The Unified Theory of Gnomes

[The Little Raven]

See, my first thought would be to go sleep with Marilyn Monroe just before she was a big star, but I suppose your idea is a good one, too.

See, I merely said "often thought." I didn't think my first thought was appropriate for these boards, despite my attempts to edit it in order to attain a PG-13 rating.

 

[I'm A Banana]

YES.

OH GOD YES!

I had one of those "aha!" moments just when I read that.

Halflings are roaches. Vile little survivors who lurk in dark places and steal what the bigfolk leave laying around.

Gnomes are rabbits. Burrow-dwelling critters who remain unseen and who prefer to keep their predators guesing.

It's a sneak vs. a trickster. Brilliant.

 

[Nellisir]

Whizbang summed up my gnomes quite nicely.

IMC, there were 4 "true" races created from the body of a dead god - dragons from blood, giants from bone, humans from flesh, and gnomes from the organs. So, gnomes are mysterious and hidden. They are much as whizbang described, living in familial burrows (a "wyr") much of the year, and gathering in secluded winterhalls during the winter. Their homes and lands are cloaked in illusion and misdirection.

There is a second, darker race of gnome, though. If common gnomes are rabbits, these are closer to rats (which are also burrowing mammals, btw), living in sprawling underground kingdoms just beneath the surface, spreading tales of subterranean cities of gold and gems (and make no mistake, these gnomes are rich, lending a smidgen of truth to these tales), and then taking what they will from those foolish enough to fall for their ploys (not all the gnomes survive this way, of course - some labor honestly, albeit sullenly). Enchanted dancing princesses, trees of gold and silver with gemstone fruit - these are gnomish tales to lure the unwary.

 

[Lonely Tylenol]

See, my first thought would be to go sleep with Marilyn Monroe just before she was a big star, but I suppose your idea is a good one, too.

Also, putting money into Microsoft in the mid 80s. And dinosaur ranching. And terrorizing Babylonians with a Cessna. And winning the Nobel prize a few times. And punching Eugene Schieffelin right in his big, fat face.

 

[Whizbang Dustyboots]

There is a second, darker race of gnome, though. If common gnomes are rabbits, these are closer to rats (which are also burrowing mammals, btw), living in sprawling underground kingdoms just beneath the surface, spreading tales of subterranean cities of gold and gems (and make no mistake, these gnomes are rich, lending a smidgen of truth to these tales), and then taking what they will from those foolish enough to fall for their ploys (not all the gnomes survive this way, of course - some labor honestly, albeit sullenly). Enchanted dancing princesses, trees of gold and silver with gemstone fruit - these are gnomish tales to lure the unwary.

I'd love to see the spriggans brought back and made the derro/duergar to the gnomes' dwarves. They "they can grow!" schtick shouldn't be all that defines them, although it has in previous editions, IMO.

 

[The Ubbergeek]

I will play a gnome one day.

 

[The_Gneech]

Fight back! Demand to play a MM gnome any time someone wants to run a 4E game!

-The Gneech

 

[Merlin the Tuna]

I don't think it's completely in line with the Unified Theory of Gnomes, but the intro to Complete Scoundrel (available here) has a nice little blurb that ties in alright.

"It's locked," Lidda said, backing away from the heavily bound iron door. Its hundreds of etched demonic faces leered at her.

"Of course it is. That's your job. Deal with it," prodded Regdar, his armor clanking as he shifted impatiently.

"I can't. It's not locked like that. Hennet, you want to give this one a try?"

"Pardon me," the sorcerer whispered as he squeezed past Regdar, whose wide frame filled most of the tight hallway. Stepping in front of Lidda and gesturing his companions back, Hennet flamboyantly produced a wand, a flimsy thing little more than a gnarled twig. He closed his eyes and concentrated for a moment to summon the power inherent in his blood, then focused on the wand. A silent wave of blue sparks washed over the evil-looking door, but as they struck its surface they vanished like rain upon warm stone.

