Mamacat's helpful hints for gaming with couples with or without kids

[Fifth Element]

My 2.5 year old son regularly asks me if he can play Dungeons and Dragons. My response is to say that he isn't big enough, and will have to wait until he's older... to which he puts his arms up and stands on his tippy toes and says "I'm bigger! Look!"

Kids aren't a hassle, really. They are adorable, wonderful little people who just want to be involved and have some attention. For that two hour window that the kids are awake and we are gaming, I let them help me roll dice if they want to. Usually they are just after the popcorn at the table, or are otherwise in the other room entertaining themselves with matchbox cars or something.

Yes. My 3-year-old son loves to "play dice", as he calls it. And he does, but it's not like he's constantly there demanding attention. He likes to be involved a bit, and then he'll go play with his cars or watch TV, and then come back for a little more dice. It's just part of the experience.

 

[Fifth Element]

Make no mistake, kids are a hassle, even and especially when they're yours. Including them in your roleplaying can bog it down, and in our case leads to more simplified stories about more kid-friendly topics.

I guess I have a rather different definition of "hassle" than you do. I personally don't see the need to "shield" kids from what you might otherwise be doing at the D&D table, unless you're into graphic sexuality, I suppose. Kids don't need to be treated with kid gloves, ironically enough.

 

[neceros]

I'm sure I will understand if I ever get married, but at the moment those tips enrage me. Then again, I hate kids.

Every time there's been anyone under 10 near a game it ends half way through because people can't maintain their children. Perhaps it's been bad experiences.

 

[Klaus]

I've spent a good chunk of my gaming experience with people who have small kids, and with older kids. Really, there's nothing much different.

Yes, you will have them missing games at times. Have a backup plan or game in place for those times. Have someone run their character, etc. Kids can get sick just like that (snaps fingers).

Usually, though, unless they're in the double digits they should be in bed by the time y'all are really getting started. 7-8 pm and they're usually conked out. Just be sure to be quieter than usual and you'll not hear a peep out of them.

My son usually goes to bed at 9PM (he's 3-and-a-half), and he's the earliest sleeper of all the kids we know. The couple who game with us have kids who go to sleep between 11PM and 1AM.

 

[Arnwyn]

Honestly, the number one point I get out of this whole thing is:

"Don't play with people who try to mix children and D&D"

That's pretty much what I got out of it.

Needless to say, at this point in my life I'm pretty glad that my wife doesn't play with us, there are no couples in the game, and none of us have kids. That feeling may or may not change in the future, but upon reading those hints I'm glad it's not that way now.

 

[Ambush Bug]

I guess I have a rather different definition of "hassle" than you do. I personally don't see the need to "shield" kids from what you might otherwise be doing at the D&D table, unless you're into graphic sexuality, I suppose. Kids don't need to be treated with kid gloves, ironically enough.

Just to parse out my meanings:

1) Kids are a hassle. Yes, they're wonderful and adorable, and they make your life so much better in ways that non-parents can't understand, and etc etc etc. They also make a mess in the bathroom, need to be driven everywhere, etc etc etc. That latter part is a hassle. Worth it? Yes. But still a hassle.

EDIT 1.5) For clarity, I'm not just talking about having kids around when you play. I'm talking about having the kids play in the game alongside adults.

2) We aren't into graphic RPG sexuality. But we are into Playing Our Characters, and detailed world-building, and all that storytelling/simulationist stuff. Our kids aren't - they're kids. They want to play a game with us. There's nothing wrong with that at all, but it does change the nature of what we do at the table. It's harder to run a session that revolves around tense negotiations with the brigand chieftain, balancing his grievances against the duke with your own twisted backstory, when one of the children just wants her character to have swordfights and play with her invisible duck follower. We aren't "shielding" them from anything (except maybe Call of Cthulhu). We just realize that what a 12-year-old enjoys and what a 35-year-old enjoys aren't always the same. So the kids-welcome games are usually more lighthearted and episodic, and the only-the-adults games are driven more by character backstory and long-term plots. It will be interesting to see how this evolves as they get older.

 

[pawsplay]

I'm sure I will understand if I ever get married, but at the moment those tips enrage me. Then again, I hate kids.

You used to be a kid. Most people, by the time they get married and perhaps have kids of their own, or decide not to, come to view kids as valuable company, and reminders of where we all came from. Imagine yourself as a nine year old; when you say you hate kids, that is who you are hating.

Look at everyone you have ever met who was a kid. That is who you are hating, too.

 

[Zinovia]

My kids are 10 and 13, and I'd like to get both of them involved in a D&D game. My older son played in our main group for awhile, but got invited to a Warhammer game with people closer to his age and he'd rather do that one (they are on the same day). My younger son would rather play with his friends on Saturdays than sit at the gaming table all day long (1pm to 10pm with a long dinner break). Besides, one of my players just isn't into kids and I doubt he has the patience needed to put up with a 10 year old in the group.

We're starting a weeknight game that will consist of my family and a friend who is great with kids. My youngest will get some practice in math, and both kids will have a chance to play. Connor is excited about his warlock and was telling my husband about the backstory we made up for him (using Central Casting: Heroes of Legend - great book!). Since the sessions will be shorter (3-4 hours), I'm less worried about attention span problems. So that's our way to involve the kids without inflicting them on the player who doesn't really like kids in my main group.

We always play at our house because my husband and I are the only ones in the group with children. Also we have the big battle mat, the minis, and far more books than anyone else. We'd end up bringing 40 pounds of stuff if we had to travel somewhere else to play. I think having everyone else come to us is only fair. I have to clean up before and after, and do all the dishes too. Due to a player with significant food allergies we always cook dinner during the middle of the session - often it's something pre-made and finished off there, but it's never as easy as ordering pizza. On the other hand, three of us are good cooks, so we frequently have really tasty food, like fajitas with homemade key lime pie for dessert.

 

[Afrodyte]

The closest thing I have to kids are my dogs and parrots. Let me use the birds as an example because they can sort of talk.

I love the birds. I think they're wonderful and special. But it's not a good idea for me to bring them to certain spaces. Not because they're bad but because they're birds. They do bird stuff. Most of the time they're content to watch, perhaps even to play with dice. However, not all people are bird people (The birds aren't too keen on some people, either). And my pets are not their responsibility. I really can't expect my gaming buddies to want to accommodate them, especially considering that many people game to get away from the pressures of everyday responsibilities. Who am I to try to take that form of release from them?

 

[Zinovia]

Needless to say, at this point in my life I'm pretty glad that my wife doesn't play with us, there are no couples in the game, and none of us have kids.

I feel sorry for you. My husband and I have been gaming together since we met in college. Certainly not everyone is interested in gaming, even if their partner does it, but for us it's always been something we shared. Our group is two couples, and two singles.