Silliest Game Quote

[VirgilCaine]

The party rogue stumbles into a room full of the BBEGs henchmen and decides to bluff her way out of the situation: "Did any of you see a monkey go through here just now? I seem to have lost mine."

The important point is...did it work?

 

[John Q. Mayhem]

"Waittaminute...we're fighting magic robots in Fairyland!"

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

DM: "Save for octuple damage."


Occasional Player using a borrowed character: "Hey, this character speaks Elvis."
DM: "That's elvish."
Player: "NO. Read it. (pointing at sheet) Hunka-hunka burnin' love ELVIS!"
DM: "Hmm. Elvis it is. (reading sheet closely). Apparently, Briarsteel wears a white polyester jumpsuit..."

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Ah...a new one I almost forgot.

We're currently going through RttToEE, and one of the PCs keeps going catatonic whenever he says the name of the god "Thurizden"

As a group, we routinely refer to that diety as "The god between Wednesden and Friden" to prevent the catatonic episodes. Mistakes are still made, but...

 

[Hypersmurf]

He: After all, I'm goldsinger and bladeelf

Goldsinger has a 'dwarf' requirement. A blade elf can't qualify for the class.

-Hyp.

 

[Rystil Arden]

Goldsinger has a 'dwarf' requirement. A blade elf can't qualify for the class.

-Hyp.

Lol

 

[Hannibal King]

Oookaaay, where do I begin? Guess I'll just start typing and stop when I'm done. Most involve me as the DM.


Player Fighter listening at door of weapons locker: "Do I hear weapons in there?"
Me without skipping a beat: "You hear a whispered voice say 'Hey you longswords, keep it down will you!'"


Player Mage picks up rock that radiates magic: "Rock. Stone. Transmute!"
Me: "The rock gives you a funny look."
Player Mage: "It has eyes?!"
Me: THUD... as my forehead hits the table.


Me: "You hear flapping sounds approaching. It's pitch black."
Player Rogue: "I hide in the darkness. Rolls hide check."
Me: "Six bat-stirges sense you and attack, they all hit, lose 16 points of CON. Your dead."
Player Rogue. "..."


Player 1: "I stick the mages hand in the bubbling red glowing liquid"
Player 2: "What?!
Player 1: "Shut up! Your unconscious."
Me: "No. Now he's dead."


Drow NPC Mage to PC Ranger standing on an old rickety drawbridge over a moat of spikey poison thorns: "Take one more step human and you'll be sorry."
Player Ranger: "I take one more step forward."
Me: The Drow Mage casts, Lightning Bolt. Roll your save."
Player Ranger: rolls.."Oops I failed."
Me: "Take 56 points of damage. The drawbridge is destroyed by the bolt. You fall 30 feet. Take 20 points of damage plus another 24 point from the thorns. Roll your poison save.
Player Ranger: rolls.."Oops."
Me: Take 20 points of damage"
Player Ranger: "I'm dead."
Me: "Why did you step forward."
Player Ranger: "I thought he was bluffing."
Me: THUD... as my forehead hits the table.

Me: "Now that you know it's a Curse Sword of Berserking, maybe you should get rid of it?"
Player Fighter: "Never! This sword is Cool!"
Later that same session...
Player of dead Fighter: "Guess I should have got rid of the sword?"
Me: "Nah. Why listen to me? I'm only the DM."

More to come...HK

 

[Hypersmurf]

Player Fighter listening at door of weapons locker: "Do I hear weapons in there?"
Me without skipping a beat: "You hear a whispered voice say 'Hey you longswords, keep it down will you!'"

We had something similar this weekend... the ranger managed to say "I listen to the door" instead of "I listen at the door".

DM: "Doors can't talk."
Me: "'... but one of us always tells the truth...' '... and the other one allll-ways lies!'"
Another Player: "'DA-DA-DA-DUMMMM... Certain Death!'"

-Hyp.

 

[GM_Brad]

One of the worst uses of Jedi Powers (in a SWd20 game):

While ordering a meal in a restaurant:

Jedi (waving his hand): I would like a steak.
Waiter: You would like a steak.
Jedi (waving his hand again): I would like it medium rare.
Waiter: You would like it medium rare.

The worst use came later, when there was an episode where we hypothesized about having the Jedi use his powers to ensure the starship's steward ordered blue urinal cakes. Dark points all around for that one!

 

[Emperor Valerian]

While not technically verbal, a few sessions ago our party was trying to convince a group of assassins we'd caught to surrender. They were being stubborn, so our party sorcerer started distributing notes among them. The notes detailed the joys of being a three-toed sloth, along with the promise of a "lifelong journey through the eyes of these lovely furry creatures," if the assassins caused trouble.

They surrendered rather quickly.