Ankh-Morpork Guard
First Post
Murder is only illegal if you get caught. 
[OT] Help with annoying co-worker (or...amuse me before I go insane)
- Thread starter Djeta Thernadier
- Start date
Monte At Home
Explorer
ALthough not 100% applicable to your specific situation, here's some good advice on how to deal with annoying coworkers...
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail37.html
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail37.html
I have the EXACT scenario going on where I work, except that she doesnt blab about gangsta stuff but bizarre things ranging from her creepy medical conditions, her calls where she gets all scared that she has lung cancer and then proceeds to smoke 2 packs a day (no offense to smokers) etc etc.
What I did, was I just got some good earphones, brought some good music and now I dont have to hear her. Moreover, I earn points as the good employee who cares about the noise level while the rest of the office plots her demise.
Give it a shot.
Otherwise its practical joke time. Disconnect her computer cd rom from inside the computer so she cant play the music, or if its on a stereo, pull out the batteries or simply hide the stereo in another cubicle on another floor or building. Leave a raw fish somewhere in her cubicle....maybe under the heater or air vent. Take her chair and toss it somewhere every morning.
Or approach your management and claim that due to the excessive noise level you cannot complete your work, cannot be held accountable for its non-completion and that the volume level violates workplace health and safety standards. If management refuses to do anything, call the occupational health and safety board or equivalent and make a complaint and let them breathe down your manager's neck.
Or tell her to lower her voice and shut the hell up! The working environment is uncomfortable enough as it is...telling her off wont make anything worse.
I hope it all works out for you,
Cheers
What I did, was I just got some good earphones, brought some good music and now I dont have to hear her. Moreover, I earn points as the good employee who cares about the noise level while the rest of the office plots her demise.
Give it a shot.
Otherwise its practical joke time. Disconnect her computer cd rom from inside the computer so she cant play the music, or if its on a stereo, pull out the batteries or simply hide the stereo in another cubicle on another floor or building. Leave a raw fish somewhere in her cubicle....maybe under the heater or air vent. Take her chair and toss it somewhere every morning.
Or approach your management and claim that due to the excessive noise level you cannot complete your work, cannot be held accountable for its non-completion and that the volume level violates workplace health and safety standards. If management refuses to do anything, call the occupational health and safety board or equivalent and make a complaint and let them breathe down your manager's neck.
Or tell her to lower her voice and shut the hell up! The working environment is uncomfortable enough as it is...telling her off wont make anything worse.
I hope it all works out for you,
Cheers
der_kluge
Adventurer
Tape the receiver button on her phone down. So that she can pick up the phone, but the button doesn't move. She'd figure that out fairly easily, though.
We had someone where I worked before that would constantly listen to voice mails on speaker phone.
I wanted so badly to call his number during off hours from a pay phone so he couldn't trace the number and tell him that his "deluxe masturbation kit and K-Y supply order had been placed, and would be shipping out within the week."
We had someone where I worked before that would constantly listen to voice mails on speaker phone.
I wanted so badly to call his number during off hours from a pay phone so he couldn't trace the number and tell him that his "deluxe masturbation kit and K-Y supply order had been placed, and would be shipping out within the week."
Possible solution
Get the headphones, and ask managment if it's at all possible to either move her or your cube to opposite sides of the room where you cant hear her as well.
Also you can get the rest of your coworkers to sign a petition email, and then management can see that it's not just you.
Can you give them proof she's not doing her job? maybe call statistics or some such showing where her calls are going, and how much time she is spending on the phone?
I work in a call center, so thats pretty easy for me to get ahold of.
If your immediate boss wont budge, take the info to his boss.
Get the headphones, and ask managment if it's at all possible to either move her or your cube to opposite sides of the room where you cant hear her as well.
Also you can get the rest of your coworkers to sign a petition email, and then management can see that it's not just you.
Can you give them proof she's not doing her job? maybe call statistics or some such showing where her calls are going, and how much time she is spending on the phone?
I work in a call center, so thats pretty easy for me to get ahold of.
If your immediate boss wont budge, take the info to his boss.
Enceladus
First Post
Eat a dozen devilled eggs, drink a six pack of pabst blue ribbon and a can of Mrs Grimes baked beans before work. Hang out by her desk and let them out silently and slowly. She'll be far too busy gagging to talk.
In case you're wondering, yes I have done this. Some of the guys at the place I used to work thought it was amusing to come by my desk and fart. When I was done with them they didn't think it was so funny anymore.
In case you're wondering, yes I have done this. Some of the guys at the place I used to work thought it was amusing to come by my desk and fart. When I was done with them they didn't think it was so funny anymore.
Last edited:
Paladin
Explorer
Djeta-
Since your management team is a joke and doesn't do anything, fight fire with fire:
(1) Go get an old country western compilation CD and play it at equal volume. I'm talking the old-timey, twangy crap that only those without ears can stand.
(2) Get on the phone and talk loudly about your explosive diarreha and severe genital itching problems. Ask her what she does for those same problems.
(3) Read aloud from the Player's Handbook in a monotone voice until she strangles herself with her own phone cord.
(4) Play tapes of one of those really hyper preachers giving a sermon. At completely inappropriate times leap from your chair, kneel on one knee, hold your hands skyward and scream, "Aaaammmeeennn! Do you believe sister?!?!?!"
(5) Every 15 minutes stand up and announce that "All is well!" while smiling at her.
Since your management team is a joke and doesn't do anything, fight fire with fire:
(1) Go get an old country western compilation CD and play it at equal volume. I'm talking the old-timey, twangy crap that only those without ears can stand.
(2) Get on the phone and talk loudly about your explosive diarreha and severe genital itching problems. Ask her what she does for those same problems.
(3) Read aloud from the Player's Handbook in a monotone voice until she strangles herself with her own phone cord.
(4) Play tapes of one of those really hyper preachers giving a sermon. At completely inappropriate times leap from your chair, kneel on one knee, hold your hands skyward and scream, "Aaaammmeeennn! Do you believe sister?!?!?!"
(5) Every 15 minutes stand up and announce that "All is well!" while smiling at her.
Nightstorm
First Post
I am a Union Steward and this is what I tell people at work to do. I CAN NOT stress how important doing these steps can be.
There are a few things I need to know about the situation first.
1. Are you white and she black? I kinda gather this from what you have said. If so,
2. Watch what YOU do and say. Make certain you dot your i's and cross your t's as you should. Be careful what you say around others. You never know who might take her side on the matter.
3. Watch what SHE does.
4. Keep a log of EVERYTHING that transpires no matter how small.
5. Suffice it to say dont let anyone know you keep said log.
6. EVERY time she does something worth while reporting [being loud does not count. Calling long distance DOES] report it to supervisers and later write down what if anything is done about it.
When you think you have enough, go to your union steward [if you have one] or go OVER the boss that does nothing about the situation.
There are a few things I need to know about the situation first.
1. Are you white and she black? I kinda gather this from what you have said. If so,
2. Watch what YOU do and say. Make certain you dot your i's and cross your t's as you should. Be careful what you say around others. You never know who might take her side on the matter.
3. Watch what SHE does.
4. Keep a log of EVERYTHING that transpires no matter how small.
5. Suffice it to say dont let anyone know you keep said log.
6. EVERY time she does something worth while reporting [being loud does not count. Calling long distance DOES] report it to supervisers and later write down what if anything is done about it.
When you think you have enough, go to your union steward [if you have one] or go OVER the boss that does nothing about the situation.
