The Goodman Gang in The Mysterious Tower
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 95: Stag Party.
“What’s that?” Anya’s awake in an instant.
The other members of the Gang are also getting up.
“YAHOOOOOO.”
It’s Newt, he sounds… very well actually- certainly upbeat, the far door is open- through to the ex-Owlbear den.
“GET ‘EM SCAT, SICK ‘EM.”
The Gnome sounds like he’s having far too much fun, the Gang scramble and rush through the door, following the sound of his voice, and the sound of fighting.
“What the…” Jim stops mid-stride, in the largest of the caverns Owlbear Momma is bleeding badly, she’s being attacked by another Giant Stag Beetle, the Beetle is in turn being attacked by a flailing Scat, riding on the back of Scat is Newt, he’s fashioned some sort saddle and reins contraption.
The Gnome waves and reloads his crossbow; he’s tied down so there’s no chance of him falling off during the operation.
“Newt?” Jim continues to stare open mouthed.
CRUNCH
Cas however is all action, his longsword gouges into the Beetle’s carapace.
“DINNA. DINNA. DINNA.” Scat chants, which is a little off-putting.
FWUNG
Newt’s crossbow sings, but is slightly off tune, causing Jim to take emergency evasive action.
“Sorry my bad.” Newt calls over.
“Sorry doesn’t begin to cover it.” Jim shakes his head and leaps into the fray.
CRUNCH
The Beetle attempts to turn as the Goodman Gang hammer on its carapace, it’s desperate to get at them, ignoring the tottering Owlbear ahead of it.
CRUNCH
Alas, for the Beetle, the operation is spectacularly unsuccessful, the huge creature gets wedged in mid-turn, it’s helpless- legs kicking in the air.
Momma Owlbear seizes the opportunity, bites down and rips the side out of her attacker. Cas attacks from the other side, his new sword, although seemingly made of wood, slices easily through the armoured miscreant.
The Beetle is almost cut in two, soon dead, still high and dry, its little legs stop flailing and finally rest- Momma Owlbear continues to rage however, which also signals the Gang’s retreat, with Scat of course, although the Otyugh is reluctant to say goodbye to his “DINNA.”
“Get back, get back.” Jim calls.
The Gang fan back to the cave entrance.
“What the hell were you doing?” Jim stares hard at Newt.
“I dunno. I thought we could take him.” Newt shrugs.
“Why didn’t you wake me, I mean us?”
Newt shrugs again, sighs and looks skyward.
“We’re all alright aren’t we? Nobody’s hurt?”
“She is.” Jim points at the female Owlbear that has ceased raging and is licking its wounds now, in between taking bites from the Beetle carcass, the young Owlbears are also feeding.
Newt stares at the family scene.
“So. None of us were hurt. What’s your point?”
“My point is it could have been, scratch that, it was dangerous, we’re a team.”
“Whatever, you know who you sound like…” Newt shrugs and grins- impish, then giddy-up’s Scat off back towards their sleeping chamber.
“Newt. NEWT. We’re not finished. Newt.”
The Gnome doesn’t even look back.
“Leave him Jim. I can heal her.” Ala stares at Momma Owlbear, “if you can keep her calm?”
Jim nods, moves off cautiously, advances towards the Owlbear and her kids.
The rest of the Gang, except Cas, head back to the camp.
“I’ll keep an eye out from here, in case anything untoward should happen.” Cas states.
Jim nods back, looks crestfallen, then gets back to the job at hand.
The Paladin grins, from ear-to-ear.
Ten minutes later Ala and Cas return to the other members of the Gang, Jim is staying on with the patched up Owlbear, who still has a number of wounds. The procedure being only partially successful, it seems Owlbears are not keen on having anybody touch them, even female Clerics of Correllon that mean well.
Back at camp there’s an impenetrable silence, Newt probably knows he’s in the wrong, the others are certain of it, however their certainty is less apparent when it comes to taking sides. This is Newt after all; the wrong thing is often the right thing for the Rogue.
Two hours later Jim returns.
“I’ve cleared away what’s left of the Beetle, out of the lair- I don’t want predators attracted to the smell, that’ll give her half-a-chance…” Jim trails off.
It seems nobody else cares.
“We’d better get on.” The Ranger states, and then turns to Scat.
“This is goodbye…”
“DOWNUT LEAF ME. DUW-UNT.” Scat blubs and flails his tentacles at Jim, and Newt.
“Scat Bad, singy songy, od yure ad-went-yure. Scat gud Bad.”
Jim rubs Scat between the eyes, coating his hand in drying dung.
“We need to get into the Tower Scat, to rescue the Ghost of Balthazhar, we can’t stay here. You’ve been very helpful… Besides I’ll come back to see you, we all will.” Jim goes looking for confirmation, Newt nods back vigorously, Cas half-smiles, Anya and Ala go for their most expressionless look, Bec is definite, the Barbarian shakes his head.
“Anyway, I’ll come back to see you, I promise.”
Jim heads off, and where Jim goes, apparently the Goodman Gang follow, Newt hugs one of Scat faecal covered legs, then scurries off after the others, wiping his hands frantically.
Scat heaves and sobs, furiously waving all of his tentacles.
Fifteen minutes later the Gang surround the hole they found earlier, which Cas fell down, only to be rescued by Newt, the former location of the defunct Immovable Rods.
“HARK-SPIT.” Bec spits down the hole.
“Oi. Don’t do that, I’ve got to walk about down there.” Newt lowers himself over the side, Bec grips tight to the other end of the rope.
“Oh so it’s different now, okay for me to go ahead a little… Not so uptight now are you Mr. Ranger sir.”
Newt grins at Jim, winks, and then waves at the others- Bec continues to lower the Gnome down.
Newt looks below, into the sunrods flare, he ignites and throws another sunrod over to the right, light bathes the area- a large, damp cavern, roughly circular and about 100 feet in diameter, the ceiling 15 feet high. The edges of the room are surrounded by a dense undergrowth of giant mushrooms of all sizes and shapes. The growth is so thick that when Newt hits the cavern floor he can’t see much more than five feet through the fungal forest.
“SAFE.” Newt half-whispers, half-shouts back up.
Moments later Cas is being lowered down, the Paladin is just reaching the bottom when.
“NEE-NAH NEE-NAH NEE-NAH.”
“Shrieker”, then, “SHRIEKER.” Newt screams at Cas, then begins to hack at the offending fungi.
“SAFE.” Cas calls up, the rope is hoisted away, Cas meanwhile, rushes over to help Newt smash up the wailing mushroom.
About twenty seconds later, with the noisy mushroom chopped beyond recognition, they wonder why they can still hear the Shrieker.
“NEE-NAH NEE-NAH NEE-NAH.”
“Wrong one.” Newt giggles, and nods towards a similar looking mushroom less than five feet away.
Cas nods and the pair set to hacking this terror to pieces.
Bec meanwhile arrives, a bumpy journey, what with him being considerably heavier than any of the other members of the Gang.
Cas and Newt are still swinging hard when Bec lands, takes a look about, shrugs his shoulders and then begins to slash furiously at the fungi surrounding him- all of it, its like making crop circles,
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“WAHWAHWAAHWAHWAHWAAHWAHWAHWAAH.”
Which causes two more Shriekers in the chamber to make their presence felt.
The first Shrieker destroyed Cas heads over to give Bec a piece of his mind.
“BLOODY HELL BEC.”
“WHAT?”
“I SAID BLOODY HELL.”
“BLOODY WHAT?”
“HELL.”
“YES, I’M VERY WELL THANK YOU.”
“NO, I SAID…”
“EXCEPT THERE’S SOMETHING IN MY EAR.”
“WHAT?”
“EAR.”
“I’M NOT COMING ANY CLOSER, NOT UNLESS YOU PUT THAT SWORD DOWN.”
Anya meanwhile is gingerly slinking down the rope, whilst trying to lift her robe over her head to block out the noise, and at the same time hang on, the word is ungainly.
“Aaaaarrgghh.”
Cas suddenly staggers backwards, a long way, he stumbles, falls into a patch of fungi, sending bits of mushrooms and toadstools everywhere.
“Wha… Hel…” Is all he has to say on the matter.
The Paladin rubs at his hand, its purple and covered with white blisters which pulse and swell.
He chokes and vomits over himself.
DM’s Interlude Cas went from full hit points to 10 hit points, and lost 3 strength and 2 constitution- now that’s more like it.
Bec’s confused, as is Anya, the pair look about- what did that, both crouch- weapons facing forward, what just got Cas.
Neither of them spot the Purple Fungi that slithers close to the gound, following its prey, which in this instance is the fallen Paladin.
“Hot soup and blankets… too hot… spicey… kiss Anyaaaaaaarrrrgggggggggghhh.”
Cas, starts off his soliloquy, clearly delirious, and ends it facing his attacker again, the Purple Fungi, an ugly spindly tendril covered plant which looms over the Paladin, before it strikes.
Cas’ head thumps into the cavern floor, it gets very dark in there.
“Where’s Cas go?” Anya worries, “where’d he go?”
