(Semi-humour) Re-expressing magic as non-magic

[Quartz]

Ever thought of re-expressing the results of spells to explain them away in a non-magic fashion? There are many that can't be done, of course, but here's a few that I've managed:

Raise Dead / Resurrection etc = He's not dead, he was only resting.
Charm X = "You're my beshtest mate"
Teleport = You arrive safely home / wherever.
Cure X / Heal etc = Don't be such a baby, it's only a scratch / flesh wound.
Bull's Strength = Go forth and kick arse.
Detect X = I've a bad feeling about this.
Augury / Divination etc = I have forseen it.

 

[Corbert]

Raise Dead / Resurrection etc = He's not dead, he was only resting.

Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

 

[Quartz]

Gate = Hey, I was just thinking about you!

 

[Kmart Kommando]

(Lesser) Planar Ally = This is my friend...from out of town.

Tenser's Transformation = Gandolf SMASH!

Righteous Smite = "Judo Chop!"

Searing Light = "... as you can see on this graph, average shares are up..GAH! MY EYES! MY POOR USELESS EYES!"

Telekinesis = "Judo Trip!"

Orb of Fire = "Hadoken!"

Greater Shout = Celine Dion

Summon Nature's Ally = "I need gopher-chucks"

Foresight = well, who didn't see that coming?

Erase = aww crap *flips pencil over*

Fly = now with only a two hour layover

 

[Cheiromancer]

Don't be such a baby, it's only a scratch / flesh wound.

This would make a great verbal component! So would "He's not dead; he's only resting."

Tenser's Transformation = Gandalf SMASH!

LOL

 

[Phlebas]

Summon Monster I-VII - "Who me? I think you mean him / them"

Light, (Searing Ray, Sunbeam etc) - "And then there was light........(Lots of light)"

Status - " I know what you've been up to !"

Unseen Servant - "Jeeves"

Grease - "Oops"

Prayer - "Good guys always win and we're the good guys!"

Bane - "Good guys come last"

Mend - "Bit of polish and its good as new"

Stinking Cloud - "Curry and beer, what a combination"

Peacocks glory - "Halloooo Nurse"

Shield - "Careful, that could have hurt somebody"