Man, I tried so hard to make that game work for years. I was really sold on it when it came out - I probably bought at least 12 hardcovers and hundreds of dollars in minis. If WOTC loses the business of customers like myself I can't foresee them lasting much longer.
I am sorry you feel this way, I have included some tips below and my own personal opinion as this may help
I found the usual criticisms (too much like WOW, not enough role-playing, similar classes in presentation) to be pretty superficial and baseless.
I agree, the game is what you make it... people with poor planning and bad motiviations and imaginations often blame the game rather than themselves.
After playing for a few years I found a different set of issues to be much more aggravating
1) Combat length - This will be the downfall of 4e. I've tried everything to speed this up. The long boring combats make a combat-oriented dungeon crawl unplayable and seem to crowd out time for advancing the story and roleplaying.
I think this issue is tied in with your 3rd & 4th point, read on further and you will see how I can suggest a fix for this
2) Healing surges seem to take the edge off combat. In older D&D if you lost 8hp in a battle you feel it and fear the next encounter or the wandering monster that sneaks up on you while wandering. Now it's just onto the next slog, which takes even longer since everyone starts with full resources.
I would say that it is a different system and hard to get used to since it is unlike any other system (most games of ANY kind have a simple system of either core HP alone or refreshable HP and a 2nd level of core hp (ie shields and hulls))
I do myself enjoy the idea of Healing Surges since it takes the need for a healer to, every turn heal... it is sometimes refered to as the healbot.
If the only answer to the problem is to do what old D&D did and limit the amount of healing that could be completed by allowing only a certain amount of healing spells per extended rest, then all you need to do is find a way to houserule that outside combat, a Cleric gets (insert number here) uses of a healing spell, and no player can heal without taking an extended rest.
The good thing about D&D is that it has a very versatile system, if you don't like something about it - feel free to change it.
3) Managing powers and conditions - The Christmas-tree effect of this game is unprecedented, even at very early levels. As a DM it makes my head spin trying remember which orc has 45hp and is dazed, which one has 22 and used his encounter power...gah.
4) Monsters and magic items are too complex - Monsters and items now have elaborate stat-blocks that require a lot of page-flipping or careful notetaking. PCs need an additional two pages of character sheet to manage powers and items.
It sounds like you seriously need a Combat Management Program. Whilst it might not be feasible to have a laptop to work from, not everyone can afford one... but if you can there are OOODLES of programs out there that do the job. You litteraly load up your monsters before the session begins and simply ACTIVATE them when the battle starts. You load in the characters and you are away.
You assign each combatant an initative, the programs and smart enough to allow readied or delayed actions. They will control HP for you for players and mons, they will show ongoing damage and effects... they are very smart.
Some of the programs are even linked into a database of monster abilities allowing you to see the statblock of the monster in question so you know what abilities to use, which ones are due a recharge etc etc.
5) Published adventures are unreadable. Good riddance to the delve format.
Make up your own. I rarely have used adventurers in any edition because I am always worried a player at the table has either played it before or has read it up themselves.
What I do however is look at the way the adventure is scripted and devise my own plan.
To make a good adventure you need
a) A map of some kind that works like a progression for your players. They move to an area, do some stuff, more to an area, do some more stuff... if you want to make these maps complicated (where there is a key in one that is required to open a door in another) you can do, however if you want to make them simple, you can do that to
b) Some monsters to add in. It is advisable to keep to the same type of monsters if you are unsure. Your players may get bored of fighting zombies all the time but until you feel comfortable mixing them up with more monsters, it should do fine.
c) Some intrigue. It isnt good enough to just throw monsters at players, there needs to be a plot going on. I remember a good tip given to me a good time ago, that is make the adventure location a living breathing place.
If someone invaded a castle of Orcs, do you think they would all be ready to fight? Also - what are they doing in the castle? What do their plans have to do with the plans of the adventurers?
