The Heroes of Tanar (Triple Update!!! 7-17-02!!!)
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DM with a vengence
First Post
Zahn the Barbarian
Zahn the Barbarian
“I seriously think we should stay in town until they give us the letter.” Nikki said as the party rode out of town in the direction of Zahn castle, morning sun glinting off their armor and weapons.
“Relax, we’re just going to see what Zahn has to say, we’ll be right back in town in an hour.” Milo told her.
“According to the rumors I’ve picked up.” Kit cut in, “We’ll be lucky if we get back at all.”
“Come on, those are all about farmers and townspeople, not a bunch of heavily armed and magicked badass adventurers. If things go bad Ladinya will just blast a way out, right?” Milo rebuked.
Ladinya looked over at him sourly. “Just remember, I only have 5 lightening bolts, and they take a moment to cast. If they decided to seriously take us, no regard for life and limb and whatnot, them we will be overwhelmed and destroyed.”
“Great, just great, thanks for brightening up my day.” Kit said glumly.
Zahn’s war hall was a huge wood and stone building surrounded a crude wooden palisade. Smoke was rising through holes in the roof of the hall and from the bailey between the walls and the hall. The stout wooden gates flanked by watch towers were solidly close.
“Open up in there.” Milo called out, knocking on the gate. “Come on, open up.” He turned to the rest of the party. “I don’t think they’re awake yet.”
“Stupid barbarians.” Nikki grunted as she swung her mace into the gate with a mighty two handed blow. “Now open up or I’ll smash your gates in.”
“Right, all right, it’ll be a moment.” A man called out from one of the towers. A minute later, the gates swung inward revealing a small team of tired and hungover men dressed in tattered bits of armor. The party filed in, looking at dismay at the squalid huts in the bailey.
Kit wrinkled her nose at the smell, a combination of poor ale, smoke and vomit. “What a poo hole.”
“Diplomacy, please.” Ladinya chided her. “This is not a good place to get someone angry at us.”
“Yeah but what could they do?” Milo said, glancing over at the slumbering bodies sprawling in the mud around the huts.
“I count at least 50 that we can see, unless they line up nice and straight for a lightening bolt, they can swarm us.”
“Let’s see them swarm this.” Milo challenged, flourishing an axe as they were ushered inside.
The great hall was a just a massive vaulted space filled with solid wooden tables and benches. In the center ashes smoldered in no less than three firepits. Half of an ox hung over one, the remains of last nights feasting. At the far end, a throne and a few other chairs sat behind a long table on a raised dias. To the left down at the far end a small wooden door broke the crude planked walls. Their guide from the gate slumped down to the door, and knocked, “Uh, Lord, we gots some visitors to see you.”
A voice boomed from behind the door, speaking with the slightest trace of an orcish accent. “Well then send them in, don’t let them stand out there, you ----ing moron. Now go get Kava and tell him to see me immediately. Get the hell out of my hearing range!” The guide pulled open the door and scampered off.
Zahn the Barbarian
“I seriously think we should stay in town until they give us the letter.” Nikki said as the party rode out of town in the direction of Zahn castle, morning sun glinting off their armor and weapons.
“Relax, we’re just going to see what Zahn has to say, we’ll be right back in town in an hour.” Milo told her.
“According to the rumors I’ve picked up.” Kit cut in, “We’ll be lucky if we get back at all.”
“Come on, those are all about farmers and townspeople, not a bunch of heavily armed and magicked badass adventurers. If things go bad Ladinya will just blast a way out, right?” Milo rebuked.
Ladinya looked over at him sourly. “Just remember, I only have 5 lightening bolts, and they take a moment to cast. If they decided to seriously take us, no regard for life and limb and whatnot, them we will be overwhelmed and destroyed.”
“Great, just great, thanks for brightening up my day.” Kit said glumly.
Zahn’s war hall was a huge wood and stone building surrounded a crude wooden palisade. Smoke was rising through holes in the roof of the hall and from the bailey between the walls and the hall. The stout wooden gates flanked by watch towers were solidly close.
“Open up in there.” Milo called out, knocking on the gate. “Come on, open up.” He turned to the rest of the party. “I don’t think they’re awake yet.”
“Stupid barbarians.” Nikki grunted as she swung her mace into the gate with a mighty two handed blow. “Now open up or I’ll smash your gates in.”
“Right, all right, it’ll be a moment.” A man called out from one of the towers. A minute later, the gates swung inward revealing a small team of tired and hungover men dressed in tattered bits of armor. The party filed in, looking at dismay at the squalid huts in the bailey.
