Why are people not interested in RPG?

[Elf Witch]

I never wore make up in my life other than when in costume. My skin is thankful for it, too, I think.

I don't usually care how I look. I have sensory issues as many on the autism spectrum do, and I need to be comfortable. Especially when meeting people. I don't have a large choice of clothes either as it is hard to find something that's my size and not bothering me (material, cut, colors etc). I can't wear shoes or socks either and only wear sandals save in the deepest snow thanks to edemas. Gets me a few weird looks in colder weather.

I found at least half of my players in two of the groups have the same problems, husband included.

Yes, our society sucks in the way it cares about appearance, but at least the nerdier activities in this world should ignore that. There are other reasons for people not to need to care about how they look than supposed low self esteem or sloppiness. And I'm in anyone's face who dares to comment on my choice of attire if I happen to hear them. They are usually terribly embarrassed about it.

I insist on cleanliness and politeness with my groups and prefer non-smokers, but I don't care at all how people look other than that their clothes should fit and not expose too much of their anatomy, be that belly free on purpose or shirt too short

I also found that after a few sessions, people who first came in different clothes find it relaxing to dress like everyone else and not to care at all. With the exceptions of a few girls and one of the young men (who actually does show up in a suit but he has a reason for it).

It is possible that it has helped to put requirements like cleanliness, no smoking, no shouting in the house etc on the recruitment info. I have only once had to turn someone away for looking like he had fallen into a pot of grease or something. Of course, if that is the type of people who tend to show up I'd not want to game with them either.

Actually many studies have shown that wearing make up helps protect the skin from pollution. What is bad about wearing make up is not taking it off ans sleeping in it then just putting more on top. I have worn make up since I was 16 and I am now 54 and I have great skin.

You can wear make up and still look like a slob. What matters is how neat and groomed you look and if your outfit is appropriate for what you are doing.

You have a condition that makes it hard for you but I really doubt that all the rest of the nerds who dress like this have an autism disorder. My friends who dress like this do so because they don't care how they look because they feel that it does not matter because they are fat. That is very different than not being able to wear socks because of your autism.

And there is a difference between wearing a nerd shirt at a con or a game and wearing it out to dinner with the family or non nerds.

There are also causal woman's shirts cut like t shirts that are made in a variety of colors they just don't have any sayings on them which solve the comfort problem without screaming NERD.

I feel the same way about guys who wear sports t shirts everywhere.

Most of the guys who I game with wear t shirts and shorts for gaming some of the shirts have sayings on them some don't but they don't dress like this to go out to eat or on a date.

One of the things that I have seen with the t shirt crowd is holding on to a shirt that is faded and worn or one that is to big or to small. If this is going to be your outfit of choice at least make sure that they are not worn out and fit and that the rest of your clothes are neat and clean and that your hair is clean and groomed.

If I played at your table I would still wear what I wear gaming which is casual jeans and a top and yes my make up and my jewelry because that is what I find comfortable.

There is no need to hide your nerd hobbies but there also no need to advertise them everywhere you go either. And I think that is true of all hobbies.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

I should mention, what I originally said was, "...have issues in the workplace..." not, "get fired for". We shouldn't limit discussion to such specific results.

I know- but "firings" turns up more relevant search results than "disciplinary actions"- the latter just don't make the news as much.

I mean, I could go back into my notes from 2003-05 (MBA program) for mere disciplinary acts involving stuff like this, but that would require transcriptions as opposed to finding a link or two. You know...WORK!

I know folks who have had legitimate issues getting security clearances due to having oddball hobbies, not limited to gaming. The assumption being that if you aren't "mainstream", you have to be examined rather more closely to make sure you are safe.

Yeppers!

Still, it never ceases to amaze me that the gaming hobby gets singled out for scrutiny in military, security & law enforcement, when the foundations of the hobby are in war gaming, and the hobby is soooooo popular among people in mthose fields. Star Fleet Battles was infamous for having contributions from players in the military, and I know a lot of policemen who picked up games like HeroClix.

 

[Lwaxy]

Yeah if you use make up right it's all cool - not that I don't generally like it, but I'd suck at applying it and can't have anything around my eyes, chronic eye infection. But I had a friend who wore make up from age 16 and her skin looked very old later. I guess she was doing it wrong but I'm weary of the stuff.

I don't have many fan related shirts anymore, as I've stopped going to cons, but they were generally to expensive to me to wear daily Husband and me wear mostly the same clothes so I have few lady things. Men's wear is much more comfortable anyway. In any case, I was specifically talking about gaming groups, so I know little about what anyone wears elsewhere, save for the few people who come directly from work sometimes and so wear their work clothes. And strangely, the sloppiest dresser at work is the teacher

A lot of nerds are on the autism spectrum, some without even knowing it.

