Teh.BEST.NPC.Evar!!!11!!!!

[demiurge1138]

Nobody in the Eberron game I run online will probably ever forget Silaena Cazal. Otherwise known as The Boss. Otherwise known as the Heartless Bitch. The PCs are "Freelance Police", a team of investigators working with the watch in Menthis Plateau. The commander of the Menthis watch is Silaena Cazal, a ruthless elven woman who purposely gives them terrible jobs simply because she doesn't like them, like forcing them to work at the registry for diplomatic events or solve locked-room mysteries she doesn't want to expend resources on otherwise. She treated one of the Freelancers like a maid, the warforged Freelancer as a coatrack, and is so chilly and mean that another Freelancer suspects that she's a vampire.

Needless to say, she's one of my favorites.

Demiurge out.

 

[Runesong42]

Bonus - How To Mess With PC's

I've had numerous NPC's over the years of DMing, but as I read the other entries, I started laughing out loud as I thought of my two favourite toadies, Koro and Boro.

Koro and Boro were two little kobolds that follwed around this Ranger guy named Rion Crock. This hails all the way back to 1st edition, when alignments were kind of important. Anyhow, these two kobolds were spared by the normally humaonid-hating Ranger because I role-played how pathetic they were to perfection. After the Ranger and his henchmen trounced their companions, these two begged for their lives, and I mean *begged*. They went on about how they weren't like their brothers, how the only reason the atacked the party was because of their cruel, harsh masters, and how they were the smallest members of their group, and so on. They even cried. Because the plyayer was laughing so hard at my attempt to be pathetic, Rion let them live. In express gratitide, the two insisted on following the Ranger *everywhere*. Into dungeons. Into towns. Into inn rooms. They were 100% convinced that the only reason they were alive was thanks to Rion Crock. They would call him "master" and run errands for him. Even errands he didn't want. Like the time they brought him a roasted cat for dinner. And the time they found some "shiny things" at a store that they thought the Ranger would like. And what's better, is that they they would defend the Ranger to their deaths with their little spears. Over and over again.

How?

These two little buggers had a special quality - Troll blood. I had read something back in the day called "The Orcs of Thar", an old Gazetteer that is still, IMO, the BEST humanoid resource material ever. In it, they talked abot cross-breeding humanoid types and the potential results of doing so. It gave me the best idea ever.

So, imagine, if you will... a pair of kobolds, with their 1-4 HP, and regeneration. No matter how many times they got knocked down, unless they were burned/acided etc., they would constantly heal and come back for more.

When the Ranger was in trouble, the two heroic kobolds would scream bloody murder, charge with their little spears, and die a painful and quick "death". Rion would shake his head, sigh, and move on. Several hours later, Koro and Boro would come running, all concerned and worried that master has gotten eaten. Thankful that he wasn't, they would fall into formation and follow master along until the next time they went down. And come back later.

Now, for lower-level games, mess with your PC's by sending kobolds at them who can regenerate. Have them fight the same party of 6-12 kobolds all day. Or all campaign. Wiser players might catch on, but will they care? I guarantee it will be good for a chuckle or two.

 

[Moe Ronalds]

I have two (well, one and a group) that spring to mind immediately. The first is a villain from my d20 modern game, the other is a group of superheroes.

Combest Peabody-- Combest Peabody may very well be my favourite villain of all time. The dangerously obssessed and mistreated lover of the vampiric BBEG, he was also aforesaid vampire's choice to rule over our world once he'd conquered it. Combest had no magical or combative ability whatsoever, though he was very organized, a good researcher, and a not-bad singer/songwriter/guitar player. His most potent expertise was child's psychology, which he put to good use. The PCs first encountered him running a preschool in an isolated town, having brainwashed and propogandized the little brats into pint-sized fanatics in favour of his vampiric lord. The PCs stopped the operation, of course, but Peabody got away. (The Children pulled out knives, and the Party Occultist cast web. Peabody pulled out a lighter, and informed them that web might be flammable) He went on to get his nose in their business a few more times (ratting out the only person in the BBEGs organization who was closer to the BBEG than he, giving them information on a villain whose wife he killed, and trying to keep them from evacuating a soon-to-be-nuked New York), and when they finally killed him via explosion, one of the characters that took a special disliking for him preserved his head as a trophy.

The Triumverate of Mustachioed Inanity Years ago, they were a super hero team that had three things in common: They were all comedians, they were all super heroes, and they all had mustaches.

The Roster was composed of Weird Al Yankovic, the Prince of Parody, their leader with the power to be very friendly to animals. There was also Gallagher, an eccentric power house who summoned the power of strength, flight, and invulnerability from his enchanted sledgehammer. He used his watermelon grenades when he got into a tight spot. The third and final member was Yakov Smirnof, a jovial russian sorceror with a portal to the bizarro world in his head through which he summoned the mighty magical powers of Bizarro Rasputin. The team disbanded when the portal in Yakov's head tremored, causing him to switch places with his Bizarro world counterpart. Vokay tried super-villany, but went into hiding out of bitterness when the people of our world didn't understand the humour of "In Bizarro Soviet Russia, You Drive Car!". In a fit of frustration and depression, Yankovic shaved his mustache and Gallagher opened a fruit stand.

Edit: Forgot to state what made Combest so much fun to roleplay- the guy's overall demeanor was unsettlingly friendly and hokey, sort of midway between Mr. Rogers and Ned Flanders, he always wore tie-dye, jeans and a vest, and he had a balding afro ala Art Garfunkel.

 

[Evilhalfling]

Mistress of Secrets. The high priestess of a goddess of secrets. She was a mystic theurge, who started as a good mage. She had a child by a celestial, and then converted to cleric. She was solidly evil, but would help the PCs in discovering secrets that she thought they should know. It helped that one of the PCs was her son, an Assimar and one of the few good clerics of the goddess. When he died she came to collect the rod of lesser silence and stillness claiming it belonged to the temple. They could have taken her apart, but she exuded such power and mystry they backed down. When they asked for payment she provided a few obscure but usefull hints. When the PC's later returned to the ruined city where he had died, the barbarian tribes had been decimated and the dungeon caved in. She had hired the most (in)famous band of mercenaries in the land, and then accompanied them.

They never saw her again but she was always acive either hiding or exposing secrets. In the final game the primary villians were trying to suck the world into the far realm, and the players hit thier main base while the BBEG and his lieutant were visiting a city and the leader was ambushed and the lieutant slain, once more through her orders and manipulation.

The second that comes to mind was bob the dretch spy. A sorcerer with int 7.
and disguise self. He had a stupid grin, a tendency to wave and an accent. His clever tactics included telling people he was not a spy. Changing his name to rob, and adding a large wart to his nose (while still disguised as a gnome.) And draping himself in blankets (when out of disguise self spells) He was grappled and stabbed to death with cold iron arrows.

 

[fanboy2000]

I'm rather fond of gnome bard I created. In stead of singing or playing musical instrament, he told jokes. Bad jokes. Jokes I got off this board. My players still havn't totally forgiven me.