(rant) Retiring from gaming

[Belen]

Find a new group.

I know that it a bit harsh considering that the current group is composed of friends, but sometimes a new change is in order. My old gaming group broke up and the new one I built is better. I get different reactions to stories I tell and the dynamic has seriously shifted.

Also, try to play something different. I fully recommend d20 modern, Midnight, or Blue Rose.

Finally, try cutting back the frequency. I went from gaming once per week to gaming once every other week with adding some one shots into the mix on my own time.

I understand burn out. I have been there, but it does not mean that you need to quit altogether. Heck, it could be good just to take a few months hiatus as well. I did and it worked well.

 

[fusangite]

I would recommend that you quit gaming until you genuinely miss it. At that point, you will be able to identify precisely what you miss and what you don't. When that happens you will be able to join/assemble a group that better meets your needs.

 

[BlackSilver]

You and I seem to respond to the same threads, Harmon and I will miss you if you go, but if you must then go with a blessing and peace in your heart.

So many of the people that responded to your thread have suggested a new group, but I have noticed that your group has been together for fifteen or twenty years, a commendable note and something you might not want to end just on a whim and I think that is very good of you.

While I was having trouble with one of my players I believe you mentioned something similar (or was that someone else? Sorry) about one of yours, is this Player an underlining problem?

After so many years I suppose that your group is only made up of friends, and you appear loyal. If that is the case then maybe you are considering this over the reluctance to harm your friendship.

Perhaps I am misremembering, if I am then I am sorry, consider talking to your friends, letting them know the problems.

We are all made up of energy and some times that energy needs to be released in different ways to allow it to flow properly.

Good luck and if you do decide to leave, please let EN know.

 

[Amaroq]

I am to the point where gaming after twenty-four years is getting to be more work then its worth.

The inner strife within the Players and friends is strained, my campaigns are lacking in something that I can’t put a finger on, our other GM seems to be giving up on trying to keep the characters interested in plot and adventure hooks he had designed for them or around them because so many Players either want nothing to do with added stress or do not find it fun or seem reluctant to enter into some area where they may receive reticule.

In this I hear several things, but primarily a feeling that it has become "work" and not "play". What you personally need to do to return "play" to your life, I can't say.

Some ideas come to mind:

It sounds as though you've hit a point of GM burnout, like your game is missing that spark of inspiration and greatness. One solution to that is to take a break from GM'ing; just be a player.

It sounds as though your group also has missed that spark of inspiration, from your comments about your other players and your other GM. One solution to that is to change the frequency with which you play. Currently playing once a week on Friday nights? Change it to once a month on Saturday afternoons.

Strife within the players? One solution to that is to change the *characters*: "Okay, we're going to be retiring John, James, Janette, and Jillian, and roll up some new characters..."

Another solution is to change some of the player-dynamic: the addition or removal of a single player can make a big change in the game's "tone", and a bigger juggling act could really shake things up profitably: Say you currently have GM1, GM2, PC1, PC2, and PC3. If GM1 and GM2 decide to only play players, and PC1 starts GM'ing, and we disinvite PC3 who seems to be central to several of the instances of strife, and we add PC4... suddenly, we've changed the entire group dynamic quite a bit.

That said, taking a year hiatus may not be a bad thing. Me? I took about ten years away from the game, and when I came back I came in as a player in somebody else's campaign, and discovered I was having much more fun than I had been having as the GM ten years earlier.

 

[rounser]

burn your d02 stuff

Simply burning your d02 stuff may not be enough if your hate of it know no limit.

Perhaps begin with jumping up and down on it with a great roaring sound, for instance.

 

[Harmon]

<more ranting>

To those of you that say- “new group,” I have been with this group for fifteen years (sixteen this March) and I would have a difficult time of trying to get a new group formed and in place. I like the people in this group.

So far the idea has come over like this-

- One Player called me and said that she’d support my choice, she did make me feel that she wanted me to stay and that we’d stay in touch and all that.

- Our other GM declared that if we (the wife and I) “-want to quit gaming, temporarily or permanently, that's up to you. I hope you won't, but it's your choice to make,” which to me is quite supportive and implies a feeling of support in my choice and willingness to allow us to return.

