Touchy situation with my group

[Zaruthustran]

Trust me guys, if I had the people to start my own game, I would.

DALLAS SUCKS FOR GAMERS.

Uh... I did a Google search for "Dallas Games Dungeons Dragons" and this was the very first link:

Dallas-Plano, TX Dungeons & Dragons Meetup Mini-board
http://dnd.meetup.com/members/101

This site ranks Dallas-Plano as the #6 best city for D&D meetups, ranked right behind Seattle (#5) and right before Chicago (#7).

Dude. FIND ANOTHER GROUP. The players are out there, all you have to do is take 2 seconds to look.

Or just take your current players and play with them (cutting out the wife and husband). If the abuse is as blatant and pervasive as you describe then the other players are surely as frustrated as you are. Simply email them (and only them) and say "Hey guys, lets meet Saturday for a game--I'm starting up a new campaign. Bring 1st level characters."

Just like that, your problem is solved and you're DMing a fun group.

-z

PS: recent posts (within 7 days) from that D&D meetup site. Take your pick; all these guys sound like they'd be fun and easy to game with. Why don't you try contacting them?

"outintospace
I'm a D&D lifer who just switched from 2nd rules to 3e (3.5 in a few days). I DM a game with two others at my house in Garland. I'm a professional writer so I write the campaigns myself."

"Nick V
I'm new to the dfw area and looking to get into a steady group. Weeknights are best for me. I live in the carrollton area and would have no problem hosting the game at my place. I'm 33 and have been playing D&D for about 25 yrs."

"michael.shaffer V
Player and DM since 1980. Willing to play or run a game if a DM needs a break. "

"biobinary H
been playing d&d for 15 yrs moving from austin in a few weeks and wanna form a group in north dallas /richardson area sometime in august, i am a chilled out fun role player "

"paulkdad
Will be moving to D/FW area (south, near Duncanville) in 08/03. Have played FRPGs for 24 years (39, now). Seeking fellow fossils like myself, who enjoy old-fashioned paper and dice games."

"coopofdyvers
i'm 23, been playing D&D for the past 12-13 years. Am farely new to the Dallas area and am looking to get into a game group."

 

[Zogg]

thanks Zaruthustran. I SWEAR I have looked online and never found a site like the one you mention (actually I posted on wickedclean.com but without much success). I will hit that site immediately, and thanks everyone for your advice. With luck I will be gaming with a more chill, balanced group and an even-handed DM soon.

 

[Centaur]

Next time the party is about to go into a cave/ dungeon, ect., have everyone else in the party say " Gee Mr. Wizard, you have been going though everything we have gone up against with ease. We will stay here and watch the camp while you go do what needs to be done." Then everyone else at the table put dice, figs, character sheets away. "Just watching", you tell the DM. If that does not get the message that the DM is playing favorites, NOTHING will.

Stole the words from my fingers. This is exactly what I would do. Just make sure you pre-plan it with the other players. You wouldn't want to be the only player going on strike.

 

[silburnl]

I've read through this thread and I'm amazed... the "DM's Girlfriend" type was a cliche back in the 80s - don't these people have any style or originality in their disfuntional play???

Seriously though Zogg there's a crucial question that needs answering - is the Uber-Wizard guy an asshat or does he just play one on TV? I mean its clear that he's grooving on the "I'm the baddest and I get to play with all these kewl toys my wife gives me" but is this a core element of his playing enjoyment (Munchkinus rampantius) or is it just a bad habit he and his wife have fallen into (Powerludus deleterii)? The answer is important because if its the former then you are SOL and should boogie on out of Dodge pronto, whereas if its the latter then you've got a shot at changing things for the better.

If you do think its worth trying to make a difference then as a first step you need to recognise that the problem lies in the meta-game, its about the unwritten rules of how the group works and what you are trying to achieve with the game. As such it needs to be addressed in the meta-game, so vindictive mob-style hits on Uber-Wizard's familiar aren't a productive way forward (I was glad to see you pull back from this tactic - IMO it would have been disastrous besides being pretty lousy roleplaying).

