Day T+1
L'Aurel searches him out around dusk one day. Entering the library quietly, not wishing to disturb anyone randomly, "Father?"
"Hm?" he replies, half-looking up over the book he has spread across his lap. His boots are crossed, propped up in a chair across from where the old man sits.
At his voice she quickly moves further into the room looking aorund at the shelves as if noticing them for the first time. A welcoming smile lights her face, "There you are. I was wondering if we could chat- if your not too busy that is?" Glancing at the book in his hands.
"Of course!" he intones. "I think I can spare a moment for you," he says, a small smile on his face. The book he's reading is "The Geneology of the Falcon Throne"
Curling the limber body like a cat into the chair near him, she questions, "Your my father and yet there's still so many basic things I don't know about you. Like the book your reading, is that considered light fun reading for you?"
"Not hardly," he replies. "I'm reading this at the suggestion of dear brother Preston. And Jaine - I'm not sure what they're cooking up, but I'll have a report based on what I've found ready in the morning."
"Hmmm, I wonder if they are trying to find another Filmore? Or just find him."
"Well," he answers, "they won't find him here. At least not in any real sense. I can track the Rhynn and Filmore familes back almost 50 generations with this book...but it won't tell me where he is; what he's doing. The old man sighs. "I don't think they're looking for a husband for Jaine. She's not interested in the prospect, so Joshua won't press it. Not that I can blame either of them. Archonus and Jaine together would have been good for the war, but you can't blame the man for following his heart, no matter what trouble it's gotten him into." "I think they're just searching for supporters. Looking for the weak houses, those overpowered before the first of the serpentblood set foot, here. We can't win this war, alone - if we don't find more help, soon, I fear that it will simply become 'we cannot win this war.'"
"The boy and the others that attacked last night, they are from nobility. The memories are painful, but perhaps getting to know about their lives before the- the evil times could help us with some of those lines. And there's still some minor hope in Sylvanus, in the dwarven strongholds, and now these new allies of Jansten's all hopeful allies for the war." Looking toward the books again, her voice speeding up, "No, I can't blame him for-" She shifts uncomfortably in the chair quickly closing her mouth to the words that almost were spoken. "His heart will lead as it will, and for Jaine there's still Arhconus Bluestar; Arrendor had feelings for her and both keep saying they are not the same man... but such things can come later. Filmore was the first for Jaine, and with her luck so far I can see why she is shying from another such alliance through marriage. I just had to ask and hope they are not following the same path again." Turning back to face him fully, brows furrowed, "There is one point I am confused on though....about you and the story of your life. The priest in Caer Mylen said you were of the Amastatian order and would never have thought you and Preston could last in the same room together. Now you lift sword against your foes, and call Preston brother openly. Both serve the light, but you seem to now follow the Apectan ways... Was that all- was it what happened on the island that changed you?"
"I changed...allegiances...before the island. There's no fault with the Amastacian order, but my calling was a warrior's calling, and the Apecto a warrior's saint. While the Amastacia deals in love and
forgiveness, the Apecto deals in sacrifice. It is sacrifice that has called me most deeply, and sacrifice that will mark my passing from this life to the next. I stopped denying my call, and stopped living a foolish wish. I belong here, just as Joshua does. We are of a warrior's blood, but followers of a healer's Light. It is in the Apectan Order that we can fulfill our destiny."
Curiosity for herself and for this man pushed her to ask, “But you wished for the Amastatian ways, for their kind of life? The priest spoke of your differences, was it because he accepted his role as a follower of the Apectan order?”
He smiles wryly, "Not exactly either of them. There was a time when I would have died before touching a sword. Joshua was born with a sword in one hand and a steeldrake in the other, they sometimes say. It is over that that we clashed. Joshua proved the wiser of the two of us, as events have proven."
She smiles at a memory, “He seems a fierce and protective warrior, yes, and he passed that on eventually to Justice. I never feared or hated the blade, but I never felt comfortable with them…” She pauses, “Do you remember the first person you killed?” Rushing on, “I wonder if Andara was good with a blade? Funny to think how little we truly get to choose in life. But back to you, I know you have different fathers, but did you grow up together or meet later in life?”
