Lord Kenji is up in the Rogue's Gallery thread.
The Chronicle of Burne, and Some Others of Lesser Importance *Updated May 17th, 2009*
- Thread starter Rolzup
- Start date
Camris said:
Glad you've enjoyed it. We are currently in the process of applying thumb screws to Rolzup to "persuade" him to crank out the next installment. The work has been preceeding more slowly than we would prefer due to the need to avoid violating local noise regulations and his insistance that his Wife and Child deserve his time an attention as well. Unfortunately, the DHS has declined our request to ship him off to Gitmo, in order to "expedite" future installments.
Oh, by the way. You are apparently our first outright bump. Thank you and we now return you to your regularly scheduled interrogation...
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"....
Rolzup
First Post
Fortunately, they've left my fingers unbroken. Typing with one's face is both slow and uncomfortable, and I don't recommend it.
But obviously, anything that I say about "regular updates" should be considered lies. Filthy, filthy lies. But onwards and upwards!
And by "upwards", I mean "downwards".
The Makings of a Interesting Salad
By now, I suppose, I should be used to the fact that we tend to leave chaos and madness in our wake. Not by choice, I assure you! But should someone be bold enough, foolish enough, to stand in the way of Burne...
...and, I suppose, those he allows to accompany him...
...he will pay for his effrontery. Quickly, at least. And with dignity. After all, what could possibly be more dignified than burning to death?
BURNE IS NOT A WELL MAN.
In any case, I was unprepared for what we found in the basement of the Palladion.
Is there anything more sickening than a room filled with foreigners? Ajakhani. I could tell by their sloping foreheads, almond eyes and faint patina of honor. My nausea was only compounded by the fact that the entirety of my companions contributed to the miasma of barbarism in the room. I found myself actually pining for a moment for the more honest stink of our still-missing madman, before my eyes suddenly stumbled over the other two men waiting in the room.
YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. HIS EYES STUMBLED. I'VE GIVEN UP, FRANKLY.
Civilized men, both of them. Not Ajikhani, which was reason enough to welcome the sight of them. But even so, I felt instantly suspicious of the pair. The first, festooned with bottles and vials, was clearly a fellow alchemist. An inferior one, as should go without saying, but still a practitioner of the greatest Art, and thus deserving of some modicum of respect.
The other.... He practiced another Art, and I knew that instinctually, but I could not ascertain its nature. Alas, it soon became all too clear!
I glanced at Kenji, and saw by the faint twitch of his eyebrow that he was not pleased to see his countrymen here. I divined upon the instant....
I.E.: HE WAS TOLD SOME HOURS LATER.
...that these were the very same individuals with whom he had quarreled in the restaurant outside, before my arrival. I started to ask Rackhir his opinion, but he had somehow conspired to vanish on our way down the stairs. All too typical, really.
And then Kenji made a noise. A strangled sort of thing, a rather unpleasant sound, that seemed all the more alarming in that it was coming from him, of all people. One of the foreigners, apparently their leader, was holding an jewel encrusted Egg. A largish sort of egg, one that would have required a truly enormous sapphire-fed chicken to produce.
Kenji launched into a torrent of questions, from which I gather that this egg was A) valuable beyond all reasonable belief, and B) had no business being in the possession of these men.
Seeing where this was going, I unlimbered the Engine and prepared to set someone on fire.
I don't know who attacked first. Nor, frankly, did I much care. The warriors closed with Kenji, swinging wildly and ineffectually, and their leader, a sleepy-looking fop in black pajamas, mask and slippers, vanished. I debated aloud whether Kenji would mind being at the center of a Phlogistonic explosion, which Mercutio loudly dithered about who exactly he should be helping here.
Despite the men trying to kill him (several of whom suddenly sprouted arrows, as Rackhir emerged from the shadows with bow in hand), Kenji somehow managed to convince Mercutio to aid us against his former comrades. At the top of his lungs, mind you. While perforating a man's spleen with his sword.
Still and all, it was oddly effective yelling.
Meiji, as is his wont, vanished from sight, and proceeded to do superfluous things, of the sort that I do far, far better. It's a mixed blessing, really...on the one hand, we'd be better served if he was a visible target, a distraction. On the other hand, this way we need not look at him. Clearly, there are advantages either way.
And so, I busied myself moving to a more advantageous position. It was at this moment that the missing foreigner reappeared, and buried a knife in the side of the inoffensive Dr. Wu. Clearly, this man had no fondness for monkeys.