 

[modiphius]

I get non-gamers to play easily....Hey I'm cooking dinner, we're gonna have some nice wine and try one of those story telling games, sure it's easy don't worry!....I make sure the food is good, the wine is great, the game is amazing and the company perfect.

You'll find a lot of people you 'think' are out having a great time aren't always, they'll be sitting in front of some rubbish TV again bored out of their skull. Those couples you know - they're always pushed for money and what couple doesn't LOVE coming for dinner, it's a cheap night out. Plus people love meeting new people.

Gaming is all about how you sell it.

Think about it this way...

So we're going to this massive concrete stadium where the toilets smell of p*%$£ and there's tens of thousands of idiots on the opposing team out to beat us up and shouting abuse at us through the match, a coke costs a fortune, and the players look just like insects because we couldn't afford the good seats and....you think that's a good night out?

Or is it...

It's the match of the century, all those players you've been following through the season finally facing off against their greatest rivals. The crowd is electric, the people roar each time one of your side get control of the ball and you know this is going to be one hell of a game

So are you sitting around rooting through a pile of books, figuring out which modifiers to add together or leading your friends deeper in to the ancient keep (oh can you pass the white please?)...

And don't say you can't cook - anyone can make a half decent dinner (let's face it just the prospect of someone else making food is enough for most people) so try it out. Try to keep the tome's of rules away from the table, keep the stories closer and the adventure closer, then you might have a chance of getting them back next week. You might even find they offer to cook one week...!

 

[Lwaxy]

Still, it never ceases to amaze me that the gaming hobby gets singled out for scrutiny

In Germany no one usually cares about RPGs, but card games... supposedly, if you play any card games, you are equal to a gambler.

 

[Janx]

Really, what's wrong with T-shirts all of a sudden? I almost exclusively wear T-shirts (hard to find anything my size even then).

I'm really a bit tired of the silly "fat people in T-shirts are bad" story. It's nonsense. T-shirts are about the most comfortable wear, and even if I wasn't so fat I'd probably not wear anything else to a game. And where else to wear your heavy metal/punk/sci-fi/fantasy/whatever shirt if you are not supposed to wear it in your free time with fellow nerds?

Seriously.

I don't think t-shirts are the problem. They are the standard uniform of American males. Not wearing a t-shirt is dressing up.

Slovenly dress might be better determined by the cleanliness/wear and staining on clothes. Somebody who wears their favorite ketchup stained t-shirt to my house is somebody who didn't take the time to dress better than their yardwork clothes.

As for fatness being a "warning sign", all I can say is some people wear fat better than others. Some people are overweight, but do not project an aura of lazy, over-eating slob who's going to break my chairs. I think I nailed all the keywords that turn off others around some over-weight people. Overweight-ism is a complex problem that asking "have you tried not being fat?" is a stupid question. However, perhaps the difference between negative-fatness and acceptable overweightedness is the appearance of trying.

 

[Umbran]

As someone who has off the beaten path hobbies I have found that a lot of the way your co workers judge you depends on how you act not so much what your hobbies are.

And that's good for you. Me, I work in a realm where either folks don't care, or flying a geek flag is an asset, so it isn't an issue for me, either.

But I also know a bunch of folks who aren't that lucky. And I don't think that those of us who have been lucky get to suggest maybe they should do otherwise.

I think the show is funny too. Like a lot of comedy it is based on some truths.

To each their own. I saw just one more sitcom riffing off negative stereotypes, and not in a particularly loving way. YMMV.

Well if you don't care and the hobby dies then don't whine about when it happens.

I find the not-too-subtle, "If the hobby dies, it'll be your personal fault," stuff to be pretty non-constructive. Life is hard enough without guilt-tripping people over small issues. Or over any issues, really - negative reinforcement is a pretty ineffective motivator.

Each of us only has so much in the way of resources* to spend on getting by. If we find a way to have a little left over for making the world a better place, well, that's awesome. But there are way more causes out there than any person can act upon. So, some folks don't choose to fight this fight. I can't see how we can reasonably blame them, or suggest they're making the wrong choice.


*physical, emotional, economic, and/or social

 

[Elf Witch]

And that's good for you. Me, I work in a realm where either folks don't care, or flying a geek flag is an asset, so it isn't an issue for me, either.

But I also know a bunch of folks who aren't that lucky. And I don't think that those of us who have been lucky get to suggest maybe they should do otherwise.