- Another Player (which BlackSilver mentioned) and I have recently had a little falling out, I think more to him then I, considering that I thought I had smoothed things over and he has yet to respond to a single email or answer any of my phone calls sense the “falling out.” Recent events with me imply to me that our friendship might have been a delusion of mine (something I have done in the past).

- The last Player (our newest) mentioned something having a feeling like he’d just gotten on a sinking ship. He seems to have a pretty disposable idea about gaming groups so I guess I understand this reaction on his part, not sure that he understands just how tight this group has been or for how long, but that is okay.

- Spoke to the wife today about it and she seemed disappointed at the idea of quitting, I suggested that she continue but she stated that she gamed more to be with me then to have fun at the table. She has had a few more dramas then I at the table, and I doubt that she would be accepted to stay within the group if not for me and the fact that we game exclusively at our house (its set up for gaming- big table, chairs, battle made covered table, stereo, shelves for books, place for each player/GM, etc. The other homes could be used but not as comfortably).

So I have support in the thought that I could leave and return and that it’s okay. Just not to sure about the lack luster playing, the damaging of the GMing that’s going on, the snips in communication, lack of respect, unconcern for elements that make gaming what it is, not sure what to do about it, leaving is an option but that would more then likely end my habit- I mean hobby and I would rather not do that.

Thanks for reading my rant and responding, it helps to know that someone gives a stitch, sorry about the length of it and the whining it seems I am doing, I guess I just need to vent and EN seems like a place where people with like minds can do such a thing.

Have a pleasent holiday and I hope you get everything you want and gave the right gift.

 

[pogre]

You know Harmon, I have been in your place a few times. The funny thing is I have a tremendous group of fun players. I really like them. Even so, every few months I consider giving up gaming completely.

I struggle with the idea of how much money and time I pour into the hobby. What if I put all of that time into my career? or pursuing yet another degree? Am I doing a disservice to my family? All are questions that run through my mind during these periods.

Even without interplayer conflicts or other issues at the table, I think as we get older these are natural reflections.

I always come back. My latest set of justifications:

1. Every penny I put into gaming I have to make in gaming. I can only spend the money I make from doing commissioned miniatures or ebay sales.

2. No gaming during the heart of football or track seasons. My family gets my full attention during these time-draining seasons when I am away from the field.

3. Spending time on the internet, writing, painting take the place of television. Yes, I spend a fair amount of time painting and writing, but considerably less than the average American watches TV.

4. I play once a week. Not a marathon session, just a couple of hours.

5. Play one game at a time. Put all of my creative energies and what time I have into one campaign.

These justifications work well for me. Will they the next time I hit this crossroads? Who knows?

Taking some time off in the Fall and Spring has helped keep my batteries charged for the game and I have a lot of enthusiasm for it right now.

I wish you luck in deciding these issues - but take your time.

 

[Harmon]

Thanks for the thoughts/ideas I think I have made my choice. I appriciate the time you all put into this, its cool.

Talk to you all later.

 

[slaunt]

I know the feeling on wanting to quit. I have been gaming for almost 20 years now, and it is a very important part of my life. But things changed for me. For the last 15 years, i have suffered from depression, suicide attempts, and some pretty nasty events dealing with women so being depressed and being a gamer went one on one with me. Then this year, everything changed, and i began to re-evaluate my life. I had a girl friend who didnt play mind games and knew what she wanted in a relationship, wich was what i had to offer. I looked at my life, and then my eyes settled on my massive game library(wich is four bookshelves of stuff) and i thought to myself, gaming has held me back in alot of things in my life. But i didnt want to give it up just yet. Now my girlfriend, she was a born again christian. And from past experiences gaming and born agains dont mix. We had, i wouldnt say exactly an argument, but a discussion about Harry Potter and Lord of the rings, and magic being evil, and she had me read this pamphlet that describe such things were inherently evil, and that they corrupted people to follow the devil and witch craft. She could tell i was upset at this. I told her that DnD and gaming was just that a game. Nothing more and nothing less. I also had told her that i wanted to give up the game cause i felt it was holding me back. So in the end, i decided to give it up. I would begin to run what i called my Swan Song campaign. My last and final Campaign, and when that was done, i was done. I told my players, and my friends, and those closest to me what it was that i was going to do, and once the campaign was over, i was going to hang up my dice bag. I had put together a generic campaign setting using Necromancer games modules, and was going to connect them all in one adventure. We had a great time, and for about 3 months the campaign was going good. Then we got a new player, who was dating another player, and things fell apart. We gave him a trial run, but he had the "I am always right, and i have to be the center of attention, and everything must circle around me" syndrome He was playing a sorcerer(another player decided to pull out an idea that i had mentioned where wizards and sorceres hate each other, and use it against him) needless to say after several sessions, we voted him out, and i had to tell my best friend of 20 years, that his S-o either needed to change his attitude otherwise he wasnt going to come back. after that neither showed up, and i got very angry, and that night i boxed up all my books. I was done.

