So S ran another installment of our regular game today starring:
Me, Dwarf Paladin
R, Elf Wizard
D, Half-Elf Warlock
J, Dragonborn Warlord
K, Dragonborn Cleric
We did a lot of stuff, talked to people, killed some undead, etc. But the reason I'm posting is for one crazy encounter that just happened. We were trying to sail across a lake to check out some dwarven ruins and we got attacked by a bunch of human pirates (plus a halfling and a dwarf). The captain had an eyepatch and talked, well, like a pirate. The captain of our ship, Captain Dirk, announced "There are...pirates! On the horizon! They...ran up the...Jolly Roger!" (Oddly enough, S came up with this name and then wondered why we all started laughing. Once he fgured out why, he made this character constantly Shatner it up.) This gave us enough notice to for K and R to throw Water Walk on everybody. My dwarf, who had hoped to spend the voyage belowdecks with a bottle of wine, as he had never seen so much water in one place, got ready for battle like everyone else. The pirates sailed up alongside and demanded our surrender. They actually had a fairly merciful reputation, but we didn't feel like giving them all our stuff. I yelled across that they really should surrender. When they refused, I took one last swig of wine and jumped overboard, landing on the water between the two ships.
Then it was on. Dirk and his crew concentrated on keeping the ship alongside the pirates so they couldn't use their ballistae. I ran across to the other ship and started chopping a hole in the side with my greataxe. (I don't think S expected this so I don't know what rules he was using.) K jumped down alongside me. D also jumped down to the water and busied herself blasting holes in their sails (we later agreed that this was not the best strategy, but eventually we started throwing pirates own into the water for her to mop up). One pirate took up a crossbow and shot at me. Then he dumped oil at me, but fortunately missed badly (a 1, hah). A dwarf in the crow's nest took crossbow potshots at me and at other players. The captain and the halfling first mate swung over to our ship, only to be blasted right back to their own ship by a well-placed Thunderwave from the wizard. K weakened the enemies with a Beacon of Hope, then helped me chop up the ship and healed me when enemy fire got bad. I got 20ed by arrows three times, once dropping me to 0 before K could heal me back. Most of the weaker pirates (human rabble I think, with cutlasses) fell quickly, until at last the captain and the halfling made it back to our ship. The captain engaged J in a furious duel, while the halfling was blasted overboard by R, drank a Water Walk potion (I think S just pulled that out of his...well, whatever), and exchanged shots with D.
Finally, K managed to blow a hole in the side of the ship (I was only hitting and damaging sporadically so it took both of us) that let me squeeze through to the inside. After quickly looking for anything flammable, I decided instead to run to the center of the ship and start chopping down the mast. (When my plan finally became apparent here, the other players cheered while S looked a bit ill-at-ease.) The dwarf panicked and started climbing down. I had it chopped halfway down when Dirk revealed his secret weapon: the Harpoon Cannon! (I don't know WHAT was up with this. It was an ad-lib, I know that, and apparently a reference to a video game. Anyway, he decided early on that Dirk and crew had some plan brewing and once I started hewing at the mast, he made it this to help me. Totally stole my spotlight.
) They fired a massive harpoon at the mast, rolled a 20, and it snapped along the break I started and sailed clear off the ship.
The pirate who'd been shooting at me from the side of the ship surrendered on the spot. The enemy dwarf fell into the hold. The captain refused to surrender, fighting blindly on, and the halfling was dropped by D's blasting. I nailed the dwarf with my daily power, Paladin's Judgment, and then K knocked him out with his morningstar. D hurt the captain rather badly, just in time for J to finish him off by
jumping down and spiking him with his sword, just like Link in Smash Bros. (We ruled this as a charge. He didn't realize that this would finish off/kill the guy, which we didn't want to do, so he unconvincingly claimed that he turned it pommel-first at the last minute.)
So we dragged the unconscious pirates aboard (we let all of them live) and used some rituals to make their ship salvageable. We agreed to split the salvage and bounties with Dirk and confiscated some nifty magic swag from he pirates. That captain's magic eyepatch went to R, giving her a +1 bonus to all attacks...but cursing her to talk like a pirate for however long she wears it. (An amusing item, but a blanket +1 to hit? S doesn't go to the CharOp boards...)