Simply walked out in the middle of a session. I didn't throw a tantrum or anything, I just made my way to the door. Sent an e-mail to the group shortly thereafter (within 48 hours, anyway) explaining those of the reasons that I could without causing outright offense to anyone, and making it clear that I did not intend to come back.
Removing yourself from a gaming group
- Thread starter rgard
- Start date
Olaf the Stout
Hero
I don't think I've every really left a group due to not getting along with people in the group/not enjoying the game. There have been a couple of games that I stopped playing in for other reasons (such as lack of free time) though. In those situations I just explained the situation and left on good terms.
Olaf the Stout
Olaf the Stout
Jeff Wilder
First Post
After running a Shadowrun campaign for five years in my home state, I was jonesin' hard for Shadowrun when I moved to the Bay Area. Eventually I was contacted through AccessDenied by a perfectly nice and -- as gamers go -- normal guy. As is my habit, I asked if it'd be possible to meet the GM (and maybe other players) first, to talk about gaming and get an initial reaction as to style compatibility. I should've known something was up when only the original player showed to our agreed meeting, but I needed my Shadowrun fix, and that player was okay, so I figgered I'd give it a try.
What followed were 18 to 20 of the most excrutiating hours of my life. There was the GM, myself, and two other players. The players seemed pretty normal, except very easily distracted. (They spent a lot of time on the PlayStation.) The GM, though ...
First, he had no prepared material. Zero. Not so much as a page of notes. Not even a pencil and a page to make notes.
Second, he had no grasp of the rules of Shadowrun. He would simply make rules up, although if any of the three of us told him what the actual rule for a sittuation was, he'd accept it amiably enough.
Third, and worst of all, he would just ... zone out. He'd start to narrate, or describe, or play an NPC, and then ... he's just trail off quietly and grind to a stop. He wasn't in a trance, or having a petit mal seizure, or anything like that, because he'd do things like flip through rulebooks or roll dice. It was like he just sorta forgot he was talking. This would go on for at least a minute -- longer if one of the players didn't prompt him -- and it happened at least 10 or 15 times an hour. I can't overstate how bizarre a situation it was, and yet the other players didn't even seem to notice.
So, after about two hours of this, I was determined that I wouldn't be coming back. The problem was that I'd loaned a book to one of the other players, and since he seemed like an okay guy, I wasn't confortable rescinding the loan. So I went back for another session, but he'd left the book at school. So, yes, I went back for another session, but solely to reclaim my book; I didn't even take my jacket off, citing time issues as the reason I wouldn't be returning. They were all vaguely shocked that I wouldn't make their game a priority.
Man, that was odd.
I left a D&D game once just because the commute was too much. It was a decent game, but it was a total of 2.5 hours on BART for a four hour session.
I know for a fact that I drove away two players from a couple of games. The first time, I jokingly remarked a couple of times on how incredibly long one player's fingers were. (They were, I swear, like a full two-thirds the total length of his hands.) It was the kind of joking most people laugh about, but apparently this guy was particularly sensitive about his long fingers. He never came back, and I didn't find out it was because of me until almost two years later.
The second time, when I shared that I occasionally trimmed my cat's whiskers to curb a certain behavior -- with knowledge of my vet -- the guy became adamant that I was "torturing" my cat. Since I absolutely adore my cat -- and vice-versa -- I was a tad miffed by that continued assertion. Since I'm 6'5" tall and built like a dump-truck, I'm a little bit intimidating when I'm miffed. He missed the next session, then dropped from the game. I sorta regret that one, because aside from being an idiot, he was a great D&D player. A dedicated gamer with good knowledge of the rules, and a good roleplayer. Ah, well.
What followed were 18 to 20 of the most excrutiating hours of my life. There was the GM, myself, and two other players. The players seemed pretty normal, except very easily distracted. (They spent a lot of time on the PlayStation.) The GM, though ...
