Vampires: Mathematics Proves WotC is (un)Dead wrong

[Slife]

If vampires exist, therefore mathematics doesn't.

Simple, really.

Which explains why saying "Count, Dracula" got him so annoyed. He can't.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Of course vampires and math are mutually incompatiable. Why, I don't know of a single vampire that enjoys basic arithmetic.









EDIT:Smaller image mirrored on imageshack

 

[orsal]

Of course vampires and math are mutually incompatiable. Why, I don't know of a single vampire that enjoys basic arithmetic.

So you never saw the Count on Sesame Street? Sure, he was never identified as a vampire, but he was obviously Dracula-esque.

 

[WarlockLord]

This is disturbing. I think euthenising dumb people is a better way to enhance public literacy. Great for popluation control, too.

Quite...

 

[Fieari]

You realize, the sesame street Count stems from the Slavic believe that vampires have extreme cases of OCD and cannot pass by any group of objects without first counting how many there are. This is why they'd pour sawdust or pile up salt or sand... the vampire would be compelled to count each grain, unable to do anything else until finished, thus giving you time to stake the poor critter.

Ways to prevent a suspected vampire from rising from the grave in the first place include burying it upside-down, severing the tendons at the knees, or placing poppy seeds on the ground at the gravesite of a presumed vampire in order to keep the vampire occupied all night counting.

 

[Rel]

Using similar math you can prove that a single pregnant female hamster can produce progeny that will outweight the cosmos in a remarkably short span of time.

Which, coincidentally, was the basis of the world I submitted for the WotC setting search a few years ago. I'm still bitter that I didn't at least make it to the top three.

 

[Barak]

So you never saw the Count on Sesame Street? Sure, he was never identified as a vampire, but he was obviously Dracula-esque.

...

Somebody has images disabled or something, I guess.

 

[pawsplay]

Today was noticing that according to Libris Mortis, wights don't require sustenance to survive, either. Once a 2500 person village is converted to hundreds of wights, those wights just stick around forever until destroyed.

 

[Mangrum]

Oboy, another scientific theory debunking the existence of a monster, which doesn't seem to grasp that the "movie version" of the monster -- which the study is usually about -- has precious little to do with the version of the creature people actually believed in. (This is a crucial difference; "folkloric" monsters exist as conjured up by people who were honestly trying to explain the world around them, and thus tend to have fairly in-depth rationales when you go digging, whereas "movie" monsters are conjured up by people who are looking to meet the needs of a plot.)

As with the perennial "wraiths should destroy the world" threads, it also simply ignores the presence of opposing forces in the creature's ecosystem. I'm sure it would be no more difficult to mathematically prove that all life on Earth will soon be devoured by an ever-deepening sea of ravenous beetles -- simply by ignoring all checks on their population growth, such as its position on the food chain.

(Other posters have already hammered home that only a small fraction of people killed by D&D vampires would rise again as vampires themselves.)

 

[Someone]

Using the same logic as this study, a single E. Coli bacteria can multiply fast enough that in 24 hours it will have consumed all matter on the planet.

Now I have the mental image of bacteria turning into tiny clouds of mist and microscopic bats.

In any case, the OP's case says that vampires would grow in a similar fashion to bacteria: exponentially, until the substrate (humans) runs out. Wich, as repeteadly said, only disproves a narrow subset of possible vampires: assumes that the vampires feed indiscriminately, don't care about what happens with the human bitten, and that anyone bitten by a vampire will turn into a vampire.

But let's not be too hard on the porfessor. That's how zombies work in the Romero films, after all.

 

[pawsplay]

(Other posters have already hammered home that only a small fraction of people killed by D&D vampires would rise again as vampires themselves.)

Oh? I thought it was only demonstrated that a small number of vampires might choose to do so some of the time. I know Libris Mortis claims that vampires and other undead love creating spawn at every opportunity.