Pathfinder 1E Paizo must die!!!

[Wik]

Gah. It was my goal to catch up on my reading today, so I grabbed a copy of Howl of the Carrion King, leaned back, and was prepared to be swept away. But then, when I tried to open the book, it slipped from my hands and a page sliced across my finger.

The book hit the ground, and I looked at the fresh slice across my digit. It slowly began to ooze blood.

Obviously, Paizo is to blame for this. They have taken everything that is holy about gaming, and turned it into... into... bloodthirsty carnage!

All I'm saying is, I've never been physically injured from reading a FOURTH EDITION book, now have I? ??

 

[Alt F4]

Unfortunately, it's too late for you.

Paizo has your blood now, which means you've just become part of the Background text for someone else's adventure. Best not to fight it. All you can do now is ride out the painful ensnaring of your soul / transformation into the BBEG, and hope that when the inevitable adventurers come to end your evil, that your end is not painful. Which it shouldn't be because 3.5/Pathfinder are hit point based systems.

 

[jaerdaph]

IBTB!*

This thread can only end in infection.



*In before teh Band-Aid!

 

[Theo R Cwithin]

Look on the bright side: there will likely be a fresh clone of you waiting down at Paizo HQ upon your untimely demise.

It's a public service, not a nefarious act.

 

[Wik]

WOUND UPDATE, HOUR ONE:

It has begun to fester, turning a deep purple. It speaks to me in some elder tongue, whispering dark tales into the hidden recesses of my mind. I feel the urge to wander to those cyclopean ruins in the hills....

(why can't it just be one round's worth of saving throws!?)

 

[M.L. Martin]

You expected something else from a company that built its fortune on delving into the secrets of Chaotic Evil and glorifying its ways?

"It is perilous to study too deeply the arts of the Enemy, for good or for ill."

 

[Wycen]

From the sounds of it, your life is in peril, not Paizo. Can I have your stuff?

 

[Wik]

From the sounds of it, your life is in peril, not Paizo. Can I have your stuff?

Sure! You can have my soiled bandage, this apple core on my desk, a chewed-on pen... goblin's pockets got NOTHING on me!

 

[Wik]

WOUND UPDATE:

The wound seems to have festered even more. I was looking at it a few minutes ago, and it said to me "whaaaazup?"

It then told me it's name is "Steve", and that it's a fan of Nachos and The Eagles.

Paizo has a lot to answer for, I can tell you that.

I mean, last year, when the 4e core books were first released, I bought all three... and then dropped the set on my foot, causing an awful welt. It hurt, but it was nothing like this paper cut.

For starters, it's name was Helen, and it was a fan of Cheese and liked listening to The Beatles (but only the later stuff, apparently).

 

[TarionzCousin]

There is nothing left for you to do but cut off the offending finger. Then stick it in a box of cheesy nachos and bury it in the backyard along with all the used Eagles CD's you can find at the mall.

Act soon, or your very soul will be in peril.

... mmm... nachos....