I think every race should be as different as possible, including with penalties.
I think 4th and even 3rd in a lot of ways went too far to make all the demi-humans into humans in funny clothes.
Even 2 pts of ability score difference is an absolutely piffling nothing compared to all the various bonuses that feats/powers, spells, magic items, and the various etc all wind up adding to a character. So anyone whose too worked up about just frankly needs to learn to role play rather then obsessively roll playing.