A dilema

[Geron Raveneye]

The thing is, nobody says you have to be the guy who destroys this brand new marriage. I can only agree with a lot of people in this thread who suggested you talk to these two in private. There is no need to get the husband involved before you are not sure he doesn't maybe know about it already and doesn't much mind. Try to get a look behind the scenes you saw, it will at least give you more information about what is going wrong. And sometimes, one person openly confronting them about what they are doing can be enough to bring those two around to "normal" behaviour again. And if it really is the kind of marriage with a lot of leeway, nobody can fault you for asking still.

TheEvil had it right in that they brought that business to your house and involved you into it, so you're perfectly within your rights to speak up if you see something you percieve as wrong happening. Especially if you think of them as friends. Who else to point out to them that they might make a big mistake there than a friend, after all. Always better than a stranger, I'd say. And maybe it'll tell them that they're about to make fools of themselves and are not too good at hiding it either.

 

[Oryan77]

It's the illicit couple who destroyed the marriage (if the marriage is even destroyed at all, since folks can work through these things), not you. There is no strict moral duty to inform the husband about the affair, so don't feel that you must. If you feel your friendship with the husband is strong enough, you can, of course, tell the husband. But don't feel that you must, because you don't.

It's more than just telling the husband. This can affect their whole life and their future childrens lives if they birth any. Why look at it as destroying a marriage? Why not look at it as bettering lives? The husband could move on and maybe marry a woman who respects him. And we won't have yet more children growing up with problems in a disfunctional family.

 

[Harmon]

Take a couple of pictures of them making out, do this for a week or two.

Tell the new couple that you are uncomfortable with the cheating that is going on that you (at one time) happened to be the husband of a cheating wife and that they have a choice- either tell the husband and let the chips fall where they may, or they can get the hell out and you will tell him with pictures.

People that mess around on their SO need to be narked out, this kind of behavior should not be accepted or allowed.

Oh, and boot them out no matter what, these people have placed you in a possition that is not good, and makes you have to bend or break your own moral code. They are not friends.

 

[Wormwood]

Myself, I would be unable to violate the Guy Code by ratting out another guy.

On the other hand, I have no problem with a 'no snogging during the game' policy.

 

[swordsmasher]

Almost the same thing!!!

Had nearly the same thing going on with my group at one time.

One of our guys was temporary duty to the secret base beneath cleveland or something (Kuwait i think it's called? lol) anyway, while he was gone, his girlfriend was messing around with this other dude. So I told my friend, and he didn't believe me. So i asked around, and apparently she has done this to him a few other times as well, and she always told him she didn't do those things and that she was faithful. So my friend was a tard.

Anyway, I went out and got me a little eyeball webcam, and mounted it where you couldn't see when the lil light was on, and invited my TDY friend to play via chat with us that night.

Boy, when his girl put her arm around the other guy and he frenched her did the AOL messenger start a buzzing! Needless to say she got canned when he got home!

 

[devilbat]

TheEnd gives some great advice. It blows me away that anyone would put up with actions like this.

First I'd find out if they were envolved in an open marriage. If not, I would take the guy aside, and let him know what a dirt bag I thought he was. I'm pretty moralistic, and I'm more then willing to push my standards on others in my home. I'd then "suggest" he quits now, or I'll tell the other guy, and help him kick the snot out of the home wrecker.

I'd also take the wife aside, and remind her that her husband is a friend/acquaintance of mine, and that I'll be telling him at the first opportunity. I'd also show her the door, and let her know she's not welcome at my home or in my games ever again.

Then I'd let the rest of the players in the group how much I hated being put in that position, and what I thought of the offending parties.

 

[Thotas]

Two separate questions, really ...

Making out while gaming is as rude as reading magazines or watching TV while gaming, even if said parties are married to each other. Not cool in and of itself.

"Tell or not tell" ... so many people have different answers to that one. I myself really don't know what I'd do, or even what I'd want done if I were the husband in the scenario. But that part doesn't impact your game-at-the-table.

Half of the matter is a no-brainer, the other half a is a question for the ages.

 

[Twowolves]

I was cheated on by a fiance years ago, and many of my "friends" knew and did not tell me. The three that tried to tell me in some way are the three that are still friends, almost 20 years later. The rest, well, they weren't really friends of mine at all, now were they?

If you tell the husband, YOU are not "destroying the marriage". YOU weren't the one doing the cheating. Even if you aren't close to the guy, ask yourself: would you want to be told? The Golden Rule is called as such for a good reason.

 

[Peter Gibbons]

I don't know why I'm surprised to find that there are people -- a lot of people, actually -- who believe there is no moral obligation on the OP to tell the cuckolded husband what's going on. But I'd be willing to bet that none of them have ever had a spouse cheat on them.

There is no question what the Right Thing To Do is in this case. The husband has a right to know who he is married to. If the OP wishes, he can inform the wife that if she doesn't tell her husband what's going on, he will, but the husband MUST be told.

 

[Lord Pendragon]

Myself, I would be unable to violate the Guy Code by ratting out another guy.

I've never heard of this Guy Code. But if a friend of mine decided that the other guy was more deserving of loyalty than me, I wouldn't consider him my friend ever again.

No friend of mine would allow me to continue believing I had a wife who loved me, if he knew she was sleeping with someone else. He'd tell me, because he'd want me to know the truth, not live a lie.

I'm quite astonished that I appear to be in the minority in feeling this way, and so many feel that one has no moral obligation to tell a friend about a cheating spouse. Sure, you don't have any obligation to tell a stranger about what his/her spouse may be doing...but a friend?