“He fell.” Bec points.
The pair head over, in search of their lost Paladin.
Behind them Newt faces off against the second Shrieker.
“It’s just me and you pal, there’s nowhere left for you to run, no place to hide.”
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“That’s not my problem do you thing I like doing this, do ya?”
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“Are you wailing at me? I don’t see anyone else here. Are you wailing at me?”
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“Heh-Heh.” Newt giggles and grins.
Then unleashes his heavy mace and goes to smash the second Shrieker into fungi heaven.
POP
Something small and very important fails, or rather breaks, on the Gnome’s armour- result, he’s suddenly not wearing any armour, he’s tackle out, as it were.
Newt reddens gathers his armour up and sidles off to fix whatever’s wrong.
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“There he is”, Anya points at the unconscious Cas, “Oh Pelor, Ala- get down here, it’s Cas, quick.” She rushes over.
Next Turn: It gets worse.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 96: It gets worse.
Bec suddenly turns right, something moving in the corner of his eye, it’s a Shrieker, it must be, his greatsword cuts a swathe in the fungi and sure enough another Shrieker is silenced, once and for all.
Movement again, Bec’s not done, his greatsword cuts again, mows down a straggly looking fungi, violet in colour, no matter- the Barbarian rushes over to help Ala down the last few feet of the rope. The second Violet Fungi is of course dead now, not that Bec knew what he was doing.
“There.” Bec points, Ala rushes over to Cas as fast as she can cutting a swathe through the fungi in the process.
Anya’s Mage Armour suddenly takes effect, she stands tall, trying to spot whatever struck Cas.
“He’s breathing, just- quickly.” She sees Ala coming. “There’s something in here, something dangerous. NEWT.”
Newt is hidden from sight, trying to fix the strap that’s broken on his armour; he knew he should have worn some pants today.
A little way from the Gnome a straggly looking violet coloured fungi snakes along the ground, getting closer by the moment.
“NEWT. Where are you?” Anya calls again.
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
“Will someone shut that bloody Shrieker up, it’s enough to wake the dead.”
Bec nods and marches off towards the offending fungi.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggghhhhh.”
A nearly naked Newt leaps into the centre of the chamber, propelled by his magical boots.
“Aaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh.”
Newt leaps again, lands off-balance, almost trips- pointing back the way he came.
“There’s something there, creepy, straggly, like… what?”
The other members of the Goodman Gang are staring at him, at least those in the cavern, Jim’s only just starting down the rope now, he must have tied it off somewhere up top.
Actually they’re staring just past Newt, over his shoulder- behind the Gnome.
Newt turns.
“That’s a big stick-insect.”
GULP
What’s got six legs, is about ten feet long with giant mandibles, looks kinda insect-like, yellowy-brown in colour- earth tones, and must weigh over 800 pounds? Oh, and snacks on demi-humans…
The Ankheg arrives to see what all the fuss is about.
CHOMP.
Followed by.
FIZZLE
Newt is sent tumbling backwards by the force of the creatures half-bite, half-butt attack; he’s also covered in acid. Luckily his armour is ok, he isn’t wearing it, his skin seems to be less ok, it’s burning up.
“
.” It’s Bec’s turn to get literate.The Ankheg emerges fully from a second cavern to the west, entrance previously concealed by the myriad fungi.
“Aaaaaaaargh.”
CRUNCH.
Jim drops the last ten or so feet into the chamber, and shatters his ankle.
The Ranger hobbles towards the giant insect, blocking out the pain.
“It bloody hurts. Ooooooo me foot.”
I said blocking out the pain.
“A little help, anyone…”
Jim stumbles on, a brave lad.
“Smidgin” Anya’s back in action, a pair of magic Missiles arc out from her hand, twist through the air and punch circular holes in the side of the Ankheg.
“RRRRRAAAAAAARRRRR.”
Who’s not happy.
“Cas.” Ala whispers.
“Whassup? Can I have a sandwich?” The Paladin awakes, courtesy of Ala’s healing hands.
“Just like old times”, Ala grins, leans in and kisses the Paladin full on the lips.
“Buffet?” Cas shakes his head, it’s all coming back to him- although the huge monster attacking Bec seems to be new.
“What’s…” He manages before Ala screams.
“Aaaaargghh.” That’s her now, right on time.
“What is it?”
Ala grabs the Paladin and pulls, dragging him back, out of the way, the side of the Priestesses face swells and pulses, buboes and blisters form, just like the ones on Cas.
Ala pulls with all her might, certainly faster than the Violet Fungi which twists and coils, then slinks along the ground, disappears back into the fungi forest.
The Ankheg snaps its jaws shut just short of the massive Barbarian, Bec steps back and swings hard, his blow shatters the armoured plates to the left hand side of the insect’s skull, a rich brown liquid spills from the rent.
The Ankheg sways, backs away slightly, wary of the Barbarian.
And in the same instance a strange looking fungi twists and turns, emerges from the undergrowth at the Barbarian’s feet, Bec notices the new arrival as it coils and rises, like a snake ready to dart in.
PUCK
The Barbarian kicks the Violet Fungi, sends it skidding back into its hiding place.
Bec dances forward, slashes hard, the Ankheg falls back again, retreats to the entrance to the second cavern chamber.
Ala dumps her man, Cas leans against the wall, watches her go.
“Chaffinch.” He waves.
The Priestess is out of breath when she crashes to her knees back at Newt’s body, she wipes as much as she can of the acid gunk off the mostly naked Gnome and at the same time sends healing pulses into Newt’s broken body, she cradles the Rogue’s head in her warm and loving arms.
His eyes blink open.
Newt makes vaguely mewling sounds then signals, a thumbs up. Ala drops Newt’s head, which thunks into the cavern floor and is up and off to see who else might need her efforts.
“Ha Ha.”
The Violent Fungi stretches out towards Bec, Jim however is ideally placed.
SWIPE
He slashes hard with his axe, destroying a good half of the plant, in effect cutting the thing in two.
“OOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOoo.”
The Shrieker’s still going, and in fine voice.
“Will someone please shut that thing up?”
Anya realises she’s talking to herself, everyone else seems to be otherwise engaged, either fighting or not dying, just.
“If you want something doing…” The Wizard heads over to the wailing fungi, toting her staff.
“Didn’t expect that did ya?” Jim is talking to the Violet Fungi, the strange plant remains closed mouthed on the subject, instead expends its energy on lashing out and lassoing the Ranger’s leg.
“My bad foot.”
Jim tumbles backwards, bad foot in the air- blisters begin to swell up, he suddenly feels very…
“I feel very…”
Jim’s sick all over, actually mostly over himself.
WHUMP
Followed by.
WHUMP
“OOOoooooOOOOOooooo...”
The Shrieker stops shrieking.
It’s suddenly unnervingly quiet.
“BUFFET.”
Bec continues to harry the Ankheg which again gives ground, they’re almost in to the second chamber now.
HACK-SPIT- BLEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUGHH
A line of Acid is projectile vomited back into the chamber by the Ankheg, Bec’s soaked, as is Anya, her robes are ruined, Bec’s armour not much better.
“Right for that- you die.”
The Barbarian lurches towards the Ankheg, greatsword out before him.
The giant insect continues to retreat; Bec follows it back, into the second chamber proper, an irregular cavern roughly triangular in shape. In the southwest corner is a well built stone chimney or pillar that stretches from the floor to the ceiling. It’s ten feet to a side. A huge pile of dung and refuse is heaped beside it. A little north of it along the wall a wide tunnel leads upwards at an acute angle.
Back in the first chamber Cas has had enough of lying around, a short spiritual interlude later and he’s back on his feet, less damaged than before, but equally giddy.
The Paladin stumbles towards the second chamber, ostensibly to support Bec.
He collides with the cavern wall en route, as I say, still a little giddy after his brief lie-down.
“Will you all just please stop getting hurt, what am I some kind of walking first aid station, can we please try to work together, it’s a shambles just like it was at the beginning…” Ala harrumphs and stamps her foot.
A freshly healed Jim waves his thanks and dashes off in pursuit of the Violet Fungi.
The Ranger gambols and smashes his way through the fungi forest, a swathe of destruction in his wake, and more by luck than judgement stumbles upon the Violent Fungi, although half the fungi it once was.
The poisonous plant rears up before him.
SLICE
And is cut down in an instant.
Meanwhile Bec has backed the Ankheg almost as far as it can go, the horrible insect has taken a couple more blows, nothing major, but it has so far failed to connect with the tough Barbarian.
CRUNCH.
Its luck changes.
For the worst.
The Ankheg stoops to conquer, darts down to bite the Barbarian where he stands, miscalculates the distance and ends up smashing its mandibles in to the hard stone cavern floor.
Bec is at the creature in an instant.
CRUNCH
This time the Barbarian lands a decent blow, the Ankheg sheds armoured plates, a mandible, and gallons of its brown blood, it attempts to crawl away, as far away as it possibly can from the whirlwind of destruction before it,
CRUNCH
It doesn’t get far.