Kit wrinkled her nose at the smell, a combination of poor ale, smoke and vomit. “What a poo hole.”
“Diplomacy, please.” Ladinya chided her. “This is not a good place to get someone angry at us.”
“Yeah but what could they do?” Milo said, glancing over at the slumbering bodies sprawling in the mud around the huts.
“I count at least 50 that we can see, unless they line up nice and straight for a lightening bolt, they can swarm us.”
“Let’s see them swarm this.” Milo challenged, flourishing an axe as they were ushered inside.
The great hall was a just a massive vaulted space filled with solid wooden tables and benches. In the center ashes smoldered in no less than three firepits. Half of an ox hung over one, the remains of last nights feasting. At the far end, a throne and a few other chairs sat behind a long table on a raised dias. To the left down at the far end a small wooden door broke the crude planked walls. Their guide from the gate slumped down to the door, and knocked, “Uh, Lord, we gots some visitors to see you.”
A voice boomed from behind the door, speaking with the slightest trace of an orcish accent. “Well then send them in, don’t let them stand out there, you ----ing moron. Now go get Kava and tell him to see me immediately. Get the hell out of my hearing range!” The guide pulled open the door and scampered off.
Last edited:
DM with a vengence
First Post
...And stay out!
Zahn the barbarian was a tough looking half-orc with a shook of orange hair falling everywhere. His fangs had been replaced with long diamonds, and his nose and ears were pierced with dozens of bronze and iron rings and studs. Even at the early hour, he was dressed in the standard barbarian warlord accruements of a light breastplate and fur wrappings around his arms and legs. A huge two-handed battle-axe hung from his side, handle and blade decorated with a black skull motif. His long dark cloak looked like it was sewn from the scalps of at least 200 sentient beings, and a jarring array of amulets, chains, bracelets and torcs embellished with strange runes ornamented his neck and limbs. He looked up from his breakfast of a deer haunch. “You want some?” He put it in his mouth and tore, ripping the leg in two and sending grease splattering across the room.
“No thank you.” Ladinya said, wiping grease from her face. “We ate before we left.”
“Oh well. I’m Zahn the Barbarian, warlord and supreme ruler of this land. And I know who you are, you’ve been most busy lately. All of the talk has been about your group, the Non-Gender Specific People in Tights. Clearing the graveyard of ghouls, doing something or another for Lelanna Al’Veren and what do I hear about some sort of covert council with all of the important people in town and you.”
“Did they say anything about my abilities?” Ladinya warned, rolling up her sleeves in the universal arcane gesture of preparing to unleash some serious whomp-ass on a target.
“Yes they did.” Zahn retorted, taking a bit of the venison. “Ladinya, a most… electrifying woman according to all reports. Frying ghouls and drow and mindflayers, oh my.” He smiled, exposing a row of gold teeth behind his crystal fangs. “And that man, excuse me, woman in the armor must be Nikki, faithful cleric of Ehlonna. You’ll be glad to know that I consider proper treatment of the woodlands very essential.”
“That’s good.” Nikki replied, slightly puzzled at the attack on her gender.
“After all without forests, where would we get this delicious deer!” He roared, slapping his knee with a clangor of ornaments.
“And that small child accompanying you is who’s baby, you let him carry weapons, now isn’t that cute.”
Milo Bookbender hopped up on the table, shaking with rage. “Godammit, I’m tired of people thinking I’m a child, and the next person that implies so is going to get three axes where it hurts! Hell, right now I’m thinking that maybe the last person who called me a baby might get those axes. Let’s see how cute I am when your nuts are decorating my axes!”
“You won’t be decorating your axes anytime soon. Kava, show them out.” Suddenly large hands grabbed all of them and pulled them out of the room.
“And stay out.” The barbarian said, dusting he hands off as the gate closed on the party.
Ladinya stood up, shaking dirt off her robe. “I’m am going to settle his sorry ass good.”
“Not before me, you don’t!” Milo threatened.
“Too late for both of you, tonight I’m sneaking in here and I’m going to do some emergency surgery in his sleep.” Kit added.
“Not necessary, I think he will have… a hunting accident.” Nikki vowed. “Besides, we have to go talk to the town council now, if you remember.”