"It's beyond the wand's power," Hennet stated matter-of-factly as the blue light faded. He turned back, skirting past the fighter.

Regdar looked to Lidda with an exasperated shrug. "Well, how do we get by?"

"We look for another way." Annoyance tinged Lidda's voice.

"I could try something," chirped Gimble from the rear. Disbelieving eyes turned toward the brightly dressed bard. With his hands stretched out ahead of him, the gnome forced his way past his doubtful companions. He tossed Lidda a jaunty smirk and a quick raise of his eyebrows as he met her level gaze.

"A little room, please," Gimble said in serious tones, mocking Hennet's dramatic pose. The others stepped back as he put his back between them and the door. The gnome reached into his cloak for a split second, then pressed his hands against the door and began whispering slowly, ominously.

Regdar glanced at Hennet, who arched an eyebrow dubiously. Their misgivings quickly gave way to surprise, though, as a loud creaking echoed through the web-strewn hall. The heavy door swung inward at the gnome's push.

"How'd you --?" Lidda started.

"Old gnome trick." Gimble waved his arms toward the entrance like the most gracious host. "After you."

As his companions passed by cautiously, Hennet fixed the gnome with a sidelong look. Gimble hung back a moment. Deftly, he slipped the palmed stone with its sinister demon face -- just like the ones on the door -- back into his cloak. He'd found it a few rooms back and pocketed it in case it might prove useful, as it had.

Skipping after his allies, Gimble smiled. They didn't need to know. That was the old gnome trick.

 

[Quickleaf]

I see gnomes going the way of fey in 4e - morally ambiguous, with a mischevious vengeance, and a prankster compulsion (a gnome saying might be "why kill, when you can trick then kill?"). So, their racial flaw is 'deceitful'.

Physically, they have disproportionately large heads with exaggerated features, wide bulging eyes and a smirking/grinning mouth too big for their face. They stop just short of being grotesque.

Semi-underground mushroom agrarians, gnomes have low-light vision and can identify mushroom/fungus.

They are prolific merchants/bankers with a "pack rat" hoarding mentality, and can speak with vermin (moles, rabbits, rats, centipedes, spiders, snakes) who help them balance their ledgers. Gnomes are amazing coin counters and treasure appraisers, at one point having managed the finances of the empire.

They evade the goblins who hunt them with cunning traps, and are great admirers of trap-craft. Likewise, they often use unusual poisons extracted from mushrooms. Squeals of gnomish delight can be heard when an adventurer springs one of their traps.

Gnomes are consummate inventors, always looking for ways to refine their traps, improve their mushroom cultivation, and develop better accounting tools (e.g. recorder golems). Now, sometimes their inventions backfire, but for them it's about competition to see which gnome is the most ingenious rather than actually producing something.

Gnomes are masterful schemers, able to make a plan ahead of time which benefits their party (if their advice is listened to). Also, gnomes are experts at finding loopholes in laws, delighting in abiding by the letter of the law while breaking its intent.

As gnomish society values subterfuge, many gnomes learn illusory magic to hide their burrows/cities from goblin raiders and the prying eyes of men. Gnomes can “lay tricks”, that is, tie their spells to a place with a condition that triggers the spell (spell-trapping). Expect to confront many programmed illusions in pursuit of a gnomish city.

Their small size, vermin allies, and cunning allow them to vanish from sight with the slightest distraction, taking advantage of animal burrows, the hospitality of local gnomes, a faerie trod, etc.

Gnomes are always underestimated - they aren't attacked on the first round of combat unless they make themselves a loud target. As deceitful rumors surround them, feats/powers/skills which reveal information about gnomes only reveal partial truth, never the whole truth.

Gnomes are bad ass because they come prepared to every fight, always have an ace up their sleeve, taunt their enemies into pursuit leading into a trap, can disappear and reappear at a moment's notice, and dance around larger foes.

 

[The Ubbergeek]

I like it.