Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Part 6: The Circle of Life
“And what a body,” murmured Nolin.
“Shut up, Nolin,” said Shara under her breath.
A tall woman with long black hair and a cruel, beautiful face stood before them. She gesticulated as she spoke, her long red fingernails clacking when she moved her hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing in this body. This isn’t how reincarnation generally works. I’d rather be with my Goddess. But one moment I was staring at fire, and the next I was waking up in a lean-to surrounded by kobolds.” She made a face and spat with disdain. “Kobolds!”
“Did you kill them?” asked Velendo.
“No,” said Raevynn. “I was too confused. I just got up and left. They didn’t wake up.” She wrinkled her nose. “I stink like whale vomit and flowers. There’s too much flesh on this body, in inconvenient places. I’m the wrong damn race, human instead of half-elf. And look at this clothing. Do you call this practical?” She turned, and the skimpy dress revealed more skin than fabric. Nolin swallowed.
“No?” he hazarded.
“Exactly!” snapped Raevynn. “No armor at all. I even found a bag of spell components in her -- my pouch. And how I’m supposed to do anything with these fingernails is beyond me. They’re actually sharpened. And unless I miss my guess, I think they’re poisoned as well.”
“Really?” asked TomTom, his eyebrows rising. He stepped closer and examined them carefully while Raevynn impatiently held out her hands. Finally he stepped back, his face blank. “Yup, poisoned, and a nasty one too.”
“Charming,” said Raevynn, drawing the word out. “So I’m in the body of some kobold-loving pampered woman who’s also a nasty piece of work.”
Nolin squinted at her. “When you say kobold-loving. . .”
Raevynn just met his gaze and held it until Nolin winced. “I have no idea.”
“Still," said Nolin, "ick.”
“I’m going to go bathe,” Raevynn announced, “and pray. But considering how I feel right now, mostly to bathe. I have no idea where this body has been.”
Nolin snickered quietly. “I could hazard a guess,” he said, but Raevynn was already out the door.
Shara glared. "Living dangerously," she commented.
“All right,” announced Velendo once Raevynn had definitely gone. “As far as we can tell, Raevynn got reincarnated into someone else’s body. We think she’s a sorceress, we don’t know her old name, and a bunch of kobolds were traveling with her. The kobolds are still out there. I miss anything?”
“She was probably evil,” said Kiri. “I know it’s not certain, but the poison fingernails are tacky enough to suggest it.”
“And the clothing and hair and cosmetics and perfume,” said Shara. “It appears that evil has no fashion sense whatsoever.”
“Hey, I’m not evil!” said Tao.
“I know, dear,” said Kiri, “but your lack of fashion sense is the spiky-armor-and-multiple-longswords kind. Her lack of fashion sense seems to have been the cheap nasty slutty hang-around-on-bone-thrones-in-dungeons-and-cackle-madly kind.”
“Oh. That’s okay, then.”
Velendo scowled. “Focus, people. We don’t know why Galanna chose to do this, but who can fathom the ways of Gods?” He shot a suspicious look up towards the heavens. “Not me, that’s for sure.” His voice was particularly loud, as if wanting to make sure that anyone listening in could hear him. “But what do we do about it, if anything?”
“Go after the kobolds,” said Valdek. “They’ll know who she was.”
“Seems reasonable to me,” said Tao. “I’ll be able to find their track.”
“Tomorrow?” asked Velendo.
“Tomorrow,” said TomTom, and they headed to bed.
-- o --
“Mistress!” The stocky kobold abased himself at Raevynn’s feet. The other three groveled even more enthusiastically, as if competing to see who could be the most servile.
Raevynn shot a questioning look over her shoulder at the rest of the Defenders standing far behind her. Nolin gave a sharp nod and wagged his hands at her. She shrugged and looked back at the kobolds.
“Stop that!” Raevynn said.
“Of course, wise mistress!” The kobold immediately started licking Raevynn’s toes instead. She kicked him in the face out of pure reflex. He rolled backwards and looked up pathetically. “Pakkik is sorry he offended, wise mistress. Tell Pakkik how he can make you happy. Does his blood please you?”
“Yes,” said Raevynn darkly.
“Oh. That’s. . . oh.” Pakkik’s looked appalled but valiantly tried to hide it. The other three kobolds writhed in the dust with even more enthusiasm, perhaps hoping that Raevynn wouldn’t notice them just so long as they didn’t stop worshipping her.
Raevynn’s voice was like a whip. “Pakkik, who am I?”
“You are the mistress, Mistress! You are the keeper of dark secrets! You are the delver of the forbidden monstrosities! You are she who loves the darkness and takes the darkness as lover, she who taints the pure, she who --“
Raevynn raised an eyebrow and pointed one red fingernail down at her impractically pointy shoe. Pakkik immediately stopped babbling. He had been well trained.
“My name, Pakkik.”
“Pakkik is not permitted to call mistress by her given name, Mistress.” He sounded pitiful. “Mistress told Pakkik that she would strangle him with his own intestines if he did.”
Raevynn rolled her eyes. “Now Mistress will strangle Pakkik with his own intestines if he does not say her real name.”
