D&D General That one player who cancels at the last day

[Bird Of Play]

What do you want him to do, produce a time card? A signed note from his boss?

Well, I've cracked a joke about him needing to provide a signed note from his parents next time it happens (I'm a teacher). Seems like this time the joke didn't fall flat, so hopefully we've cleared our disagreement out?

Honestly, a lot of speculation on my part as I cannot know about his actual work schedule, so perhaps the guy really just had to work overtime all week. Who knows.

I think this is a good way to discuss DnD and commitment. I'm appreciating hearing the different replies and opinions here.

 

[Thomas Shey]

For a lot of people taking time off, even "only 3 hours" every single week is a lot. Especially when this has only happened twice and the guy gave as much notice as possible.

And I kind of have to repeat if 3 hours once a week is too much, then any social hobby is a bad idea and the person should stop kidding themselves and others otherwise. That doesn't mean you're never going to miss ever, but if it happens with any frequency its the sign you're trying to do something you really can't do.

 

[Oofta]

And I kind of have to repeat if 3 hours once a week is too much, then any social hobby is a bad idea and the person should stop kidding themselves and others otherwise. That doesn't mean you're never going to miss ever, but if it happens with any frequency its the sign you're trying to do something you really can't do.

So ... gaming is more important than jobs, other friends or personal commitments and family.

You do you, but you don't do yourself any favors with that kind of attitude.

 

[jgsugden]

I've been in groups where we expected everyone, everytime, and if you were a late no show, then there was hell to pay. Everyone understood it. If you had a last minute chance for a date, you turned it down. If someone had to cancel because they were sick, the game didn't play and people were frustrated/disappointed/angry. However, there were advantages for the story for the game to be so reliable. We rarely had a problem.

I've also played in games where the game went on so long as the DM could make it, and if someone couldn't be there, someone else ran the PC. It was no biggie if someone just decided not to show because they were tired, or because they wanted to binge the season of Daredevil instead.

As long as everyone is on the same page, and everyone agrees to the rules, it is all fine.

 

[lingual]

For a lot of people taking time off, even "only 3 hours" every single week is a lot. Especially when this has only happened twice and the guy gave as much notice as possible.

First, it's not just 3 hours. It's 3 hours + commute + a guarantee you don't have to work late because if you don't fix something right now you're letting down an entire team of people or perhaps an entire division of the company. Not being able to attend a single week? Do people never take vacations? Get sick? Have a family/friend get-together that just happens to fall on game night? Work super long hours once in a while so they simply have no energy or need that extra 3+ hours just to get some sleep?

It's pretty typical for IT during major deployments to have an "all hands on deck" request. Whether or not they have to physically be in the office or not, they have to be able to jump online at a moments notice.

There's a major difference between missing a single session and letting the group know they won't be able to attend next week and being unreliable.

Also. The more valuable you are in IT, the more often you will be the one to put out the fires, etc. Usually the late hours are atypical situations and atypical situations usually need the most skilled engineers around.

As for the OP? 100 percent attendance requirements can kill campaigns. Do as that player suggests and get another player or two. And waive 100 percent attendance.

 

[damiller]

So ... gaming is more important than jobs, other friends or personal commitments and family.

You do you, but you don't do yourself any favors with that kind of attitude.

I would say absolutely not. A person has to decide what they can prioritize and what they cannot.

But I have chosen to prioritize game time, and I ask anyone else who wants to play in my game to choose to do the same. Otherwise I will not run a game for them. And the moment I sense it is no longer a priority for them, I will ask them pretty directly if they can still make time for the game. And if they can't I may offer alternatives or not, kinda depends on how they've conducted themselves in telling me they no longer can make game time a priority.

 

[Thomas Shey]

So ... gaming is more important than jobs, other friends or personal commitments and family.

You do you, but you don't do yourself any favors with that kind of attitude.

No, but pretending you're going to game when your life isn't going to permit it does no one any good. Just acknowledge its not a practical hobby any more and move on.

Seriously, if I was going to miss one in two sessions, damned if I'd tell people I was going to be in a campaign. I don't think suggesting that's rude an generally inappropriate except in a campaign very designed for people to come and go from the start is in any way a bad attitude; its just suggesting people not make more commitments than they can keep.

 

[Thomas Shey]

I would say absolutely not. A person has to decide what they can prioritize and what they cannot.

But I have chosen to prioritize game time, and I ask anyone else who wants to play in my game to choose to do the same. Otherwise I will not run a game for them. And the moment I sense it is no longer a priority for them, I will ask them pretty directly if they can still make time for the game. And if they can't I may offer alternatives or not, kinda depends on how they've conducted themselves in telling me they no longer can make game time a priority.

And like I said, I think everyone understands that Things Happen. But if your life is such that Things Happen All The Time, I think its only reasonable to acknowledge that up front and not try and act like it isn't going to be true. If that means someone doesn't think you're right for their campaign at that point, damned if I see how that's unreasonable.

 

[Oofta]

No, but pretending you're going to game when your life isn't going to permit it does no one any good. Just acknowledge its not a practical hobby any more and move on.

Seriously, if I was going to miss one in two sessions, damned if I'd tell people I was going to be in a campaign. I don't think suggesting that's rude an generally inappropriate except in a campaign very designed for people to come and go from the start is in any way a bad attitude; its just suggesting people not make more commitments than they can keep.

The person missed one session and let the DM know they couldn't make the next week. It's not even close to one in two sessions as far as I can tell.

 

[Oofta]

I would say absolutely not. A person has to decide what they can prioritize and what they cannot.

But I have chosen to prioritize game time, and I ask anyone else who wants to play in my game to choose to do the same. Otherwise I will not run a game for them. And the moment I sense it is no longer a priority for them, I will ask them pretty directly if they can still make time for the game. And if they can't I may offer alternatives or not, kinda depends on how they've conducted themselves in telling me they no longer can make game time a priority.

If it's a choice between game and career once in a great while, career is going to win. If that's unacceptable I don't know what to say other than good luck.