This act provoked an actual cry of dismay from Kenji, which was so surprising that I very nearly dropped the Engine. Obviously there's a deep attachment between the two of them, and I shall forever be grateful of my ignorance of the particulars.
And mere seconds later, the other two men finally took a hand...and I learned that the man I could not identify was a Gate Mage. He threw a small stone to the ground in front of himself, and with a flash of amber light a huge and hulking mass of animate vegetation manifested and began to lurch forward.
Cheerfully enough, I met it with fire.
The entire basement was embroiled in a grand melee by now, with sword, arrows, and spells being thrown about with gay abandon. I was, I must admit, having a grand time with the plant-creature (this particular species being known in the vulgate as a "Shambling Mound"), pelting it with fire, acid, and whatever else happened to strike my fancy as it struck out indiscriminately at anything within range...including the so-called "ronin" who had attacked Kenji. I was toying with it, in truth, and was just about to finish the beast off entirely when Meiji, with an exhalation of steam, ruined the game.
And for this, he was entered upon my List.
OH, EREBUS, NOT THE LIST.
But the Bottle Man and his companion took advantage of the confusion, with the former grabbing hold of the now unattended egg, and the latter creating a Gate through which the two could flee. And Kenji, in a surprisingly reckless maneuver, leapt through the rapidly closing Gate in pursuit. "Ah, well," I remember thinking, "That's one corpse we'll never recover, and damn the man for his lack of consideration."
With what I can only assume to have been a curse, the leader of the ronin made a prodigious leap straight upwards, vanishing through a small hole in the ceiling. I considered stopping him, but was too busy collecting samples of vegetation. For research purposes, you understand.
Rackhir having expressed some concern as to the fate of Kenji, we shortly left the basement of the Palladion, and adjourned to the streets outside so that we might search for him. Fortuitously enough, he came striding over to us, conspiculously eggless. He was, as usual, expressionless...but there was something about the look in his eyes that was, in truth, daunting. The man has depths, it seems.
There'd been a brief battle, it seems, with the Bottle Man animating the street itself to slow Kenji down a trifle. It didn't keep him from being cut, but it did give he and his companion enough time to Gate away. Leaving Kenji behind, this time.
Unsurprised by his failures, I made a desultory attempt to comfort the fellow...but I knew, somehow, that we were still in grave danger.
HE LIES. ABOUT EVERYTHING. HE WAS PLAYING WITH BITS OF THE PLANT CREATURE, AND MUTTERING SOMETHING ABOUT BOOTS.
And it was then that I saw Nadir, glowering at us from an alleyway. Shouting a warning to the others, I leveled the engine at him and prepared to send him off to meet his maker. He began to advance upon us, holding an item that I recognized instantly as the wand that he had stolen from Mercutio's brother, and issued some sort of threat....
Before stopping dead and staring with a look of consternation, at something behind us. Turning cautiously, I beheld a rather striking woman, holding a staff of a style similar to that of the wand Nadir held and the rod that Mercutio was clutching.
Turning again, I saw that Nadir was now concentrating, focusing his will upon this woman. But before I could intervene, he turned and fled...pursued by an arrow or three from Rackhir's bow.
Clearly, I'd frightened the man off. Evil he may be, but hardly a fool.
But who was this mysterious woman? We were about to discover. At great length.
But obviously, anything that I say about "regular updates" should be considered lies. Filthy, filthy lies. But onwards and upwards!
And by "upwards", I mean "downwards".
The Makings of a Interesting Salad
By now, I suppose, I should be used to the fact that we tend to leave chaos and madness in our wake. Not by choice, I assure you! But should someone be bold enough, foolish enough, to stand in the way of Burne...
...and, I suppose, those he allows to accompany him...
...he will pay for his effrontery. Quickly, at least. And with dignity. After all, what could possibly be more dignified than burning to death?
BURNE IS NOT A WELL MAN.
In any case, I was unprepared for what we found in the basement of the Palladion.
Is there anything more sickening than a room filled with foreigners? Ajakhani. I could tell by their sloping foreheads, almond eyes and faint patina of honor. My nausea was only compounded by the fact that the entirety of my companions contributed to the miasma of barbarism in the room. I found myself actually pining for a moment for the more honest stink of our still-missing madman, before my eyes suddenly stumbled over the other two men waiting in the room.
YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. HIS EYES STUMBLED. I'VE GIVEN UP, FRANKLY.
Civilized men, both of them. Not Ajikhani, which was reason enough to welcome the sight of them. But even so, I felt instantly suspicious of the pair. The first, festooned with bottles and vials, was clearly a fellow alchemist. An inferior one, as should go without saying, but still a practitioner of the greatest Art, and thus deserving of some modicum of respect.