The giant insect wilts and slumps to the cavern floor.
Bec totes his greatsword over his shoulder and strides off back into the first chamber, passing a woozy looking Cas on the way.
Jim’s not well, Newt’s not well, Anya’s robes are near ruined, and she’s not exactly perky having been drenched in acid vomit. Ala is generally annoyed with the slipshod nature of the last series of encounters.
Bec’s ok, a little crispy at the edges, his armour could do with a clean, but generally happy with his lot.
He whistles a happy tune.
“Retreat, back to Scat- rest.” The Paladin mutters and then has to be lifted out of the chamber, as do many of the other members of the Goodman Gang by the hail and hearty Bec.
They retreat.
They rest.
While Scat watches over them.
“One WHISTLE, One PARP
Keep moving.
One FART, One TRUMP
One kick up the PUMP,
We’ll all be merry and SHIIITE.”
Next Turn: Back down the hole.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 97: Back down the hole.
The Gang come awake several hours later, none of them feel up to it, Jim has been interspersing his restless snoozing with swigs of his Antitoxin brew, and yet the Violet Fungi’s poison continues to ravage him- he feels itchy on the inside, and as sick as a dog.
Cas and Ala, who were likewise poisoned by the terrible fungi, suffer no further hurts- it seems they’re made of sturdier stuff, or else their respective deities are smiling down upon them.
“My bloody clothes, just look at my bloody clothes…” Anya’s really not happy. “They’re ruined, do you know how much this cost to have made? It better be dead Bec, it better be, if I find it’s still alive, I’ll… I’ll kill it. Ruined. Bloody thing.”
Anya returns to her high-pitched mumbling, all the time pawing at her ruined garments.
“Bloody giant stick insect.”
“We should take the day off.” Ala states while reclining on her blanket.
“No, we should rest a while and then re-enter the cavern, Bec said he saw something down there.” Cas sits up.
“Whatever we do I suggest we do it together this time, I’m fed up having to nurse maid the lot of you, there’s only so much I can do.”
“Ala I think you’re over dramatising the situation…”
“What?”
“I think…”
“I heard what you said, I just didn’t believe it. You were lying on the floor burbling like a moron- you’re still not right now, Jim was badly injured- still is, Newt was out cold for a while- burnt and poisoned, I had taken considerable damage, Anya was burnt half-to-death, Bec was the only one in fair health… Over-dramatising the situation, you should hear yourself sometimes.”
“I…”
“Who do you think you are?”
“I…”
Ala is up on her feet looming over Cas.
“The truth is you think that we’re here to complete your Holy Quest, you get it in your head that your cause is right and then its sod the consequences we’re off.”
“Ala, I don’t think…”
“Exactly.”
“It was my idea to come here, I told Cas about Balthazhar…” Anya speaks up.
And is met with a cold hard stare.
“Exactly.” Ala hisses.
It takes a good few hours of silence for the air to clear, not that they get any silence, Scat has taken up the harmonica, not that the Otyugh has a harmonica- he improvises. He’s remarkably adept at the high notes.
Four hours later the Gang are back in the fungi chamber, their move silently skills much improved, particularly as many of them don’t seem to be talking to each other.
They gather around the rope, get ready before moving off, and their direction is clear, since they were last here an enormous swathe has been cut through the fungi, a second exit from the chamber has been found, the path of destruction is slimy.
“Something slithered, that way.” Jim points to the chamber in which Bec fought the Ankheg, the Goodman Gang creep forward to see what new horror awaits them.
It takes a moment for their eyes to adjust, and to discern why partially digested pieces of the Ankheg are seemingly floating in the air.
“There’s a big jelly thing.” Newt rightly observes.
The Gelatinous Cube munches on savouring the wreck of the Ankheg.
“Ready.” Jim states, “fire.”
“FLAME ON.”
Anya’s Wand of Burning Hands gets to work, the Gelatinous Cube squeals, which sounds like nails on a blackboard.
FWUNGx2
And is suddenly punctured by two crossbow bolts which leave ragged holes in the Cubes outer surface.
Ala, Jim, Bec and Cas leap into the fray, and in less than ten seconds the blancmange baddie is reduced to a pool of goo.
“Now that’s how it should be done.” Jim states.
Cas smiles at the Ranger.
“Good work Jim.” Ala rubs Jim’s shoulder.
Cas’ smile disappears.
Anya unfurls a scroll, reads arcane words, she’s soon protected by a Mage Armour- spell. In a quiet moment she sidles over to Cas and rubs his shoulder, something approaching sympathy and concern, the Paladin fills out- suddenly looks much sturdier as her Endurance spell takes affect.
There’s a nest, of sorts, in the chamber, clearly the Ankheg’s lair- they wade through the goop and mush, winkle out money, gems and a few bits of equipment.
Courtesy of a Detect Magic spell from Anya they discover a ring, a chain shirt and a heavy mace, all magical- quite a horde.
“Don’t want it, dagger.” Bec is still refusing to trade in his magical dagger for the magical heavy mace.
“There’s something strange about that dagger.” Ala states.
And finds herself standing beside Anya, the Mage nods back.
Bec takes the chain shirt to replace his acid ravaged studded leather, Cas takes the heavy mace, a secondary weapon after his wooden sword, Jim grabs the ring, it offers some minor magical protection.
There’s a stone pillar in the chamber, on closer investigation, thanks Newt, it turns out to be a partially concealed staircase, up and down- the group head up, Newt sneaking forward to find the way.
There’s a small chamber up top, Newt soon opens the secret door and moves off into a larger chamber the 20-by-30 room has sat unused for many generations by the look of it. An inch-thick layer of dust covers the area, and the air is stale and parched. The room is filled with the tools of a torturer: manacles, hammers, wrenches, chains, a rack, and even an iron maiden lying in a corner.
“Torture chamber.” Newt muses.
“Disgusting.” Ala spits.
The Gang spread out, take a look around the wreck of the room.
Newt discovers two things, the first is a secret door in the northern wall, the stone panel slides aside, there’s a familiar looking chamber beyond.
The second thing he discovers is a set of thumbscrews; he discovers them in his pocket.
The secret door leads into the chamber between Scat and the Arugah’s, that’s Owlbears in old money.
“Down then.” Jim states, the crocodile of adventurer’s files away from the stairs, turns tail and heads back down, Newt leads them on again.
They descend quite a way.
“We’re deep.” Cas states.
“What’re you- a Dwarf?” Newt adds.
Ala smirks, doesn’t bother to hide her look when Cas turns back to spy her.
The spiral staircase descends more than 80 feet until it finally opens up into a 30-by-50 foot oval-shaped room with rounded corners and an exit through the north wall. A strange blue light pervades the chamber; it comes courtesy of the two force fields across the centre of the room- impeding further progress. There are also three levers on the walls.
The first lever is on the right-hand wall, only five feet from the stairs. Five feet beyond that is a transparent, shimmering blue force field, completely blocking the way forward.
Ten feet beyond this first force field there’s another lever on the left wall.
Ten feet beyond that is yet another shimmering blue force field, and finally there’s a third lever five feet beyond that on the right wall.
All the levers are in the up position.
“Bloody hell, it’s one of those intelligence tests thingies, I’m out.” Bec slumps to the floor and polishes his magical dagger.
“It’s obvious, it’s binary, each lever can either be up, one, or down, zero. We just need to work through the combinations- one-zero-zero, zero-one-zero, one-one-zero…”
“What are you talking about Cas?” Newt looks non-plussed.
“Well its binary isn’t it.” Cas shrugs.
“How many levers can you see?” Newt asks.
“One-two-three. Three.” Cas is fairly certain.
“Right, so do I.” Newt nods.
“Well..” Cas’ turn to look confused.
“So how many levers don’t you see?”
Anya and then Ala grin.
“How many levers don’t I see?” Cas parrots back, “What are you going on about?”
“Well, how many?”
“Don’t I see?”
“Yes.”
“None.”
“Right, same here- and that’s the answer. Binary, my arse.”
It goes quiet for a while; Cas is counting on his fingers, mouthing numbers, in binary.
“I don’t think I understand.”
“Well to continue your analogy, you do not know how many levers you don’t see. With me so far?” Newt winks at Jim.
“Yeah.” Cas thinks about it some more.
“So how about I go and take a look for the levers you and me can’t see- if there’s zero, then we’re back to your binary whatsit, but if I’m right, and I think the answer’s one, then we’re out of here. You know what your problem is?”
Cas shakes his head.
“You’re too trusting, you need to take a page out of my book, don’t believe anything you see or hear- too trusting, it’s a failure common to all Paladins.”
Newt giggles, swigs a Potion of Spider Climbing and shins up the wall, still grinning.
Five minutes later, and with a little help from Ala, Newt declares the first third of the room has nothing hidden- there’s only one lever, he pulls it down.
FZZZZZIT
The first force field is down.
Newt grins back again and scuttles along the wall into the second third of the chamber.
And sets to work.
“Masta, get fasta… something, something, something- Master of Poppets, he’s a funny guy…” Newt mutters to himself as he searches.
