The Forgotten Realms Books I'd LEAST Like to See... (humor)

[Lazybones]

Disclaimer: I am a big Realms fan, and even write my Story Hour campaign there. That said:


NEW TITLES FOR THE FORGOTTEN REALMS LINE


The Complete Commoner: Now your commoner NPCs can be as tweaked as everyone else in the Realms! New high-level commoner feats, and six commoner Prestige Classes (including the long awaited Epic Farmer!).

The Lawyers of Faerûn: new feats, prestige classes, items! Includes rules for converting Elminster and other iconic Faerunian standbyes into these exotic new classes! (Time stop me, will you! Ha, I bet you didn't know my new cohort's a 10th level District Attorney! Let's see you get out of this +5 Restraining Order!) Learn how to sue your DM if he doesn't let you have that +5 Holy Avenger you've been aching for! Includes a 26-page OGL addendum!

The Unauthorized Complete Elminster Biography, Volume 1: the Pre-Adolescent Years. Read how Elminster gains his first eleven character levels, outfoxing schoolyard bullies.

The Complete Guide to Dual Wielding in the Realms: sixty-seven new feats, and four dual-wielding prestige classes! Special chapter on scimitars!

Faiths and Pantheons, volume 2: No, this isn’t write ups for the gods that weren’t given the full treatment in FoP… it’s 175 NEW gods for your FR campaign! Imagine the surprise on your players’ faces when you whip out Fuzak, god of music in the key of C minor! Or Struggos, god of stirges! Goggle at Luscia, goddess of naughty thoughts! Wonder at the intrigues of Barza and Berza, twin gods that were switched at birth, then one was stolen away to… ah, hell, just buy the damned hardcover! IT SAYS FORGOTTEN REALMS ON IT, YOU MUST BUY IT!

Undermountain Chronicles: the new forgotten level (level 31K). Wander the hidden halls of Halaster’s valet Georges, who worked for the mad mage between 1343-1344 DR, but then took a posh job for a really stable archmage in Halruua…


(add your own, please)

 

[Fayredeth]

The Unauthorized Complete Elminster Biography, Volume 1: the Pre-Adolescent Years. Read how Elminster gains his first eleven character levels, outfoxing schoolyard bullies.

Heh, actually, they have a book out like this, but it's a novel: Elminser: making of a Mage. And yes, I'm pretty sure it does go through some of those crazy levels that he has....

Here's some titles that I'd never want to see:

Hairstyles of Halruua
The Divine Secrets of the Seven Sisters
Elminster Erotica
How to Become Chosen by Mystra in 30 Days or Less

 

[Storm Raven]

A Sexual History of the Harpers: The Harpers in Real Action (Illustrated Edition).

 

[Yuan-Ti]

Disclaimer: I'm not a huge fan of FR as portrayed in the novels and as developed over time, but I like the depth of the setting. I AM a fan of the Slayer's Guides!


December Releases in the FR Line:

Slayer's Guide to Drizzt:
Complete details of your favorite a**-kicking Drow! What is his physiology? What does he eat for breakfast? for lunch? for dinner? Details of his dress, habits, habitat, his circle of friends, his manners, his pets, and MORE! Also included are his battle tactics and various stats covering every period of his life from his days as a sniveling runt in Menzoberranianianan to the thousand-orc-slaughtering present. Finally, a small encounter is detailed in which Drizzt can either come to the aid of a good-aligned party, or single-handedly butcher an evil party.

Elminster In Charge
The gods of FR go on holiday--and leave Elminster in charge! Enjoy the whacky mayhem as Elminster randomly turns the Weave on and off; wakes up the tarrasque 97 years early; sends 77 Drizzt clones awandering; appears in Zhentil Keep disguised as Bane and orders the Zhentarim to wear pink uniforms; and sends a vision to all Dwarven clerics that they should begin worshipping Garl Glittergold. Even the Time of Troubles was never so much fun!

Forgotten Realms Epic Level Handbook
Containing Epic Feats, Epic Spells, Epic Powers and Epic Artifacts for use solely in the Forgotten Realms and limited to being used by NPCs native to the Realms. Contains extensive advice on running an campaign in the Realms with Epic Level PCs and how to keep them under the thumb of local NPCs. Examples include: Drizzt's Whirling Scimitars of Doom Feat (requirements: you must be Drizzt); and Elminster's Power Word: I Will Do What I Want and You Can't Stop Me.

 

[JacktheRabbit]

Playboy of the Realms

Play of Faerun presents its latest edition.

The Archmagi!!!

Centerfold by Elminster with special pictorals of the Simbul and the Blackstaff.

You just had to ask didnt you.

 

[Spider_Jerusalem]

I love the Realms, but:

Music of Faerun: Szass Tam remembers his good old days and invites us to share in his knowledge of all that is musical in the lands of Faerun. Including the best of Drow thrash-metal, why halflings are required by law to listen to country music, Dwarven beats and Drizzt: One ranger, his cat and a piano.

Elminsters Evasions: 1001 reasons why you could never ever actually kill Elminster, giving clauses for every plan conceivable. Also includes an amusing chapter of Elminster's own reasons as to why he is the greatest person ever.

Tarrasque Prestige Classes: A wonderfully illustrated book with eleven new prestige classes designed for the all powerful Tarrasque! Your PC's too powerful? Then put them up against a Tarrasque Cavalier!

 

[Harlock]

"Elminster and Drizzt's Guide to Making a Baby"

Can you imagine? An angst ridden, never-dying, duel wielding, harper, archmage, Chosen of all that is good and happy and neat and kewl, half-drow with a pet Dire Legendary Ancient Great Wyrm Tiamat for a pet? For the love of all that is unholy, this is what I fear most about FR.

 

[Taloras]

Am I the only one who wants to read most of these?

 

[Lazybones]

It's funny how the FR line just exploded there for a while... I was out of the game for about six or seven years during most of the 2e heyday, and I remember, soon after the release of 3e, going to the Wizards website and seeing the FR products available for free download. There were boxed sets, NPC books, adventures, regional books... there must have been fifty of them all together. I downloaded them all, of course, but I remember thinking, "Man, I hope nobody actually paid for all this stuff!" I eventually skimmed through most of them; not all crap, certainly, but a lot of stuff that seemed pounded out of the cookie cutter and hurriedly rushed out the door.

I hope that doesn't happen with 3e FR. Well, even if it does there's no way I'm going to join in. I've pretty much decided to eschew Faiths and Pantheons, and while I enjoyed Lords of Darkness and Magic of Faerun, I could have got by without them. I guess I think that the FRCS is "meaty" enough... they really did right by that book, IMHO.

Anyway, to repeat my original point, I do enjoy the Realms, but I enjoy tweaking the faults that mortally offend so many of our brethren here on the boards.

LB

 

[Zelda Themelin]

Forgotten Realms Ultimate Book of Metaplots

No longer you have to wait for newest novel to find out what next dreaded threat to Reams is going to be, and which one of the wonderful iconic characters is going to take care of it.

This HB-book contains over 750 tables and charts for metaplot events in Forgotten Realms in style of novels. Multiple variations and all new events. Includes five different stat blocks for 20 important iconic villains and heroes or Realms. Each of them describles characters with somewhat different abilities, so your players never know what to expect from Elmister or clone of major villain.

Sneak peaks to events potrayed in future novels included.

Also, there is advantaisement for some product called "d20 Modern Conversion Guide to Forgotten Realms"

Makes me wonder...