The other.... He practiced another Art, and I knew that instinctually, but I could not ascertain its nature. Alas, it soon became all too clear!
I glanced at Kenji, and saw by the faint twitch of his eyebrow that he was not pleased to see his countrymen here. I divined upon the instant....
I.E.: HE WAS TOLD SOME HOURS LATER.
...that these were the very same individuals with whom he had quarreled in the restaurant outside, before my arrival. I started to ask Rackhir his opinion, but he had somehow conspired to vanish on our way down the stairs. All too typical, really.
And then Kenji made a noise. A strangled sort of thing, a rather unpleasant sound, that seemed all the more alarming in that it was coming from him, of all people. One of the foreigners, apparently their leader, was holding an jewel encrusted Egg. A largish sort of egg, one that would have required a truly enormous sapphire-fed chicken to produce.
Kenji launched into a torrent of questions, from which I gather that this egg was A) valuable beyond all reasonable belief, and B) had no business being in the possession of these men.
Seeing where this was going, I unlimbered the Engine and prepared to set someone on fire.
I don't know who attacked first. Nor, frankly, did I much care. The warriors closed with Kenji, swinging wildly and ineffectually, and their leader, a sleepy-looking fop in black pajamas, mask and slippers, vanished. I debated aloud whether Kenji would mind being at the center of a Phlogistonic explosion, which Mercutio loudly dithered about who exactly he should be helping here.
Despite the men trying to kill him (several of whom suddenly sprouted arrows, as Rackhir emerged from the shadows with bow in hand), Kenji somehow managed to convince Mercutio to aid us against his former comrades. At the top of his lungs, mind you. While perforating a man's spleen with his sword.
Still and all, it was oddly effective yelling.
Meiji, as is his wont, vanished from sight, and proceeded to do superfluous things, of the sort that I do far, far better. It's a mixed blessing, really...on the one hand, we'd be better served if he was a visible target, a distraction. On the other hand, this way we need not look at him. Clearly, there are advantages either way.
And so, I busied myself moving to a more advantageous position. It was at this moment that the missing foreigner reappeared, and buried a knife in the side of the inoffensive Dr. Wu. Clearly, this man had no fondness for monkeys.
This act provoked an actual cry of dismay from Kenji, which was so surprising that I very nearly dropped the Engine. Obviously there's a deep attachment between the two of them, and I shall forever be grateful of my ignorance of the particulars.
And mere seconds later, the other two men finally took a hand...and I learned that the man I could not identify was a Gate Mage. He threw a small stone to the ground in front of himself, and with a flash of amber light a huge and hulking mass of animate vegetation manifested and began to lurch forward.
Cheerfully enough, I met it with fire.
The entire basement was embroiled in a grand melee by now, with sword, arrows, and spells being thrown about with gay abandon. I was, I must admit, having a grand time with the plant-creature (this particular species being known in the vulgate as a "Shambling Mound"), pelting it with fire, acid, and whatever else happened to strike my fancy as it struck out indiscriminately at anything within range...including the so-called "ronin" who had attacked Kenji. I was toying with it, in truth, and was just about to finish the beast off entirely when Meiji, with an exhalation of steam, ruined the game.
And for this, he was entered upon my List.
OH, EREBUS, NOT THE LIST.
But the Bottle Man and his companion took advantage of the confusion, with the former grabbing hold of the now unattended egg, and the latter creating a Gate through which the two could flee. And Kenji, in a surprisingly reckless maneuver, leapt through the rapidly closing Gate in pursuit. "Ah, well," I remember thinking, "That's one corpse we'll never recover, and damn the man for his lack of consideration."
With what I can only assume to have been a curse, the leader of the ronin made a prodigious leap straight upwards, vanishing through a small hole in the ceiling. I considered stopping him, but was too busy collecting samples of vegetation. For research purposes, you understand.
Rackhir having expressed some concern as to the fate of Kenji, we shortly left the basement of the Palladion, and adjourned to the streets outside so that we might search for him. Fortuitously enough, he came striding over to us, conspiculously eggless. He was, as usual, expressionless...but there was something about the look in his eyes that was, in truth, daunting. The man has depths, it seems.
There'd been a brief battle, it seems, with the Bottle Man animating the street itself to slow Kenji down a trifle. It didn't keep him from being cut, but it did give he and his companion enough time to Gate away. Leaving Kenji behind, this time.
Unsurprised by his failures, I made a desultory attempt to comfort the fellow...but I knew, somehow, that we were still in grave danger.