First, he had no prepared material. Zero. Not so much as a page of notes. Not even a pencil and a page to make notes.
Second, he had no grasp of the rules of Shadowrun. He would simply make rules up, although if any of the three of us told him what the actual rule for a sittuation was, he'd accept it amiably enough.
Third, and worst of all, he would just ... zone out. He'd start to narrate, or describe, or play an NPC, and then ... he's just trail off quietly and grind to a stop. He wasn't in a trance, or having a petit mal seizure, or anything like that, because he'd do things like flip through rulebooks or roll dice. It was like he just sorta forgot he was talking. This would go on for at least a minute -- longer if one of the players didn't prompt him -- and it happened at least 10 or 15 times an hour. I can't overstate how bizarre a situation it was, and yet the other players didn't even seem to notice.
So, after about two hours of this, I was determined that I wouldn't be coming back. The problem was that I'd loaned a book to one of the other players, and since he seemed like an okay guy, I wasn't confortable rescinding the loan. So I went back for another session, but he'd left the book at school. So, yes, I went back for another session, but solely to reclaim my book; I didn't even take my jacket off, citing time issues as the reason I wouldn't be returning. They were all vaguely shocked that I wouldn't make their game a priority.
Man, that was odd.
I left a D&D game once just because the commute was too much. It was a decent game, but it was a total of 2.5 hours on BART for a four hour session.
I know for a fact that I drove away two players from a couple of games. The first time, I jokingly remarked a couple of times on how incredibly long one player's fingers were. (They were, I swear, like a full two-thirds the total length of his hands.) It was the kind of joking most people laugh about, but apparently this guy was particularly sensitive about his long fingers. He never came back, and I didn't find out it was because of me until almost two years later.
The second time, when I shared that I occasionally trimmed my cat's whiskers to curb a certain behavior -- with knowledge of my vet -- the guy became adamant that I was "torturing" my cat. Since I absolutely adore my cat -- and vice-versa -- I was a tad miffed by that continued assertion. Since I'm 6'5" tall and built like a dump-truck, I'm a little bit intimidating when I'm miffed. He missed the next session, then dropped from the game. I sorta regret that one, because aside from being an idiot, he was a great D&D player. A dedicated gamer with good knowledge of the rules, and a good roleplayer. Ah, well.
Lanefan
Victoria Rules
A few things here:
1. If "frequent note-passing is a red flag", as someone said up-thread a ways, then our crew must be in severe distress! Rare is the session that fails to half-fill the recycle bucket with little crumpled notes...some of which even have something to do with the game!
2. For the guy whose PC MU got attacked by the party, you did *exactly* the right thing as far as I'm concerned: in character, you handed their butts to them. Only thing I might have done different is showed up next session with full expectations of my MU and the surviving Druid becoming the core of a new party (and thus being able to hand-pick who joins...)![:]](http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/devious.png "Devious :]")
3. The simplest way to leave a group when there's no time pressure to do so is to simply role-play yourself out of the game in character. I've done this on a few occasions not by my own desire; it just made perfect sense that *in character* my PC wanted to be elsewhere, so off it went...and with no logical chance to bring in a replacement, I'd in effect role-played myself out of that game for a while.
Had I wanted to leave the group, there was my chance...
Lanefan
1. If "frequent note-passing is a red flag", as someone said up-thread a ways, then our crew must be in severe distress! Rare is the session that fails to half-fill the recycle bucket with little crumpled notes...some of which even have something to do with the game!
2. For the guy whose PC MU got attacked by the party, you did *exactly* the right thing as far as I'm concerned: in character, you handed their butts to them. Only thing I might have done different is showed up next session with full expectations of my MU and the surviving Druid becoming the core of a new party (and thus being able to hand-pick who joins...)
3. The simplest way to leave a group when there's no time pressure to do so is to simply role-play yourself out of the game in character. I've done this on a few occasions not by my own desire; it just made perfect sense that *in character* my PC wanted to be elsewhere, so off it went...and with no logical chance to bring in a replacement, I'd in effect role-played myself out of that game for a while.
