Ahem. As promised, here are the excerpts from Ernie's diary, kept while the party was in Kivia. All grammar and diction are Ernie's. Spellling errors are probably mine.
This diary begins in the dwarven tunnels. You all remember them, right? Ogres, ropers, half-fiend things, badness all around. Good, let's begin.
Dear Mother [Ernie kept the diary as a running letter to his mom. All you freudians can just shut yer pie holes.]
How are you? I am fine. Things are very interesting here in Tev (sp?). There are halflings here. They come from a place called Appleseed, and they are very different from us in Dingman's Ferry [Ernie's home town]. They are fighting a war against some big 'uns who want to take their land. Yondalla defends them well, but they are a fighting people, and do not get to enjoy the small joys of life. That said, I only hope and belive that we of Dingman's Ferry would be so brave in their place.
We have had a very interesting time here. I cannot begin to describe the many people and places I've seen. The city of D'Jah is the largest and most splendid place I've ever seen. Two Tal Hai's could fit inside it and have room for more.
The food here is very good, but very different from our food. They do not roast and boil, and their bread is flat and has no leven. They cut the food up very small and cook it in a very hot pan. I will cook some of it for you and father when I come home. You will like it once you get used to it.