HE LIES. ABOUT EVERYTHING. HE WAS PLAYING WITH BITS OF THE PLANT CREATURE, AND MUTTERING SOMETHING ABOUT BOOTS.
And it was then that I saw Nadir, glowering at us from an alleyway. Shouting a warning to the others, I leveled the engine at him and prepared to send him off to meet his maker. He began to advance upon us, holding an item that I recognized instantly as the wand that he had stolen from Mercutio's brother, and issued some sort of threat....
Before stopping dead and staring with a look of consternation, at something behind us. Turning cautiously, I beheld a rather striking woman, holding a staff of a style similar to that of the wand Nadir held and the rod that Mercutio was clutching.
Turning again, I saw that Nadir was now concentrating, focusing his will upon this woman. But before I could intervene, he turned and fled...pursued by an arrow or three from Rackhir's bow.
Clearly, I'd frightened the man off. Evil he may be, but hardly a fool.
But who was this mysterious woman? We were about to discover. At great length.
Last edited:
As stress and nervous tension are now major problems in the Galaxy, it can be revealed that Rackhir has finally obtained the long teased and dangled "YU Bow" and someone's upper arm was bruised. However in order to preserve a sense of excitement, exactly who's upper arm was bruised will not be revealed at this time.
Bloodcookie
Explorer
Bumped, for the Empire!
Rolzup
First Post
Interlude: "The Lady Eve"
<inside the Palladion Theater, 2112 Promenade Street, The Bilge, Narayan:CITY">
Stop me if you've heard this one before: "A philosopher, a woman carrying a wizard's staff, a man with a flaming hat, an archer, a samurai, his monkey and a mesmerist walk into a bar"...
Rackhir looks the striking woman over, noting the similarity between her staff and the Malgrazia rod that Mercutio carries, not to mention the Salomalle wand the Right Reverend until recently wore tucked into his belt. He begins questioning her in his unmistakable way, both brusque and polite at the same time --"Who are you? What is your connection to the Rod and the Wand? What is your history with Nadir? What made him flee?"-while Lord Kenji's monkey-man casually offers the box office manager, Lucre, an enormous bribe and Meiji begins rooting around the small lobby bar looking for wine. Lucie the bartender smiles meekly at him then fetches a few bottles of the 'passable stuff' from the back. Mercutio's audience, still so enthralled by his performance they didn't notice the tell-tale signs --the screams, the detonations, the escaping ninja- of the battle fought in the basement are long gone.
"Next you'll be asking me my age!" she says. "Which, suffice to say, is 'older than I look' I could make any number of vague replies, and I might have to, depending on what you ask, but let me start off plain. I was what Nadir Medhi wants to be. A petitioner before the Bad Hunger.
"I am the Lady Eve. Once I knelt down in the Church Without Doors and," she pauses a whole minute, "learned things. Experience teaches. And knowledge is the enemy of understanding. I suppose that's not very clear, though it might be important."
"Was this recently?"
"A long time ago. Before that ugly incident with the bishop of Kruetzel."
Eve pauses again. "I can help you. I know a little about the Three Sisters; Salomalle, Malgrazia, and the Bella Dominatrix." She taps her staff against the floor. "They held my hands as I walked though the Not-Door."
"That would be the black barrier under the monastery?"
"Yes, though it's not nearly as cryptic as it sounds, since it's not a door but a wall. At least to you. Beyond it is the entrance to the Church Without Doors."
"And the entrance is a Gate?'
"Not in the way you mean it. It's more of a maw."
"What can you tell us about the Sisters?"
"They are succubae, slaves of the Hunger. He uses them to chaperone petitioners. As to why I haven't the foggiest. Needless to say, they hate Him."
"I take it then that the sisters are not necessary to become a petitioner to the Bad Hunger? Or at least not all of them, else your possession of the staff would be sufficient to prevent Nadir from entering the Not-Door."
"No. Only the Three Sisters together can open the Not-Door. Think of them like a test. Or like doormen. Nadir would have to take the Staff from me or perhaps seduce it into helping him, which would be no mean trick. But I know him. We traveled in the same circles for years. He's a clever and determined Shirac."
"You must be a powerful magician then..."
"I'm not a magician at all, although I do get invited to their parties. I frightened Nadir off because he doesn't understand what I am. But that won't stop him from trying to gain the Staff, and I don't know if I can stop him. Maybe if I had a sharp knife..."
"So then your interests lie along ours since he will have to come after you as well. Good. We have more than enough skill and power to kill him. With no false modesty, both Lord Kenji and I are very sharp knives..."
