Submitting a beasty for review (and help in finding a name!)

[Beholder Bob]

First off, the creature!

I've got the name tentatively as "Shingleback Stalker"

This large magical beast is reptilian, with 2 cyclopian serpent heads at the end of long sinuous necks. It's body is tiger-like in proportion and shape, but covered in stripes of dark and light green scales, with a spattering of dull yellow. The tail is long and supple, reminiscent of a constrictors body in its musculature and thickness, which sways with pent up energy.

Type: Magical Beast, Large
HD: 6d10+18 (51)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 40'
AC: 16 (+4 natural, +3 dexterity, -1 size)
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+12
Attack: +8 Bite d4+2 & Poison
Full Attack: 2 bites +8 (1d4+2 and poison) and +6 Tail slap (1d6+1)
Space/Reach:Reach: 10'/5' (10' with bite attacks)
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Poison, Constrict d4+3, Toxic
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60', Low-light vision, Scent, Scent of Poison
Saves: Fort +8, Reflex +8, Will +3
Abilities: Str 15 Dex 16 Con 16 Int 2 Wis 12 Cha 9
Skills: Survival +4 (see Scent of Poison), Spot +6, Listen +6, Hide +5,
Move Silent +5
Feats: Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse, Multi-Attack & (Bonus) Combat Reflexes
Environment: Marsh & Forest
Organization: Solitary or Pack (3-6)
CR: 5
Advancement: 7-11 HD Large, 12-17 HD Huge
Level Adjustment: --
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral

Improved Grab: When the creature successfully hits a creature Large size or smaller with it's Tail Slap, it attempts to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. The creature has the option to conduct the grapple normally, or simply use the part of its body it used in the improved grab to hold the opponent. If it chooses to do the latter, it takes a -20 penalty on grapple checks, but is not considered grappled itself; the creature does not lose its Dexterity bonus to AC, still threatens an area, and can use its remaining attacks against other opponents. If the creature establishes a hold, it may immediately Constrict an opponent.

Constrict (ex): On a successful Grapple check, the creature deals 1d4+3 damage

Poison Bite (ex): The first bite attack poison requires a DC 16 Fortitude save 1d6 Dex/1d6 Dex

Poison Bite (ex): The second bite attack poison requires a DC 16 Fortitude save 1d6 Str/1d6 Str

Toxic (ex): Creatures bitten by both heads in the same round suffer addtional effects as the toxins interact, required a DC 16 Fortitude save 1d6 Con/1d6 Con

Scent of Poison (ex): The creature gains a +8 circumstance bonus to Survival skill checks to track a creature that it has poisoned (by any source) in the last 24 hours.

Racial Skill Adjustments: +4 to Hide, Listen, & Spot.

Well, any feedback, suggestions, names...?

 

[Andre]

I like it. One nit pick: I believe the tail attack should be at +3, as it's a secondary attack.

 

[Beholder Bob]

I wanted the heads and tail to be primary attacks. Is the tail as a secondary attack a rule or assumption?

I was thinking of changing the beasts poison -

Have the left head do DEX damage, right head do STR damage, and if a target is struck by both heads in a round, an additional ability is invoked due to how the toxins interact.

Toxic Reaction (ex) Targets biten by both the left and right head in the same round must make a fortitude save DC 16 or else take d6 CON/d6 CON

Yes/No/Other?

 

[Beholder Bob]

Ok, I've made the tail a secondary attack, altered the poisonous bite, and added the ability Toxic.

Does the CR still seem about right? Any name suggestions?

 

[javcs]

It looks pretty good, the only cause for possible concern (for players) is the DC on the poisons (it'll be a little tough for the good Fort classes), but, hey, they'll learn to be careful around these things.

I'd consider assigning Multiattack as the bonus feat, and Ability Focus (poison) as a normal feat selection, but it doesn't really matter much.

CR is alright, maybe a bit low, due to the save DC.

Name, I have no idea.

 

[Celebrim]

It's a fairly balanced non-uber monster.

I've got no problem with the stats, and while its not really original the 'poison rend' feature is unique enough to justify its existance.

What I want to know about this monster is 'Why?' What is it meant to accomplish? What theme is behind the monsters creation? In particular, reading the thread the dividing the poison up seems to have been a last minute stroke of insight, and as far as I'm concerned its the 'poison rend' idea that is the only good thing about this monster and the only reason I'd ever be tempted to use it.

 

[Beholder Bob]

I run a lot of off the cuff games and created this beastie for an encounter (6hd magical beast - ok stats, low damage but poison), the initial concept was a watered down hydra - instead of simple draconic heads, make them snake heads. This turned into 2 vipers and a constrictor. It was encountered in a rather an animal preserve/garden of a BBEG who collected unique oddities. I had decided he had a magical beast used in a far off land for tracking, a reptile rather then a mammel. Thinking about the tracking led to the poison, which I think I'm going to further update into a +8 to track any creature that has been poisoned.

The cyclops feature was perhaps odd, but it was based off the way carnivores and herbivores have their eyes placed - in front for hunters, to the sides for herbivors. Well, the creature wasn't supposed to be the top of the foodchain - it hunts and is hunted, so it keeps its 2 heads in binacular position (adjacent) when hunting, but roves side to side when not hunting so as to be able to keep an eye out for predators that would fancy it as a meal.

The beast was intended as a good, tough CR 5 encounter, with some similarities to a hydra, but rather then a simple brute, I wanted something a little sneakier - something that strikes, then leaves to let the poison work. Then comes back later.

The initial design I wanted to use was 2 different types of poison and a constrictor - but while running the creature I forgot to apply this, so I shrugged and let it be. Since I am writing it up for later use, I have the benefit of time to make it the way I had invisioned it.

I've gotten a couple comments on the number of feats (2 bonus feats), and in retrospect, perhaps the poison focus makes it a bit much. I think I'll drop the poison focus and reduce it to a single bonus feat.