"I was aware I had a brother, but not that it was Joshua until we were adults. That revelation came...on the island. As for Andara - your mother - she was passable with the blade, but lightning with a bow. Like you."
She smiles, "At least I got one thing from her. Did you grow up in your mothers care?"
The old man nods. "In her care, at an Abbey south of Citadel Refuge."
"Citadel Refuge, that's where we were to meet Link... Was she of the Amastatian Order? What led you to leave there? Leave her?"
"She was of the Fellowship of the Amastacia. And I left because I had grown. Abbey life was not for me - I wanted to travel, so travel I did."
Her head rests on the back of the chair, "Abbey life... I almost think I would wish for it after all this though. I have thought on it. Reality is never as dreams, but I can't help it. Seeing something similar to those of which we have seen. Knowing those around you as a community based on the same basic needs and ideals. All reaching and striving toward the same goal, and all giving equally of themselves to better others.... But one can not indulge in dreams or what if's. Still so much to do, to solve, to make right.... I know she would be- much older, but does your mother still live there?"
He shakes his head. "She died. Years ago. It was a peaceful death, and a mostly peaceful life.”
L’Aurel smiles softly and gently reaches out her hand to touch his outstretched foot, “Do you miss her? Do you miss your father?”
"At my age, I have grown used to their absence." he answers, his smile souring.
“I’m sorry, you sounded close to your mother… I only know recent loss, and it still pains me greatly. Perhaps they are right in saying time heals all wounds… So Joshua did not know his mother?”
"Joshua's a little older than I am. He was apprenticed to a smith when he was a boy, north of the barrier range, before I was born. He knew Mother, but they were never as close as she and I were. I at least knew who my father was - Joshua never had that chance. Mother never talked about him. It wasn't until later that we knew."
“So Preston is older. Huh… but he did eventually learn who it was… and from I can see it was not a joyous discovery?” Genuine curiosity shows on her face.
"I don't know - it's not something we talk about. But he's awfully sensitive if you call him a 'bastard,' so maybe not."
“I am sure I would never call him such a name for any reason! He can’t help whatever happened between his parents. I know I would have- I did want to face and figure out who my father was… So he did confront his father? he went looking for him? Or should I go ask him… I guess these are personal and I have seen how much like Justice he is… I guess better to ask him directly if I want any answers.”
"There is no greater expert on your uncle's life than your uncle. Ask, and he may tell you."
“or he may not. I know I make him uncomfortable, but perhaps I shall see, later. What of your father what was he like? What were your parents names? I didn’t even ask before!”
"Arissa, John," he answers.
“John and Arissa Dorn. She of the Amastatian order who raised you south of Citadel Refuge, and he… was he of the order as well?”
"Yes, although she was born Arissa Preston..." he recalls.
“So Preston- Joshua took her name. It must not have been a happy time with his father if he did that, but it shows his allegiance to her to take the name.” A frown creases her brow, “So she carried the blood of the Apecto? Yet went the way of the Amastatia?…”
“She did, although she did not know it. That was something that Joshua learned before we met, confirmed by our time...on the island.”
“I know they are not pleasant memories, but can I ask…how long where you there on the island?”
"Too long," he mutters, turning away.
Knowing she has crossed the line, she gets up and walks around the small area uttering a quite, “Sorry.” Looking at the book titles for something interesting. The talking didn’t go exactly as she had planned.
"It's...alright," he calls after you. "Just please, don't ask about *there,* little one."
Her hand falls on a shelf as she stills, "There's just so much I still don't understand... I don't get. Everything seems to be a big puzzle- puzzles within puzzles within puzzles, but it's only as we figure out the smallest puzzles that we even get the pieces for the big one. I'm sorry I pushed it..." Going over to kneel by his chair, "Part of the big puzzle is also us, and you were- are part of me. There are so many small things I missed, so much I didn't ask before. I always figured there would be more time, another chance.... I know how foolish that thought was now." Reaching out to him a rare pain shining in her eyes, "Did you ever get used to having to take a life?"
He grunts. "Used to it? I suppose. You have to, to leave any part of yourself here," he says, pointing to his chest. "I take most of my comfort in the Creed - the warrior's creed of our order."
