Some of the "lies" I have seen could have been paraphrased very directly by taking a paragraph directly out of the players handbook and wrapping a big CANNOT or SHOULDNOT statement around what it suggests and recommends... and when called on it... they get all offended that it is their opinion and just because they are bad at arguing is no reason to insult them... its opinion and that is all that matters.... I am not buying the innocent act.
We all know that games recommend things that, in play, never come to pass because what is recommended is not what is rewarded by the ruleset. I am sure from prior conversations that you can think of many, many examples yourself.
We have all seen how "suggested" wealth by level tables became ironclad in the culture of 3e, to the point that people would suggest that the game would require massive work if the DM ignored them.
We have all seen how "status quo" settings, while an option in 3e, became largely perceived as "unfair" (I have been involved in a
lot of these conversations!) because the 3e ruleset power curve is so steep that the game offers little hope of escaping a foe who is substantially more powerful than the PCs.
Presenting an option in a rulebook does not mean that the option will play well (i.e., be supported by the ruleset as written) at the table. Need I bring up the 1e DMG unarmed combat rules? And, if the game provides other options that work better, it is almost certain that most gamers will choose the other options.
Likewise, just because an option is not presented in a rulebook does not mean that the option is not strongly encouraged by the actual ruleset. I don't know if disconnecting the narrative from the die rolls is explicitly optioned in 4e, for example, but I do know people who do so to bridge the disconnect between what is being described in the rules, and what happens at the table, with things like CaGI and healing surges.
Someone writing a set of game rules wants to cover his bases. Someone wanting to sell those rules as widely as possible wants even more bases covered, so as to sell to a wider audience. As a result, a rulebook can offer the
perception that all bases are covered, whereas the actual ruleset does a poor job (at best) of covering
some bases.
And this is true for every ruleset. Even my own. Even the best, most honest, designer is still going to think that something is covered, when it is not actually well covered at all.
RC
EDIT: And, no, I cannot tell you what 4e's flaws are in this regard. Usually, it requires a lot of play with a ruleset before the disconnect between what the rules offer and what the rulebooks recommend becomes apparent. If this isn't the case with a game (and you tell with a casual read-through), it is only because the designer(s) really flubbed the ball.
A charitable reading of the 4e marketing might well be WotC acknowledging the same. "We thought 3e would play like this, but it really plays like that, and we'd like to revise the rules as a result."