Secondly I think you need to be clear in your own head what you want to achieve. Obviously (but it bears repeating) you want to Have Fun, but what kind of Fun exactly? Gamers differ on what constitutes Fun (see "Robin's Laws of Good Gamemastering" for an introduction to the principal types) and a large subset of the problems groups encounter is when different players bring unstated assumptions about how Fun is to be achieved to the table - as an earlier poster said, you and the Uber-Wizard guy are effectively playing in different games - the only way forward is to recognise this fact and then work out some common ground whereby your two games are aligned sufficiently that you both get teh Fun. If you do some thinking about what you don't like and what you do then when it comes to the point of sharing your concerns (with the DM and/or the wider group) you will have something a bit more constructive to put on the table than a resounding "This game sucks!" - satisfying though that may be. By analysing your play style you can work up a list of essentials, desirables and nice-to-haves which you can use as negotiating chips when it comes to thrashing out what Needs To Be Done so that everyone can get to the Fun.

Thirdly the situation shouldn't be allowed to fester, however neither should you be plotting a coup. Sound out the other players certainly (you want to get an idea of what their idea of Fun is after all) but the objective you need to be working towards is an airing of your concerns and a discussion of what can be done to make things better for everyone (including the Uber-Wizard guy - do you think that, deep-down, he's not a little bit disapointed by his 'look at my buff-itude' wankfests?). Try and set this up to happen on neutral ground, preferably not during an actual session and make sure that noone (especially the DM) feels ambushed by it. Be assertive, constructive, fair and non-confrontational - you have identified a problem and this is all about getting to solutions, not finger-jabbing or point-scoring; be ready to dicker and give things up in order to get to an acceptable compromise.

Finally you should recognise that although you might think the Uber-Wizard guy is only playing an asshat you could be wrong and actually, he is an asshat. If he (or his SO) blow up, get defensively emotional, start raving about 'treacherous players' , question your sanity, refuse to acknowledge there's a problem or even pretend to meet you halfway then wish them well, pick up your dicebag and go find another group. Sometimes you give it your best shot and your best shot isn't good enough; thems the breaks and no gaming is better than disfunctional gaming.

Hope this helps
Luke
--
# include wiity_sig.his

 

[Kilmore]

I actually kinda feel for the DM here. She's gotta deal with this guy beyond the gaming table. If she needs to have a game like that to keep her hubby happy I don't know how much fun it would be to be the DM. Or a spouse for that matter.

 

[Zogg]

I actually kinda feel for the DM here. She's gotta deal with this guy beyond the gaming table. If she needs to have a game like that to keep her hubby happy I don't know how much fun it would be to be the DM. Or a spouse for that matter.

Actually I think they are quite a happy couple. She has told me that on alternate weekends he DMs a game and basically presents insane, insurmountable scenarios designed to kill the PCs. Apparently the last session (which she told me about) the wizard was DMing and the party was mysteriously swallowed up by the earth and fell into a cavern of permanent darkness (none of the party was equipped with anything that could dispel it) where there were many creatures that basically pounded on them as they wandered around feeling for an exit.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

 

[Sir Osis of Liver]

Doesn't that sound like fun?

Loads.

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Doesn't that sound like fun?

Being a Rat Bastard DM only works if the players are having fun most of the time too...that just sounds...oh...well...just plain mean.

Does this guy get laughs from kicking puppies??

 

[Kilmore]

And how many of these does he run in a night?

 

[Erithtotl]

I see a lot of constructive suggestions (Trying to make the best of the situation) and some others trying to get even in game.

I think, even though you are having fun, that may just be because you haven't had the chance to experience a authentically good gaming group. Read some of the story hours here if you don't believe me.

I'm not sure where you live, but if you are in any decent sized city, you should be able to find another group, especially using the 'gamers seeking gamers' part of this board. D&D isn't supposed to be like this. There are so many warning signs in your post, from the DM-toady husband character to the Epic level characters hanging out with your 6th level character to the demons with the Vopral swords, etc. Thats bad D&D, I'm sorry. I think you'd have a lot better time of it if you moved on.