My name is Shinobi Killfist.
I have climbed the highest mountain and swum the deepest ocean, both in the same day and without a bathroom break. I once defended a village of midgets from rampaging psionic half-dragon illithid ogres using nothing more than a half-empty flask of holy water and a small lathe. They sang songs in my honor, after which I asked them to stop, quickly. In my spare time I make masterwork weapons in less than half the time projected by a careful reading of the PHB. All the women call me Treetop Lover, and all the men just call me ‘Sir’. I am the Alpha and the Omega, as well as the Beta and the Zeta on the second Monday of every month. To know me is to fear me, to fear me is to love me, to love me is to need me, and to need me is to wonder whether I can find the time to fit you into my busy schedule.
I can fit you into my busy schedule. I have cut the hair of kings and queens, and am always left a hefty tip. I am a poet, a painter, a sculptor, and have killed more men than God. Last summer I arm-wrestled a titan. I have eaten troll, dragon, and demon, and washed it down with the blood of the Tarrasque. I can throw large objects with no range penalty. I once talked a high-level diplomat into giving me all of his magic items. He thanked me for my company afterwards, and we went for a beer. It was on him.
I help old women across the street, whether they want to cross the street or not. I have never missed in combat. To relax, I knit +5 scarves. I once sold one of my toenails for fourteen gold pieces. Children ask me to autograph their foreheads. I spontaneously combust every twenty minutes, and it does wonders for my complexion. I take 20 on untrained Knowledge checks. Women consider most of my body parts to be epic-level magic items. I once looked into a Mirror of Opposition, but my double was too scared of me to come out.
My name is Shinobi Killfist. I am a demigod, a Ninja Extraordinaire, and the best damn advice columnist on the Prime Material Plane. And I am here to help.
So what do you want to know?
I have climbed the highest mountain and swum the deepest ocean, both in the same day and without a bathroom break. I once defended a village of midgets from rampaging psionic half-dragon illithid ogres using nothing more than a half-empty flask of holy water and a small lathe. They sang songs in my honor, after which I asked them to stop, quickly. In my spare time I make masterwork weapons in less than half the time projected by a careful reading of the PHB. All the women call me Treetop Lover, and all the men just call me ‘Sir’. I am the Alpha and the Omega, as well as the Beta and the Zeta on the second Monday of every month. To know me is to fear me, to fear me is to love me, to love me is to need me, and to need me is to wonder whether I can find the time to fit you into my busy schedule.
I can fit you into my busy schedule. I have cut the hair of kings and queens, and am always left a hefty tip. I am a poet, a painter, a sculptor, and have killed more men than God. Last summer I arm-wrestled a titan. I have eaten troll, dragon, and demon, and washed it down with the blood of the Tarrasque. I can throw large objects with no range penalty. I once talked a high-level diplomat into giving me all of his magic items. He thanked me for my company afterwards, and we went for a beer. It was on him.
I help old women across the street, whether they want to cross the street or not. I have never missed in combat. To relax, I knit +5 scarves. I once sold one of my toenails for fourteen gold pieces. Children ask me to autograph their foreheads. I spontaneously combust every twenty minutes, and it does wonders for my complexion. I take 20 on untrained Knowledge checks. Women consider most of my body parts to be epic-level magic items. I once looked into a Mirror of Opposition, but my double was too scared of me to come out.
My name is Shinobi Killfist. I am a demigod, a Ninja Extraordinaire, and the best damn advice columnist on the Prime Material Plane. And I am here to help.
So what do you want to know?
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