“Right then, there are four nozzle type things, two on this wall, and…”, Newt leans away from the wall and twists half-round to face, almost, the opposite wall- it’s a neat trick, “and two more on that wall”, he nods at the other wall. “Guess what, there’s also a lever, at least I think that’s what it is- more of a catch really… but, I count one Paladin.”
Newt grins, repositions himself so he’s at the catch.
“So my guess is…”
PlinkFZZZIT.
The second force field is down, Newt climbs from the wall and bows at his audience.
“Binary, bloody binary- leave the thinking to those in the know, all that metal’s not good for you, you need air to the brain.”
Even Cas is forced to smile, sometimes the Gnome’s chiding can be cute, not so caustic.
“Come with me.”
Newt points at Anya, who’s a little surprised, if the truth be told.
“Me?”
“Aye, the brains trust.” Newt grins to show he’s only joking; gingerly Anya heads after the disappearing Rogue, who passes out of sight down the northern passage.
She turns and shrugs at her compatriots, still unsure why she has to follow the Rogue; the others are too full of bonhomie to care. Perhaps latter they will think it strange.
Anya’s the closest she’s ever been to the front of the party, she wipes her nose and looks down at her sleeve, checking she hasn’t got a nose-bleed; she’s very close to the action.
The pair follow the snaking corridor, perfectly formed by the way- obviously magic was involved in the excavating of these chambers, round to another long north-south room that measures 20 by 70 feet. The northernmost twenty-foot stretch of the east wall is filled with yet another shimmering blue force field, through which they can see a passage that winds to the southeast.
In the southern half of the room there are four simple holes in the floor, spaced about ten feet apart.
Newt crouches to take a look down one of them.
“Here’s the thing though Anya, there’s not much treasure in here is there?” Newt states.
Anya shakes her head unsure of where this conversation is going.
“Well I like money, I’ve never made a secret of it- avarice some people call it, others greed, whatever, they can call it what they like- I started with nothing, or at least not much, I want everything… Everything that’s coming to me.”
Anya nods her head again, still at sea.
“So what I suggest is we do a deal, if there’s anything to be had, well… we have it, I’m not leaving this place without a bag of goodies, or two… at least. I want paying and so far it’s bobbins. Do you get me?” Newt stops, turns and stares hard at Anya.
She thinks about it, then nods her head again, the fog lifted.
“They’re key holes.” Newt states.
“What?”
“Key holes- four of them.” Newt nods at the holes in the floor.
“Oh.” The Mage wanders over.
“Probably lower the force field, you got four keys?”
Anya shakes her head.
“Thought as much, looks like we’re going round again- this place sucks, no money, a whole bunch of traps, no money, the monsters are ferocious and… no money- did I mention that? Let’s go and get the others.”
Anya nods some more.
“And Anya, keep our little secret safe.” Newt nods once and strides off leaving the Mage to think about things- like what she’s just agreed too.
Next Turn: Things that go bump in the night.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 98: Things that go bump in the night.
Five minutes later and the entire Gang are standing round the key holes.
“We can’t have missed them.” Cas pleads.
“Well we have… I’ve not got them, anyone else want to own up to possessing four keys? Nope.” Newt replies while the other members of the Gang shrug and shake their heads.
“And that’s what lowers the force field- four keys?”
“I figure.” Newt shrugs.
“Well does it or doesn’t it?” Cas gets tetchy, bustles over to the smiling Gnome.
“Once again, for those at the back, I think so- four keys, one force field, me and Anya have checked the place over, so have you- there’s nothing else to find, I suggest we acquaint ourselves with the missing keys and put it to the test. If that’s alright with you tin man?” Newt grins up at Cas, who silently fumes.
“Come on then, let’s turn the force fields back on in the last chamber and get some rest, I think we need to gather our strength rather than keep pushing on, Cas?” Jim adds.
Cas continues to fume, then nods, no more than a slight incline, they head back to their favourite Otyugh Bard- Scat.
The Gang meet back up with Scat who is in hot pursuit of a large rat, “Jeeerm, yew is bakk, an no sqwished or anyfing, Oh Jeerm yew sow veri bwave.”
The Otyugh cuddles the Ranger, with no way out, Jim cuddles the Otyugh back.
“Jim’s got a girlfriend.” Newt chimes in, in a sing-song voice.
Anya looks daggers at the Gnome, Ala giggles like she’s thirteen again, Cas looks… looks- not quite how a Paladin should.
“I no girly-friends Jeerm.” Scat states somewhat indignant, “I hench-monsta, see-nyah Poppit, Jeerm Masta of Poppets. Aren’t I Jeerm, an Bad?”
Jim is less sure.
Ala giggles again.
It gets Jim’s attention, he smiles, it’s a winning smile- warm and fuzzy, Ala feels it all over.
There’s a lot of healing to be done, mostly minor wounds, nothing dramatic- just cuts and bruises from the Ankheg fight and before, Jim it seems is the worst hurt, certainly he gets the most attention from Ala.
The others are getting bedded down, Cas and Anya all the while keeping a close eye, surreptitiously, on Jim and Ala. The pair whisper in conversation, and when they think the others have finally drifted off to sleep- they head out of the chamber, to where Moma Owlbear still patrols.
“If you could just use some of your magic to heal her wounds- I don’t want them infecting, the kids wont stand a chance on their own.” Jim moves stealthily into the huge cavern, starlight filters in through the hole to the surface.
Ala nods, creeps closer to the Ranger, her eyes glisten in the light.
“Shhh.” Jim whispers, the pair creep close, Moma Owlbear is watching them, the kids fast asleep, one of them snorts, then snores on.
Ala smiles, Jim stifles a laugh and grins back at the Priestess.
They’re only feet away from the female Owlbear, a tear in the creatures side oozes blood and worse.
Jim creeps closer, Ala hunched behind him, the Ranger reaches back, grabs Ala’s forearm and reaches forward, guiding her touch, gently the Elf lays her hand on the huge monstrous creatures fur, a glowing light pulses and fades, the wound knits tight, all hurt instantly gone.
The Owlbear blinks one rheumy eye, half-sighs, and turns away from Jim and Ala, soon it is asleep.
The pair don’t move for ages.
Locked in their awkward embrace, it should be uncomfortable, and yet…
Back in the rest room, with Scat whistling and farting to himself, two pairs of eyes search the room lit by a guttering camp fire- two bedrolls are empty still, Jim and Ala, very soon after it’s four bedrolls that are empty.
Cas and Anya head off a little way in the opposite direction to Jim and Ala, into the smashed armoury.
Neither of them speaks for quite a while, eventually it’s Anya that breaks the silence.
“You ok?”
“Mmm.” Cas half-nods and wipes his brow.
“What do you think they’re doing?”
Cas stares hard at Anya, “I don’t know. I don’t want to know.”
The silence stretches.
“She’s very beautiful- Ala.”
Cas nods.
“How did you meet her?”
“It was years ago, I was very young- she looked after me, when I was growing up, she was beautiful then too, I asked her to marry me… I was only eight at the time.”
“What did she say?”
“She said she’d think about it, she thought I was joking.”
“Were you?”
“I was eight… It’s just that…”
“What?”
“Nothing’s changed- I still love her.” Cas sighs.
“Then why don’t you ask her- for an answer, at least you’d know?”
“That’s it though- I’m not sure I want to know.”
“How do you mean?”
“I don’t know how I’d react if she said no…”
“Cas.” Anya moves over to the Paladin, her hand smoothes his strong back, up to his shoulder, the nape of his neck.
“I don’t know what I’d do if she said yes.”
Cas meets Anya’s gaze.
“Oh.” Anya mouths.
Cas bows his head, unable to sustain her gaze.
“You should do what I do.”
Cas looks up, “what’s that?”
“Live for the moment.” Anya’s clothes fall away, Cas cannot help himself…
The next day the search is on.
In truth it takes very little time to locate the missing keys, less than thirty minutes in fact.
“Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” Newt bends low to retrieve the last key, they're on the hands, or rather the keys are the index fingers of the Skeletons, the first four in the coffins, the ones that did not animate in the chamber with the statue of Meelkor in the centre.
“Skeleton Keys. SKell-Ing-TON Keys.” Newt raps on the side of his skull, as if to fix the logic of this inside.
The Gang are back at the impasse less than five minutes later.
“Now turn.” Newt orders.
Cas, Ala, Anya, and the Rogue, of course, twist the keys in unison, and the force field is gone.
“Oh.” Newt makes a discovery, “my key’s stuck.”
“Same.” Ala states.
Anya and Cas nod in agreement.
“Oh.” Newt adds to the mix.
“What does it matter?” Cas asks.
“Well, if we can’t take them with us that means that anyone can come along and lock us in.” Newt confirms.
“In where?” Cas enquires, not quite on the same page.
“They can turn the keys back and the force field will seal us in.”
“There’s got to be another way out?” Cas is certain.
“Well your mate Baltha-whatsit hasn’t found it for… Oh centuries, do you want to take the chance?”