“Oh.”
“Pakkik, don’t make me ask again.” Her poisoned fingernails began to click against one another.
“Siphrenia! Mistress’s real name is Sirphrenia Venomheart! And a good name it is,” he assured her cringingly, “one that many people fear. Especially all the people Mistress has killed.”
“Is that many, Pakkik?”
The kobold perked up. “Many many, mistress! And Pakkik has helped. Mistress makes her lovers sleep after the bouncing and breeding, and then Pakkik and his brothers sneak out from underneath the bed with their flesh-razors, and mistress watches as we…”
Raevynn’s scimitar flashed, and Pakkik’s head bounced across the clearing. His last expression was definitely not one of surprise.
Raevynn straightened up, and her voice was like icy rain. “Minions, we’re going to have a contest to see who can answer the most questions. When we’re done, the winner gets to flee from this clearing, untouched by sword and spell.”
The remaining kobolds almost fell over themselves to give her information.
And true to her word, the last kobold had almost a minute’s head start before Raevynn shifted into a dire wolf and went after it.
-- o --
“Worshipper of Orthyss,” snarled Raevynn. “Lackey to those damn forest gnomes! I wish Galanna had found me a better body.” Her fingernails clicked as she flicked one against the other.
“I think you’re being ungrateful,” said Velendo. “Think about it. They killed you and destroyed your body. Galanna found you a perfectly good one, and removed an enemy of the faith at the same time.”
“I suppose so,” said Raevynn. “But I’d like the opportunity to thank the Orthites in person. We know where this Temple of Abominations is located?”
“Roughly,” said TomTom. “We know where the forest is, at least. I’m not expecting a warm welcome. We found some nasty things in those gnome tunnels, such as manacles that can merge two normal creatures into one monstrosity. I expect more of the same.”
“This is what Galanna created me for,” said Tao. She stood up and effortlessly spun a sword in one hand. “Rofan’s funeral is tonight, and tomorrow we leave. We should probably burn Raevynn’s old body as well. That okay with you, Raevynn?”
“My body?” Her tone was startled. “I… I think I want to see it. You don’t often get the chance to see yourself dead. I want to remember what they did before we have them pay for all their sins.”
-- o --
The chamber was dark and misty. The forest gnome knelt on the damp stone and pressed his forehead into the ground. Pickett’s assistant didn’t dare look up.
“So these creatures are coming. Galanna worshippers. To challenge me. How droll.”
The voice sounded amused, but it still sent terror flitting up and down the gnome's spine. He felt his tiny bladder let loose involuntarily.
“We’ll be ready for them.”
“And what a body,” murmured Nolin.
“Shut up, Nolin,” said Shara under her breath.
A tall woman with long black hair and a cruel, beautiful face stood before them. She gesticulated as she spoke, her long red fingernails clacking when she moved her hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing in this body. This isn’t how reincarnation generally works. I’d rather be with my Goddess. But one moment I was staring at fire, and the next I was waking up in a lean-to surrounded by kobolds.” She made a face and spat with disdain. “Kobolds!”
“Did you kill them?” asked Velendo.
“No,” said Raevynn. “I was too confused. I just got up and left. They didn’t wake up.” She wrinkled her nose. “I stink like whale vomit and flowers. There’s too much flesh on this body, in inconvenient places. I’m the wrong damn race, human instead of half-elf. And look at this clothing. Do you call this practical?” She turned, and the skimpy dress revealed more skin than fabric. Nolin swallowed.
“No?” he hazarded.
“Exactly!” snapped Raevynn. “No armor at all. I even found a bag of spell components in her -- my pouch. And how I’m supposed to do anything with these fingernails is beyond me. They’re actually sharpened. And unless I miss my guess, I think they’re poisoned as well.”
“Really?” asked TomTom, his eyebrows rising. He stepped closer and examined them carefully while Raevynn impatiently held out her hands. Finally he stepped back, his face blank. “Yup, poisoned, and a nasty one too.”
“Charming,” said Raevynn, drawing the word out. “So I’m in the body of some kobold-loving pampered woman who’s also a nasty piece of work.”
Nolin squinted at her. “When you say kobold-loving. . .”
Raevynn just met his gaze and held it until Nolin winced. “I have no idea.”
“Still," said Nolin, "ick.”
“I’m going to go bathe,” Raevynn announced, “and pray. But considering how I feel right now, mostly to bathe. I have no idea where this body has been.”
Nolin snickered quietly. “I could hazard a guess,” he said, but Raevynn was already out the door.
Shara glared. "Living dangerously," she commented.
“All right,” announced Velendo once Raevynn had definitely gone. “As far as we can tell, Raevynn got reincarnated into someone else’s body. We think she’s a sorceress, we don’t know her old name, and a bunch of kobolds were traveling with her. The kobolds are still out there. I miss anything?”
“She was probably evil,” said Kiri. “I know it’s not certain, but the poison fingernails are tacky enough to suggest it.”
“And the clothing and hair and cosmetics and perfume,” said Shara. “It appears that evil has no fashion sense whatsoever.”
“Hey, I’m not evil!” said Tao.