Zahn the barbarian was a tough looking half-orc with a shook of orange hair falling everywhere. His fangs had been replaced with long diamonds, and his nose and ears were pierced with dozens of bronze and iron rings and studs. Even at the early hour, he was dressed in the standard barbarian warlord accruements of a light breastplate and fur wrappings around his arms and legs. A huge two-handed battle-axe hung from his side, handle and blade decorated with a black skull motif. His long dark cloak looked like it was sewn from the scalps of at least 200 sentient beings, and a jarring array of amulets, chains, bracelets and torcs embellished with strange runes ornamented his neck and limbs. He looked up from his breakfast of a deer haunch. “You want some?” He put it in his mouth and tore, ripping the leg in two and sending grease splattering across the room.
“No thank you.” Ladinya said, wiping grease from her face. “We ate before we left.”
“Oh well. I’m Zahn the Barbarian, warlord and supreme ruler of this land. And I know who you are, you’ve been most busy lately. All of the talk has been about your group, the Non-Gender Specific People in Tights. Clearing the graveyard of ghouls, doing something or another for Lelanna Al’Veren and what do I hear about some sort of covert council with all of the important people in town and you.”
“Did they say anything about my abilities?” Ladinya warned, rolling up her sleeves in the universal arcane gesture of preparing to unleash some serious whomp-ass on a target.
“Yes they did.” Zahn retorted, taking a bit of the venison. “Ladinya, a most… electrifying woman according to all reports. Frying ghouls and drow and mindflayers, oh my.” He smiled, exposing a row of gold teeth behind his crystal fangs. “And that man, excuse me, woman in the armor must be Nikki, faithful cleric of Ehlonna. You’ll be glad to know that I consider proper treatment of the woodlands very essential.”
“That’s good.” Nikki replied, slightly puzzled at the attack on her gender.
“After all without forests, where would we get this delicious deer!” He roared, slapping his knee with a clangor of ornaments.
“And that small child accompanying you is who’s baby, you let him carry weapons, now isn’t that cute.”
Milo Bookbender hopped up on the table, shaking with rage. “Godammit, I’m tired of people thinking I’m a child, and the next person that implies so is going to get three axes where it hurts! Hell, right now I’m thinking that maybe the last person who called me a baby might get those axes. Let’s see how cute I am when your nuts are decorating my axes!”
“You won’t be decorating your axes anytime soon. Kava, show them out.” Suddenly large hands grabbed all of them and pulled them out of the room.
“And stay out.” The barbarian said, dusting he hands off as the gate closed on the party.
Ladinya stood up, shaking dirt off her robe. “I’m am going to settle his sorry ass good.”
“Not before me, you don’t!” Milo threatened.
“Too late for both of you, tonight I’m sneaking in here and I’m going to do some emergency surgery in his sleep.” Kit added.
“Not necessary, I think he will have… a hunting accident.” Nikki vowed. “Besides, we have to go talk to the town council now, if you remember.”
DM with a vengence
First Post
Good News Bad News Time.
Good: It's great, amazing hilarious! Whoot!
Bad: I've just run out of already written story (there's more, but I have to write it up) and because of a major school project, I may have trouble delivering more than two updates over the next few weeks, but rest assured, the Heroes of Tanar will continue.
(and we haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet.)
Good: It's great, amazing hilarious! Whoot!
Bad: I've just run out of already written story (there's more, but I have to write it up) and because of a major school project, I may have trouble delivering more than two updates over the next few weeks, but rest assured, the Heroes of Tanar will continue.
(and we haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet.)
DM with a vengence
First Post
On the Way
On the Way
“Did you have any trouble on the way here?” Lelanna Al’Veran asked with a raised eyebrow.
“We had a little run in with an enemy.” Milo said flatly, “He will be dealt with.”
“Excellent. We have the letters here. This is a letter to the commanding officer of the 3rd Spelunkers, asking him to help with our problems.” She said, placing letter with a red wax seal on the table. “Included are letters from Father Alhad, Commander Zimmer, and Rudiger. I’m also giving you the skull of the farmer that was killed by it. I’m authorizing you to do whatever you feel necessary to get a military force here. If the Spelunkers won’t come, then get anybody who will. Father Alhad.”
“Yes.” The priest continued. “You’ll remember I sent to the Sol in Crayvaenn for a scroll of Raise Dead. They are waiting for a properly bonded messenger to take the scroll out to us. Raise Dead is a very potent magic, and I fear that many are not able to resist the temptation that it brings. But you have a vested interest in the scroll, and I feel that you are more than capable of dissuading any highwaymen who try to remove it from you. Give this letter to the purser.” He handed a letter sealed with yellow wax flecked with gold.”
