I think the core of the issue here is that despite both sides owning the same books with D&D 3.5 on the cover and using the same rules, we were playing different games. Some of us played games where combat and conflict were less important then characterization, immersion, and storytelling. Others played games that focused more on overcoming challenges and defeating the environment and NPCs. This is a difference in play style. Some of us prefer mechanical underpinnings to our character's flaws and played with other people who shared that opinion, where your comments seem to imply your and your friends played in a more... well, the only word I can think of is cut throat fashion. I don't mean that as a pejorative, I honestly can't think of another phrase.
I don't buy that.
My PCs (both the ones I've played and the ones I DM for) are JUST as developed, actualized, and story-ridden as anyone elses. They have families and backstories, fall in love, have rivalries and feuds, start guilds and orders, negotiate with kings and fools, and are as living, breathing a set of characters as anyone elses.
However, they are equally suited to go into the Tomb of Unspeakable Evil, trash some undead-demon lords, and make it out with the best loot this side of the Free City. Its not cut throat, its a matter of variety. We could be running a modules one week, playing a home-made scenario another. One week is dungeon du jour, next its nearly-diceless storytelling. Its a floor wax, its a dessert topping!
However, we play with a small group (4-5, and typically as little as 3) so everyone has to be good at their job. If We don't have a trapfinder worth his salt, then we are either going to stumble into a lot of traps blindly or the DM is going to have to handwave many of the traps he'd normally have there.
As a player, that character that doesn't do his job properly jeopardizes my PC's survival (He doesn't find the trap, he doesn't have the proper level of cure magic, he can't hit the monster, etc). As a DM, he limits my options on what I can or can't use in my game.
That is my point on 4e: My PCs are now as deep as ever, and I don't have to worry about the mechanics limiting things unnecessarily. As a Player, I know my rogue has a reasonable chance to find traps because all skills raise equally (even if he focused on social skills, he can still pick a lock). I know my cleric can heal me in battle, or that someone with the ritual caster feat can remove the mummy rot I contracted. As a DM, I can feel confident throwing those kind of challenges at my PCs knowing they have the tools to survive them (where they do is another matter, they go into battle armed). It frees me to do creative things, or to grab a module and run it because I'm short of time.
In essence, I feel free to try more because I know my PC(s) can handle it.
