Parental advice needed

[Desdichado]

Sounds reasonable to me. My wife and I are pretty bit advocates of the "Love and Logic" method of parenting. Not that we give seminars for them or anything, but when we first heard their spiel, we thought it spelled out pretty well something that we already believed intuitively anyway. We consciously try to follow their methodology, and even mostly did before we were aware of it being an organized methodology.

 

[ragboy]

I'm probably parroting a lot of what has already been said, but my methodology is to let the kid learn for him/herself. And I've been rewarded with four very practical kids. I warn them of danger and let them make the decision whether to hit each other with sticks, touch a hot plate, etc (when it's not going to cause serious bodily harm). That being said, I'm probably over-protective and over-observant of my kids when it comes to the outside world. When we're out at a pool or park or whatever, I'm always watching them, assessing threats and moving to head them off. Too much time in risk management. I personally took a guy down that was intent on harming my first child when he was three. After that, I never let them out of my sight again while in a public place.

As far as media goes, we were really conservative with our first three... no PG-13 movies until we agreed they were ready, no T rated games, etc. etc. That kind of went out the window with our youngest (3) who has seen Attack of the Clones about 157 times. His character assessment question to every new person he meets is : Do you like Star Wars?

Overall, though, I think we've done pretty well. They know what is allowed and what's verboten and what we'll allow in certain situations. Lord of the Rings was a big concession, because my daughter was slightly too young to see it on the big screen, but she absolutely wouldn't stomach that she wasn't allowed. She's a precocious little punk that taught herself to tie her shoes when she was 4 and to read when she was 5.

And as far as D&D goes, they start playing when they're about 8, though I had a stripped-down no violence RPG-type game for when they were younger.

I assume that keeping them protected will get harder as they get older, but I'm betting on the foundation we've tried to build for them while they're young and their own intelligence. I guess that's all you can do.

 

[Michelle Lyons]

I've found that a few hits to the knuckles with a stick is a better teacher --not to mention a relatively harmless one-- than me telling them to cut it out before someone gets hurt. My philosophy is essentially to let 'em get hurt, as long as it's not serious. They'll either learn to deal with it, which is a good thing, or they'll learn to avoid it, which is too. And either way, they'll learn it a heckuva lot better than if it's just me telling them.

Well, true, but they do plenty of that anyway. My goal here is to avoid the moment of blinding rage where one brother ends up breaking his stick over the head of the other brother, resulting in stitches and a hospital visit. Again, I don't really try to keep them from playing. I mostly just try to teach them ways to play where they won't hurt themselves or each other, and to do a little pre-emptive damage control until they internalize the message.


And, of course, boffer swords are cool.

 

[Treebore]

You can only be the best parent you can be. You don't hide the ugliness of the world, you show him what it is and tell him how you deal with it. You show him the beauty of the world and tell him how you cultivate it. You do this when your understanding of your child tells you he has the ability to understand. Just do your best, and pray that it is enough. All parents make mistakes. The best parents do their best to minimize the number of them (mistakes) and make up for the ones they can.

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

I've got four children of my own, and raised more than a few, including my younger siblings when my father died and my mother went mad.

All in all, it's pretty good advice. Don't stress on what your son is doing, he's reclaiming the excitement he felt watching it, it's good excersize and imagination is vital to a healthy child.

HOWEVER...

Do NOT hide or conceal the swords. He already knows they exist, and by hiding them, they become "forbidden fruit" and "something neat that Daddy is hiding from me" and THAT can cause trouble.

Instead, do something simple...

Take one of them, cut a watermelon in half, and let your son know that they are dangerous for people to play with, that it can do that to someone by accident just as easily. Put them somewhere "on display", preferably a weapons case that locks, so he can look at them and imagine, but not get at them easily.

While my weapons locker is on the back porch, it is locked and secure, and I've never had problems with my children trying to get into it. (Of course, they're also trigger locked with the bolt removed, ammunition removed, and locked down, but that's different)

Allow him to act out his fantasies, and if he wants a sword of his own bad enough, buy him a plastic one and allow him only to hit a specified object.

But if you hide them, trouble will follow...

 

[devilish]

Very good advice all around --- last few bear repeating.
Let kids learn the consequences : make the consequences/punishment
fit the crime. And protect them arduously from things they cannot control.

Took a Fatherhood Seminar that was offered in my neighborhood.
The speaker told his story : One day while bored in school,
he started chipping away at the wall with his pencil, until he
broke through. His punishment: Stay after school and write a few
pages out of the dictionary. What did he learn(as a kid)? Nothing.
What should it have been? Come after school/weekend and help
patch the hole in the wall.

Not saying that you should let him find the sword and cut his fingers: but
the watermelon cutting was a good suggestion.

-D