Eyes closing, he recites, "I live in the Light, and to the Light I dedicate this life, and the life hereafter.”
I am the Hand of the Light. I am Will, cloaked in flesh. I am Faith, given voice.
I live with Justice and Mercy, and to them I dedicate this life, and the life hereafter.
I am the Hand of the Light. I am the scale of Equity. I am Forgiveness, given breath.
I live for the Laws of the Stars' Children, and to them I dedicate this life, and the life hereafter.
I am the Hand of the Light. I am the sword of righteous kings. I am Thrones, given face.
I live for the Weak, the Downtrodden, and to them I dedicate this life, and the life hereafter.
I am the Hand of the Light. I am the strong arm of the frail. I am Providence, given form.
I live in the struggle against Darkness, and to it I dedicate this life, and the life hereafter.
I am the Hand of the Light. I am the Flame at midnight. I am Vengeance, given purpose.
I live for Knowledge and Truth, and to them I dedicate this life, and the life hereafter.
I am the Hand of the Light. I am the seeker in shadows. I am Judgment, given body.”
At the last phrase L’Aurel’s lips move with his to recite those few lines from memory. “This body is the servant of light, but the soul is fire, and fire shall I become, again. Light, guide your Hand to truth, honor, and glory so that I may be worthy one day of your cleansing flames. So may it be, now and forevermore."
He sighs. "The Apecto understood what it was to *have* to take life. We are not asked to enjoy it, but we must understand that there are times when it must be done. I *am* the sword of righteous kings, my dear. And swords have but one purpose - to kill. It is the reasons *why* I kill in which I find my comfort. Needless, pointless death surrounds us, but I know that the deaths I cause are for the Light -- in the Light."
"I - we - are swords. Killers. Warriors. But we kill for purpose. We kill to protect. We are not only blades, but the scales of equity, the strong arm of the frail. There are some who cannot do as we do, who lack the courage, the strength. There is no shame in it. But we do, we have to. To fail to fulfill that calling would be to spit in the face of the Light. A sword is a sword - and nothing but. I deceived myself for a long time, my dear. But I know what I am, and I refuse to be ashamed. I feel sorrow, I feel regret...but not shame. This is what I have been born to do, and I shall do it until I breathe my last."
After he is done speaking, she slowly opens her eyes, "Justice fought the call as well, yet as with Preston it seems she was born with that inner light. I can give reasons that follow all that you have said to every kill I have made man or beast... yet there are some I have merely stapled with honor for less honorable reasons... The abbess said I had to forgive myself, I have... but I still feel such sadness and grief every time I close my eyes. He was bound and wounded, he barely even knew I was there if at all... Archonus had already marked him, and they had already told him to leave. All I could think of was the smile on his face as he stabbed an innocent woman, all I could see was a red haze of anger. I killed him with his own dagger... there was nothing honorable in how I did it. I have come to accept that if faced with the very same I would do the same, but... I can still feel his blood on my hands as I took the blade out."
Your father interrupts you, his face flushing in what seems - strangely - like anger. "Forgiveness!" he snorts. Regret is all well and good, my daughter, but not all deaths are wrong. That's the weakness of the Amastacian way - to demand penance for things that are not wrong, only regrettable! This man was evil. You were right to take his life. Now, even I might take issue with how it was done, but I would not ask you to seek forgiveness for the death, itself. That mad deserved to die - he deserved to die armed, with a chance to defend himself - but he DESERVED to die."
Looking down at her hands, "My bow has maybe offered me too much comfort in killing from afar, I didn't have to get my hands dirty... but I can't stop now." Looking up at him again, "I am starting to understand some small part of sacrifice. For something I will never feel, how did you feel or realize the call? Is it merely a path set before you, or that inner strength of which Justice seems to pull?"
"It's all really the same thing, my dear. The Light sets a path before us, and then illumines the way ahead. We gather strength by walking that path, and are weak when we stray from it. The Light shines upon us when we do as we must, and it is when we fail to walk that chosen path that we flounder alone, in darkness."