Burne coughs violently, hacking up sulfurous phlegm. "A-hem, ahem. Sorry. Something stuck in my throat."
"The problem with two sharp knives is that Nadir will plunge one into the other," the Lady Eve says tartly.
Meiji pours goblets of wine all around, as Kenji looks on, both beautiful and inscrutable, and Burne sits uncharacteristically silent, his helmet gently smoking, taking the occasional note.
Eve drains her cup in one fluid, unladylike gesture and looks Rackhir straight in the eye. "No, I meant that literally. I wish I still had my knife. So I could stab him. Then again", says Eve, her eyes darting to fresh bottle of wine, "if I did stab him that wouldn't go unnoticed. Other parties may be involved."
"Can you shield or protect us from his powers in some way? I at least lack the ability to resist his powers and Lord Kenji must close with him. No easy task given his talents at concealment."
Meiji refills her cup. "I can't protect you from Nadir's compulsions, though I could help you run away. Unless, of course, the places I run to kill you outright. Are you terribly fond of air?"
The Lady Eve polishes off another goblet. She slowly looks over to Kenji, as if finally noticing how near-perfect a specimen of Imperial manhood he is. Eve tries to catch his terrifyingly blank almondine eye.
"If you do get close to him he'll conjure up his witchblade. That could be... unpleasant. Nadir wasn't deemed worthy of Adept training at the Miir Valley School. He was made a Duelist. That gave him an inferiority complex at the same time it honed his interpersonal killing skills."
She idly fingers her empty cup, again looking toward Lord Kenji. Who turns to regard his monkey-man. Dr. Wu, in turn, keeps a watchful eye on the silent Mercutio, who does naught but furtively stroke his rod.
With a filthy laugh Eve says, "I could always leap in front of his sword to save you. I mean, if that wouldn't make you feel unmanly. Then again, considering the way some of you dress..."
Meiji, who has been listening along with great interest while acting as bartender, interrupts, "Even if you're not a mage, you're evidently able to scare Nadir away, which I must say is a neat trick. Speaking of which, since you say that he fled because he doesn't understand what you are - if I may ask, what are you then?"
Meiji slyly pours more wine. Eve says quietly. "I don't really know".
<inside the Palladion Theater, 2112 Promenade Street, The Bilge, Narayan:CITY">
Stop me if you've heard this one before: "A philosopher, a woman carrying a wizard's staff, a man with a flaming hat, an archer, a samurai, his monkey and a mesmerist walk into a bar"...
Rackhir looks the striking woman over, noting the similarity between her staff and the Malgrazia rod that Mercutio carries, not to mention the Salomalle wand the Right Reverend until recently wore tucked into his belt. He begins questioning her in his unmistakable way, both brusque and polite at the same time --"Who are you? What is your connection to the Rod and the Wand? What is your history with Nadir? What made him flee?"-while Lord Kenji's monkey-man casually offers the box office manager, Lucre, an enormous bribe and Meiji begins rooting around the small lobby bar looking for wine. Lucie the bartender smiles meekly at him then fetches a few bottles of the 'passable stuff' from the back. Mercutio's audience, still so enthralled by his performance they didn't notice the tell-tale signs --the screams, the detonations, the escaping ninja- of the battle fought in the basement are long gone.
"Next you'll be asking me my age!" she says. "Which, suffice to say, is 'older than I look' I could make any number of vague replies, and I might have to, depending on what you ask, but let me start off plain. I was what Nadir Medhi wants to be. A petitioner before the Bad Hunger.
"I am the Lady Eve. Once I knelt down in the Church Without Doors and," she pauses a whole minute, "learned things. Experience teaches. And knowledge is the enemy of understanding. I suppose that's not very clear, though it might be important."
"Was this recently?"
"A long time ago. Before that ugly incident with the bishop of Kruetzel."
Eve pauses again. "I can help you. I know a little about the Three Sisters; Salomalle, Malgrazia, and the Bella Dominatrix." She taps her staff against the floor. "They held my hands as I walked though the Not-Door."
"That would be the black barrier under the monastery?"
"Yes, though it's not nearly as cryptic as it sounds, since it's not a door but a wall. At least to you. Beyond it is the entrance to the Church Without Doors."
"And the entrance is a Gate?'
"Not in the way you mean it. It's more of a maw."
"What can you tell us about the Sisters?"
"They are succubae, slaves of the Hunger. He uses them to chaperone petitioners. As to why I haven't the foggiest. Needless to say, they hate Him."