To each their own. I saw just one more sitcom riffing off negative stereotypes, and not in a particularly loving way. YMMV.



I find the not-too-subtle, "If the hobby dies, it'll be your personal fault," stuff to be pretty non-constructive. Life is hard enough without guilt-tripping people over small issues. Or over any issues, really - negative reinforcement is a pretty ineffective motivator.

Each of us only has so much in the way of resources* to spend on getting by. If we find a way to have a little left over for making the world a better place, well, that's awesome. But there are way more causes out there than any person can act upon. So, some folks don't choose to fight this fight. I can't see how we can reasonably blame them, or suggest they're making the wrong choice.


*physical, emotional, economic, and/or social

Knowing where you work and how things work is important. I worked for a Catholic hospital so believe me I kept my political beliefs to myself the fact that in my spare time I volunteered as an escort at a clinic that did abortions was something I kept private. Also the fact that I was a pagan was not something I broadcasted around at that job.

If being a gamer or any other hobby could effect your job then common sense says keep it to yourself. And I have never once said otherwise. But just assuming because the kids treated you badly in high school means that every non gamer is going to do so as adults is really kind of silly.

But that is not the same as hiding it from your friends, family or spouse. Hiding stuff from those people implies you are ashamed of your hobby.

You are taking an extreme view on what I said. You said that it is not your responsibility but the gaming company to get new players my point if you feel that way fine but don't whine if the hobby dies. Because the gaming companies can only do so much. We the actual people in the hobby can do things that can help bring in new people.

like I said being so ashamed of your hobby that you hide it from people close to you in your private life does not bode well to encouraging new gamers to pick up the hobby.

I find the Big Bang funny the same way I found William Shatner's Get a Life skit funny. I have known fans like Sheldon who carry grudges against Wil Wheaton or lack any kind of social grace. Comedy takes real life things and exaggerates it for the humor. Big Bangs pokes fun at the stereotypical nerd the same way Scrubs poked fun at serious medical shows. I know a lot of fans and SF and fantasy writers who love the show. At the last Worldcon there was over hundred people squeezed into a small room to see the leaked new season episode. Several of those people were Hugo and Nebula winning authors.

Science Fiction fans went through some of the same stuff gaming fans have they were ridiculed and told that their choice of reading material was juvenile. Star Trek fans were made fun of in media. But those fans found that that being a fan opened doors in NASA and big companies like IBM.

Gaming as a hobby is far more respectable today than it was twenty years ago SF and fantasy are no longer considered low brow entertainment you regularly see SF and fantasy novels on best seller lists.

 

[Aeolius]

I don't think t-shirts are the problem. They are the standard uniform of American males. Not wearing a t-shirt is dressing up.

I do not wear t-shirts, as the collars are too tight and make me choke. I wear golf shirts.

 

[Lwaxy]

I love BBT, my absolutely fav show right now. And it's seriously not all stereotypes, it's what a lot of people on spectrum are like. I have 2 cousins just like Sheldon, albeit not so clever, and I find myself in a lot of the things they do. It is finally a show NOT about neurotypical people. Except for Howard, of course.

As for "wear fat better than others" well I can't change the shape of my body. It is the way it is and swings the way it swings, and it is creating balance issues for me. My brain is used to the much less overweight me from a few years ago and I'm apraxic and have vision problems so you'd see me bumping into things a lot. So I don't think I "wear" fat especially well. It just wears me down.

As someone who used to walk everywhere instead of taking bus or tram (including through the whole city and back to the village when there were no trains on holidays) and used to ride bike a lot (none of which is possible anymore) and go swimming I just shake me head when others claim I just didn't exercise enough. Especially doctors. What makes it more annoying is that when you talk about your interests, people assume that I must be fat because of me being a nerd, not because of a zillion annoying medical issues I just don't usually talk about.

I'm pretty sure many people who offend others with their body shape have similar medical issues. From the people coming through the self help center, fat people are either chronically sick and often on meds making them fat (I gained about 80 pounds just from meds), have no time to exercise or cook healthy food or are on the low end of incomes. It is totally impossible to make healthy meals for more than a few days with an income on social security. And of course because poor people are seen as lazy, and poor people in our society are often fat instead of underweight, fat is again equalled with lazy. To equal fat with lazy is a very hurtful stereotype.

So if someone does not want to game because of "fat lazy people in T-shirts" then they can as well stay away with their prejudice. If they don't want to deal with super nerds, then some may probably learn not all gaming groups contain those. Just as not every football fan group contains hooligans.