“Thank you, see you back here as soon as possible.” Lelanna said, ending the meeting.
As the party approached the gate to Crayvaenn, they saw Commander Zimmer and a squad of guards standing in front of the gate, blocking the road out.
Milo rode up to him, just at eye level sitting on his pony. “Nice to see you Commander Zimmer. Now would you please move your squad out of the way.”
“I don’t have time for your crap, Bookbender.” Zimmer said. “I used to be in the Spelunkers, and what I’m telling you now could make or break your mission. I haven’t kept up on the squad news, but last I heard, Colonel Lord Hardission commands the 3rd. Back before I left the service, I used to be a platoon sergeant, he was my lieutenant . I taught him everything I knew about underground warfare, showed him the pickaxe, as they say. If he won’t come, tell him that ‘Nighteyes’ Zimmer would deem it a personal favor if he would help us. Milo, I don’t much like your methods, your actions, or your criminal record, but in a battle I would mind having you on my flank. If you had been a few feet taller, you would’ve been perfect for the 3rd. Good luck, soldier.” He stepped back and saluted, the squad mirroring his action.
As they rode off towards Crayvaenn, Milo said. “Heightist bastard, being short is an advantage in a friggin cave.”
“Come on, he may be a bastard, but a at least he’s trying not to be one. Besides, we should be touched at his deeply personal confession.” Kit said.
“More like smaltzy tearjerker confession. Why can’t he just get drunk and kill monsters like a normal person?”
“Something called responsibility, Milo, something called responsibility.”
Intermission
The Heroes traveled to Crayvaenn in two uneventful days. No spells were cast, no monster slain, but much ale was consumed. We will rejoin the heroes outside the Setting Gate of Crayvaenn, capital city of the Kingdom of Crayvaenn.
On the Way
“Did you have any trouble on the way here?” Lelanna Al’Veran asked with a raised eyebrow.
“We had a little run in with an enemy.” Milo said flatly, “He will be dealt with.”
“Excellent. We have the letters here. This is a letter to the commanding officer of the 3rd Spelunkers, asking him to help with our problems.” She said, placing letter with a red wax seal on the table. “Included are letters from Father Alhad, Commander Zimmer, and Rudiger. I’m also giving you the skull of the farmer that was killed by it. I’m authorizing you to do whatever you feel necessary to get a military force here. If the Spelunkers won’t come, then get anybody who will. Father Alhad.”
“Yes.” The priest continued. “You’ll remember I sent to the Sol in Crayvaenn for a scroll of Raise Dead. They are waiting for a properly bonded messenger to take the scroll out to us. Raise Dead is a very potent magic, and I fear that many are not able to resist the temptation that it brings. But you have a vested interest in the scroll, and I feel that you are more than capable of dissuading any highwaymen who try to remove it from you. Give this letter to the purser.” He handed a letter sealed with yellow wax flecked with gold.”
“Thank you, see you back here as soon as possible.” Lelanna said, ending the meeting.
As the party approached the gate to Crayvaenn, they saw Commander Zimmer and a squad of guards standing in front of the gate, blocking the road out.
Milo rode up to him, just at eye level sitting on his pony. “Nice to see you Commander Zimmer. Now would you please move your squad out of the way.”
“I don’t have time for your crap, Bookbender.” Zimmer said. “I used to be in the Spelunkers, and what I’m telling you now could make or break your mission. I haven’t kept up on the squad news, but last I heard, Colonel Lord Hardission commands the 3rd. Back before I left the service, I used to be a platoon sergeant, he was my lieutenant . I taught him everything I knew about underground warfare, showed him the pickaxe, as they say. If he won’t come, tell him that ‘Nighteyes’ Zimmer would deem it a personal favor if he would help us. Milo, I don’t much like your methods, your actions, or your criminal record, but in a battle I would mind having you on my flank. If you had been a few feet taller, you would’ve been perfect for the 3rd. Good luck, soldier.” He stepped back and saluted, the squad mirroring his action.
As they rode off towards Crayvaenn, Milo said. “Heightist bastard, being short is an advantage in a friggin cave.”
“Come on, he may be a bastard, but a at least he’s trying not to be one. Besides, we should be touched at his deeply personal confession.” Kit said.
“More like smaltzy tearjerker confession. Why can’t he just get drunk and kill monsters like a normal person?”
“Something called responsibility, Milo, something called responsibility.”