"I take it then that the sisters are not necessary to become a petitioner to the Bad Hunger? Or at least not all of them, else your possession of the staff would be sufficient to prevent Nadir from entering the Not-Door."
"No. Only the Three Sisters together can open the Not-Door. Think of them like a test. Or like doormen. Nadir would have to take the Staff from me or perhaps seduce it into helping him, which would be no mean trick. But I know him. We traveled in the same circles for years. He's a clever and determined Shirac."
"You must be a powerful magician then..."
"I'm not a magician at all, although I do get invited to their parties. I frightened Nadir off because he doesn't understand what I am. But that won't stop him from trying to gain the Staff, and I don't know if I can stop him. Maybe if I had a sharp knife..."
"So then your interests lie along ours since he will have to come after you as well. Good. We have more than enough skill and power to kill him. With no false modesty, both Lord Kenji and I are very sharp knives..."
Burne coughs violently, hacking up sulfurous phlegm. "A-hem, ahem. Sorry. Something stuck in my throat."
"The problem with two sharp knives is that Nadir will plunge one into the other," the Lady Eve says tartly.
Meiji pours goblets of wine all around, as Kenji looks on, both beautiful and inscrutable, and Burne sits uncharacteristically silent, his helmet gently smoking, taking the occasional note.
Eve drains her cup in one fluid, unladylike gesture and looks Rackhir straight in the eye. "No, I meant that literally. I wish I still had my knife. So I could stab him. Then again", says Eve, her eyes darting to fresh bottle of wine, "if I did stab him that wouldn't go unnoticed. Other parties may be involved."
"Can you shield or protect us from his powers in some way? I at least lack the ability to resist his powers and Lord Kenji must close with him. No easy task given his talents at concealment."
Meiji refills her cup. "I can't protect you from Nadir's compulsions, though I could help you run away. Unless, of course, the places I run to kill you outright. Are you terribly fond of air?"
The Lady Eve polishes off another goblet. She slowly looks over to Kenji, as if finally noticing how near-perfect a specimen of Imperial manhood he is. Eve tries to catch his terrifyingly blank almondine eye.
"If you do get close to him he'll conjure up his witchblade. That could be... unpleasant. Nadir wasn't deemed worthy of Adept training at the Miir Valley School. He was made a Duelist. That gave him an inferiority complex at the same time it honed his interpersonal killing skills."
She idly fingers her empty cup, again looking toward Lord Kenji. Who turns to regard his monkey-man. Dr. Wu, in turn, keeps a watchful eye on the silent Mercutio, who does naught but furtively stroke his rod.
With a filthy laugh Eve says, "I could always leap in front of his sword to save you. I mean, if that wouldn't make you feel unmanly. Then again, considering the way some of you dress..."
Meiji, who has been listening along with great interest while acting as bartender, interrupts, "Even if you're not a mage, you're evidently able to scare Nadir away, which I must say is a neat trick. Speaking of which, since you say that he fled because he doesn't understand what you are - if I may ask, what are you then?"
Meiji slyly pours more wine. Eve says quietly. "I don't really know".
Rolzup
First Post
Interlude: “The Three Faces of Eve”
“A young and curious scholar, who I might add, was quite taken with me, once called me a 'barely localized phenomena'. He was three sheets to the wind at the time, which may have been the future. The air was horrible and full of noisy shapes.
"Sometimes I tell people I'm a mystery wrapped in clothes they can’t afford. Don’t you like my dress? Sometimes I use my stage voice and I say 'I am that I am'. Said that to a Hannikum priest once and he just about shat his robes.
"Let me start again. Maybe it’s better to talk about three Eves. The first was just a girl, a hard-luck case born in Narayan in a bad and wondrous time. Back then everything was still run by pirates, but there was music in the cafes at night and revolution in the air. Call it a renaissance. A time of great thinkers, great poets, great artists…
"The first Eve kept the company of those people. She dabbled in the arts herself. And with learning, too, once she had the money. She wanted to experience it all. Well, she did, and then went looking more. Lucky for her the Brotherhood of the Black Worm had recently brought something old out of the ruins of old Lassantees. Something like nothing else in this world. They called it the Church Without Doors. This Eve found her way in and knelt down before the Bad Hunger.
"She was turned inside-out.
"For a brief, agonizing, ecstatic moment there was a second Eve. She was born as the Hunger took her to the outer reaches of experience. I'm not sure why she didn't just die.
"Did you ever know someone who suffered something so awful that there mind just went... away? That's roughly what happened to Eve, except all of her went away. And then came back."
