Cribbed and altered from a looong time ago....
Scene: Sunny Pines Assisted living center
Time: 50 years hence
Eric: All right, you old pirate, roll to hit the beholder!
Piratecat (with oxygen mask on): An 18! Hot crap on a stick! *wheeze*
Eric: You lucky geezer!
Darkness: He's pretty hot with those dice tonight, isn't he? Look at the wild spin he gives 'em before they land! Old boy must be cheating or something!
Henry: Oh, he's just been doing that ever since the palsy set in.
Piratecat: All right, that's a hit with my my fal- my fal- whatever you call the thing, my Big curved sword! For (rolls) 11 points of damage! All right! *wheeeeeze*
Eric: All right, you wounded him pretty badly - let's see - confound it, I can't read the hit-point totals - left muh bi-focals on the canasta table...
Henry: That's 43 damage total, Eric.
Darkness: Right. It is - (checks init) my action, and I want to - use a domain spell!
Eric: you Forgetful Nelly, they REMOVED Domain spells in 36th edition!
Darkness: *sadly* Oh. Yeah.
Eric: Henry?
Henry: I'm gonna call it a night, Eric. My back is acting up again, and I've actually got a date with that hottie who only has the mild bursitis! If our hips hold out, We're going to go cruising the game stores and feeding the pigeons!
Eric: Oh, fine then. Piratecat, old man, it's your turn again.
Piratecat: I rear up, *wheeze* I raise my Falchion, *wheeeeze*and I say... *wheeeeeeze*
*thunk!!*
Henry: Kev, you all right?
Darkness: (checks for breathing) Aaaand he's dead. That last dice roll must have done him in.
Eric: Oh, well.... Oh, Crap! Where am I going to find a new player now to take over his character?
Darkness: I hear Dinkeldog is available - as long as he changes his oxygen tank every couple of hours, he's still a spunky puppy!
Eric: Great! I'll call him tomorrow! Now we got to call an orderly about Piratecat. One thing - could somebody help me pry the dice from his fingers? Those are some perfectly good dice...