Random Thoughts & Observations of Mine

[Buddha the DM]

AAAHHHHH!!! An update!!!

An Outland Comic Strip that I was shown tonight.

 

[Mista Collins]

I think I should go out and buy some M&M's and see what my result is. I am very interested.

 

[Flyspeck23]

I don't think that 3 days to yourself is excessive. You have extended the offer to her to join you and I don't think it's really fair of her to ask you to cut back on something you enjoy.

Not being able to handle the math sounds like an excuse. I have a severe (I can not stress severe enough) learning disability and at age 26 can barely do math at a 2cnd grade level without a lot of help.

She too, had the option of backing away from the relationship over the years and has not. She can't expect you to change for her. I know it's hard and I don't mean to play the devils advocate but you asked for opinions...I think you really need to tell her what YOU want and ask her if she is willing to accept you as you are.

Don't try to change yourself for anyone. Trust me, I know from experience it doesn't work. Like I said before I was with someone who wanted me to give up not just fantasy and gaming but virtually everything I did that he wanted no part of and I did and I was miserable. My boyfriend has been in situations in the past where women have wanted him to give up gaming and whenever he did, he was miserable and went back to gaming afterwards and was happy again. In fact, just about everyone I know has been in relationships with either people they've dated or people they've been friends with that have been like that.

And like I said, I was on the other end once as well. So I know where she's coming from but that was 7 years ago and looking back, he was right and I was the one who was being selfish and immature.

I think you really need to step back and ask, is it worth it? 4 years is a long time and it's hard to think about letting someone go after so long, but I really think you and she need to talk about this because you seem very , very unhappy.

That's so true. I'm reaching year 5 of my relation, and the foundation was always: both involved need room to breath.
(Note: my girlfriend is part of my gaming group, so RPGs aren't a "day off".)

I've seen so many relations where you couldn't encounter one person of the couple without the other. I haven't seen any of these relations last more than four or five years at most - and then only because the fundamentally changed the way their relation worked: one was taking the time off, and the other wasn't (no mutual agreement)...

The part about not changing for anyone is solid too. Either they love you as you are, or they don't.
Changing bad habits... well, that's a grey area



@Buddah the DM:
Your site seems to be down...

 

[tburdett]

After having been married for seven years, I am now going through a divorce. This may, or may not, be useful to you in your situation.

The most valuable thing that I have learned is that the amount of time that you have spent in a poor relationship is really not that important.

Two years, five years, ten years, it really does not matter. Attaching value to time spent in a poor relationship, time which was probably spent feeling stressed, miserable or unhappy, is a fools errand. That time is already gone, and continuing a poor, failing, or even failed relationship solely because you have a considerable amount of time already invested is literally a waste of time.

I would have stayed with my wife and continued to pay the bills for the next twelve years just to have the opportunity to stay with my children and give them the illusion of an unbroken home. This was even after my wife told me that she was seeing other people. I can now see just how irrational and pathetic this kind of thinking was. Now that we are apart I can focus solely on being the best father that I can be. I no longer have to spend the vast majority of my time and energy dealing with her.

I have my daughters every weekend, from the time that I get off work on Friday until I take them to school on Monday, and I have never been happier.

 

[Buddha the DM]

@Buddah the DM:
Your site seems to be down...

It isn't down.. Just really slow. The machine it is on is my personal computer which is still used for things other than hosting my site.

 

[Buddha the DM]

After having been married for seven years, I am now going through a divorce. This may, or may not, be useful to you in your situation.

The most valuable thing that I have learned is that the amount of time that you have spent in a poor relationship is really not that important.

Two years, five years, ten years, it really does not matter. Attaching value to time spent in a poor relationship, time which was probably spent feeling stressed, miserable or unhappy, is a fools errand. That time is already gone, and continuing a poor, failing, or even failed relationship solely because you have a considerable amount of time already invested is literally a waste of time.

I would have stayed with my wife and continued to pay the bills for the next twelve years just to have the opportunity to stay with my children and give them the illusion of an unbroken home. This was even after my wife told me that she was seeing other people. I can now see just how irrational and pathetic this kind of thinking was. Now that we are apart I can focus solely on being the best father that I can be. I no longer have to spend the vast majority of my time and energy dealing with her.

I have my daughters every weekend, from the time that I get off work on Friday until I take them to school on Monday, and I have never been happier.

I will remain where I am for now. I still love my girlfriend, and will continue to do so for as long as I can.