Had I wanted to leave the group, there was my chance...Lanefan
Psimancer
First Post
Yep, this has happened twice for me…
a) With the first group, two things happen pretty much simultaneously; a new player entered the group (a friend of a friend of a friend) and we really didn’t hit it off (like BlueBlackRed’s newb, he thought there was a pecking order), and I had a bit of a falling out with a mutual friend of the group. When the campaign wrapped and the ‘new guy’ started to DM (showing an unnatural favoritism towards the old DM), I just stopped turning up. I didn’t even say goodbye. The animosity was their before I walked, so no great lose (on either side, I guess).
b) The second time it happened, we were playing under a DM who thought he was the gods’ gift to role-playing. No part of his game was good; rules knowledge, story-telling, nor NPC interaction.
On top of that, there were three things that were truly unacceptable:
• The DM’s wife was in the group and never got targeted (our mage would successfully hide behind her for safety – and she was a gnome)
• The DM’s best friend who would fall asleep at the table
• One of the players was an owner of a local gaming store and the DM was always trying to suck up to him... successfully…
The final straw was when, after a break (xmas, I think), we came back to find that the above players had adventured in secret, gaining xp and loot (we weren’t supposed to find out, but someone let slip), and my character was targeted and killed with extreme prejudice by a stealthy bullette (I was a warforged juggernaut, and it managed to get a surprise round on us!!!) and the DM bragged about it (stupidly) in front of my best friend.
When I walked, two of the other players walked with me (none of the above); effectively the group split in half.
Their group ended up floundering; ours just grew from strength to strength.
a) With the first group, two things happen pretty much simultaneously; a new player entered the group (a friend of a friend of a friend) and we really didn’t hit it off (like BlueBlackRed’s newb, he thought there was a pecking order), and I had a bit of a falling out with a mutual friend of the group. When the campaign wrapped and the ‘new guy’ started to DM (showing an unnatural favoritism towards the old DM), I just stopped turning up. I didn’t even say goodbye. The animosity was their before I walked, so no great lose (on either side, I guess).
b) The second time it happened, we were playing under a DM who thought he was the gods’ gift to role-playing. No part of his game was good; rules knowledge, story-telling, nor NPC interaction.
On top of that, there were three things that were truly unacceptable:
• The DM’s wife was in the group and never got targeted (our mage would successfully hide behind her for safety – and she was a gnome)
• The DM’s best friend who would fall asleep at the table
• One of the players was an owner of a local gaming store and the DM was always trying to suck up to him... successfully…
The final straw was when, after a break (xmas, I think), we came back to find that the above players had adventured in secret, gaining xp and loot (we weren’t supposed to find out, but someone let slip), and my character was targeted and killed with extreme prejudice by a stealthy bullette (I was a warforged juggernaut, and it managed to get a surprise round on us!!!) and the DM bragged about it (stupidly) in front of my best friend.
When I walked, two of the other players walked with me (none of the above); effectively the group split in half.
Their group ended up floundering; ours just grew from strength to strength.
Chimera
First Post
I have removed myself from quite a few groups over the years for all manner of reasons.
> Quit DMing two groups because of combatative and downright stupid players.
> Walked out of a group because I'd introduced a new player who was a very good friend of my soon-to-be ex-wife and he started poisoning the well on me.
> Walked away from another group where the GM seemed to really enjoy being adversarial, after my character was killed for the third time in a less-than-reasonable manner in something like 12 sessions.
> Walked away from a 1e group with over 15 players because all XP was based on ONLY what you personally killed and the character levels we a bit too disparate for fairness.
> Walked away from a one-off 1e game because the 15 year old GM was a totally unreasonable, adversarial moron and it was NOT THE SLIGHTEST BIT ENJOYABLE TO PLAY.