“I know, dear,” said Kiri, “but your lack of fashion sense is the spiky-armor-and-multiple-longswords kind. Her lack of fashion sense seems to have been the cheap nasty slutty hang-around-on-bone-thrones-in-dungeons-and-cackle-madly kind.”
“Oh. That’s okay, then.”
Velendo scowled. “Focus, people. We don’t know why Galanna chose to do this, but who can fathom the ways of Gods?” He shot a suspicious look up towards the heavens. “Not me, that’s for sure.” His voice was particularly loud, as if wanting to make sure that anyone listening in could hear him. “But what do we do about it, if anything?”
“Go after the kobolds,” said Valdek. “They’ll know who she was.”
“Seems reasonable to me,” said Tao. “I’ll be able to find their track.”
“Tomorrow?” asked Velendo.
“Tomorrow,” said TomTom, and they headed to bed.
-- o --
“Mistress!” The stocky kobold abased himself at Raevynn’s feet. The other three groveled even more enthusiastically, as if competing to see who could be the most servile.
Raevynn shot a questioning look over her shoulder at the rest of the Defenders standing far behind her. Nolin gave a sharp nod and wagged his hands at her. She shrugged and looked back at the kobolds.
“Stop that!” Raevynn said.
“Of course, wise mistress!” The kobold immediately started licking Raevynn’s toes instead. She kicked him in the face out of pure reflex. He rolled backwards and looked up pathetically. “Pakkik is sorry he offended, wise mistress. Tell Pakkik how he can make you happy. Does his blood please you?”
“Yes,” said Raevynn darkly.
“Oh. That’s. . . oh.” Pakkik’s looked appalled but valiantly tried to hide it. The other three kobolds writhed in the dust with even more enthusiasm, perhaps hoping that Raevynn wouldn’t notice them just so long as they didn’t stop worshipping her.
Raevynn’s voice was like a whip. “Pakkik, who am I?”
“You are the mistress, Mistress! You are the keeper of dark secrets! You are the delver of the forbidden monstrosities! You are she who loves the darkness and takes the darkness as lover, she who taints the pure, she who --“
Raevynn raised an eyebrow and pointed one red fingernail down at her impractically pointy shoe. Pakkik immediately stopped babbling. He had been well trained.
“My name, Pakkik.”
“Pakkik is not permitted to call mistress by her given name, Mistress.” He sounded pitiful. “Mistress told Pakkik that she would strangle him with his own intestines if he did.”
Raevynn rolled her eyes. “Now Mistress will strangle Pakkik with his own intestines if he does not say her real name.”
“Oh.”
“Pakkik, don’t make me ask again.” Her poisoned fingernails began to click against one another.
“Siphrenia! Mistress’s real name is Sirphrenia Venomheart! And a good name it is,” he assured her cringingly, “one that many people fear. Especially all the people Mistress has killed.”
“Is that many, Pakkik?”
The kobold perked up. “Many many, mistress! And Pakkik has helped. Mistress makes her lovers sleep after the bouncing and breeding, and then Pakkik and his brothers sneak out from underneath the bed with their flesh-razors, and mistress watches as we…”
Raevynn’s scimitar flashed, and Pakkik’s head bounced across the clearing. His last expression was definitely not one of surprise.
Raevynn straightened up, and her voice was like icy rain. “Minions, we’re going to have a contest to see who can answer the most questions. When we’re done, the winner gets to flee from this clearing, untouched by sword and spell.”
The remaining kobolds almost fell over themselves to give her information.
And true to her word, the last kobold had almost a minute’s head start before Raevynn shifted into a dire wolf and went after it.
-- o --
“Worshipper of Orthyss,” snarled Raevynn. “Lackey to those damn forest gnomes! I wish Galanna had found me a better body.” Her fingernails clicked as she flicked one against the other.
“I think you’re being ungrateful,” said Velendo. “Think about it. They killed you and destroyed your body. Galanna found you a perfectly good one, and removed an enemy of the faith at the same time.”
“I suppose so,” said Raevynn. “But I’d like the opportunity to thank the Orthites in person. We know where this Temple of Abominations is located?”
“Roughly,” said TomTom. “We know where the forest is, at least. I’m not expecting a warm welcome. We found some nasty things in those gnome tunnels, such as manacles that can merge two normal creatures into one monstrosity. I expect more of the same.”
“This is what Galanna created me for,” said Tao. She stood up and effortlessly spun a sword in one hand. “Rofan’s funeral is tonight, and tomorrow we leave. We should probably burn Raevynn’s old body as well. That okay with you, Raevynn?”
“My body?” Her tone was startled. “I… I think I want to see it. You don’t often get the chance to see yourself dead. I want to remember what they did before we have them pay for all their sins.”
-- o --
The chamber was dark and misty. The forest gnome knelt on the damp stone and pressed his forehead into the ground. Pickett’s assistant didn’t dare look up.
“So these creatures are coming. Galanna worshippers. To challenge me. How droll.”
The voice sounded amused, but it still sent terror flitting up and down the gnome's spine. He felt his tiny bladder let loose involuntarily.
“We’ll be ready for them.”
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