Silliest Game Quote

[Scratched_back]

About four or five years ago I ran the Module "The Secret of Bone Hill" for four friends of mine. One was called Chris, another was called Chris, one was called James, and a third was called Chris. To avoid confusion, all the Chris' were hence names by there surnames. So, My party were James, Blackwood, Hill and Bowes.

After playing the module for a day or so, the party were annoyed.

Bowes: "We've been in this bloody forest for FIVE DAYS! What are we waiting for?!

Blackwood: "Right, that's it, enough mucking around, I'm going to bone Hill!"

Hill: "Errr... no your not mate! My character draws his sword..."

The session ends with much laughter.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

"This is a public shrub!"

Blurted out by some guy we found hiding in the bushes as we confronted the guy about his sneaking.

"But I need it so badly!"

Cried on top of his lungs by the party wizard. In the bazaar which was, like always, heavily trafficked.

He meant a headband of intellect.

"He's down? Then I sh*t on the other guy"

Uttered by me, playing an archer. I meant to say "I shoot". Up to that point, I always thought such things wouldn't happen. They do.

 

[Bryan898]

Sh*t with rage! (The player actually yelled this)

 

[Steel_Wind]

PC has escaped from the castle dungeon in wintertime through use of the Rolemaster "unseen" spell. Unseen is an invisibility spell, but it's low level and it won't make your clothes invisible.

So the PC player is on the lam, naked. And he's being pursued by dogs through the streets of the city. And it's wintertime. The PC is very, very cold.

PC snakes into a home to evade capture. He sees an open door and a fireplace. He goes to kneel by the fire in someone's bedroom.

a while later...

The homeowner gets out of bed - also naked - and goes over to reach to grab the fireplace poker, bumping into the naked PC before him on his knees...dispelling the Unseen spell.

And just then the man's wife walks through the door to see the naked PC before her naked husband on his knees.

PC: "Oh GOD!! No. NO! It's not ... <accusingly at homeowner> You said we were alone!"

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Our DM was stumbling over the welcoming speech an NPC chieftan was giving to the party...

DM: (in "Chief" voice) "We are but poor hunters...well, not just hunters...ur..we're kinda more uh..hunter-gatherers..."

Me: (imitating "Chief" voice) "Dammit! Who wrote this speech? Kill that schmuck!"

Laughter ensued.

An entirely different campaign...my Paladin is fending off an enormous Pyrohydra while the other PCs prepare to launch another wave of assaults...and the party mage casts...

Mage: "Prismatic Sphere!"

DM: "That will buy you some time, for sure!"

Cleric: "OK...medic time."

Me: "Um...What side of the Prismatic Sphere is the Paladin on?"

Mage: "Uh-Oh..."

Miss Paladin was, for all intents and purposes, Pyrohydra shoe-scrapings.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Me (Gray Elf Rogue/Wizard): Did they have any other valuables with them?
Amazon (Elf): No, they didn't. Only those rusty greatsword in ogre-size
Me: Bah, they can stick them up their ***
Wood Elf: Nooo, they cannot. They're dead.
Amazon: Than we'll do it for them.

And they did. There was one Gray Elf who felt justified in his prejudice against the lesser elven races.

 

[Eli-kun]

"You, old man! How dare you attack those helpless thugs!" Uttered by a human Barbarian wizard who saw a bunch of thugs attack an old man.

"You all seem cranky. You all need hugs!" said by my half orc barbarian.

Barbarian Wizard: My bat Squeex noticed you sneaking away.
Elf bard: Well, your bat is blind.
BW: Obviously

 

[Rystil Arden]

"Why should I care about you, you worthless sack of s&^*?" said by a wizard PC to the Sage of Magic, who lived in a city where magic was paramount that was ruled by a council of Sages...you guessed it, the Sage of Magic was the head of the council

 

[Kae'Yoss]

DM: Suddenly, the wind picked up slowly.


Gnome: You brought back our daughter. How can we ever thank you?
Wizard: Money.


Player: I'm chaotic neutral. Why can't I just kill whoever I want?


Female PC (with high Cha): I go take a bath in that pool
Male PC: I'll take first watch! Uhm, I mean...


DM: The owlbear eviscerates you a little - 7 damage


Priest: I go upstairs and look out through the rooftop window
DM: There are no windows
Priest: Then I punch a hole into the roof and look out there
DM: You see nothing of interest
Priest (to companion): HEY! THERE ARE HOLES IN THE ROOF!


Why did you learn draconic?
So I can understand the beasts when they beg for mercy!


My blood is pure. I just don't know what.


Wizard (after killing enemies with burning hands.) "Eat... my....uh... steel!"


Mysterious Looking Stranger: "I understand you are looking for the villain who's killing your kind around here. Well, you've found him. Of course, I didn't kill any of them myself - that's what's henchmen are for. My friend here, for example - points to a troll - has at least a dozen marks on his axe, only that he doesn't have an axe."
Party Bladesinger: "I see, you're a born speaker."

Damn, that one has the knack to make villains look like idiots. Or himself


He: "Damn, your character is ugly"
Me: "Huh? his Cha is two more than yours!"
He: "That doesn't mean a thing.


Drow-Slayer Elf: "I have been in the underdark these last three years, slaughtering countless drow"
He: "I bet it was dark down there."


NPC: "Flee, while you can. If they find you here, the'll take you prisoner and torture you, just like us"
He: "We're heroes, that's what were there fore."


He: After all, I'm goldsinger and bladeelf

 

[F5]

I'm playing a mage, flying, and am largely out of spells. The Big Bad is still up, and our meleers are having a tough time with him. I polymorph into a Stone Giant, swoop down and grab one of his ogre minions, with the intention of hurling it at him as a distraction. My grab attempt succeeds, but on my to hit roll I roll a 1. We have critical fumble rules in place in our game. My comment:

"I rolled a one with my ogre. Did I break him?"