No, you were right: Merric is confirming that 4e doesn't deny anyone their Dex [or other stat bonus] to AC because of surprise. (The only way to lose your stat bonus to AC in 4e is by wearing heavy armor.)
As to your gripe about 3.x surprise rules, you're right that they don't make sense. D&D's ability score/bonus system just doesn't model reality well, so the game writers made a judgment call. If they had decided to write the surprise rules the way you seem to want, they wouldn't make any more sense.
Okay, so I was reading it correct at first. You said no loss due to "surprise." What about other situations...like climbing a rope, being encumbered, etc. Do these situations in 4e wipe out a dex bonus but keep a penalty?
And FYI, if the underlying mechanic of how stat/abilities (specifically modifiers) work doesn't make sense...then any rules that is based on hem isn't going to make any sense either.
EDIT:
But Merric said AC bonus from Dex/Int is "ignored." So that's confusing. Ignored in that you don't get the bonus or ignored in that it is no longer considered as a consequence of someone having a "combat advantage" against you.
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