Write a sonnet, win an ENnies nominee!

Lo, should the page be 404'd
or various links be broken,
Long before the ENWorlders get bored
the code-monkey has awoken.

Dear Michael Morris, scripting king
and lazy cube-rat's savior,
Your praises I will surely sing
even when fired, for bad behavior.

And so, when I can't pay the bills,
and surf ENWorld no more,
I'll know the message board thrives still,
and, quite possibly, the store.

For, though the programmer caused me to fall,
he made sure I enjoyed it all.
 

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Our webmonkey's code is nothing done with care;
The otyugh's abode is far more neat;
Spaghetti syntax like medusa's hair;
As elegant as an elephant's feet.

I have seen scrolls scribed by dyslexic drow,
More readable than all his techno-spells;
Compilers moan and squeal like butchered sows
Served still alive in seven of nine Hells.

The site goes down like random-rolled strumpets;
Old-school Wizards must mem'rize what's posted
Fleeting as notes from an archon's trumpets,
(Except for Crothian's, those never get toasted.)

And yet, sans Michael, our days would be dismal,
Forced to do work and that'd be abyssmal.

With apologies to Michael and William Shakespeare, in equal measure. (And please take in the spirit of good-natured fun that was intended. For those who don't know, here's the inspiration )
 
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Just so folks know:

A sonnet is composed of fourteen lines of iambic pentameter -- that is five feet of (weak - STRONG) syllabic type (one weak syllable followed by one strong, so ten syllables per line). A sonnet is a description of a subject (rather than a tale or a philosophical ponderation. It is not strictly speaking a romantic form -- sonnets are often about romantic interests, but not exclusively.

More importantly, sonnets are built around a conceit called a "turn" -- a dramatic shift in the point of view or the attitude of the sonnet towards its subject. Where the turn exists is what informs the structure of the two sonnet types.

A Shakespearean sonnet (which I strongly recommend against, as nobody but Bill can write these) is four quatrains rhyming abab cdcd efef and a final couplet rhyming gg. The "turn" happens between the final quatrain and the couplet -- that's what makes Shakespearean sonnets so difficult. Tying to in two lines present an entirely new take on what you just spent twelve lines developing is just one demonstration of the towering genius that is Shakespeare.

A Petrarchan sonnet is much easier. Petrarchan sonnets are formed of two quatrains rhyming abba abba and a sextet that can rhyme in any of a number of ways: xyzxyz is fine, as is xyxy zz or even xx yy zz (not as impressive an achievement). The turn happens between the second quatrain and the sextet.

Most of the "sonnets" in this thread are no such thing -- they aren't in iambic pentameter (remember it's not just counting syllables, it's ordering stress among those syllables) and they lack the "turn" that really sets the sonnet apart as a form.

That's not to say they aren't fine poems in their own right, but by and large they are not, strictly speaking (and when it comes poetry, I ALWAYS speak strictly) sonnets.
 

I knew sooner or later somebody would point out that we weren't really doing sonnets, but I'm not a big one for formal poetry, and I am interested in the book, so I hoped it would slide. Ah well, the jig is up, guess I'll have to try to rework what I had into a real sonnet...
 

Note that when I say a Petrarchan sonnet is "much easier" I mean "incredibly difficult but actually accomplished on occasion by mortals such as Robert Frost, as opposed to Shakespearean sonnets."

They're still really really hard to write well. Sonnets are probably the most demanding form in English verse. Shakespeare just had to come up with an even HARDER form of them. That bastard.
 

Oh, and yes, I am aware of how uselessly geeky I am about poetry, thanks very much. I'm honestly not trying to rain on anyone's parade, and as far as I'm concerned, all these poems are splendid tributes to Mr. Morris and his hard, hard work, and you all deserve free books for writing them.

We're all pathetically geeky about something. My weakness is stanzaic English verse. Sorry for coming out of the poetry closet so clumsily.

:D
 

barsoomcore said:
We're all pathetically geeky about something. My weakness is stanzaic English verse. Sorry for coming out of the poetry closet so clumsily.

:D
No problem, I thought it was a fun little history/literature lesson. I had known a bit about sonnets before, but I still found your lesson interesting. :)
 

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