When you want to strangle a player

[roguerouge]

I do think part of this is happening because of Rich's real life issues. He has a lot of pressure in his real life. He hates his job and was looking for another one when his wife was diagnosed with glaucoma, she is going blind. Now because he has fantastic insurance he does not feel he can leave his job.

His dad has senile dementia and all that is being dumped on him. His mom is totally helpless she does not know how to drive. So now he has to drive her shopping to the doctors plus drive his wife to work and on all her errands amd drive his dad around.

I think it is because of feeling stressed out having to drive everywhere for three people it has become an issue in the game. We all knew when we started the game that the only way for Chris to play was to play at his house. It was a non issue.

I noticed the timing of the issue became one when he started having to drive his family everywhere.

I am sympathetic to what he is going through.He is a passanger in the car to the game he is never asked to drive to give him a break. I think he is feeling stressed and maybe resentful over the pressures from his family but feels that he can't really complain so he has made the drive to the game the place to take out his frustrations.

I disagree, Elf Witch. There is no game issue here.

He's going through a crap time in his life. He's got enormous family and job pressures.

Your campaign is his escape valve right now, whether he knows it or not. Emotionally, the game issue IS NOT trivial to him right now. He needs something to be just for him.

You need to cut him some slack and let him feel powerful in game, 'cause he's facing mortality and human frailty in real life.

So, what you need to do is get the party to get their hands on a wand of monster summoning and a crystal echo blade, both of which will allow his character to have more parity in combat. (The latter gives bards using the sword +1/2 level to damage while using bardic music.)

Then you need to make the next adventure about his character.

You're extraordinarily lucky: you can help lighten your friend's burden at the time when he most needs it. Success is what he needs right now.

 

[billd91]

I disagree, Elf Witch. There is no game issue here.

He's going through a crap time in his life. He's got enormous family and job pressures.

Your campaign is his escape valve right now, whether he knows it or not. Emotionally, the game issue IS NOT trivial to him right now. He needs something to be just for him.

A DM is not a therapist. If the player needs something just for himself, it's not something that should be fulfilled with a cooperative game with multiple players. The other players deserve better than that.

 

[WhatGravitas]

A DM is not a therapist.

True. But a friend sometimes is. And that's the point. But in this case, talking is important - perhaps he needs a break from the game, perhaps he just want to be "powerful" - only talking is going to tell. And before this is done, it's hard to say anything about it.

Cheers, LT.

 

[roguerouge]

It also sounds like this guy's under alot of pressure and worry... his wife is going BLIND, for christ's sake! A little compassion, people, please!

QFT.

And remember that it's a lot easier to tell Elf Witch to boot the guy with the wife going blind and the father with dementia than it is for Elf Witch to actually do it. (And, as my girlfriend points out, also booting the player who's going blind.)

Those of you who are telling her to do just that, perhaps you could offer some advice on how to do that AND retain the friendship? 'Cause I'm having a tough time seeing how that could be accomplished.

 

[Chimera]

Good Lord. I play a Bard and I'd have no problems at all if the Cleric (or anyone else) occasionally outshined my simply amazing PC social skills. Heck, I've been in games where the entire thing hinged on the fact that the guy with no ranks in a skill rolled a natural 20 and was the only one to make the check! So heck, if I roll a 1 and it ends up as a 17 to diplomacize someone (at +16) and I fail, but someone else with no ranks rolls a 20 (with no mods) and convinces the guy, I'm still happy as all get out that the goal has still been accomplished. The game ain't all about me, baby.

Gas for driving TO this guy's house? Like stated elsewhere, is he going to chip in for cleaning expenses? How about electricity, water, toilet paper and soap, among other things generally provided along with a place to sit? This suggestion gets no respect from me and would meet with open hostility.

(Edited in writing due to having read past where I pushed the post button)

You can cut the guy some slack for the stress he's going through in his personal life, and having been through some incredibly tough times myself, I would strongly recommend it. But at a certain point you have to point out to him that he's pushing too hard and making things stressful for everyone else; and that you'd appreciate it if he eased up a bit.

 

[QuaziquestGM]

I have no suggestion other than editing your previous posts to remove reference to their names.

There is no sense in your friends seeing their names on this board advertising their real life problems. This can only cause additional irritation. And it may cause it years from now.

 

[Slife]

As a player I would still interpret this as a result of Unfriendly->Hostile. Which implies my result of an 18 got turned into a 4 or less. Being a (non-specialized) face an failing is one thing, 14 points of situational penalties that the PC cleric got to ignore is failure and embarrassment by DM fiat.

I think this is an interesting point. That may have been what the bard player was trying to get across when he brought out the tables.

 

[Darklone]

Happiness.... so sought for and still people run away from it.

 

[Elf Witch]

As a player I would still interpret this as a result of Unfriendly->Hostile. Which implies my result of an 18 got turned into a 4 or less. Being a (non-specialized) face an failing is one thing, 14 points of situational penalties that the PC cleric got to ignore is failure and embarrassment by DM fiat.

The way I read the rules to go from hostile to unfriendly requires a modified roll of 20 he got an 18. Also diplomacy takes a full minute that's 10 rounds. If you want to head off a fight which is what he wanted to do requires a full round action with a -10 penalty. I did not add the -10 to the roll.

The cleric of St Cuthbert was hostile from the very start which is why the roll was not enough to change his attidue. The other cleric was unfriendly so the roll even with the +2 modifier went from infriendly to indifferent.

But I played the indifferent cleric as being more open to him somewhere between indifferent and friendly.

There are behind the scenes reasons why the cleric of St Cuthbert was openly hostile to the sight of a spellscale.

 

[Elf Witch]

I actually think the bard is getting a bit nerfed. The +2 to DC because you don't know the people is making it a bit too difficult. I don't assume Diplomacy only applies to people you know. Generally, to modify against a player, I feel like I should have a good, solid, consistent reason. "Don't know them" doesn't do it for me. Racial issues and situational modifiers (they are really pissed off) seem fine to me, and the situational modifier would apply to any character trying to calm them down (even the cleric).


Adding a -2 to the DC (or better, a +2 to the roll so the player's know about it and have a positive "gain") for the cleric character if he is well-known and liked by the people arguing, that make sense.

When he said he wanted to do this I looked at it two ways.

You go into a biker bar and two bikers are about to fight you are not a biker you are dressed in three piece armani suit and you step up and try to convince these complete strangers who very angry not to fight. Think how hard that would be to do. Interfering in a highly charged situation like this when you are a not only a stranger but not a part of the "group" is going to more diffcult than say if the person was stranger but also a biker.

The cleric of St Cuthbert was to put in modern terms a highly ranked police officer. Again using real life as my inspiration can you imagine if in real life you went up to a cop investigating a mass murder who was arguing say with member of the national guard and you are not any kind of officical you are basically a bystander and trying to get them to stop fighting.

It is not going to be easy hence the modifiers. I thought he had a good chance to handle this situation he has a +11 to any roll he makes. I waited until the cleric had left to have this fight break out so that the other characters would have a chance to do something. I had a feeling the bard's player would want to try something.

I wanted to give him a chance to do something.

And he did he stopped the fight he did succeed in his course of action just not the way he wanted to.

Maybe I am wrong to look at it this way but dice rolls play a part in situation outcomes.

At least he picked up on an important question and plot hook for his character why was this cleric of St Cuthbert so hostile to his character instead of just unfriendly.