“Oh.” Cas’ mouth is a perfect circle.
“Exactly.” Newt finishes.
CHUNG
Newt ducks and rolls in a rush, where his head was a moment ago a Barbarian’s foot now rests, the top of the Skeleton key is smashed off. Newt turns to look up at a grinning Bec.
“Now try and turn it.” The Barbarian adds.
Newt has a go.
“Nope, it’s wedged in tight”, he grins up at Bec.
“Brute force and ignorance saves the day.” Bec stifles a yawn and heads off.
The passage ahead splits north and south, south there’s a door, Newt heads over to investigate, and is soon through, he’s looking down a short hallway into a small 20-by-20 room, the Gnome creeps forward, so he can see into the chamber, he suddenly pulls up short studies the floor intently.
“What is it?” Jim whispers.
“Trap.” Newt states calmly and taps his foot on the floor.
Newt flings a lit sunrod into the chamber beyond.
On the far wall is a large human mouth some four feet across, seemingly carved into the wall. There is nothing else of note.
“Can you disarm it?” Jim asks.
“Do I want to?” Newt shoots back.
Jim thinks about it a while.
“Okay, we’ll leave it, see what lies north.”
The Gang move out and north, through another door, checked over by Newt.
The corridor turns immediately west.
“We’re heading in a circle- from where we came down, I think.” Cas studies his feet.
“Bloody Dwarf.” The Gnome mutters and slowly shuffles forward.
“There’s another one.”
“Another what?” Cas asks.
“Pit trap- I don’t like this, what is this place? Trap after trap, we take our time from here on, here Bec grab hold of this.”
Newt fetches out his trusty rope, ties it around his waist and throws the slack to Bec.
“Hold on tight, and the rest of you stay back a while.”
“’Kay.” Bec takes the strain, the others take a step, or two, back.
Newt swigs a potion, takes a couple of steps back and then leaps.
The Gnome lands ten to twelve feet away.
FRUMMMNG
The floor beneath his feet falls away.
“NEWT.” Bec screams, and grasps the rope tight.
“Okay.” The Gnome quickly calls back, Newt strides up the side of the pit trap and back to the surface, and the horizontal axis.
“Spider Climb- my favourite.” He grins.
There are three pairs of pit traps in total, the last staggered, the gap between the pair is over ten feet, that foxes the Gnome for a minute or two, but gravity helps him find the last of the pits.
Newt leads the Gang on, a long way south and then east, and finally a short distance north into a much larger smooth walled chamber.
“He’s right.” Newt comments.
“Who is?” Bec asks.
“The tin man- Cas, we’ve been going in a circle, can’t be much further north and we’ll be directly beneath the tower, I think.”
Cas looks suitably smug.
Another long, oval-shaped room, 50 by 70 feet, with rounded corners. There’s a single door in the centre of the north wall, and a small metal chest sitting in the exact centre of the room.
“Bound to be trapped- take your time Newt. Stay alert people.” Cas offers.
The remaining members of the Goodman Gang squat and slump on the floor, clearly not ‘alert’, Cas grimaces.
“It’s a bit dull- all this thinking, no killing.” Bec states.
Anya finds herself nodding, then grinning at a frustrated looking Cas.
“I like to be in the action too.” Anya teases and then heads over to drape herself over a surprised looking Bec.
“There’s no tra…”
BOOM
Newt is suddenly very on fire.
The Gang scramble, Bec trips the flailing Gnome, many hands make light work of extinguishing the flames, Ala is as quick to pump her healing magics into the charred Gnome.
Nobody says anything for a good while, Newt shuffles over to a wall, still smoking lightly.
Time passes.
“What are we doing here?” Newt eventually breaks the silence.
“You know that.” Cas states.
“No, I’ve forgotten, remind me again”, the Gnome stares hard at the Paladin.
“We free the ghost, it tells us what’s going on, you remember- the Orc, the birds- Tsathzar Rho, you were there, for all of it.” Cas crosses his arms.
Time passes some more.
“Right, got it. Now what’s in it for me?” Newt holds the Paladin’s gaze.
“What do you mean Newt?” Ala asks.
“Reward. My reward for all of this?”
“You get a fare share of everything we find.”
“Which is?” The Gnome is quick to counter.
“Well, not much so far, admittedly, but there may be more treasure ahead to satisfy your cravings.” Cas sounds harsh.
“My cravings. My cravings.” Newt repeats and shakes his head.
“What?” Cas asks.
“I’m not in this for the feelgood factor, look we’ve been at this a while, yes?”
Cas, Bec then Jim, and the others nod their ascent- they’re all listening.
“Well when’s the big score coming, I want paying- for the risk, it’s trap after trap down here- heavy going and so far we’ve found buttons.”
Cas goes to interrupt, but is talked over.
“I want money Cas, I need money, my cravings- what rubbish. You’ll get yours in heaven, and before…”, Newt winks at Cas, which leaves the Paladin floundering, his eyes slide quickly over to Anya, then back. The Gnome continues- “I want my reward, I want something back, more than I’ve been getting- why do you think I’m doing this?”
“Because it’s your duty.”
“Ha.” Newt snorts, “duty, a measly word, used by a measly man- duty, what do you know of my duty- nothing.”
Anya heads over to Newt, tries to lay a hand on his shoulder, the Gnome shrugs past her and stutters over to the chest again.
“There better be buckets of cash at the end of this, else I’m done.”
“If that’s how you feel…” Cas begins.
“Yes. Yes, it is- now get back, give me some bloody room to work.”
The Gang mooch away.
“He’s mad.” Cas whispers to Ala.
“So am I.” Ala whispers back.
Next Turn: Rust in pieces.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 99: Rust in pieces.
Newt takes his sweet time at the chest, eventually a dull click signals his success.
“See- not a problem…” The far door slams open and barrelling from the chamber beyond come three strange looking creatures, the size and shape of very bid dogs, although armour plated- like armadillos, except with strange feathery antennas- Rust Monsters.
YELP
Newt yelps
Two of the creatures make a bee-line for him, get to within five or so feet then dodge left and right respectively, away from the fairly metal free Gnome.
“Ha ha.” Newt turns to see what he has wrought.
Behind him panic ensues.
“Rust Monsters.” Jim screams and then stares hard at the metal head of his magical battleaxe, “
”, the Ranger back-peddles furiously, hooking his weapon on his belt and manoeuvring his wooden shield to block any attacks.Cas slices at the first creature with wooden sword- he’s high wide and handsome, the creatures feathery antenna search out his armour, the Paladin is too quick, dodges back and away to circle the creature.
“Ackatt Swish.” Her animated wooden broom is unleashed, as usual to no great affect.
“SMIDGIN.” The Mage casts, two lightning fast balls of energy speed out and slam into the side of one of the Rust Monsters, leaving smoking holes in the creatures carapace.
Cas retreats some more attacking with his wooden sword, ineffectual blows that do little except keep the creature at bay, he tries to remove shield as he’s doing so, fumbles it- it hits the deck. Two Rust Monsters are immediately on the spot, their feathery antenna caress and stroke the metal, proboscis unfurl from their mouthparts- the shield is soon covered in red rust- destroyed.
Newt giggles a little as he lets fly with a shell shuriken, several of which he located on the body of the dead Undine they left in the desert, he misses and the potent magical weapon smashes into the far wall- spent.
Ala is back out of the chamber entirely, struggling to get her sword away and her bow out.
The third Rust Monster charges headlong at Jim, licking its lips, metaphorically speaking, at the thought of Jim’s beautiful, and magical, breastplate. The Ranger scrambles back using his wooden shield to block the creature’s attacks, he swigs from a potion bottle, gets half of the contents down before thumping into a wall, and spilling the rest.
Bec meanwhile takes his time, it helps that he’s not in the thick of the action, his greatclub is soon in his hands, he strides forward and delivers a thunderous swing at one of the creatures engaged in devouring Cas’ shield, and misses by a mile.
Anya casts again, babbles arcane words, a dark cloud forms around the two creatures at the shield, instantly one of them squeals like a stuck pig and hares off, back out of the chamber, through the far door, Cas slices open the side of the thing in its passing.
Newt looses another of his shell shuriken, it slams into the side of the remaining shield-eater.
BOOM
A sonic wave explodes from the shell, wracking the Rust Monsters body, almost turning it turtle.
FWUNG
Ala’s bow sings, the arrow slams into the skull of the same foul creature which flops to the floor- deceased.
Jim slithers around the wall, trying it seems to get a step up, fending off the Rust Monster still with his wooden shield, he eventually gets a grip on the smooth wall and races up the vertical surface to crouch in the angle between the ceiling and wall, his Spider Climb potion is working.
Bec rushes over to the Rust Monster, now yelping and pawing at the smooth wall far beneath the cowering Ranger, the Barbarian swings with all his might, and misses again.
Swish shuffles over to help the Barbarian out, or else get in the way. Cas too heads over, delivering a raking attack to the Rust Monsters right rear leg, the creature is hobbling badly.
