Actually, the example I was originally quoting was from someone using a dragon minion as an example.
I know. Its still a silly example no matter who's using it.
If your argument falls into the following form, it is silly:
1. Imagine a hypothetical monster that wouldn't make sense as a minion.
2. Now imagine that it IS a minion!
3. Oh my gosh!
Not only is this sort of logic applicable to many other things,
1. Imagine a hypothetical spell that isn't balanced.
2. Now imagine that this spell actually exists!
3. Oh my gosh!
Its also vulnerable to refutation in kind.
1. Imagine a hypothetical monster that shouldn't be a minion.
2. Now imagine that it IS a minion!
3. And also we all have ponies!
4. Awwww... ponies!
See, I totally saved that one.
Regarding number 2, I think they still include unarmed attacks as causing damage, if not, I guess I misread it.
Oh, they do. If, when you referenced poking the dragon in the eye, you really meant poking him in the eye with the secret pressure-point eye-poking techniques taught to you by the Monks of the Bleeding Lotus when you lived with them for 15 years after you fled your hometown because your sensei was murdered by ninjas, then I apologize for misinterpreting you.
But if you just meant it as a generic poke to the eye
a la the Three Stooges, then there's no reason to think it should deal actual damage. While a finger poke is technically an unarmed action, and its an "attack" in the sense that its something you do to someone else that they wish you would not do, I am not convinced that it counts as an unarmed attack for the purpose of dealing damage.
If you feel this is incorrect, meditate upon a hypothetical player who declares that he is using his giant two handed scythe to hook an orc's underwear and give it a wedgie. 'Tis an attack with a scythe, and 'tis unpleasant, should it deal regular scythe damage? Should it kill a minion? Should it kill a monster that has been beaten down to one hit point? If repeated two dozen times, should it kill a first level wizard?
What it really comes down to is a social question- if players have the right to describe their character's acts, what should be done if a player chooses to describe their character's acts in such a way as to create a mismatch between the description and the underlying game mechanics?