Time to Sing those D&D Christmas Carols..

[Michael Morris]

There's No Dish Like Gnome.
(Use "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays")

Oh there's no dish like gnome for the holindaze
Nice and plump, but not tough like the dwarves,
Not to skinny like the elves
And they keep good on a shelf
Oh there's no dish like gnome for the Holidaze.

- Ottie the Ogre​

Twelve Days in the Dungeon.
(Use "The 12 days of Christmas")

The 1st day in the Dungeon the DM sent after me, a kobold crying "Please don't kill me!!!"

The 2nd day in the Dungeon the DM sent after me, two stinking goblins and a kobold crying Please don't kill me!!"

The 3rd day in the Dungeon the DM sent after me, Three fetid orcs, two stinking goblins and a kobold crying please don't kill me!!"

" 4th ... Four Snarling Bugbears ...
" 5th ... Five Rust Monsters ...
" 6th ... Six Shambling Mound ...
" 7th ... Seven Flesh Golems ...
" 8th ... Eight Ogre Magi ....
" 9th ... Nine Nessian Warhounds
" 10th ... Ten Mind Flayers
" 11th ... Greater Demons

On the Twelth Day in the Dungeon the DM sent after me.... Twelve Great Wyrm Dragons, Eleven Greater Demons, Ten Mind Flayers, Nine Nessian Warhounds, Eight Ogre Magi, Seven Flesh Golems, Six Shambling Mounds... FIVE RUST MONSTERS (28 HD) Four Snarling Bugbears (26th level barbarians), Three Fetid Orcs (30th level fighters), Two Stinking Goblins (Rogues, 29th level) and a kobold crying "Please don't kill me" (Kurtlemak's Avatar).​

 

[Steverooo]

We Are Killing Ancient Evil, to the tune of "Deck the Halls"

WE will kill all Ancient Evil,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Stomp'em like they were Bole Weevil!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Don we now our grey apparel,
Fa-la-la la-la-la, la-la-la!
Killing trolls with names like "Carol",
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

See the Great One fall before us!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Strike the harp and join the chorus!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Sing we gayly, altogether,
Fa-la-la, fa-la-la, la-la-la!
While we gather yuletide treasure!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!

 

[ecliptic]

Untitled ("I'm Dreaming of a Crystal Ball.")
(To the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas")

Oh I'm, dreaming of a Crystal Ball.
Just like the one I had last fall.
When the ogres ca-ame, and smashed my plane,
And left, me defenseless and all.....

I'm, dreaming of my Wand of Power.
Which shatter with a blow.
Oh yes, it exploded, and it was loaded,
So I..... took the damage - all....

(Attempts at whistling now heard...)

Oh I'm, dreaming of my old fortress,
Where all the orcs were led one day.
When the lich attacked me, for pay......
And I became his, to this day.......

Untitled ("See the Corpse")
(To the tune "Walking in a Winter Wonder Land")

See the corpse - it has risen,
Taste the smell - it's so gruesome,
To hack out of time, with this silly rhyme,
Chopping up a zombie or two.

When were through, we'll collect bones,
Then we'll look, to connect bones,
We'll make a bridge, out in the fridge,
Walking through a graveyard at night.

(Chorus or whatever that little change in the music is.)

We can build a skeleton or two ma'm,
All we need is a bone or two.
If we take our time we can do two ma'm,
All we need is to chop and to sew.

So you see, it's so easy,
Take your time, no need to rush it.
Just chop a-way, and hack all day,
Walking in a graveyard at midnight.

Untitled ("Slaver Bells")
(To the tune of "Silver Bells")

Slaver Bells, Slaver Bells,
It's whipping time - in the city.
(Just hear that...)
Whimpering, whimpering,
Soon it will be auction day.

See the ladys, all parading,
Wearing shackles and chains.
As they hobble along the roadside.

See the men, dear,
Standing there dear,
Quite a sight to be seen.

And above all the ruckus, you hear...

Slaver bells, hear them yell.
It's whipping time - in the city.
(Oh hear those...)
Slavers sing, the money ring,
As they sell off - everyone.

RING THEIR BELLS
(aka "The Munchkin's Theme" )
(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

Slashing through the Orcs
With a good two-handed blade
Over corpses we go
And through the gore we wade
Mace on helmet rings
Making bodies fly
What fun to sing our Slaying Song
And watch these suckers DIE!

(chorus)

Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We're brave and bold for fame and gold
We'll make a lot today!
Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And blow these dudes away!

Crashing through the door
Into the Dragon's nose
Our mage whips out a Cone of Cold
And out his fire goes!
Elven bowstrings sing
Making Balrogs fall
And our theif finds a secret door
Into the treasure hall!

(chorus)

Then appears the Lich
With his demon guard
Our wizard yawns and wishes
We'd run into something hard.
He begins to cast
His 19th level spell
The damn lich throws a Gate at us
And drops us all in Hell!

(chorus)

We appear in Hell
In front of Satan's throne
Our Cleric waves us out the door
And takes him on alone!
Satan's legions don't
Want to let us go
Our Techno pulls a bazooka out
And NUKES 'em 'till they GLOW!

Oh, ring their bells with Prayers and Spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We're brave and bold and CRAZED, we're told
To think we'll live the day!
Oh, ring their bells with swords and SHELLS
Don't let 'em get away!
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And drag our loot away!

http://www.strolen.com/netbooks/bardsongs.txt

 

[broghammerj]

There used to be a great Dragon article with all of these songs back in the day.