SLAM
Anya kicks the far door shut, trapping the third Rust Monster back in the unexplored chamber.
Ala can no longer see the remaining creature, Bec, Swish and Cas are in the way, she mutters a short prayer, head down momentarily, a glowing longsword appears in the air before her- instantly it sets off to slay the remaining monster.
Bec at last connects, smashes the club into the side of the armoured creature, crushing ribs.
And yet the creature fights on, surrounded and almost broken, an animal cornered, its feathery antenna dance and wave, it even attempts to bite Cas- it proves futile.
Swish connects with a devastating, who am I kidding, a slight tap- it’s enough to put the creature off its guard for Cas’ follow up blow- the Paladin runs the second Rust Monster through.
“All metal off- out the room, and guard the exit- Anya when I say go… Open the door, ‘kay.” Cas orders, and is instantly obeyed.
“Go.”
Anya slams the door open. The third Rust Monster spills out, angrier than ever, cas and Bec are on it- Bec’s club makes a huge dent in its armour, Cas skewers it briefly and the Barbarian’s second over-head swing leaves the thing mashed on the floor.
“Good work.” Cas simply states and heads back to recover his armour.
Minutes later Newt leads the Gang out through the north door and into a short corridor, which ends in a blank wall.
“Back in a minute.” Newt shrugs and plods forward.
A good twenty minutes later.
“Got it.”
Stone grinds against stone, the wall recedes, there’s a doorway, well I never.
Newt heads on again, down a fifty-foot stretch of hallway which dead-ends at a single ornate iron door set in a curved white marble wall- the Tower. A shimmering blue force field floats six inches in front of the door. Less than three inches outside of the force field is yet another lever set in the up position.
“Do you mean to say he built this entire thing a put the lever to turn the force field off on the outside of the tower…” Newt bends double, he can’t hold it in.
“Ha ha ha, Oooooooh, the idiot, the absolute arse… I mean what sort of moron spends all that time, money and magic and then forgets to put the lever somewhere in reach. He’s a bloody loonie this…”
Anya pulls the lever.
Plk
The force field is gone, and standing next to Newt is the ghost of the tower, he doesn’t look as happy as he should, not for someone finally having been released after centuries of waiting- I wonder what it can be.
“Balthazhar.” Says Balthazhar, finishing off Newt’s sentence.
“OOpsy.” The Gnome squeaks and cowers.
Next Turn: Balthazhar.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 100: Balthazhar.
“Hello.” Newt waves and covers his face with his hands, “I’m sorry”, he adds in muffled tones.
The spectral wizard considers his options, settles for a chiding.
“You’re a very naughty Gnome, you ought to learn to be more careful with your words, alas now is not the time or the place to teach you a lesson. Now what were you saying?” Balthazhar stares at Anya, who gulps and then reddens.
“I wasn’t saying anything.” She stutters.
“Then remedy that situation immediately- what do you want, speak up?” Balthazhar straightens his spectral robes, looks more wizardly.
“Well…” Anya begins.
“Oh Balthazhar we have striven this day, or-so, to free you in order that you use your omniscient…”
“Hardly.” Newt whispers, and then slaps a hand across his mouth, Balthazhar glares at him.
“Powers of enlightenment to chase back the shadows from our minds, to bring clarity to… mud, muddy, muddiness…” Cas pulls up short.
“Do you even know what you are saying Paladin?” Balthazhar enquires.
“No, not really.” Cas finishes.
“Will somebody please…”
“Who’s this Tsathzhar Rho then?” Bec asks.
“Tsathzhar Rho is an Abomination, a wizard who refused to die, who was foolish enough to try to get the Elder Gods to do his bidding, he is gone from this place- and good riddance.”
Balthazhar looks out at a sea of nodding heads.
“What business have you with Tstahzhar Rho?”
“We fought a creature, an abomination, sometime ago, in a lair packed with mutated Kobolds, we thought nothing of it at the time. Then, just a little while ago, we were attacked in Grimbo…” Anya finds her stride at last.
“Grimbo… attacked, nothing odd about that- that’s hardly news.” Balthazhar interrupts.
“Yes well, we tracked our attacker, well sort of- we ended up in an ancient Druids circle, fighting a monstrous Orc priest who, well we’re not sure how, or why, but he seemed to say something to a bunch of blackbirds that flapped off. The Orc nearly managed to slay us all, on his own- the creature and its foul helpers, a bunch of mutated Kobolds again, and some feral Northern Barbarian women were all wearing this symbol”, Anya fetches out one of the crude three fingered hands, “which we know is something to do with Tsathzhar Rho.”
“Mmm. I see.” Balthazhar smudges an errant cuticle, which is difficult to do when you’re a ghost.
“We have spoken to Thistle, the Druid, and others- they seem to think that Tsathzhar Rho opened up a gateway to another plane, that somehow the Elder Gods, whatever they may be are heading this way.” Jim adds his twopenneth.
“Elder Gods, this way- if that’s the case I’ll get back in the tower and you can switch that thing back on again. So, you want to know what I know.”
“Yes.” Jim, Cas and Anya are certain.
“Right then- yes he did make a gateway, no I don’t know where it is, no I don’t know who these people are who are attacking you, although my guess would be someone you pissed off along the way.” Balthazhar delivers the last piece of information to Newt, and then settles on silence.
“Is there anything you know that you think might help us?” Bec asks.
“Well, maybe… Did the Orc have a strange weapon, an odd metal?”
“Yes, how did…” Ala begins.
“Blight. That’s what it’s called- Blight metal, I’m not sure but it would seem Tsathzhar Rho used a lot of the stuff in his experiments, not sure what for, I just remember stories of him dominating whole tribes of creatures and getting them to dig the stuff out of the ground- dangerous work, Blight’s incredibly rare, find it in swamps mostly, or near swamps- something to do with magic and… magic and something else. That’s all I know. Find the Blight that’s what I say. We done?” Balthazhar straightens his robes some more.
“Er… Ye…” Cas starts.
“Hang on.” Newt nudges the Paladin into silence.
“We’ve just rescued you from centuries of loneliness and… whatever, that’s it- that’s our reward. No wonder you lived way out here, all your friends close-by.”
“I lived alone.”
“Exactly.” Newt looks a little way beyond ticked off.
“Reward.” The Gnome stands hand out.
“Really, he’s so common.” Balthazhar states to the other members of the Goodman Gang, with as much disdain as he can muster in his voice.
The ghostly Mage thinks about it a while, then nods and grins.
“Take the lot- the Tower’s yours, and all its contents, if you want it and you CAN take it- and there’s plenty up there, enough to satisfy even a greedy little bastard like you.” Balthazhar pats Newt on the head, the Gnome shakes himself free of the spectral hand.
The Gnome needs no further urging, he’s through the ornate door and into the chamber beyond.
The others follow through, nodding or mouthing their thanks to Balthazhar en route. Cas even tries to shake the ghost Mage’s hand.
Anya pulls up short.
“Where are you going now?” She asks.
The spirit looks cross-eyed for a second, angry, very angry indeed.
“Back to Grimbo, there’s a few people I want to pay a visit on, if they’re still alive that is, which is doubtful- fortunately for them, I may have to content myself with dropping in on their ancestors- see how they’re getting on.”
Anya gulps, “You’re a little, well- angry.”
“How long did it take you to work your way through this maze of mine and turn off the force field?”
“About three days. Why?”
“Because, and regardless of what that stupid Gnome thinks, I had friends back then- in Grimbo, powerful friends, you’d have thought one of them would have taken the time to look me up, not leave me to go insane and starve to death in this cursed tower.” Balthazhar spits out the last.
“Oh. Well…”
“I’ll see you again.”
Balthazhar is gone.
“Aaaaaaargh, not the comfy chair.” It’s Newt’s voice, he seems on-edge, perhaps even a little unhappy.
Next Turn: Practical solutions for the discerning Spellcaster.
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 101: Practical solutions for the discerning Spellcaster.
“Well this is just fecking lovely.” Newt screams while pulling his hair out and butting his head into a rather nice couch.
The Gang are stood about in a 70-foot-wide circular space of the most elegant design. The door they entered passed through seems to stand in space, attached to no wall. A staircase leads up a good way, spiralling up the side of the tower.
A soft white light illuminates the entire chamber. The room looks like a living area, with a couch, easy chair, table, wardrobe, bed, nightstand, desk, desk chair, and other miscellaneous furnishings. Bookshelves line the walls wherever there is space, and there seem to be hundreds, if not thousands, of books.
A well dressed Skeleton sits slumped at the desk.
“Balthazhar?” Cas says.
“He’s gone.” Anya corrects.
“I meant the Skeleton- his remains.”
Anya nods back.
“Where’s the SOD-IN-TRESH-URR.” Newt continues to butt the couch.
“It’s here.” Ala adds and spreads her arms wide to encompass all of the chamber, Anya whispers arcane words, her Detect Magic spell gets working- she too can see the treasures that surround them, although what they do, well that’s another story.
