On Whether to Get the GF Involved or Not

[Umbran]

overall i think that a gf/wife uninterested in dnd is a good thing. what do you guys think about it? what have our experiences been?

I met my wife gaming, and we continue to game together. I know several other such couples.

Our relationship has never been a detriment at the gaming table. Bringing conflicts to the table isn't about being romantically involved - it is about being mature adults who have learned how to work out their problems appropriately.

However, it seems to me that if you are typifying something important to your SO as "blah blah blah", then you may not be ready to have them at the gaming table.

 

[fba827]

overall i think that a gf/wife uninterested in dnd is a good thing. what do you guys think about it? what have our experiences been?

For me, it is all about balance. To answer that it would depend on what other hobbies I already share with the significant other (S.O.)

If we already have other common hobbies/interests, then there is no need to "force" another shared hobby since it allows for a personal hobby that can be discussed later as a conversation topic.

If we do not already have any/many shared hobbies then it wouldn't hurt to ask if the S.O. is interested as a way of having a hobby to share together.

As a general response to your question, I wouldn't see the S.O.'s presence or absence as a hindrance to my enjoyment of a game night one way or the other.

 

[1Mac]

My wife was reading the OP over my shoulder and had a good insight. You say that your SOs tried gaming and didn't like it, and that this is fine because it allows you to have your "guys night out." Fair enough, but is it possible you presented the game as a guys night out when you showed it to your SOs, thereby alienating them from the experience?

There is a difference between SOs not liking RPGs and women not liking a guys night. If your RPG night is a guy thing for your group, that's fine, but don't then see that your SOs dislike the guys night dynamic and conclude that they just don't like RPGs.

 

[Aus_Snow]

1Mac speaks wisdom.

My advice is: No. Don't do it.

 

[SilverSnake]

When I first started gaming (back in the dawn of time in 1983), it was my SO that brought me into the group. I was the only female. None of the other players seemed to be bothered by my presence, but for a while I was just "Kevin's girlfriend." As I got used to the rules and wasn't so much of a newbie at the game anymore, I felt more included in the group dynamic. I think some of the issues with female SOs showing up may be the whole "newbie" status, on top of being a stranger, combined with the whole gender issue.
Now, a zillion years and a few editions later, I'm still a gamer, and my husband and I aren't always in the same games because of scheduling conflicts or what have you, but we usually play together. Our 8 year old daughter has recently started gaming with us as well. You wanna talk about messing with a group dynamic! Add a kid in the mix, and see what happens.

 

[Daijin]

Im lucky I am the DM, and a 18 year old woman was interested in it, and decided to join a session. We got married within 6 months Now we have been married for 19 years and have 3 daughters, and all 4 play D&D 4E

 

[Angellis_ater]

I regurlarly play with my wife and often with the girlfriends of some of the other guys. From time to time, we're joined by single women gaming with us. It's all dependant on the genre we're playing, the systems we are using and the general group dynamic. As others have posted, we're a group of about 10 regulars and 10ish satellites in our gaming group and each campaign group is created from this pool of people dependent on who is interested. For example, in my Alternity game, we're all guys. In the Exalted campaign, we're gonna be two women (one being my wife) and in the True20 PSION campaign, my wife is the only female gamer. However, I've been approached about starting a second campaign in which we'd have 2-3 women and 1-2 men playing.

 

[QuaziquestGM]

Here is the "hard" advice.

I've played with couples a good bit.

The problem is that you get stuck with both of them. Often one spouse isn't very good at playing, or worse, cheats when playing.

You won't know this going in, and once you find out you can't do anything about it. You'll lose both of them. Even if the "good" one agrees with you, they won't choose your game over each other.

Also, "The Game" may sometime serve as your "personal time." Your time to be a 1/2 ork instead of an accountant. Your time to vent the stress of the workweek, or problems with your family.....or problems with your girlfriend. You can't destress about your life if part of your life (and stress) is next to you asking which skill check she needs to roll.

If you want to teach her to play, good. But it may be your responsibility, to your group and to yourself, to tell her that she can't play due to her conduct, and to let her know that she may not be playing in every game that you are playing.

If you aren't prepared/willing to do this, then play the "Guys night out" card before it is too late. Maybe you can offer to set up a "couples" game later for the other girlfirends....

 

[Wik]

What Quazi said. I'd hate it if my girlfriend took up gaming - though I've tried to get her to play some solo games with me. I wouldn't mind if she joined one of my weekly games, but if she was in both, I'd be a little miffed.

Part of it is her personality (I think she'd take my DM "attacks" on her character personally, plus she's very competitive - which isn't good in a co-operative game), and part of it is the fact that we spend a lot of time together. Gaming is one of my escapes - sort of "me time" with other people involved. The rest of the time (when I'm not at work or at schol) I'm with her. I'll keep her away from gaming.

Regarding "guys night out" - I don't associate it with D&D, simply because both of my groups have a gender mix. In fact, most of my groups have been mixed gender; in high school, I even DMed for an all-female group (sadly, no "Dear penthouse" moments....). I've run all-male groups, but it's never been something I've consciously picked up on. Really, I don't see D&D as a "guys night out game".

When I want "Guys night out", I turn on the TV and we watch hockey. Last year, we had a fantasy hockey pool (what my girlfriend's dad describes as "Dungeons and Dragons for people who had girlfriends in high school") that often turned into a very competetive Guys night out. It was fun cheering for San Jose for the most part, but going absolutely crazy when Henrik Sedin scored a goal on SJ simply because you have him on your roster - a group of guys cheering for different segments of both teams is definitely a fun dynamic... especially when there's booze involved.

So, yeah - I like "guys night out", but not when it involves D&D.

 

[blargney the second]

I play with my girlfriend and it's only been a positive experience for me. It's fun to have a hobby together.