Intermission
The Heroes traveled to Crayvaenn in two uneventful days. No spells were cast, no monster slain, but much ale was consumed. We will rejoin the heroes outside the Setting Gate of Crayvaenn, capital city of the Kingdom of Crayvaenn.
DM with a vengence
First Post
Crayvaenn[Size]
“Gee, you can still see the smoke.” Milo said, as they stood on the side of the road leading into the western, or Setting, gate of Crayvaenn.
“I don’t know, a fire can keep going pretty long down in that rubble.” Kit stated with the air of an expert.
“You don’t think that they still blame us for the incident?” Milo asked.
“Probably not, besides how could we know that smoking was prohibited in the production rooms at the Alchemist’s Guild. They’ve probably rebuilt already.” Kit said, a bit unsteadily.
“How about the Assassin’s Guild?” Milo continued.
“What? we didn’t do anything to get them angry, I hope.” Kit inquired.
“They were next to the Alchemist’s Guild building. Last I saw of them was their Guildhouse rapidly being expanded to cover the 4 blocks surrounding their location.” Milo spoke.
“Good, they could probably use more room.” Kit said, relief palable in her voice.
“In burning, melting splinters.” Milo finished.
“Splinters?”
“Yes, splinters.”
“Crap!”
The Heroes successfully managed to navigate the roadblock of wagons, and arrived in Sator Square, one of the half-dozen hearts of Crayvaenn, and like many hearts, this one was crusted with a thick cholesterol of wagons, animals, and people.
“Get your maps, maps of the city!” “Cabbage, brussel sprouts, and broccoli.” “Sausage in a bun, sausage in a bun.” “Bun on a stick, bun on a stick.” “Orduvian delicacies, imported from Orduvia by boat this morning.” “Fish, sharks, crayfish, and orangutans, get your orangutans.”
“I’m going to the Temple of Pelor, get that scroll of raise dead.” Nikki said.
“I’m going to the Royal Barracks, see if I can’t find Colonel Hardisson.” Ladinya added.
“I’m going to have a look around, see if I can’t pick something up.” Kit told them.
“I’m going to go to that bar and get drunk.” Milo said, already walking away.
“We’ll meet back here in two hours, and Milo, stay out of trouble or else we’ll cut off your ale for a month.” Nikki yelled at his retreating figure.
“I’d like to see you try!” Milo yelled back at her as he disappeared in the crowd.
“Gee, you can still see the smoke.” Milo said, as they stood on the side of the road leading into the western, or Setting, gate of Crayvaenn.
“I don’t know, a fire can keep going pretty long down in that rubble.” Kit stated with the air of an expert.
“You don’t think that they still blame us for the incident?” Milo asked.
“Probably not, besides how could we know that smoking was prohibited in the production rooms at the Alchemist’s Guild. They’ve probably rebuilt already.” Kit said, a bit unsteadily.
“How about the Assassin’s Guild?” Milo continued.
“What? we didn’t do anything to get them angry, I hope.” Kit inquired.
“They were next to the Alchemist’s Guild building. Last I saw of them was their Guildhouse rapidly being expanded to cover the 4 blocks surrounding their location.” Milo spoke.
“Good, they could probably use more room.” Kit said, relief palable in her voice.
“In burning, melting splinters.” Milo finished.
“Splinters?”
“Yes, splinters.”
“Crap!”
The Heroes successfully managed to navigate the roadblock of wagons, and arrived in Sator Square, one of the half-dozen hearts of Crayvaenn, and like many hearts, this one was crusted with a thick cholesterol of wagons, animals, and people.
“Get your maps, maps of the city!” “Cabbage, brussel sprouts, and broccoli.” “Sausage in a bun, sausage in a bun.” “Bun on a stick, bun on a stick.” “Orduvian delicacies, imported from Orduvia by boat this morning.” “Fish, sharks, crayfish, and orangutans, get your orangutans.”
“I’m going to the Temple of Pelor, get that scroll of raise dead.” Nikki said.
“I’m going to the Royal Barracks, see if I can’t find Colonel Hardisson.” Ladinya added.
“I’m going to have a look around, see if I can’t pick something up.” Kit told them.
“I’m going to go to that bar and get drunk.” Milo said, already walking away.
“We’ll meet back here in two hours, and Milo, stay out of trouble or else we’ll cut off your ale for a month.” Nikki yelled at his retreating figure.
“I’d like to see you try!” Milo yelled back at her as he disappeared in the crowd.
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