Player Telling Other Player How To Play Their Character

[Unwise]

I guess I am in the vast minority here. Is it wrong for somebody to tell the OP that they don't like the way they RP? I don't think so. It's socially awkward, but not 'wrong' in an immoral, or even social-contract, sense. It is natural to feel that somebody is being overbearing if they do that, that they are trying to force you to play a certain way etc, but that is just how humans work, we assign motivations based on how things make us feel. It could just be that the complaining guy feels everybody would have more fun if you acted more 'in character'. It is more likely than not that fun is the motivating factor here.

I have told all of my players that I don't like they way they RP their characters.

If almost forced to, they will write down some quirks, goals, or flaws for their character, invariably these are forgotten though and they turn into the same carbon copy or the 'character' they play every time. We have had PCs make friends with the guy that slaughtered their family, not as the result of any RP, just because it seemed practical and they kind of forgot the reason they were hunting him down. Even when reminded, they said "yeah, whatever, he can teach me the sword technique I want to learn".

A few games ago, a PC offered sexual favours to a bunch of guards, I think as a distraction though it was not clear to anyone wth he did it. I thought at the time that was a bit weird, even for him, especially weird actually as I always thought he was homophobic and his character was a male. Anyway, he had completely forgotten the gender of his hetro character, he was a little put out when he realised that his big burly Rasheemi barbarian had just semi-publicly serviced a handful of the kings guard, for little discernible reason.

We have paladins of Law and Order breaking into places to steal stuff, just to get rich. Clerics who regularly have to be reminded who their goddess is. Bards who tell the king to do something obscene, then wonder why their roll or 22 on diplomacy does not work.

So yeah, I don't feel bad in the least telling people I don't like they way they RP their characters. It is a fact. I simply don't enjoy the game much when they play like that. I don't enjoy entirely gonzo murderhobo games, and I don't feel like I need to pretend to do so. I am in the process of winding up the group I have played with for 20 years, because I don't want to DM for them anymore due to the way they RP and nobody wants to DM.

I don't see how this is different if I were a player. The main difference would be that I could put up with it a lot easier and if the whole group was like that, I could just not play. I'm obsessively polite, but I don't think I would be doing anything wrong telling people I don't like they way they play. I likely would not do so and just leave, but that is because I am a chicken regarding social confrontations, not due to some moral superiority.

The same as any other instance in life where you want to tell somebody something they don't want to hear, having social skills is useful but they will likely be hurt regardless. Weigh up if it is worth it.

 

[MostlyDm]

I guess I am in the vast minority here. Is it wrong for somebody to tell the OP that they don't like the way they RP? I don't think so. It's socially awkward, but not 'wrong' in an immoral, or even social-contract, sense. It is natural to feel that somebody is being overbearing if they do that, that they are trying to force you to play a certain way etc, but that is just how humans work, we assign motivations based on how things make us feel. It could just be that the complaining guy feels everybody would have more fun if you acted more 'in character'. It is more likely than not that fun is the motivating factor here.

I have told all of my players that I don't like they way they RP their characters.

If almost forced to, they will write down some quirks, goals, or flaws for their character, invariably these are forgotten though and they turn into the same carbon copy or the 'character' they play every time. We have had PCs make friends with the guy that slaughtered their family, not as the result of any RP, just because it seemed practical and they kind of forgot the reason they were hunting him down. Even when reminded, they said "yeah, whatever, he can teach me the sword technique I want to learn".

A few games ago, a PC offered sexual favours to a bunch of guards, I think as a distraction though it was not clear to anyone wth he did it. I thought at the time that was a bit weird, even for him, especially weird actually as I always thought he was homophobic and his character was a male. Anyway, he had completely forgotten the gender of his hetro character, he was a little put out when he realised that his big burly Rasheemi barbarian had just semi-publicly serviced a handful of the kings guard, for little discernible reason.

We have paladins of Law and Order breaking into places to steal stuff, just to get rich. Clerics who regularly have to be reminded who their goddess is. Bards who tell the king to do something obscene, then wonder why their roll or 22 on diplomacy does not work.

So yeah, I don't feel bad in the least telling people I don't like they way they RP their characters. It is a fact. I simply don't enjoy the game much when they play like that. I don't enjoy entirely gonzo murderhobo games, and I don't feel like I need to pretend to do so. I am in the process of winding up the group I have played with for 20 years, because I don't want to DM for them anymore due to the way they RP and nobody wants to DM.

I don't see how this is different if I were a player. The main difference would be that I could put up with it a lot easier and if the whole group was like that, I could just not play. I'm obsessively polite, but I don't think I would be doing anything wrong telling people I don't like they way they play. I likely would not do so and just leave, but that is because I am a chicken regarding social confrontations, not due to some moral superiority.

The same as any other instance in life where you want to tell somebody something they don't want to hear, having social skills is useful but they will likely be hurt regardless. Weigh up if it is worth it.

I mentioned that a tonal mismatch could be a reason for an offline conversation in order to identify common ground.

Sometimes the result of that conversation is "actually there isn't much common ground here; we shouldn't game together."

That's okay.

From your post I think a conversation like that is long, long overdue.

I have bailed out of games or stopped playing with individuals for maybe 5% of the tonal mismatch you describe here.