> Walked away from a group I really enjoyed because my work schedule changed and I would no longer be able to be present for the first half of every session. (Sorry Jason)
> Walked away from a group because it consisted of four 36 year old men who had been friends since they were SIX and were not capable to communicating effectively with people that they hadn't known for thirty years, playing on a consistent schedule or sticking to one campaign or game system for any length of time.
> Walked away from a game because the GM was the biggest railroading hack imaginable and had no idea of economics or population issues. Played with them for years mostly as GM before walking away (see first entry above).
Seen quite a few other groups crash and burn for a variety of reasons too.
You just learn to deal with it after a while, take it in stride and move on.
> Quit DMing two groups because of combatative and downright stupid players.
> Walked out of a group because I'd introduced a new player who was a very good friend of my soon-to-be ex-wife and he started poisoning the well on me.
> Walked away from another group where the GM seemed to really enjoy being adversarial, after my character was killed for the third time in a less-than-reasonable manner in something like 12 sessions.
> Walked away from a 1e group with over 15 players because all XP was based on ONLY what you personally killed and the character levels we a bit too disparate for fairness.
> Walked away from a one-off 1e game because the 15 year old GM was a totally unreasonable, adversarial moron and it was NOT THE SLIGHTEST BIT ENJOYABLE TO PLAY.
> Walked away from a group I really enjoyed because my work schedule changed and I would no longer be able to be present for the first half of every session. (Sorry Jason)
> Walked away from a group because it consisted of four 36 year old men who had been friends since they were SIX and were not capable to communicating effectively with people that they hadn't known for thirty years, playing on a consistent schedule or sticking to one campaign or game system for any length of time.
> Walked away from a game because the GM was the biggest railroading hack imaginable and had no idea of economics or population issues. Played with them for years mostly as GM before walking away (see first entry above).
Seen quite a few other groups crash and burn for a variety of reasons too.
You just learn to deal with it after a while, take it in stride and move on.
Kae'Yoss
First Post
I played in 3 gaming circles so far (with some overlapping between the circles, especially two of them where one was basically the 3e department of the other).
I am still playing in one of them (and often run games as well), the others I quite because it made no difference, anyway:
The first had too many people who didn't show up quite often, without telling anyone. We'd meet at 16:00 somewhere, and by 16:30 the DM found out, through a couple of calls, that most people wouldn't be there, and we just went home again. One summer, when this has happened for like 8 weeks straight, I told the GM that I'd quit, because this just was too ridiculous. He agreed and said that the games would probably break up, anyway.
The second group (the 3e off-shoot) basically ended the same way, but this time the DM was part of the problem. When he one day called that the game was cancelled yet again (that was an hour before the game started), I just called him that I had enough and that I wouldn't return.
I have one funny story about that: The initial DM of the third gaming circle I played in (best DM I ever had) wasn't playing with us regularly any more (with him living a couple hundred km away to study at a university with a medical faculty of some renown), only during semester break. One session, when I was asking whether anyone had a problem with us stopping early (for some minor reason I had), he told me that he had to go out in a blaze of glory, since this was his last session for this break, and as the campaign was close to its ending, the last time he could play this character. I agreed to keep on playing.
I ran some adventure scavenged from Dragons of Faerûn involving a Redspawn Birther (I think. It's a large red dragonspawn that packs some punch). The thing attacked his character, got a crit, and essentially bit him in half (he was hammered to -15 or so). I swear I didn't fudge anything in that fight, but when I asked him if that was glorious enough, he had to agree that being eaten by a dinosaur-like thing was some way to go.
I am still playing in one of them (and often run games as well), the others I quite because it made no difference, anyway:
The first had too many people who didn't show up quite often, without telling anyone. We'd meet at 16:00 somewhere, and by 16:30 the DM found out, through a couple of calls, that most people wouldn't be there, and we just went home again. One summer, when this has happened for like 8 weeks straight, I told the GM that I'd quit, because this just was too ridiculous. He agreed and said that the games would probably break up, anyway.
