suggestion spell, dismounts expertly without even slowing down. He whips his sword into a guard position and is then swept up into a whirlwind as another, even bigger air elemental appears- this one summoned by Ari. Another bolt of lightning shoots down, catching him in its discharge, and the githyanki dances with blue sparks and dies in the whirlwind.

“We only need to take out the two dragons now!” Nara cries, and the one she is desperately defending herself from descends upon her like a clawed avalanche, eviscerating her before tearing her literally to pieces.

“Uh, I could use some healing,” Naomi calls. And she pulls out her last, best remaining trick.

Not so long ago, the party met a small, squirrel-like race called the kercpa. They helped the kercpa with a problem they had- the local giant, who by long tradition the kercpa bought off with acorn beer, was suddenly unhappy with his beer. This turned out to be because someone was peeing in it, and ‘someone’ turned out to be the fairies, who had been offended by a lack of basic considerations as well as the presence of an evil druid in their area. Once our heroes cleaned up the mess, Naomi found herself with a single lock of green hair growing from a mole. The fey touch is upon her. She made friends with them; she hopes, hopes, hopes that they might hear and help. They’re everywhere, she thinks hopefully.

Now she plucks it out, and hurls it down, her favorite mole; and it grows and grows and grows- into a squirrel big enough to eat a small house in one bite. MEGALOSQUIRREL.

And then one of the dragons breathes on them both, and Naomi burns up like a piece of paper. She is blasted completely to ash; and the megalosquirrel, alas, vanishes.

Ari keeps pounding at the dragons with lightning, but his throat is tight. This is bad, he thinks. Bad, bad bad bad. We can’t let them get in to the Promised Land! He flies further up- he’s in hawk form- and almost cheers when Jawbreaker deals punishing damage to one of the dragons, almost killing it. Then he gives a squawk of despair when one of the dragons tears the bear warrior apart and then both full attack Erasmuz, killing him as well.

Bad, Ari repeats to himself. But he won’t back down. Instead, he circles back down, casts harm and flashes in, dealing more damage in one simple touch than any other single attack has managed. As he speeds away from the injured dragon, he hits it with another lightning bolt-

And it falls!

Now he really wants to cheer, except for the fact that it’s just him, just Ari, against a freaking dragon.

Ari burns.

***

The halflings’ guide smiles. “Well done,” he beams at them. “And welcome!”

“It’s the afterlife, isn’t it?” asks Erasmuz. “We’re all dead, aren’t we?”

The guide looks amused. “Oh, no,” he replies, “not at all, not at all. You just passed the Hidden Test- the final test. It was all illusion, all of it- yet real enough to fool you, with the power of destiny behind it.”

Our heroes look around in wonderment. All around them is- Paradise.

It’s true. The trues really do bear pies. There are peach cobblers, ripe right now, ripe for the plucking. Rows of muffins, growing huge like cabbage. Bushes, sprouting a mix of berries dusted with confectioner’s sugar, chocolate brownies and caramel drops.

“But it’s not without a cost,” their guide tells them. The party realizes suddenly that there are dozens, maybe hundreds, of others around them, most- but not all- halflings. “No, we all have to pay our dues.”

“What do you mean?” asks Ari.

“This place is a refuge, a place of rest, but it is hard to reach. Only the mightiest of our heroes make it here.” Pause a beat. “Did you wonder why?”

“No,” Nara answers honestly. “Why?”

“There will come a time, far in the future, when everything is at stake for our people- when their very continuation as a species will be threatened. Unless something can be done for them, unless we can save them, our people will be driven to extinction.”

The party looks around wide-eyed. The halflings around them- and the others, who have taken on halfling proportions- are all formidable looking.

“In the meantime, we rest. We eat. We drink, and make merry, and make love.” Their guide grins. “My name’s Tom, by the way- I can tell you that now. You’ll all be the guide for some folk or other at one time or another, too- and play most of the other roles. It’s what we do to earn our keep, you might say.”

Tentatively, Jawbreaker wanders to the side and sniffs at an ear of corn. It smells delicious, and it is already roasted and buttered!

“Welcome home, my brothers and sisters,” Tom says, his grin widening.

“Clan Ham,” cries Naomi. “Clan Ham!”

“CLAN HAM!!!” the others echo.



THE END.

 

[Brain]

Ah the halflings. Such a fun campaign with great memories. Many many meals and struggles and meals and feasts and meals. Thanks to the Jester for writing up the story hour

Here are the characters I played in the saga:
Timothy (the 3 wisdom sorcerer/exalted arcanist with a heart of gold)
Ezeekiel Dandybanter (paladin/freedom fighter*)
Lundey Goodwheel (wizard/artificer* and war wagon mechanic)
Erasmuz (the

Spoiler

none of your business, buddy

)

*Cydra homebrew prestige classes

 

[SeldomSeen]

This was an awesome and fun campaign to play in. So many dnd conventions got turned on their head. A simple crossroads encounter got turned into a major turning point in the campaign, magic items were tossed aside in favor of a good feast, dwarven mating rituals were revealed, and a great time was had by all. Thanks Jester.

Played
Momma Flapjacks, Cleric
Chief Jawbreaker, Barbarian/Bear Warrior.

 

[Alcar]

bout time

In the words of Tron: "I can get some money for this".

 

[the Jester]

Just a quick bump, since I got a PM asking about Of Sound Mind (which I always say has the most satisfying conclusion of any module that I have ever run!).

Even though it's an edition out of date, I still cannot recommend that module highly enough! Many thanks to Piratecat for writing it, and here's hoping that someday he writes the sequel!