The pair are certain that the following items show more than a trace of magical essence; the large wardrobe, the desk- nice piece of mahogany to boot, the lamps on the various tables- all four of them, the bed- four poster, the comfy chair- a little threadbare, and finally one of the larger bookcases.
Ala and Anya point at and name each of the items that are magical.
Anya can’t help herself, she claps her hands, clearly overjoyed with her new find, she loves the wardrobe, and the bed- it’s to die for, well not literally.
“This is all… marvellous.”
“You think?” Even Jim’s a little peeved.
“Not very portable is it?” Bec adds, or rather detracts.
“Still- a place of our own.” Anya mumbles on, claps her hands some more.
“What’s she on about?” Bec asks to blank stares.
“We should buy a house, in Grimbo.” Anya states, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“What?” Newt surfaces from shoving his head down the back of the sofa.
“Anya reckons we should buy a house.” Jim states.
“Why would we want to…” Newt tails off.
Bec grins, he likes the idea, “can I have my own room?”
“Yes, of course.” Anya states and goes on a tour of her new furniture.
“Excellent- can I paint it whatever colour I like?”
“Of course.”
“Can I have friends round?” Bec ploughs on, while Anya’s in a good mood.
“As long as they take their shoes off at the door, and their not too noisy.”
Now Bec is clapping.
“We’d need a garden.” Jim stares into the distance, remembering a time long gone.
“We’re not buying a house, and that’s bloody final.” Newt stamps his foot.
“You might not be but I am, and so’s Jim, and Bec, that’s right isn’t it boys?”
Bec and then Jim nod.
“And Cas, and Ala- if they want to, even you, you grouchy little Gnome, if you want to.” Anya moves swiftly to tickle the end of Newt’s nose.
“Oh. Imagine it.” The Mage crushes the Gnome to her bosom, “we could have dinner parties, I could dress up, the good china, nice food, fine wines, perhaps even a servant. Oh imagine it Newt.”
Anya releases the Gnome, who was close to suffocating, but not complaining.
“Yeah. Doesn’t sound so bad.”
“Right then, onwards- to treasure, for the new house.” Newt leads them up the stairs.
“How you going to get that lot back?” Jim asks Anya.
“Now that’s magic.”
“Do you mean a horse and cart?”
“Oh the method of transport will be a horse and cart, but how I get the horse and cart in the first place, and the driver- that will be magic.” Anya confirms.
“And for magic read a very clingy, low cut, more of a belt than a skirt type of outfit?”
“That’s the one. Remember Jim the less there is of the outfit to see, the more there is of me…”
Jim grins, charmed, he’s half-pucker when he realises that Anya’s gone.
And the Gang are hot-footing it up the stairs led by Newt to see what else there is in the way of furnishings for their future abode.
Newt passes into a circular room the same size as the previous one. It appears to be a wizard’s laboratory. The room is strewn with tables, beakers, books, and miscellaneous equipment.
There are three 20-by-20 force cages arranged prominently around the room. The one along the west wall holds the second most beautiful woman Newt has ever seen: tall and captivating, with long blonde hair and an almost transparent robe.
The force cage along the east wall holds perhaps the only other woman whose beauty
could exceed that of the blonde. She is a stunning brunette of tempting proportions.
The third force cage, along the south wall, holds a flight of stairs leading up. Beside it, outside the force cage, is a control panel with three buttons.
“Oh, thank goodness you’ve come! Please free me! I’ve been trapped here for centuries!” The Blonde starts up but is cut off by the Brunette…
“Don’t listen to her! She’s evil! Free me and I’ll tell you how to escape!”
“I don’t wanna escape.” Newt drools and looks all googly-eyed, “I wouldn’t mind if one, or perhaps both of you were to escape, at least for a little while.” The Gnome straightens an imaginary tie and hitches his pants up a bit- then gets to thinking, he calls back to his companions.
“Don’t come in here- it’s trapped… oh too late.”
And sure enough, in the midst of various mimes- combing hair, sniffing armpits, affecting a nonchalant, and yet very available, stance, and many others are the remainder of the Goodman Gang, well at least the males.
“Please save me! You don’t know what it’s been like in this tower with this – this – this fiend for all these years!” Cries the Blonde
“She’s lying! She’ll lead you to a trap! Let me free!” Counters the Brunette
“I’m beginning to enjoy this.” Newt rubs his hands together, “Bec, you wouldn’t go back down and fetch up the couch would you?”
Bec’s at stairs.
“Hold- clearly one of these hussies is lying and we must decide which… Cas?” Ala stares at the Paladin.
“Mmm sorry, I was- they’re hypnotic aren’t they.”
“What are?”
“Well their jiggling… er jigglies. Bec, that couch?”
“Tell me if anything happens.” And with that Bec’s off back down the stairs for the sofa.
“See the control panel? Push the far left button. It will free me. I will reward you if you free me!” The Blonde implores.
There’s a sudden rush for the control panel, even Bec is on the way to the panel, he obviously didn’t get far down the stairs.
“NO! Don’t listen to her! She’ll trap you! Push the middle button. All the others are traps!” The Brunette screams, and jiggles, it has to be said.
The adventurers pull up short of the trapped (maybe) control panel, transfixed- by jiggling.
“Say that again.” Newt croaks his mouth suddenly very dry.
“Get your own couch.” Bec sits on the floor.
“No, they’re not traps! The right button lifts the cage on the stairs, and the left button frees me. You can pass up the stairs if you’d like. But please, free me first!” The Blonde offers.
“No bother, I’ll check them for traps later.” Newt takes a seat next to Bec.
“Don’t fall for it! She’s evil! Only the middle button isn’t a trap!”
“Gotcha.” Newt stares on.
The two trapped women stop talking.
The chamber is suddenly full of the sound of heavy breathing.
“Men.” Anya whispers to Ala.
“Boys… more like.” Ala confirms.
The men, or rather males, continue to gawp at the beautiful women.
Who gawp back very aware that they have an audience, none of whom see to be interested in freeing them.
The Brunette makes her mind.
Winks at the audience and then dances- it has to be said, provocatively.
“Free the Brunette.”
The call is taken up.
“FREE THE JIGGLY ONE.”
Newt is in motion and at the control panel.
“Remember about the traps.” Bec warns not taking his eyes off the jiggling.
“Oh yeah.” Newt remembers.
“STOP.” It’s Ala, “not the Brunette, the Blonde- free her.”
“Why?” Cas doesn’t look round.
“Because she’s telling the truth.”
“How do you know?” Cas almost looks round.
“Because I can tell when someone is telling the truth Casimir la Frond, always.”
Cas looks round, gulps.
“Free the Blonde.” He adds.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
It gets very jiggly.
“Can we wait a while?” Bec asks.
“Free her in a bit?” Newt hopes.
“Oh bloody men.” Ala stomps over to the control panel and thumps the left button.
FZZZIT
The force cage around the Blonde figure winks out.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
The Brunette doesn’t seem that pleased.
POOF
And is gone only to be replaced by a small demon-like creature, no more than twelve inches high, red- with tiny wings, horns and a barbed tail- a Quasit.
“Urrrghh.” Newt is put off.
“Close call.” Bec gets up coving his lap with his backpack.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Jim.” Jim states and offers his hand to the rescued woman.
“Sexist Pig.” Followed by a stinging slap.
“Is she a Demon too?” Newt looks to Cas for guidance.
“Nope, that’s all woman.”
“Nymph, actually.” The released woman, scratch that- Nymph, states.
“Cas what’s a Nymph?” Newt asks.
“A woodland spirit- of sorts.” Ala states, “they rely on their good looks an awful lot, they say their beauty was gifted to them by the woodland deities.”
“Wow.” Jim stares.
“To make up for their lack of brains.” Ala finishes.
“That’s not very nice- Elf.” The Nymph strolls over to confront Ala, she glides would be more the case.
“Sorry, it’s just that… well, you were stuck in there, and I’m out here- rescuing you. Not very bright of you- getting caught.”
The Nymph grimaces, then suddenly looks over her shoulder at the assembled men folk, still gawping.
The Nymph looks back to Ala- intently, then turns on her heels and strides over to Jim.
And snogs the face off him.
Ala experiences a lot of emotions in a very short space of time- anger wins the day.
But before she can react the Nymph strolls out of the room, down the stairs.
“You don’t know what you’re missing girl.”
She calls back.
There follows a large helping of stunned silence, although Jim suddenly has a very high opinion of himself.
“BITCH.” The Quasit screeches.
“Ditto.” Ala whispers.
“What just happened?” Cas looks mighty confused.
Next Turn: “Jean”
Dungeon Crawl Classic #3
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
The Mysterious Tower
Level 3-5
Turn 102: “Jean”
The far right button pressed the Gang, and in particular Newt, take the stairs three or four at a time- Newt making good use of his magical Ring of Jumping, they burst into the next level.
And more traps, tricks and charades.
“Damn- how much more of this is there?” Newt scuffs a boot on the floor and looks put out.
There are no other stairs in sight. Instead, there are seven doors. Three are spaced evenly along the eastern edge of the tower wall. Two more are in stand alone door frames in the middle of the room.