The second group (the 3e off-shoot) basically ended the same way, but this time the DM was part of the problem. When he one day called that the game was cancelled yet again (that was an hour before the game started), I just called him that I had enough and that I wouldn't return.
Lanefan said:
I have one funny story about that: The initial DM of the third gaming circle I played in (best DM I ever had) wasn't playing with us regularly any more (with him living a couple hundred km away to study at a university with a medical faculty of some renown), only during semester break. One session, when I was asking whether anyone had a problem with us stopping early (for some minor reason I had), he told me that he had to go out in a blaze of glory, since this was his last session for this break, and as the campaign was close to its ending, the last time he could play this character. I agreed to keep on playing.
I ran some adventure scavenged from Dragons of Faerûn involving a Redspawn Birther (I think. It's a large red dragonspawn that packs some punch). The thing attacked his character, got a crit, and essentially bit him in half (he was hammered to -15 or so). I swear I didn't fudge anything in that fight, but when I asked him if that was glorious enough, he had to agree that being eaten by a dinosaur-like thing was some way to go.
Primitive Screwhead
First Post
Lanefan said:2. For the guy whose PC MU got attacked by the party, you did *exactly* the right thing as far as I'm concerned: in character, you handed their butts to them. Only thing I might have done different is showed up next session with full expectations of my MU and the surviving Druid becoming the core of a new party (and thus being able to hand-pick who joins...)
I did seriously consider going back for the next session... the entire group was gesalted, and I was a 8th level Rogue/MU {EoM} with a focus on transformation magic. The group had a camp of 60 or so hanger-ons, some of which I had spent time practicing duplicating, just as something to do in my off time. I figured it would take about an hour and a half play time to have my character sneak into the camp and then go tent to tent assasinating all the PCs. They had zero protection from the tactics I tend to use.
Chimera... I hope that you don't have any issues with your current group ... altho it looks like I need to read up on population and economy for my next session
Overall I tend to think that the main reason to play is to enjoy the evening, whether in rollplaying, roleplaying, or just quoting lines from Monty Python and the Gamers until the entire room is laughing uncontrollably..... If irreconcilable play styles mean you watch Monty Python instead... its good to freshen up on some of the less referenced lines
"Oh lets not argue about Who killed Who..." {used quite appropriately in my last session}
buzz
Adventurer
I was the one who wrote that.Lanefan said:
While not a deal-killer, it's a flag for me. First off, all that note-passing is basically hiding entertaining things from the other players, which seems counter to the point of play, IMO. Second, I think all-too-often it's facilitating an unhealthy kind of PvP play.
But, I can't say that it's 100% bad. In my games, anyone who hands me a note gets it handed back, though.
I don't think you should have to give an in-character reason for leaving. I'm not my PC. If I'm having a bad time, I'm getting out, my PC be damned.Lanefan said:
Sidereal Knight
First Post
I left a gaming group after playing with them for about 8 years. Over time, it became apparent that my playstyle wasn't compatible with the rest of the group. Two players got all of the plot hooks and action... the other players were relegated to "supporting role" parts at best. There were a lot of other things going on, too, but it's water under the bridge.
I composed a carefully worded email to the group, letting them know that I didn't feel that I was getting what I wanted out of the game and needed to bow out. The DM demanded my reasons, so I sent a follow-up message detailing my position. I tried to do so in a neutral way that didn't turn things into a blame-fest.
Other than a few emails, that was the last time I saw any of the other players. No hard feelings, but the only thing that kept us together was that game.
I composed a carefully worded email to the group, letting them know that I didn't feel that I was getting what I wanted out of the game and needed to bow out. The DM demanded my reasons, so I sent a follow-up message detailing my position. I tried to do so in a neutral way that didn't turn things into a blame-fest.
Other than a few emails, that was the last time I saw any of the other players. No hard feelings, but the only thing that kept us together was that game.