 

[MostlyDm]

Ultimately I think that telling someone how to play is actually the less confrontational, more passive aggressive, weaselly way to broach this kind of subject.

Because it gives you plausible deniability. "It's not that I utterly hate how you play and wish you weren't here... It's just that you're playing your character wrong! He wouldn't do that!"

Bull. Confrontation is okay. Discuss the matter out of game like reasonable people, and remove them or yourself if a solution can't be reached.

 

[Sunseeker]

Well, this thread went places. Seems like the OP was a poor fit for the group, who were looking for a little bit more lively RP. I understand the sort of strange countraryness of D&D being a social game, often populated with socially-awkward people and it can take time to "get into a groove" for good RP with a new group. I think the OP seriously went overboard with their reaction to all this, so it probably worked out as it should have, or would have down the road.

Also: giving us half the information and using us to throw in other people's faces: totally not cool.

If your style of gaming isn't compatible with the group you're playing with, there's nothing wrong with that. It just means people should be honest and amiable about it instead of fighting. D&D groups, like any relationship between people, requires clear communication of goals and desires. If the game doesn't offer what you want, or a player isn't participating in a manner befitting the group, it's best to just go separate ways.

 

[Tony Vargas]

D&D, with alignment rules, RP restrictions on classes, and racial reaction adjustments, among other things, has always invited players to critique eachothers' RP and IC decisions & actions. "A paladin would never do that!" "An elf would never do that!" &c.

IC, you could have intra-party disputes that come to blows or spells.

Interaction skills further encourage that sort of thing.


It's up to the group to find a 'social contract' they can all live with.

 

[jgsugden]

Every group is different, so the right answer to a situation like this is: Find what works for your group.

If you find that another player's character, role playing or etiquette are bothering you, I'd suggest these steps be taken.

1.) Elementary School Tactics: Use "I" statements. I think, I feel, I believe, and I want... without reference to the player or the character. For example, "Hey Tim, I think there has been some frustration at the table. I feel like we're not really roleplaying and that disappoints me. I think that we're just playing the game like a strategy game and not role playing as characters. I want to seem us get the full benefit of the role playing game by really delving into the personalities of our PCs."

That is the elementary school version. A more adult version would be something like, "Hey, Tim. I'm feeling like we're not getting the most out of D&D these days. I love the role playing part of the game. I really get into playing up the personality of my characters and enjoying how they interact with other PCs. Any ideas on how we can get more of that into our group sessions?"

2.) Model: There are more and more examples of good role playing on the internet these days. WotC and Geek & Sundry both have RPG sessions available to watch. Find a way to get your group to watch some of these sessions to give them inspiration.

3.) Don't Judge/Be Positive: A lot of people get timid when it comes to role playing because they fear being judged. A single jest - even a good natured one - can make it really hard to break out of a shell and put oneself out there. Telling players how to do things, friendly jests at their expense, etc. are all counterproductive. Instead, give unconditional positive reinforcement to the things you like seeing. You don't even need to say anything - just nod and smile when they are doing the things you like. It goes a long way...

4.) Conspire: Talk to the DM and arrange to give the PC in question a spotlight moment. You want it to be something where their PC shines by doing exactly what you want to see happen - and then positively reinforce when they step up and do it. People love being stars in the story.

 

[Ancalagon]

I think it boils down to the rights of the individual vs collective isn't it? A person can role-play however he or she wants, but that roleplaying affect the enjoyment of the game of others too...

6-8 years ago, I was in this HERO game where this guy had made a professional gambler/martial artist type of character. A daring risk-taker. He was so good at gambling that he could make a small fortune by spending a night in a casino (made the party's money problems non-existent). So eventually we have to get this very important macguffin from this ultra powerful being who essentially offers us to gamble for it. Is we win, we get the macguffin. If we lose, the person who gambled must stay behind and become a servant of the ultra powerful being.

This is this character's moment! The biggest gamble ever! Glory awaits!

aaaaand... the guy chokes. Won't do it. Even though the stakes are super high (we are kind of trying to stop the earth from being taken over by aliens and we really need the macguffin) he refuses to gamble. All the other players are aghast.

So my character, a sort of wizard with *no* gambling skills whatsoever steps forward. He can't gamble, but he knows the stakes and is willing to risk anything to save earth (and he's been forecasting dooom, doOOOOOOM!! for months now). So he rolls and well, fails.... So the party didn't get the macguffin *and* I had to make a new character.

The challenge had been created by the GM to give the gambler a chance to shine, he had over 90% chance of success (my sort of wizard had 50/50). But instead he choked.

So did the guy had the right to roleplay as he wished? Sure. Did his decision kinda screw over everyone else? Yup.

 

[Shasarak]

The challenge had been created by the GM to give the gambler a chance to shine, he had over 90% chance of success (my sort of wizard had 50/50). But instead he choked.

I can not blame the guy. I have seen too many times where you can only fail on a 1 come up as a 1 to risk my character on that kind of gamble.

 

[Uchawi]

As a DM I would do nothing, even if I did not like the behavior myself, as long as it did not cause a lot of conflict at the table. If for whatever reason the players in question could not figure out a reasonable compromise, then I would discuss it with them to help. It is hard for certain players to remove their real life personalities from the table.

 

[Reflected_Shadows]

This right here should be in the PHB and DMG both. Within the first 5 pages.