Anyways, sorry this is getting kind of long, but i have a point somewheres.

I told my girlfriend this, and she was supportive, and so were my friends. It was what i wanted, and that was that. I knew my friends werent too happy that i was giving up the game, and i had other gms try and talk me out of it. After some thought, i decided to give it one more run, had my regular players roll up new characters, and we started off a new campaign wich took place five years after the other was supposed to have ended. That went very well, and i went with my idea again of running this campaign to the end. Now my girlfriend, she didnt like the idea, she thought i had given it up. It was then i began to feel the closeness we felt began to fade.
Then a few months ago, i felt that we had grown too far apart, and with her work getting in the way(as well as my job) we didnt have time for each other, so we then more or less ended our relationship. Wich was a shock to everyone, i explained that the closeness wasnt there anymore, and that we didnt have time for each other. Then thought about gaming, what role did gaming have in my life. Do i still want to give it up. Do i still feel it was holding me back, was it worth it. I havent been depressed in months, heck i still havent even after breaking up with my girlfriend, and i thought about my campaign. I decided then, that i love the game still, regardless. I began to retool my campaign setting, instead of having it as a series of modules, and would write my own adventures, and use everything in my "grand library" at my disposal. While writing up game material, and drawing maps, i realized that this is what i love the most about gaming. I love to write out adventures, plots, and drawing maps. I came up with a history of the world, incorparated the Wizard vs. Sorcerers as a back drop, and written up a general history of the world, turned my generic gods, into gods with personalities and goals, and added a few new things, retooled the campaign to have a major threat to the world, that the pcs are going to get drawn into, inolving both sets of characters, and my friend who left came back to my table.

Bascially what i am saying is that, if it something you love, and care about dont give it up. Take time off, look for some new players, try other game systesm(Deadlands, Rifts, AFMBE, Gurps) anything to re-invigorate your love for the game, that is if thats what you want. But if you do feel you need to give it up, then do so.
When i told my players, and some of my fellow GMs that i wasnt going to hang up my dice bag finally, they told me that they were very happy that i wasnt. They told me they appreciate the hard work that i put into my games. I just learned how to re-incorpate gaming into my life and make it work the the changes i made, and will be making in the long run. I just wish that i would have been able to keep my girlfriend in all this, cause we were good for each other, but deep down, i knew that even if did give up gaming, i wouldnt have been happy, and also, that with her relegiousness, and my gaming would have just made things difficult between us, and we would have broken up regardless.
Bleh...

sorry for the long post

Slaunt

 

[Cithindril]

Not sure if you're still following this, Harmon, but I'll echo what someone said above about DM burnout...I've also been in this kind of rut a couple of times. The thing that always snapped me out was to bring some novelty into the experience. Twice I've changed campaign worlds, once I rebooted a relatively high level campaign (12-14) and had everyone start over as 1st lvl newbies (with their concurrence of course), and I've done a couple of stints as a player when time constraints and motivation demanded it and then picked up as DM again when I felt ready.

Bottom line, if you need to change groups or drop the hobby (temporarily or permanently) to be happy, do it. But since you appear to still like gaming but just aren't having the same amount of fun as before, you might try mixing things up and see if that kindles the fire. As others have mentioned, this might include a non-fantasy (or even non-D20) game for a while. I've personally forayed into WoD and Alternity for short periods and found that a change of pace can be refreshing.

Anyway, here's hoping you stick around and get some of the enjoyment you crave back.

PEACE!