Do the group encounter a big bad wizard at the end room of the castle? If so did you just plonk him down because it seemed right... or was he working in the wings, directing his orcs to distract you whilst he finished casting his big spell to bring forth a Demon to aid him in a diabolical scheme.
Perhaps if the group are smart enough to disable some of the magical appartatus around the castle, they hurt the scheme entirely and bring forward the meeting with the Wizard. Perhaps they are poor in their job of defeating the Orcs and one of the Orc Captains rushes back to announce the invasion of the party in the castle to his boss who decides it isnt worth it and wants to escape.
Whatever happens, for it to feel like fun the players need to feel like they are living in an evolving story, their actions have consequences... it should never feel like a random encounter one after the other. Some people misread published adventurers and make it feel this way.
IMO if you want to build your own adventure, the content itself is not as important as the story.
The easiest way to accomplish a good story is make an adventure for the bad guys first... there is a group of bad guys doing something, it is their job to complete a task at their location (raise the dead, steal a magical sword, wake the dragon) and they themselves will have pitfalls to overcome (distracting a hoard of zombies, defeating a trap holding the sword or finding a way to wake the dragon up)
Now - add in the adventurers, their job is simply to (find a group of necromancers trying to raise the dead and stop them, liberate a magical sword, wake the dragon themselves)
The interests of both groups will clash, this will make the adventurers feel like something is going on apart from a simple FIGHT, FIGHT, REST, FIGHT, JUMP script
What would the bad group do if they heard someone else was after the sword?? Would they fight back or move quicker?? What happens if the bad group gets to the sword first?? What if the adventurers decide to work with the bad group??
The published adventures should be for inspiration only, you will feel better if you make your own story... be warned however, follow the guidelines in the DMG for Monster Group creation, aside from that - the dungeon is your oyster!
WOTC deserves a lot of credit for balancing classes, resurrecting Dark Sun, streamlining many rules and numerous other accomplishments. Unfortunately combat is just too friggin detailed and long. After hopping from 2E to 3E to 4E I noticed character complexity and numbers in general ticked up dramatically - this has not helped the game. It sounds more glorious to kill an orc with 50hp in 4e than one with 6hp in 1e, but really it just takes longer to slog away at the orc and add all the bonuses up.
Again, I would recommend a combat management program, or look up articles online where DMs have posted articles detailing how to cut down the time it takes in combat. There are some pointers in these articles (google what you need) that take a 1 hour encounter down to half that time!
I think that the majority of your discontentment comes from the time it takes to run encounters, as I suggested try the tips online as well as getting a combat management program (if you can)
Some of my tips include
a) Give some of the responsibility to other players. Such as someone who tracks ongoing damage, someone who tracks HP
b) Ask the players to roll their D20 and damage rolls at the same time. This can cut out a lot of timewasting
c) Ask the players if there is anything you are doing wrong, or THEY are doing wrong to make encounters last too long, you may find that you are making mistakes they have picked up on but were too polite to point out
d) Half of the time spent in combat is in the players hands, if they are spending that time checking the PHB for tips on improving their game or chatting about the latest episode of True Blood or something... then either point it out to them or do the nasty (but useful) thing of impossing a timelimit on moves.... An egg timer or stop watch can do this for you and eventually if players think that their timewasting is going to cost them a round they will stop messing about
I find D&D combat in 4e much easier and quicker than the previous editions.
a) You have computers now that can do a lot of the work for you
b) Stat blocks are easier to read
c) Player powers are clearly defined. They don't need to take 5 minutes figuring out what their TO-HIT is on each type of attack they make with modifiers, the power card has it all there for them
There may be other people out there that have played all editions and can agree with me (that it is quicker) or with you (that it is slower) but if I am able to get through encounters quite quickly and you aren't, either I am doing something right or you are doing something wrong.
Don't get me wrong, D&D can get quite complicated but compared to previous editions, this one is almost something I can imagine teaching my 5 year old nephew to play!
Good luck, hope I helped