There are also two 10-by-10 force cages. In each of the force cages is another stand alone door frame with another door.
The rest of the room is filled with magical apparatus of all kind, as well as several books open at seemingly random pages.
“Pelor’s dangly-parts, wake me when you’re done.” Newt heads back down the stairs to the first circular chamber, and the couch therein, five minutes later he’s snoring.
“Anya?” Cas asks.
And gets a nasty look from Ala.
“Ala?” He tries.
The female members of the Goodman Gang, the brains department, set to work.
Jim, Bec and Cas shuttle between rooms, each of them takes a turn at looking oddly at the Quasit downstairs, erasing previous jiggle-filled memories.
Over an hour later the Gang reconvene.
“So?” Newt goes back to scuffing a boot.
“They’re all locked.” Ala states.
“And the two force fields are impenetrable.” Anya states.
The women try to hide their smiles, fail.
“Go on?” Cas offers.
“Well at first we couldn’t see it…” Anya starts.
“But then we applied Newt’s theory.” Ala finishes.
Newt looks suddenly very interested in proceedings.
“Go on?” Cas asks again.
“Well it’s not about the doors you can see…” Ala starts.
“It’s about the door you cannot see.” Anya finishes.
“To be precise- that one.” Ala points to a space on the outer wall of the tower.
“What door?” Cas looks the wall over.
“Exactly.” Anya smirks.
“You’ve been up there haven’t you?” Newt declares.
To smiles.
“You’re not going to like it.” Anya states.
“Especially you.” Ala stares at Newt.
“Feck.” And the Gnome is over and through the secret door.
The others follow after, Ala and Anya in less of a rush.
The top of the tower, the vault, the treasure, and Jean.
The room is literally piled high with coins – there must be thousands of gold pieces strewn about randomly. Various other glittering treasures can be seen peeking out of the piles of gold, including a three large spellbooks- Balthazhar’s spellbooks- Anya can’t tear her eyes away- although her overriding emotion seems to be regret.
However, sitting atop the pile in the centre of the room is a well-built man of a dark complexion, nearly twice as tall as a normal man. He holds up a warning hand and booms out in a jolly voice, “I am Jean. Please do not enter, my friends! I would not wish to harm you.”
“Jean?” Newt wonders.
“The Djinni.” Ala completes the circle.
“Djinni, aren’t they…” Bec begins.
“Indeed I have been tasked with guarding the treasure of ancient, and formerly addled, Balthazhar- I am equipped with all manner of spell-like powers far surpassing your skills, look- now you see me.” Jean demonstrates.
BLINK
Jean Djinni disappears from sight.
“Now you don’t.” Jean’s voice comes from the void.
BLINK
The Djinni appears next to Newt, who is mid-reach, about to grasp a handful of the gold coins.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
Newt stops.
“Or else.” Newt spits back.
“Or else I will destroy you.” Jean brings clarity.
“Look there’s six of us…” Newt begins.
“Five.” Ala states, “I’m not fighting Jean, he’s one of the good guys.”
“Four.” Cas nods.
“Four to one then.” Newt barks, “still enough to take you.”
“Three- sorry Newt.” Jim bows his head, not wanting to meet the Gnomes eye.
“Two.” Bec squeaks and joins Jim in examining the floor in detail.
“One.” Anya states, and looks a little crestfallen, she drags her gaze away from Balthazhar’s spellbooks.
“You?” Newt spits.
“I can’t Newt, it would be… wrong.” Anya looks broken.
“Wrong. What do you; any of you know about what’s right or wrong?” Newt screams.
“Now that’s…” Cas starts up.
“Shut up. JUST SHUT UP WILL YOU. I’m thinking…” Newt goes quiet, very quiet.
Too quiet.
“Newt?” Jim asks.
The Gnome shakes his head.
“We, that is, I’m…” Anya has a go.
Newt shakes his head some more.
Seems to reach a decision.
Looks up.
And grins.
“Okay. Sorry- we’re alive, yeah- that’s what counts, we’ve got the information we need- look for the source of the Blight. Let’s get off then, yeah- yeah.
Newt heads off.
“Newt?” Cas calls after him.
There’s no reply.
“Very sensible, a wise decision. Take what you wish from the remainder of the Tower, I wish you well on your travels may you always feel the warmth of the sun on your backs.”
BLINK
Jean is gone from sight.
The Gang file out.
A mixture of emotions, a fair smattering of confusion- what just happened. To Newt?
Newt’s waiting for them outside of the tower, the rest of the Gang emerge into the light, the force field has gone from around the tower, the building looks older, much older, the white stone is pitted and scared, the elements are at work, making up for lost time.
“I’m okay.” Newt blinks in the sunlight, “really- it doesn’t matter, next time. I suppose- sorry, I’m… I’m just sorry- promise.” The Gnome grins.
Jim notices the Nymph, in the shadows of the over grown orchard.
“Watch out there’s…” Jim rushes over.
“I know, I’m calling him ‘slinky’.” A huge liana wraps itself around the Nymph, more of a warm cuddle than a deathly embrace, “nice ‘slinky’” The Nymph stokes and smoothes the Assassin Vine.
Clearly male, Jim thinks, and pulls up short, attempts a unconcerned saunter the remaining distance.
Which makes the Nymph blush.
Always a good sign, Jim thinks.
“Jim.” Jim proffers his hand.
“I think we’ve met.” The Nymph blushes again.
“Sharona.” The Nymph giggles leans in and kisses the Ranger on both cheeks- he can see the stars, and they’re not out yet.
“Blimey.” Jim remembers to breathe.
“These are for your companions.” Sharona hands over five cloaks, woodland greens and browns, “they will save your life, perhaps many times, wear them with pride- they are a gift of my people.”
“Thanks, I…” It’s Jim’s turn to blush.
“And… for you.” Sharona passes over a pair of leather goggles, odd looking things.
“They’re, that is… Mmm, lovely- what are they for?”
“Try them on.” Sharona floats over, or so it seems, till she’s behind Jim, her arms circle the Ranger, brush against him, she brings the goggles up, manoeuvres them on.
Jim staggers.
“Wow.”
But Sharona’s there to catch him, “Gotcha”, the Nymph whispers in Jim’s ear.
“I can see for miles, these are great. I mean…” Jim’s back to concentrating on the embrace, the feel of the Nymph’s body pressed against his.
“I’m…” He blunders.
“Now you can see me coming.” Sharona whispers some more.
Jim gawps.
The pressure of Nymph’s body against his lessons, he turns, turns, turns…
Sharona is gone.
Laughter.
Jim spins around to see the Nymph disappear into the overgrown orchard, and then she’s gone from sight.
Just the sound of laughter.
In his head.
“Jim. JIM. JIM. JIM.”
Eventually the Ranger looks round, it’s Cas calling- “what’d she want?”
Ala and Anya don’t look happy, Jim looks again at the orchard- “Nothing, reward.” He grins at Newt and heads over.
Hands over the cloaks, which all fit perfectly.
“Jeerm”, and is smothered by Scat, who hobbles around like a newborn in the light- not the Otyugh’s ideal environment- a creature of the dark by rule.
“Jeerm, kan I cum wit yew? Jeerm I yore Bard. Yore Poppit?”
DMs Interlude: Have you seen ‘Brief Encounter’, look away now.
“I can’t, we’re so… different.”
“Jeerm…”
“It would never work.”
“Burp Jeerm.”
“I can’t Scat, that is- not in the villages, or towns, or cities- they wouldn’t understand, they wouldn’t be able to see beyond the caked dung, three flailing tentacles, maw full of razor sharp teeth and the aroma of the sewer.”
“Jeerm.” Scat shakes- sobs.
“They’d say things behind your back, hurtful things, spiteful things, cruel things… they’d call you names, ridicule you- possibly lynch you.”
“Jeermmmmm.” Tentacles flail, hulking sobs accompanied by thunderous trumps.
“I have to go, you have to go on- we’ll see each other again, if not in this lifetime then in the next, we’ll always have the Mysterious Tower.”
“Jerm. Jerm. Jerm… Oh Jeeeeerm.” The tentacles capture the Ranger, crush him against the fetid lump that is Scat’s torso.
“Jeerm. Jerm. Jerm. Jerm. JeeeeermmM.” Scat squeezes some more.
Then breaks the clinch and shuffles off, receiving comforting slaps and pats en route from the other members of the Gang, back to the Tower.
“Scat. Cas salutes.
“Skat.” Bec mumbles and salutes also, tears spring forth.
“Good man.” Newt confirms and gingerly waves.
“We’ll miss you Scat.” Anya waves heartily.
“Thank you, brave, brave Scat.” Ala half-salutes, half-waves.
“We’ll see each other again.” Jim calls after the retreating ambulatory blob, “I promise Scat, I…” The Otyugh’s gone.
The village of Growl, the Red Lion Inn for food and rest, they collect their mounts from Bungo’s Stables and they’re gone- back to Grimbo.
Next Turn: 112 Cabbage Street.