“Justice seems to have found her place, though I think she will always question it and question the path ahead. She seems to have found something that she was missing.” Thinking back on his other words, “Alone… Like Archonus Bl… The bow has always been my strength, there have been many times I wanted to give it up- put it aside and always for the same reason, but Michael was always there showing me why and how I could not give it up. Once he scared me in the middle of the night, knowing my instincts would guide me… and they did, I immediately without thought reached for that familiar curve of wood.” With a slight chuckle, “Though he always also never let me give up the blade completely either. Does it ever bother you when I talk of Michael?”
"His memory brings you happiness, and I have not been much of a father to you, except by blood. Now, I have even that to make up for. No, L'Aurel, it does not bother me. For all I was to your mother, it was Michael she loved. You are not alone," he continues, "Never alone. Your friends, your family - all of us are here with you," he says, pointing to his heart, "and here," he says, hands indicating the room (and the world) around you.
She wraps her arms around her legs still sitting on the floor by his chair, “Something I forget at times, but never for long. For some are here too,” Laughing she indicates her head. “And those make sure I don’t forget. Even with the change, they are still there. Looking around I see I am truly fortunate… I am starting to think the true blood of a person has little say in what they do or what they become, but more how much a person puts on blood that makes it what it is. I may not hold the same blood that I did, but I think the same. I still reach for the bow, and I still love the same as I did before. The blood that runs through this body holds no link to the Woodshadow or to you, but the spirit housed in it does. Many may not agree with me, but I guess when one dies they look at things a little differently. What were you to her, to Andara? Friends? Did you know her before- for long? Preston had a wife whom he loved and grandchildren, do you not look for the same?”
"Andara, Preston, and I all became friends after we realized our common interest in history. Preston suspected things, and we started to confirm them…about the past, about our heritage. Some of them - many of them - would have been devastating to both the Apectan and Amastacian orders..." He sighs. "My life, since then, has been difficult. There has been little time for love. I have been at war since I was practically a child. This is merely the greatest flare in a long-burning fire."
“I can see why for the Apectan order it would have been so horrible. Only through Justice’s need to have answers though… she tried to tell the priest in Caer Melyn of her blood, but no matter what she showed him he refused to see the truth. But it changes no ideals for the Amastatian order, if anything it should help their cause support their ideals.” Though her face continues to change from curiosity to happiness her pose suggests deeply she is truly content, “Those must have caused you even more turmoil to find out those truths… to discover them. I know you were filled with an internal war, but it sounds like there still a great war you are speaking of- I know your ideas, these truths as you found them, got you sent to- sent away, but is there more your not saying?”
"Nothing save insignificant detail. I remember so little of it, anyway - madness and memory are hardly friends."
“But you are back with us now, and at what seems just the right time as well.” Not wanting to push again, she tries to find a happier topic for her and her father, “When do you have to report your findings to Jaine and Preston?”
"As soon as I have them," he snorts. "There's a lot here to read - and geneologies are hardly exciting reading. When I know something - anything - I'm to tell them."
“Can I help in any way? I may not be able to piece anything together, but I can take good notes... Or do you need books from elsewhere? Anything?”
"No need for that, at least not yet. As soon as we need you, know that neither the Queen nor I would hesitate to call."
She slowly stand up hugging him, “Then I’ll leave you to your reading, but shall stay for a while yet.” She again starts to look over the shelves trying to find something of interest… It’s normal to spend a quiet evening with one’s father, normal… “You have spent more time here then I have, do you know if there are any books here that would tell me more of the Amastatian or Apectan orders. Even something basic?”
"There are many," he says, "but I would begin with the Apecto's journal...or the Amastacia's, if you must."
“To understand you and to make some other decisions...” Smiling over her shoulder at him, “And reading can be a good way to pass the time with you while you study.” She continues to grin as she searches to find the books he has suggested.
Her hand first finds a book on the light, taking it down she continue her search. This will do, but… ah ha! She stretch up high above her head grasping the worn leather. Drat this new height! It seem it was a popular book for those here before, but there is one she would really like to see- There! The binding is dusty but for the most part looks new, it seems this is a less sought after book. She return to the chair opposite her father, noting his white brows furrowed in concentration as he reads more of his book. she curl contentedly knowing a foolish smile plays at her lips, but not carrying. She will remember this for a long to come… a normal, calm memory amongst so many others.