Mercurius
Legend
Let's see, I'd immediate roll d8 and then consult the following table, taking immediate action:
- I'd grab my copy of the 4E Player's Handbook and jump into the nearest active volcano, shouting "My precious, my precious" as tattered errata sheets floated up on the wake of my plunge.
- I'd finally settle down and write the Greatest Fantasy (Heartbreaker) RPG Ever Created.
- I'd camp outside of Gareth-Michael Skarka's house and beg him to teach me all that he knows.
- I'd papier maiche all of my game books into an effigy of Gary Gygax (with d20s as eyeballs) and then self-immolate as I prayed to his hallowed visage.
- I'd rename myself Noah Erickson and start a website called "Noah Erickson's Unofficial 5th Edition News" and then train my faithful henchman named Boris to take over for me in a couple years when I ascended to some version of the outer planes.
- I'd scan my shelf of hundreds of game books and work myself into a state of apoplexy, then desperately scan pages 83-84 of the 1E of the Dungeon Master's Guide, trying to understand what is wrong with me.
- I'd create an undead army and swarm Renton, WA, seeking tasty game designer brains to chow upon.
- I'd travel back to 1970 to a small town called Lake Geneva, dress up in designer snowboarding gear complete with goggles, then accost the home of of 32-year old Ernie Gygax, place my Ipod headphones on him when he's sleeping and blast 21st century House music, saying in an ominous voice, "Thou Shalt Sticketh to Thy Toy Soldiers and Never Create a Game Called Chainmail or Dungeons & Dragons," and then I would publish the OD&D rules under my name and become the Grand Dictator of RPGDom for perpetuity.