Her tone turns flat. "Now there's the third Eve, little old me. I don't think I'm a ghost. I’m pretty sure I'm not a demon, except, of course, when I'm drinking gin.
"This Eve put herself back together after being broken. Her perspective has been fundamentally changed, so the usual rules don't apply. She's transcended, well, as far as she can.”
"Eris' bones!" Burne exclaims, his eyes suddenly coming into focus, "Do you mean that literally, woman? That's the very heart and soul of alchemy, right there! Blowing things up, that's simply a nice bonus."
The Lady Eve lets out a knowing laugh, and then continues. “She's a mystery, like every real lady, albeit one who can walk through walls, drink fire, and break a headsman's ax with her dainty neck. And her soul, like any woman's, is fancy-free. So much so that a telepathic cad like Nadir can't even find it."
"Well, I will be damned." Burne looks at Eve rather differently now, and one can almost see him fighting the urge to whip out a caliper and start taking measurements.
“I'm also a part-time muse and mentor.” Smiling at Meiji she says “Would you like to know, my puckish young Imperial philosopher --oh, don't deny it, you have the look-- would you like to know why everything you know about existence is wrong?"
“Because he's a damned ignorant foreigner," Burne mutters absently to himself, jotting down his estimates of Eve's height as it corresponds to the breadth of her forehead.
Meiji's eyes are shining by the time Eve is done speaking and it’s obvious to even the most obtuse of watchers that he is either completely taken with the lady or doing a brilliant job faking it.
"I would absolutely love to know why everything I know about existence is wrong. Actually, let me be honest and say that - if you had asked - I would absolutely love to join you in doing laundry or discussing how many seeds to put in a sesame-seed bun. Something gives me the feeling that it would be an education."
"Oh, for Erebus’s sake." Burne, it seems, is in serious danger of straining his eyes, he's rolling them so hard.
"I.. Think. That. It. Is. Rather. Romantic," Abraxis clatters, a little sullenly.
"Romantic? Damn it all, Abraxis, fetch me a hammer!" Burne hisses, "You are obviously in dire need of an emergency cranial recalibration, and I'm disinclined to bruise my own hand again."
Meiji makes a low bow and continues, "As you have divined, I am a bit of a philosopher. I am a humble seeker after knowledge, visiting strange places and meeting new people whenever I get the opportunity." He grins and adds, "Many of whom I have to blow up or run away from, admittedly. I have met few, however, beside my mentor Little Wu-Shu, who are like you. I think you would have liked her. Among many other things, she said that existence is not a practice session. She did also say that life, like beans, gives you gas, and that there's more perfection in a pig finding truffles than a samurai waving his katana - sorry, Kenji. Who
knows - maybe you wouldn't have liked her all that much."
He grins self-deprecatingly, and says, "Unfortunately, my existence involves much talking. So let me shut up while you tell me what you had in mind. And I'll just refill your empty glass while you do so. Philosophy is thirsty business." He leans back and watches her intently while a nearby bottle rises and moves to fill her glass.
"Philosophy is entirely irrelevant," Burne snaps. "Leaving aside the oh-so intriguing question of transcendence, we've more important considerations to...ah, consider!
He turns to Eve, and -- with an obvious effort -- adopts a gentler tone. "Milady," he begins, assaying a smile, "My apologies for being so abrupt, but time is short and Nadir is a fu...ah..a bast...er, a villain. Yes, a villain. We need to deal with him as quickly and thoroughly as possible. If you've any suggestions to offer on this matter, we'd be delighted to hear them. If not, well, we'll need to make plans as to his elimination. And, ideally, immolation."
"Always. With. The. Flame," Abraxis, now obviously sulking atop a high bookcase, interjects.
Burne wheels around and glares at the mechanical cat, leveling one shaking finger at his famulus. "You," he grits out, "Can be replaced. I've been hearing good things about pneumatic lemurs recently, you know!"
“A young and curious scholar, who I might add, was quite taken with me, once called me a 'barely localized phenomena'. He was three sheets to the wind at the time, which may have been the future. The air was horrible and full of noisy shapes.
"Sometimes I tell people I'm a mystery wrapped in clothes they can’t afford. Don’t you like my dress? Sometimes I use my stage voice and I say 'I am that I am'. Said that to a Hannikum priest once and he just about shat his robes.
