berdoingg
First Post
OK, so we're playing City of the Horrible Drow, and the DM's running it harsh and by the book. I'm a super-cool Svirfneblin Ranger/Thief/Stone Ghost, about 15 levels in total. My AC and Reflex checks are setting new records for our 3.5 game. You can't see me if I don't want to be seen, I'm as silent as a dust mote and my improved sneak attack does damage that would worry a warrior. I could walk through Hell and out the other side and not a soul would know. So what's my problem? My party members, that's what.
I'm the slave of these two drow brothers. Great guys. One is a psychotic killer with a big ugly spider for a pet. The other is a ginger haired wizard who INSISTS on casting Wall of Fire AND Glitterdust into every combat despite the obvious disastrous tactical implications of doing so. Every combat. I kid you not.
So we've infiltrated Bigscarydrowcastle and facing wave after wave of evil clerical and wizardly interlopers. How do my Lords and Masters deem to use me, the honed, toned (and possibly even a little min/maxed) weapon at their disposal? Well, it's the old Orcish Mine Detector routine (One step forward *stamp stamp stamp* Another step forward *stamp stamp stamp*)
They push me into each room saying 'See how many Finger of Death spells they've got', with predictable results. Will save failed. Raise Dead somehow wangled. Level lost. I'm watching my Super Stealth Smurf reverting to the regular useless kind, with Death By A 1000 Cuts inevitablility. Finally the next 'Certain Death' trap lives up to it's name and the DM just can't shoehorn in another raise dead, so asks me for ideas for a new character.
I confess at this point I was a little bitter and this may have been reflected in the concepts I came up with. I'll let you form your own opinion.
Tomorrow I want to play a fiendish half-pixie half-hippo with 1 level of bard, 1 of monk, 1 of sorcerer, 1 of commoner and 1 of expert (Sarcastic Mimic). I will be called Marjoriee Queen of the Drows and will talk with a shrill Scotch whine that will be off-putting in the extreme. This will last 1 minute.
When they have killed me and eaten me I will play a shell shocked orc warrior who bellows out a loud, roaring moan at all times except when enemies approach when he cowers into a ball and cries. He will be called Peter Kennedy. This will last 40 seconds.
When he is dead I will play a human Cleric of Lathander. He will be called Proust the Invincible. He will die in 4 seconds.
Next I will play an awakened badger. He will be called Ernest P Hedgerows. He will have no useful skills but will be quite funny. He will fall out with the party and go home in 3 minutes.
After that I will play a half-devil that looks like a small, innocent girl, but is in fact as tough as a small, innocent girl. She will be called Trixie Whizzletops and will fool no one. She will last 2 seconds.
Then I will play an animated welsh dresser. My main attack will be to lay in wait until my prey reaches up for a cup from a high shelf, and then fall upon him. The drows will walk past me and never know I'm there.
Other ideas for a character patently unsuitable for inclusion on an evil Drow party will be read with interest and sympathy.
I'm the slave of these two drow brothers. Great guys. One is a psychotic killer with a big ugly spider for a pet. The other is a ginger haired wizard who INSISTS on casting Wall of Fire AND Glitterdust into every combat despite the obvious disastrous tactical implications of doing so. Every combat. I kid you not.
So we've infiltrated Bigscarydrowcastle and facing wave after wave of evil clerical and wizardly interlopers. How do my Lords and Masters deem to use me, the honed, toned (and possibly even a little min/maxed) weapon at their disposal? Well, it's the old Orcish Mine Detector routine (One step forward *stamp stamp stamp* Another step forward *stamp stamp stamp*)
They push me into each room saying 'See how many Finger of Death spells they've got', with predictable results. Will save failed. Raise Dead somehow wangled. Level lost. I'm watching my Super Stealth Smurf reverting to the regular useless kind, with Death By A 1000 Cuts inevitablility. Finally the next 'Certain Death' trap lives up to it's name and the DM just can't shoehorn in another raise dead, so asks me for ideas for a new character.
I confess at this point I was a little bitter and this may have been reflected in the concepts I came up with. I'll let you form your own opinion.
Tomorrow I want to play a fiendish half-pixie half-hippo with 1 level of bard, 1 of monk, 1 of sorcerer, 1 of commoner and 1 of expert (Sarcastic Mimic). I will be called Marjoriee Queen of the Drows and will talk with a shrill Scotch whine that will be off-putting in the extreme. This will last 1 minute.
When they have killed me and eaten me I will play a shell shocked orc warrior who bellows out a loud, roaring moan at all times except when enemies approach when he cowers into a ball and cries. He will be called Peter Kennedy. This will last 40 seconds.
When he is dead I will play a human Cleric of Lathander. He will be called Proust the Invincible. He will die in 4 seconds.
Next I will play an awakened badger. He will be called Ernest P Hedgerows. He will have no useful skills but will be quite funny. He will fall out with the party and go home in 3 minutes.
After that I will play a half-devil that looks like a small, innocent girl, but is in fact as tough as a small, innocent girl. She will be called Trixie Whizzletops and will fool no one. She will last 2 seconds.
Then I will play an animated welsh dresser. My main attack will be to lay in wait until my prey reaches up for a cup from a high shelf, and then fall upon him. The drows will walk past me and never know I'm there.
Other ideas for a character patently unsuitable for inclusion on an evil Drow party will be read with interest and sympathy.
