So my fiance left me what do I now?

[Wik]

I'm following this thread very closely, because over the Valentine's Day weekend my wife and I decided to separate after 8 years of marriage. You might say that Sid and I are in the same boat here.

Dude, lame. Super lame, in fact. Especially over Valentine's Day weekend! Geez. Talk about bad timing.

as for the "just be friends" thing, I say, no - cut them out of your life, at least for a while. I don't see my ex more than once a month, if that - and it's usually a quick little "how are you?" and leave it at that. You can't "just be friends", it just doesn't work.

I wish someone would have tipped me off about the "bad dreams" thing...it totally caught me off guard. On the nights that I actually manage to fall asleep, I am plagued with nightmares. Nothing horrible, just reliving the same old arguments and counseling sessions over and over again.

My were never really nightmares - just having her randomly pop up and saying something. The funny thing being that she was very rarely in my dreams when we were together. I guess you just have to grin and bear it, though. And yeah, sleepless nights are going to follow for a while.

As for me, I found out that my insomnia hadn't just gone away five years ago - having someone sleeping beside me just helped keep it at bay. Now that I'm single again, my insomnia has come back. In force. Lovely, eh?

Still, all the negatives included, I think in the end these things wind up being good for us. Why suffer through a crappy relationship, right? And it's always better to have the unpleasant times happen sooner, rather than later. For me, I'd rather have my ex walk out on me (and wind up with another guy a month or so later!) than have the same thing happen after being married. Sid, it's better to lose her now than after a year or so of Marriage. And Clever, better to happen while you're relatively young, right?

Course, I'm a glass half full sorta fellow.

 

[CleverNickName]

Dude, lame. Super lame, in fact. Especially over Valentine's Day weekend! Geez. Talk about bad timing.

as for the "just be friends" thing, I say, no - cut them out of your life, at least for a while. I don't see my ex more than once a month, if that - and it's usually a quick little "how are you?" and leave it at that. You can't "just be friends", it just doesn't work.

Indeed, the timing was bad. But we had been having issues for years, and things weren't getting better. So it wasn't really a surprise.

There has been an odd development in my situation. My almost-ex and I have gone out on a couple of D&D (Dinner & Dancing) dates together. And surprisingly enough, we have a lot of fun. We don't have any obligations or expectations about how the evening will go, and we are always out with other friends, so there isn't any pressure to make conversation or whatever. We seem to get along a lot better now than we did when we were together.

That said, I saw her dancing with someone else and my friend had to physically stop me from cutting in. And she disappeared for half an hour when a cute stranger started chatting me up. So I don't think we will be able to do this date-thing for very much longer. Sure, it was "only dancing" and "just talking," but there is something ugly just under the surface here.

So maybe it's possible to still be friends. But it's far too soon to tell (for me, anyway). How are things for you, Sid?

 

[Herschel]

To the OP, from someone who has been there, you're only 21. It sucks but it happens. In all honesty you probably shouldn't have been in that position. I got engaged at 23 to what I thought was a great gal a few years older. She generally was, except what I didn't find out until after we were engaged is that she was a puppet to her overly-manipulative mother. I really did love her so I thought I'd plug through it and could make everything work. In hindsight, WTF was I thinking? There's something "wrong" that probably goes for you too, but you won't see it for a while. It happens when you're young.

Until then, it will hurt. A lot. Just don't rebound and it will eventually work itself out for you.

As for the wanting to still be friends, it's a cop-out and a way for her to feel better right now. It may be better down the road, but at least you have your time overseas to be away.

As for C-Nick, who knows. You hit the seven year grind. You'll either end it or reconcile. Either way, you'll onder "whaht if?" Here's hoping you're happy either way.

 

[kimjones]

Re:

It only means that you are not meant for each other. Take time to relax and know yourself better before getting in to another relationship. Do not be afraid to take chances for lightning never strike twice at the same time.