"Let me start again. Maybe it’s better to talk about three Eves. The first was just a girl, a hard-luck case born in Narayan in a bad and wondrous time. Back then everything was still run by pirates, but there was music in the cafes at night and revolution in the air. Call it a renaissance. A time of great thinkers, great poets, great artists…
"The first Eve kept the company of those people. She dabbled in the arts herself. And with learning, too, once she had the money. She wanted to experience it all. Well, she did, and then went looking more. Lucky for her the Brotherhood of the Black Worm had recently brought something old out of the ruins of old Lassantees. Something like nothing else in this world. They called it the Church Without Doors. This Eve found her way in and knelt down before the Bad Hunger.
"She was turned inside-out.
"For a brief, agonizing, ecstatic moment there was a second Eve. She was born as the Hunger took her to the outer reaches of experience. I'm not sure why she didn't just die.
"Did you ever know someone who suffered something so awful that there mind just went... away? That's roughly what happened to Eve, except all of her went away. And then came back."
Her tone turns flat. "Now there's the third Eve, little old me. I don't think I'm a ghost. I’m pretty sure I'm not a demon, except, of course, when I'm drinking gin.
"This Eve put herself back together after being broken. Her perspective has been fundamentally changed, so the usual rules don't apply. She's transcended, well, as far as she can.”
"Eris' bones!" Burne exclaims, his eyes suddenly coming into focus, "Do you mean that literally, woman? That's the very heart and soul of alchemy, right there! Blowing things up, that's simply a nice bonus."
The Lady Eve lets out a knowing laugh, and then continues. “She's a mystery, like every real lady, albeit one who can walk through walls, drink fire, and break a headsman's ax with her dainty neck. And her soul, like any woman's, is fancy-free. So much so that a telepathic cad like Nadir can't even find it."
"Well, I will be damned." Burne looks at Eve rather differently now, and one can almost see him fighting the urge to whip out a caliper and start taking measurements.
“I'm also a part-time muse and mentor.” Smiling at Meiji she says “Would you like to know, my puckish young Imperial philosopher --oh, don't deny it, you have the look-- would you like to know why everything you know about existence is wrong?"
“Because he's a damned ignorant foreigner," Burne mutters absently to himself, jotting down his estimates of Eve's height as it corresponds to the breadth of her forehead.
Meiji's eyes are shining by the time Eve is done speaking and it’s obvious to even the most obtuse of watchers that he is either completely taken with the lady or doing a brilliant job faking it.
"I would absolutely love to know why everything I know about existence is wrong. Actually, let me be honest and say that - if you had asked - I would absolutely love to join you in doing laundry or discussing how many seeds to put in a sesame-seed bun. Something gives me the feeling that it would be an education."
"Oh, for Erebus’s sake." Burne, it seems, is in serious danger of straining his eyes, he's rolling them so hard.
"I.. Think. That. It. Is. Rather. Romantic," Abraxis clatters, a little sullenly.
"Romantic? Damn it all, Abraxis, fetch me a hammer!" Burne hisses, "You are obviously in dire need of an emergency cranial recalibration, and I'm disinclined to bruise my own hand again."
Meiji makes a low bow and continues, "As you have divined, I am a bit of a philosopher. I am a humble seeker after knowledge, visiting strange places and meeting new people whenever I get the opportunity." He grins and adds, "Many of whom I have to blow up or run away from, admittedly. I have met few, however, beside my mentor Little Wu-Shu, who are like you. I think you would have liked her. Among many other things, she said that existence is not a practice session. She did also say that life, like beans, gives you gas, and that there's more perfection in a pig finding truffles than a samurai waving his katana - sorry, Kenji. Who
knows - maybe you wouldn't have liked her all that much."
He grins self-deprecatingly, and says, "Unfortunately, my existence involves much talking. So let me shut up while you tell me what you had in mind. And I'll just refill your empty glass while you do so. Philosophy is thirsty business." He leans back and watches her intently while a nearby bottle rises and moves to fill her glass.
"Philosophy is entirely irrelevant," Burne snaps. "Leaving aside the oh-so intriguing question of transcendence, we've more important considerations to...ah, consider!
He turns to Eve, and -- with an obvious effort -- adopts a gentler tone. "Milady," he begins, assaying a smile, "My apologies for being so abrupt, but time is short and Nadir is a fu...ah..a bast...er, a villain. Yes, a villain. We need to deal with him as quickly and thoroughly as possible. If you've any suggestions to offer on this matter, we'd be delighted to hear them. If not, well, we'll need to make plans as to his elimination. And, ideally, immolation."
"Always. With. The. Flame," Abraxis, now obviously sulking atop a high bookcase, interjects.
Burne wheels around and glares at the mechanical cat, leveling one shaking finger at his famulus. "You," he grits out, "Can be replaced. I've been hearing good things about pneumatic lemurs recently, you know!"
