A 3. Well below "average". I went to see it having heard how bad it was, hoping that once again critics couldn't see a good movie when it's right in front of them. I mean, this is TERRY GILLIAM we're talking about. But I walked out and said to my friends with a sigh, "Well that was just AWFUL."
It had no... style! Acting was either wooden or over-the-top bad. The story was a mess, the plotting was clunky, the effects couldn't save it (they NEVER EVER do), and the few actually entertaining moments and shadowy reflections of potential are wasted. It's a greater crime than "The Movie That Must Not Be Named (based on a certain trendy RPG)" because this one had so much more going for it and THIS was all we got as a result. A low-rent disaster like the movie that must not be named can, in time, perhaps be forgiven it's transgressions (although doing a sequel can potentially end up only multiplying the previous crimes and earning Klingon-like discommodation). In the aftermath of Lord of the Rings where the world is never going to be the same again, given the shocking amounts of money and SQUANDERED talent this movie is unforgivable.
In truth it comes down to the writing. It always STARTS with the writing. Good writing can save actors from otherwise career-ending performances, render the worlds crappiest effects into endearing quirks. Even career-best acting can be spent uselessly on bad writing. Bad writing cannot be covered up even if Industrial Light and Magic makes daily human sacrifices as they work. This script blew donkeys and there is no excuse for it to have been fed money and talent only to have the feces spread across celluloid and passed as entertainment.
Afterwards I went to Wal-Mart, picked up the DVD of The Dirty Dozen (c 1967), and even though I've seen it a dozen times already on cable I enjoyed it much more than that crap (c 2005) I watched in the theater. I guess I can now add Terry Gilliam to the list of names that I once THOUGHT I could trust but whose disappointing efforts are steadily killing my desire to see first-run movies in theaters rather than wait for guinea pig reviews and the DVD.